A little slow to start, Starfish took my own self-confidence and rattled it around. Kiko has confidence issues and social anxiety that stem from a past trauma and an unloving, racist mother. So when she distances herself from her toxic home, she starts to find parts of herself in California, with the help of her childhood friend Jamie.

The romance subplot didn't draw me in (though usually I'm a sucker for friends to lovers romances) and any time there was romantic screen time, I felt like I just wanted to get a move on. I was mostly interested in Kiko's growth into a braver, more confident person.

The portrayal of anxiety was the best I've ever seen. I don't suffer from as intense social anxiety as Kiko, though I do have some milder form of social anxiety, but I know people whose anxiety is as bad as Kiko's. Bowman knew her stuff when she was portraying Kiko's anxiety and how people around her reacted to it, especially if those people didn't have anxiety themselves.

I loved watching Kiko grow as the story went on, and I resonated with a lot of her insecurities about beauty. I may never full understand how societal beauty standards affect girls of color, but as a fat girl myself, I've felt that pressure to look a certain way just to be seen as beautiful in a parent's eye. I've felt that hopelessness when I knew it wasn't something I could control and how my simply existing was a disappointment to some people.

I cried as Kiko made the realizations about herself and beauty and as she became this braver person because of her experiences. I couldn't put Starfish down and it changed my view on life.

I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING.

If I could give this book more than 5 stars, I probably would. It was raw and beautiful, and I'm not sure I've ever shipped anyone as hard as I shipped Kiko and Jamie. I love them. I loved Kiko's growth and journey. And I especially love that a lot of the story is about Kiko trying to come to terms with her own identity. I needed this story when I was in high school, when I was trying to figure out who I was. I'm so happy this book exists.

Really, I am crying.

Thank you to the publisher and to NetGalley for the advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review. Full review to come on my blog. I'll probably still be crying when I write it. ❤

Kiko Himura has always had a hard time saying what she feels. With a mother that centers everything around herself and holds up traditionally pretty white girls as 'normal', it's no surprise that Kiko has never felt her round face and Asian features were 'pretty' or 'normal'. She's never really learned much about the Japanese side of her family either, since her mother never wanted it around, and her parents got divorced. Living in her small town has actually been kind of depressing.

Instead of the usual high school parties, Kiko loses herself in her art. She's been counting on getting into the art college of her dreams, Prism. When she gets a rejection letter, her world shatters.

When Kiko sees her old best friend and crush is back in town visiting, she makes a sudden decision to go back to California with him and look at art schools out there. She begins to figure out who she really is, instead of what others want her to be.

Starfish is Bowman's debut novel, and what a great debut! Starfish is a heartbreaking, beautiful work of art that hopefully means we'll be hearing much, much more from Bowman. This is a book you really shouldn't miss.

If you were to ask me what piqued my interest about Starfish, my answer would be both the social anxiety representation and the Japanese representation. Kudos to the author, Akemi Dawn Bowman, because she wrote both themes well! (Well, the social anxiety at least- I can't personally speak for the Japanese rep, but to the best of my knowledge she wrote it well.)
The three main characters I felt strong emotions towards were Kiko, her mom, and Jamie.
Kiko's mom... aka, the worst mom I have ever encountered in a YA book. There is not one single good quality about her: she is a narcissistic, narrow minded, unfeeling character. Some of the things she did to Kiko and her brothers had risen my blood pressure while getting my blood boiling. When you feel such strong emotions toward a character, you know the author is doing his/her job successfully. Few characters have angered me like she did.
Kiko is just a beautiful little soul who I just wanna hug and reassure her how worthy and lovable she is. I relate on a personal level to the social anxiety she experiences which makes me even more sympathetic toward her. The fact that she finds her happy ending in the epilogue of the book will leave me satisfied for the rest of my life.
Jamie...oh, my heart. It has been a while since I had a book character crush, because lately the male characters in my book just have been annoying and incorrigible. However, if I had to pick a boy for my friend Kiko to love, it would be Jamie. He is gentle, dorky, goofy, handsome, and compassionate, I appreciated how the author depicted Jamie as a perfect guy for Kiko to date. He was always helpful and understanding of her anxiety. I want a real-life Jamie.
The plot itself was fairly fast=paced and kept me eagerly flipping each page, which is not a commonality in my reading. I grew connected with the characters and storyline enough that I never wanted to put the book down. The author had several upon several plot twists that kept me reading past my bedtime. (Again- not a commonality in my reading!)
This will be one of those books I will recommend to each and every reader out there, especially if they are interested in books centering around mental illness because this book depicts mental illness with a more positive outcome. Kiko works towards overcoming social anxiety and fully understands that the capability to "conquer" her fears is within herself. Even though Jamie is absolutely wonderful and helps Kiko, it is still within Kiko to live her best life. I personally belief this is something each and every person should understand.
The author does a beautiful job with the story telling in this novel and I look forward to reading more of her work! If you are looking for a riveting, fast-paced, and diverse read, this is the book for you.

Wow. Just, wow. This book is everything. Is. Not has. Is. This book IS everything. This is the book I needed, well, let's just say twenty years ago, because that's a nice round number. Kiko Himura. Sigh. I want to hug her.

The writing is gorgeous. The imagery is insanely good. No matter where you're from, what you look like, how you're raised, I think most teenagers suffer the same range of insecurities--to vary degrees, of course. I think a lot of people suffer from the feeling that they're on the outside looking in, and I loved how well this book portrays that emotion.

I finished reading this around midnight and had to stop myself from barging into my daughter's room and waking her up so she could start reading RIGHT NOW.

All the feels. READ this book!

Warning: This story does have abuse, sexual assault, and a suicide attempt.

To be honest, I didn't expect to like this story but maybe that's one of the reasons I loved it.
The writing style is beautiful and unique. It follows an artists named Kiko on her slow but sure journey to discovering who she is and what she wants out of life. Everything from familial relationships, her re-connection with a childhood best friend, abuse, the racism Kiko experiences, and anxiety creates a stunning, and painful, story that is easy to relate to.

Akemi's ability to write a story that held me captive was surprising and I can't imagine not coming back to reread this Kiko's story. There's something about it that moves me and it was 100% unexpected. I don't want to spoil anything. So, I'll recommend the heck out of it.

*Thank you to Netgalley and Simon & Schuster (Simon Pulse) for allowing me to read and review this book before release*

Rating: 4/5 stars

Starfish is a beautiful story about a girl named Kiko, who struggles with social anxiety and a self-centered mother. The diverse representation in this book is lovely and shows the grittiness of Kiko’s relationships. Her passion is for art and she follows this passion by going to California with her best friend Jamie, where she is able to explore herself and her artwork more deeply. This book focuses on issues of sexual abuse (trigger warning here!), mental health and how important it is to look after yourself aka self-care.

I had heard about this book online and I was excited when I was approved! Kiko’s character is extremely ‘real’ and I felt for her throughout the entire book. One of my favorite elements of this book are the author’s portrayal of mental health as well as the progress Kiko makes throughout the book, as evidenced by what she draws/paints. Addressing the first part, Kiko struggles with social anxiety and speaking up for herself, and what she really thinks, in order to save others from harm. She doesn’t ever want to hurt anyone’s feelings, even those of her truly horrible mother. The author utilizes her inner thoughts by writing what Kiko wants to say and what she actually says. To me, this shows the reality of mental illness in that many try to hide it and pretend that they are okay, instead of speaking what they truly think. This doesn’t just speak to her anxiety, though: it speaks to her personality and how she was brought up to be a quiet, complacent girl. At the end of each chapter, there is a sentence or two in italics that describes what Kiko creates artistically after that chapter. I found this to be interesting because it showed her character development through another medium rather than simply words and I was able to visually picture these creations. Kiko was a fantastic character and I truly could feel my heart breaking at points for her. I related a lot to the thoughts she had about herself and her self-confidence level, which brought the character close-to-home for me. I think Jamie, her best friend in the story, complemented her so well. He was the exact opposite of what she had been taught her entire life and he truly liked her for who she was, much to the surprise of Kiko. This book does not focus on romance, though, and I liked that about it because there were much larger issues that were being tackled in this story.

I really couldn’t stand Kiko’s mother. That’s not knocking this book at all: I have known people in my own life who acted just like her and thought that this element was important to include. It related completely to Kiko’s character arc and taught a strong moral lesson as well. Kiko’s mentor at art school mentions something about her mother being a ‘starfish’, which means that she is someone who always needs to be the center of attention, with the starfish’s legs pointing to the middle of that center. This helped me to understand the title of the book and also relate it to my recent experiences. It hurt a little to think about that because, like Kiko, it was hard for me to admit that someone I was close to didn’t care about me and only about themselves. I think this metaphor is something that is honestly going to stick with me for a long time and the dynamic between Kiko and her mother was heartbreaking. I think, though, it is worth pointing out that the rawness of this book is what appealed to me once I finished it and it quickly became one of my favorites.

I would recommend this book to those who struggle with social anxiety because it has a very realistic depiction and shows what can be said by family/friend support, and also what shouldn’t be said. This book shows what happens when you say the wrong thing but also when you say the right thing.

Starfish is a truly special book. But I do kind of regret requesting it. It’s not a bad book, it’s actually pretty good. Okay, it was great. But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that it just wasn’t written for me. Because it obviously wasn’t, but I like to be able to tell the people who will benefit the most from reading this book that they will probably adore it.



kiko’s japanese heritage being a source of pride journey is a big deal

And it’s awesome. At first it bothered me so much, that she’s so confused about how to feel about being divided in half. I live in my own home country so no has ever said ‘I don’t date girls like you’ to me referring to my race or nationality. I know how it feels to be the outsider because of other things about yourself you can’t change, so even though I couldn’t completely relate to her position, I got the gist of the anxiety she felt most of the time.

The thing is, it takes a special kind of confidence to say ‘I don’t give a flying fuck about what you think of me’ because we’re built to care.

So yes, I’m very happy about Kiko’s journey. Teens are allowed to be confused, to have doubts and ask themselves questions, and to have no idea about what will happen in the future.



on role models and abuse and adult figures

I hated Kiko’s mother with the passion of a thousand suns. Why doesn’t she support her? Why is she so self-centered? I think this is something I just could not connect with. My mother is difficult, and sometimes she doesn’t understand my dreams and the things I do, which angers us both, but it’s okay. Because I know very well that she always has my back, and in fact, she has made it clear plenty of times that should a man ever touch me or talk to me in a way I’m not confortable with, she’ll get a machete and start doing away with (relatively) important parts of male anatomy.

I’ve grown with that ingrained in my mind. So it came as a shock, as it always does when I read about this kind of mothers in literature, that Kiko’s mother would behave like that.

However, I’m glad Kiko found a positive role model to look up to. I think we all need someone we can emulate.



This is a short review I know, but I’ve tried to put my thoughs about this as eloquently as I could. I’m not a teen anymore, but this book resonated with that lonely, anxious girl that sometimes I still am, that all she longs for is to just belong somewhere, and finds her place in art, and in my case, stories.

I think that no matter your background, you’ll find a way to connect with this story, so I really do recommend you give it a shot.

Starfish is an absolutely amazing debut that not only resonated with me on a deep level about the erasure of multi-racial culture, but also about a girl struggling to find her way and stand up for herself..

The absolute first thing that struck me about Starfish is the way that Bowman interrogates and subtly explores the racism and erasure of multi-racial experiences prevalent in today’s society. Kiko finds it difficult to fit into both American and Japanese culture – feeling shut out of both and unable to fulfill their standards of what a ‘valid’ identity would be. Her struggle manifests itself in a variety of different ways that not only include her brother’s embrace of Japanese representation, but also the ways her fellow students exclude her from certain identities.

But besides Bowman’s explorations of racism and erasure, Kiko is a phenomenal character. She is intelligent, soft-spoken, and struggling to find herself, her direction, and her inner voice. Her narrative style is engaging and moving. I could see myself in Kiko, not only because of her struggles regarding her multi-racial experiences, but also in her inability to speak her mind and to confront those who hurt her.

At times this is a heartbreaking book to read, because of the ways we so completely connect not only to the characters, but also to that feeling of being pushed aside, of being belittled, or of being ignored and in pain. But there’s also a hopefulness, an optimism, and resilience that bring you right back up. Bowman also explores themes of family: what is family? How do we form our families? And how do we be a part of them or leave them?

There were also a whole list of things I loved that were all about the little things: the typography or the drawings of sea creatures. Or in the way that there is so much discussion of art as a medium of expression and storytelling (give me all the artistic sketches please). But also the meaning of the title! These factors just integrate to produce such a phenomenal book.

I read this in two hours on a Saturday morning. I started crying within the first few chapters and I Did. Not. Stop. As a Korean-American adoptee who has dealt with social anxiety and crippling low self-esteem my entire life, I honestly I don't know if I can accurately describe how much "Starfish" meant to me, but I'm going to do my best.

Kiko has always had a hard time with her identity due to the fact that she is half-Japanese—she doesn't feel completely accepted by white society, yet doesn't feel ready to embrace her Japanese heritage. Her parents are divorced, leaving her and two brothers with their narcissistic mother. Her only reprieve is her art, and her dream of attending the Prism art school in New York City. After her dreams are dashed, she's left to pick up the pieces, as well as deal with the reappearance of her childhood best friend, Jamie.

I cannot wait until this is published because I want to paint this place with quotes. I don't know if I've ever connected more with a written character than Kiko Himura. I grew up in mostly white Iowa and was almost always the odd duck out. This, in addition to my natural inclination to be self-deprecating, has led to me feeling inferior and ugly for being Asian. And I've felt this way my entire life. Reading Kiko's thoughts about herself, her eyes, her skin tone, was like taking a look at my diary.

I related to her family more than I like to admit. I have a parent who isn't quite as demeaning as Kiko's mother, but who had narcissistic tendencies and always managed to play the martyr and make you feel bad about things that weren't your fault. Kiko's struggle to reconcile her behavior with the fact that she is her mother and she loves her, made me think a lot about my family dynamics.

Her relationship with Jamie made my poor little heart so happy. As kids, we don't see colors. Kids are just kids. Friends are just friends. And Jamie leaving when she started realizing that she looked different just reinforced Kiko's belief that there is something wrong with her Asian features. My love life is practically nonexistent, partly because it's never been a priority for me, but also because one of my deepest fears is being rejected for being Asian. There's a scene involving Kiko at a party that is pretty much my worst nightmare personified. At the end of "Starfish," Kiko isn't magically cured of her anxiety or 100 percent accepting of herself, but she's on the right path. And that gave/gives me hope.

Thank you to NetGalley, Simon and Schuster, and Akemi Dawn Bowman for letting me read this gem of a debut novel. I was truly touched—I cannot stop singing its praises.

Poignant and heart-breaking, Akemi Dawn Bowman's winning debut novel tells the story of a half-Japanese half-white teen girl struggling with her identity, anxiety, art and family. It's a story that shines from every page and stands out among other YA contemporaries. The book world is in for some spectacular books if Starfish is just a glimpse at Akemi Dawn Bowman's elegant writing. 

Social anxiety-ridden Kiko has one dream - to attend the prestigious art institute, Prism, to pursue her dream career. Bonus, it will also help her escape her narcissistic mother, whose only impact has been to embed a deep lack of self-confidence in her daughter. Starfish is the emotional journey she goes on as she experiences rejection from her dream school, and decides to get out of her toxic home life with the aid of a friend. It's a journey that is necessary for her growth, and one that helps her understand her self-value. Kiko is a protagonist who will speak to many teen girls, especially mixed-raced teen girls, who often struggle with their identity, and the gross stereotypes they face from both sides. The subtle racism and the constant "othering" she faces both in her social sphere as well as her own home is infuriating, but painfully realistic. This undeniably affects her at a very core level, and she struggles throughout Starfish to see herself as someone beautiful, and important in the world. You feel for Kiko as she clashes with her insecurities, but you also find yourself rooting for her to finally see her self-worth. The journey to that version of Kiko is not an obstacle-free one, but it is written beautifully and fills your heart with happiness and pride as she begins to take small steps towards her happiness.

Relationships are also at the core of Starfish. Particularly, Kiko's complicated relationship with her mother. It's a relationship that makes you wish there was some kind of test to-be parents have to take in order to be able to have children, because it breaks your heart with how toxic it is. Kiko's mother is not a good mother. Though she provides for them financially, emotionally, she's a complete wreck, often times making situations all about herself, as well as emotionally manipulating her children. When Kiko finally breaks free from her hold, I felt like I could finally breathe in peace. Though her mother is an obvious negative energy in her life, her father isn't. Kiko's dad is a man who obviously cares very deeply about his children. It's not initially clear why he didn't get their custody at the time of divorce,  that part of the story untangles by the end. Their relationship, while flawed, is sweet and strong in many ways.

Kiko's friend that provides her with the motivation to escape to California is Jamie, an old friend who moved away from her life ages ago. Jamie is a sweetheart, who holds her best interest at heart. He constantly pushes her out of her comfort zone for her own good, and helps her achieve her dreams one step at a time. He is understanding, kind, and sympathetic, and does not try to turn Kiko into someone's she's not. There is a romance that develops between the two that romance-lovers will adore. The great thing about their relationship is how Kiko understands that she needs to take care and save herself on her own before starting anything with him, and Jamie understands that too. For most of the book, he's just there to lend her support. In California, Kiko also finds an art mentor and a new family in the form of Hiroshi, who embrace her for who she is, and help her fuel her rejection from Prism into spectacular art works. The description of her artworks at the end of each chapter were a stunning addition, and mirror her growth and struggles throughout the book.

Truly, Starfish is an absolute work of art that needs to be put in every teen's hands. Akemi Dawn Bowman is evidently a passionate author, one every YA reader should keep an eye on.

I REALLY enjoyed this book. Not only could I relate to Kiko because of her narcissist mother, but also with her anxiety and with the struggle of who she was as well. This definitely addressed some tough subjects, which I think is really important to do in YA fiction in the world we live in today, and can help people become more educated on things like anxiety and different nationalities. Plus the cover art is absolutely beautiful!

There are some books out there that you just connect with on every level, and Akemi Dawn Bowan’s Starfish was one of those for me.

Before I begin, I would like to that the Cover Gods for coming up with the ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL Starfish cover because everything about this cover works for this book and AAH. It’s just so pleasing to look at.

“I draw a girl on a plane, leaving her heart on the runway.”

There was absolutely nothing I didn’t like about this book, so let’s talk about all the things I did love:

1. Our Biracial Protagonist: Kiko is half American, half Japanese and from the very first page you can see her struggling with the image of beauty that her mother has drilled into her. She struggles to fall in love with the person she sees in the mirror, she struggles with anxiety, she struggles with her heritage versus just wanting to be “normal” which as an Indian is SO RELATABLE to me. I connected with Kiko, and fell for her instantly because her voice is raw, honest and most importantly, real.

“I draw water and fire, forgetting all the rules and morphing into something new.”

2. THE ART: I don’t talk about it one the internet much, but I’m also an artist. I’m nowhere near as talented as Kiko, but I can paint. When I feel like it. The words used by Akemi Bowan to describe Kiko’s art brought it to life in a way I’ve never seen done before. All the quotes are Akemi bringing to life her imaginings of Kiko’s art, because I thought you should see how BEAUTIFUL it was to read for me.

“I draw a thousand fairies circling around a girl so she can finally fly away.”

3. THE CHARACTER GROWTH: Three chapters into this book, I felt like I knew Kiko. I understood what it was like to be her, socially awkward and all. I loved how she blossomed and started gambling on herself more as the book progressed and by the end, she actually said out loud what she kept inside before. It was like a caterpillar learning to become a butterfly and I LOVED IT.

“I draw five Japanese women with very different faces, but all of them are equally beautiful because beauty is not just one thing.”

4. HIROSHI AND JAMIE: Now, they’re not love interests, this book DOESN’T HAVE a love triangle, but they’re both such SPECTACULAR characters. Hiroshi is an artist who takes Kiko under his wing, introduces her to his Japanese family and shows her what unconditional love is. Jamie, on the other hand, is her childhoos best friend with his blue eyes and kind smile. They’re both such perfect people, and exactly the supportive, kind people that Kiko needed and I fell in love with them too.

A lyrical, gorgeously written, poignant diverse book about loving yourself, growing up and first love.

5 stars and I COULD NOT RECOMMEND IT MORE.

I have no words to describe my love for this book. Yes, I can tell it was written by a debut author. Yes, it has its flaws and lapses–but honestly, none of this detracts from the story for me. The beauty of the message of acceptance and self-love overshadows any imperfections Starfish may have. I think I may have just read one of my new favorite books.

I admit that I may be biased. Like Kiko, I am a half-Asian girl who hopes to one day go to school to study art. And while I am Filipina to Kiko’s Japanese, and my school is Yale to Kiko’s Prism, never have I related so closely to a character. I’m going to make a fairly safe assumption here in saying that most book bloggers/readers tend to be introverts, but I think anyone who has ever faced any sort of social anxiety can also relate to Kiko. Her struggles in facing the world are raw and realistic, written with elegance and accuracy. This book made me extremely emotional, and I think that is mostly due to the fact that I felt like I was looking into a mirror. Bowman writes with a sincerity that hits close to home.

Kiko’s learning to love herself was such an incredible journey to read about, and something I’ve been trying to achieve my whole life. The way Bowman shed light on racism and Western beauty standards has really put things into perspective for me. Every day, we tell ourselves that what other people say doesn’t matter, but that is a mindset much easier to think about than actually achieve. To watch as Kiko slowly learned this lesson from both heartbreak and hope was truly inspiring, and I felt as if I was growing as a person alongside her. She was such a well-developed, emotionally complex person–person, not character–that I couldn’t help but see myself in her shoes. I laughed and cried alongside her, and it is only with the best kind of book that you can do that. I devoured this book in one sitting, and I didn’t want it to end.

Also, there is a really, really cute ship. Jamie is our love interest in this story, and I could not dream of a better boy myself. He’s sweet, supportive, thoughtful, hot…There is a hint of insta-love, but I wasn’t opposed to it because it made sense in Kiko’s situation. Jamie was an emotional crutch for her in a time of need, which totally justified her attachment to him that occurred over such a short period. Heck, I was attached to him after 2 pages. Still, the romance was not overbearing. It was definitely supplemental to the story rather than detrimental.

I could not recommend a novel more highly. Starfish, while classified as young adult, was startlingly mature and complex. The prose was eloquent and raw in a way that provided a rich emotional atmosphere. What lacked in plot was made up tenfold by the beauty of Kiko’s self discovery. I was literally SOBBING throughout most of the book. Please, please do yourself a favor and pick this one up.

I have a lot of feelings about this book because I related to Kiko so much. Growing up in a very white environment as an Asian person messes with your self-esteem and self-image, and like Kiko, I definitely felt that I would never really be seen as attractive by people because I was Asian. I literally had a white friend tell me he generally wasn’t attracted to Asian people (he is no longer my friend, in case you’re wondering). The various microaggressions she experiences are all too familiar to me.

In addition to sharing Kiko’s experience of being Asian American, I also have generalized and social anxiety, and the descriptions of Kiko’s anxiety in Starfish resonated strongly with me. There’s a scene at a classmate’s party that was especially relatable and brought back some painful memories of parties I went to in college. Another aspect of Kiko I saw myself in was her anxiety over having romantic relationships as someone with mental illness(es). The fear of falling into toxic and codependent relationships is so real. In general, the portrayal of anxiety was just so incredibly on point for me, to the point that it actually triggered my own anxiety at times because I was empathizing with Kiko’s experience on a visceral level.

Besides being really relatable, Starfish was simply gorgeously written. Kiko is an artist, and the author expresses her artist’s point of view through poetic language. Each chapter ends with a brief description of Kiko’s latest work of art, which is thematically related to the chapter in question and serves as a visual representation of Kiko’s inner emotional landscape and how she relates to the world and the people around her. These added details create a distinctive voice for Kiko’s character.

If it wasn’t obvious from the trigger/content warnings, this story deals with some heavy topics. Kiko’s home environment is incredibly toxic. Her parents are divorced, and she lives with her two brothers and her white mother. Her mother is emotionally abusive toward her. This abuse has a racialized dimension, as she uses her embodiment of white beauty ideals to belittle Kiko, whose features are more typically East Asian. Kiko craves her mother’s love and approval even while knowing that her mother does not really care about her except as it benefits or is convenient for her. It really hurt to follow Kiko through her interactions with her mother, the pain was so raw.

To make matters worse, during the events of the story, Kiko’s maternal uncle moves into the house with her family, which amplifies her anxiety. It is first strongly implied and then explicitly revealed that he sexually abused Kiko when she was younger, and she has lingering trauma from those events. Although Kiko told her mother what happened, her mother never believed her and sided with the uncle instead.

Despite the serious topics, the book isn’t all doom and gloom and angst, nor is it a tragic story. Kiko’s physical journey doubles as a psychological journey as well, allowing her to process everything she has lived through, refute the victim-blaming messages she’s gotten from her mother, and see that there are people and things outside of the cage of her toxic home. Her relationship with Jamie is very sweet and wholesome, and she also finds a role model who is Japanese American who sees her talent and gives her the push she needs to really chase her artistic dreams.

These parts of the story bring hope and light and an empowering message that were so lovely and satisfying to read. Perhaps others readers might think the ending/resolution is too much of a fairy tale happy ending, but personally, I loved it and think it’s necessary and important for readers who see themselves in Kiko. Her mental illness is not magically cured by the end of the story (which would be a very terrible message to readers), but she has greater self-awareness, a robust support system, and a means of channeling her creative energy and expressing herself honestly, all of which are critical to coping.

TW: emotional abuse, childhood sexual abuse, anxiety/panic attacks

There aren't words to describe how much this book meant to me and how much I absolutely loved it. If anything, this book is the best contemporary book that I've ever read, and it deserves all the stars and all the love in the world. It was both beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.

We follow Kiko, an artist who is all about drawing and painting. To her, it's not only simply a hobby, but a part of her soul goes with every piece that she creates. Her biggest ambition is to get into the prestigious art school, Prism because it will left her escape from her abusive home life into the world of art. She runs into her childhood best friend who moved to California at a party, and once they reconnect she decides to take an important trip to California and meets inspiring talented people who guide her along the way.

There is so much intricate family dynamic that I could go into, and is discussed at length and in detail in the book. I think to fully understand this (because I can't explain it that well). It's just best to read the story and understand who Starfish is and how they work.

This books isn't afraid to tackle things such as anxiety, biracial identities, what it means to truly embrace yourself and all that you are. I love how at the end of every single chapter there is an image that Kiko paints to express herself after what happened in the day, or what she's feeling.

Also the writing is so lush and beautiful; even a five word description could be so vivid and go so deeper. I think some authors sometimes have problems with capturing the voice of a teenage girl, but Bowman does is perfectly and masterfully. While reading this book, every couple of pages I kept of thinking: "this is how I would sound/think/feel."

[quote]“I don’t have to be white to be beautiful, just like I don’t have to be Asian to be beautiful. Because beauty doesn’t come in one mold.”


Also, Kiko struggles with insecurity and low self-esteem because her single mom, who believes that the "all american beauty" blue-eyed blonde haired is the definition of beautiful (aka how Starfish looks like). She constantly puts Kiko down as being "different,exotic, and even calls her ugly." Kiko comes to her own realization, that beauty isn't one thing like she's been told to believe, and it's a beautiful thing to see her accepting herself and coming into her own beauty.

[quote]‘Beauty isn’t a single thing. Beauty is dreaming – it’s different for everyone, and there are so many versions of it that you mostly have no control over how you see it.’


There was a subplot of romance, but be warned, the book wasn't about the romance; and Kiko didn't get better because of any boy. She got better because of herself and the effort she put into trying to understand and change her perceptions about things. Jamie and Kiko have a very healthy relationship, although she does love him very much, she realizes that she's been dependent on him, or using him as a social crutch so she steps away/hits pause on that relationship for a few weeks. He's not some perfect idealized guy, but he tries to understand and help her with her anxiety at times, and she feels safe in his world. I thought that the romance was adorable, yet healthy in the way that I rarely see it in YA, and so that was very appreciated.

I felt so personally attached/connected to Kiko on a deeper level, like we were almost kindred spirits. I'm not half as artistic as she is, or look like her, but I feel like she's gone through some universal experiences and coming-of-age struggles that I can really relate to. This book is life-changing for me in the sense that it forced to see the world in a different perspective and live my pain along with Kiko's figuring things out, and the outcome was truly magical.

**Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with an ARC in exchange for my honest review. All opinions are my own.**

Trigger warnings for emotional abuse, sexual abuse, victim-blaming, sexual assault

Wow. I finished this in the late hours of the night, and I still can’t stop thinking about this gem. I was lucky enough to be sent an ARC of this gorgeous debut, and I was blown away – this book was everything I didn’t know I wanted and then some.

STARFISH follows Kiko, a half-Japanese, half-white artist, who lives with her emotionally abusive mother and two younger brothers. She doesn’t get into Prism, her dream school, and her abusive uncle moves back in, so she heads towards California to apply for other art schools and finds solace with her childhood friend, Jamie. The plot was incredibly moving, and I couldn’t stop reading – Kiko’s emotions were so palpable and her struggles felt so realistic.

I adored Kiko and Jamie – it’s a friend-to-lover trope, which I found to be done wonderfully well. Jamie was so patient and supportive with Kiko and her anxiety, and my heart feels so full because of these two. The romance was simply a part of the novel, and not a central focus of Kiko’s story, which I really appreciated.

“I don’t have to be white to be beautiful. I don’t have to be Asian to be beautiful. Because beauty doesn’t come in one mold.”

Kiko’s heritage is something of which she never felt truly part due to her emotionally abusive mother, but throughout the novel, she begins to find herself in her art, her tutor, herself. Her evolution from someone who didn’t find herself beautiful because she was Asian in a predominantly white school to someone who becomes more independent from her mother and understanding of her own needs was stellar.

Overall, I can’t express how much I adored this book. Akemi Dawn Bowman crafts a wonderfully heart-breaking and emotional rollercoaster that I’ll reread for years to come. She’s made her mark as one of my favorite authors, and I’m beyond excited for her next work.

Quotes from the ARC are subject to change. Thank you to Simon and Akemi for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.