The dawn of a new year is a great time to evaluate your life and set some goals for accomplishing improvements we know we "should" do: declutter, eat less, exercise more, spend more wisely--the list goes on forever but I can't say that I've ever made a resolution to be "kinder." Is that even a measurable goal?

Feldhahn was influenced by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth, a well respected Christian speaker and author and through several years of research with 700 participants, Feldhahn has been "refining, testing, and quantifying specific steps that make a huge difference to any relationship" and what she concluded is that it pretty much boils down to being kind. Shaunti Feldhahn mentions two specific types of kindness that include:

Targeted kindness (toward a particular individual)
Broad kindness (toward the culture at large)
While the book deals primarily with the first type of kindness, the author assures the reader that the book's principles can be adapted in a broad manner to impact society at large. The book is divided into three parts. The first part is a defense of the importance of exercising kindness and the positive benefits to one's life, work and relationships. The second part discusses elements of kindness and outlines the 30-Day Kindness Challenge. Last part of the book is the practical helps, tips, and resources for participants.

Readers can take a personal assessment or sign up for daily e-mail reminders during the challenge at JoinTheKindnessChallenge.com. The "official" Kindness Challenge launches on January 16 and the website has information on various kindness plans --either general for anyone or specific ones for wives, husbands, parents or workplace.

The Kindness Challenge is not just a book, but a movement. Feldhahn's website offers abundant free resource to help promote a kindness challenge in a small group or even church wide. I'm looking forward to seeing the fruit of focusing on how to be kinder in 2017. Grab a copy of The Kindness Challenge--friends, family, coworkers (and maybe even strangers) will thank you!

Disclaimer: I received The Kindness Challenge e-book for the purpose of review. No other compensation was received.

I actually didn't end up completing this challenge, just because I'm not good at sticking to things like this. But I did notice an improvement in my relationships and in my inner monologue.

This is just what the title says it is, a 30-Day Kindness Challenge, if you want it to be. And if you don't want to take part in anything quite that formal (I'm not a one-size-fits-all sort of person myself), there are tips, anecdotes, suggestions and stats all through the book which you can pick and choose from. I'll just mention some of the ones which stuck out most to me.

One of the most common themes of my reading lately is that we have to watch our thought lives. It's what you put into your mind and focus on that will come out of your mouth. This book is no exception.

It seems many of us might live under the delusion that we are kinder people than we actually are. I can buy that. A few interesting stories indicate that we tend to be more reactive and irritable than we think we are. I'm probably guilty of that around my place at times (very rarely, lol), since family members may pick up on my grouchiness quicker than I even acknowledge it to myself.

Feldhahn talks about the argument that we may need to vent our spleen to let off steam. I'm sure we're all familiar with the line of reasoning. What's inside has to come out, or it festers and swells, and the person eventually bursts with all their repressed annoyances and complaints. That always sounded fair enough to me, but it does seem to contradict the idea that we should always make kindness a habit. I wondered how Shaunti Feldhahn would tackle it. Well, she believes that giving the grumbles head space in the first place is the main problem. Anything we choose to just shrug off and refuse to acknowledge doesn't grow bigger, but withers up and dies for lack of being fed. In other words, when it comes to kindness, 'Fake it til you make it' is a more suitable motto than, 'Better out than in.' It's an interesting view that I quite like.

She addresses the subject of sarcasm, and I was pleased that she distinguished between what she calls good-natured trash talk, and truly ill-natured remarks designed to hurt. It was more realistic sounding than advice to avoid sarcasm at all costs would have been, which I have come across before. My family would suffer if we were never allowed to use sarcasm. I've heard it called the lowest form of wit, but it does cheer us up at times, and defuse tense situations.

Now, can you criticise a book about kindness kindly? The thing with book reviewers is that we're open to finding new ways of not coming down too hard, but I did have a couple of gripes. My first is that are bullet points everywhere. I think there are even bullet points within bullet points. I actually like lists, but they get to a point where they lose their effectiveness and stop being memory tools, when we're inundated with them. And you don't necessarily even need them all. Some self-help books slide into condescension, and this had moments of heading in that direction. For example, do we really need a list of possible ways of giving praise to family members? Surely we know our own spouses and kids better than she does, and have enough imagination to come up with our own praise points.

Some of her points about praise were good though. Some people believe we shouldn't bother saying thanks to a person for things they're supposed to do, because it's their job. But I agree with Feldhahn, that when we do, it's like filling a fuel tank, and prevents those people feeling like they're being taken for granted. It's this sort of small consideration which might actually turn out to make an enormous difference. Overall, it's not a bad read which may make us realise we're not as kind as we thought we were, and offer tips to give us an edge in the art of kindness.

Thanks to Waterbrook Press and Blogging for Books for giving me a review copy through NetGalley

We all like to consider ourselves as kind people. Reading this book made me realize how unkind I could be and how I have been eroding my relationships. Kindness seems so simple and it really is once you make it a habit. I think this world could stand to have more kindness and I highly recommend this challenge to anyone.

What I Loved: First of all this is such a simple concept. It’s nothing really new and yet it’s life-altering all at the same time. Shaunti brings to bear on the reader the truth behind the importance of kindness, the impact kindness has on both parties, as well as our failures at being kind.
I really appreciate how this wasn’t just a collection of personal thoughts and observations but was a book grown out of years of study and interviews. All throughout the book, we’re reminded of the extensive work that went into this single book. And she doesn’t just leave you with her observations but quotes a wide variety of people she had met along the way who can give testimony to the Kindness Challenge during various stages.
For me, I think the most challenging section was the chapter describing how we’re not kind. OUCH! I used to think I was kind but now I’m thinking otherwise. I found this chapter to be a painful but needed eye opener for me and would gladly recommend this book to someone else.

Rating and Recommendation: I’m giving it 5 stars and highly recommend it to everyone. It’s the sort of book, like the Five Love Languages, that has the power to open your eyes about yourself and as well as change the way you treat those around you.

~ I received a copy from Blogging For Books but was not compensated for this review or required to give a favorable one. All thoughts are my own.

Kindness is a simple concept but what a difference it makes in the lives of others - and our own. In fact, Feldham says the factor above all others that helps us thrive is not how we are treated but how we choose to treat others. Our happiness starts with the choice to be kind, especially when we don't feel like it.

Unlike other books I have recently read, Feldham not only encourages us to be kind but actually gives us lots of strategies to do so. It's not easy as we live in a culture of unkindness. We have to be purposeful and persistent. Feldham gives specific yet simple steps to help us be kind to our spouses and to others in general. She includes thirty suggestions for husbands, another thirty for wives, and then a final thirty for being kind to another person in general. She even helps us find out what we might be doing to sabotage our relationships.

I was surprised that Feldham writes that a decision to be unconditionally kind takes away the power of others to make us crazy. She also informs us that kindness is not the same as being nice or not rocking the boat. Being kind does not mean avoiding challenges.

I am impressed with this book. I expected the encouragement and the stories as illustrations. What I didn't expect was so many practical ideas for showing kindness. Her chapters containing the thirty days of suggestions are great. Her ideas on the eight types of kindness are great too.

I highly recommend this book for all readers. We need to practice more kindness and this book is full of practical ideas to help us on the way. Feldham says it takes thirty days to change our thinking and habits but again, there is plenty of material in the book for that. She even provides a website where one can get an assessment and sign up for thirty days of emails with encouraging ideas.

Food for thought: “It is only when you are actively kind to someone who is not kind to you that you see the true power of Christ-like kindness.”

I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.