Starfish is an unequivocally beautiful book. Within this story, Akemi Dawn Bowman manages to tackle topics of emotional abuse, sexual assault, social anxiety, racism, and self-worth and she does each topic a great service. The story is told through the lens of Kiko, a biracial Japanese-American artist who isn’t sure what her next step in life is going to be. She reconnects with her childhood friend, Jamie, who tries to counsel and help her as she tried to find an art school that will accept her.

I had several favorite parts of this book. The first was the strong connection between what Kiko was experiencing and her artwork. Every time she struggles with what to do about her struggles and trauma, she turns to art to express it. Throughout the story, she learns ways to use art to help her heal and grow as well.

I also loved the commentary on love and dependence. Kiko’s social anxiety and fear for her future is intense and is often eased through help from her friends. Jamie, in particular, takes an active role in helping Kiko get out of her shell and take some risks that she wouldn’t have otherwise tried. As romance begins to grow between them, however, Kiko has to examine whether it is healthy for her to rely on someone so strongly or if she needs to learn to stand on her own.

The whole story was written in a beautiful way and it never felt too heavy to continue, despite the tough subject matter. This book has made me a lifelong fan of Akemi Dawn Bowman’s books and I can’t wait to pick up more.

Review:

What I Liked:


Social Anxiety Rep. I connected so much with Kiko's struggles with social anxiety. I don't have it at the same level but just like her I struggle being in large groups with strangers and I have a hard time functioning. Just like Kiko, I'm always questioning ever interaction I have with everyone and letting it bother me. Bowman did an amazing job showing what social anxiety is like and how it is looked down upon.


Characters. The novel mainly follows Kiko as she deals with her narcissistic mother and trying to feel safe in her own home. Also, Bowman did a great job developing the side characters, Kiko's brothers and her love interest Jamie.


Writing Style. I adored Bownman's prose, it was beautiful and I flew through this novel. I always enjoy it when I find prose so good that I don't want to stop reading a book. I can't believe it took me this long to finally read this amazing debut from 2017. I will be picking up her second novel soon!


I recommend checking out this beautifully written and hard-hitting YA contemporary.


Rating:


5 Stars Out of 5 Stars

Her writing style just doesn't mesh with what I like to read. I have read raving reviews from some of my closest friends about her writing. I wish I could give better feedback, but I really just didn't enjoy the tone or style. I thought characterization and plot were perfectly fine. There was just a barrier to really getting into this book and meshing with the characters. I couldn't tell you exactly what it was. I do think Bowman is a powerful and much needed voice in the YA community. Her books tackle huge issues that aren't talked about, especially with a diverse cast. Although her writing isn't for me, I hope we get to see more of her in the future so that teens can see their issues and their cultures on page.

Fantastic depiction of social anxiety. I think this book is a great example of how mental health should be represented in literature.

Emotionally complex. Given the early chapters we might expect a focus on sexual abuse, but really the heart of this story is the emotionally destructive mother. Really, the ways in which all the relationships in a family can be broken. Some of it doesn't make a lot of sense and some plot elements happen a bit too easily.

This is a stirring book about a dysfunctional family and one that all teens should read if they feel disconnected to a parent

Oh wow, this book punched me in the emotions and kept beating me until the last page. I think this book is not only needed but something that will help a lot of people. The one thing that I did not like though was the language that was used for the character that had mental health issues. But, considering the things that happened in this story it was realistic, not pleasant or something that I was expecting, but again was realistic. I don't want to give too much away because I really think that everyone should read this book to find your own answers and opinions.

I'm still breathless over this book. An engaging story that brings you to have feelings over every single character, not just giving depth to the main character but each character having their own depth. They each have their own stories that caused rage, sorrow, glee, and fear rush through me.
The book follows Kiko, a half-white hand-Japanese girl, who struggles with her relationship with her mother who as a white woman doesn't understand the struggles of being a PoC. Her mother treats others as if the world surrounded her, causing Kiko to need any stray of light her mother would offer her. Kiko struggles with learning to love herself, especially after her own mother wouldn't believe that she was sexually assaulted by her uncle, and she finds her own place in the world with help of Jamie, her friend and love interest, and Hiroshi , her mentor. She finds out of a whole world she was deprived of and learns that she needs to love herself in a world that tries to focus on anything other than her.
This book divulges into heavy topics. The ignoring of sexual assault within the family. The ignoring of parental abuse. The ignoring of racism in our own households. The ignoring of suicidal behavior. The ignoring of how social anxiety is a struggle to live with.
Side note here: this book is the first time I found my social anxiety accurately represented, and not something just made light of.
There were moments where the book got slow, but in the end of it all I don't mind them. Kiko deserved those slow moments that lead to her loving herself. She grows slowly but we at the end we know she will grow into who she wants to be and not who her mother wanted her to be.
TW: sexual assault, parental abuse, suicide attempt, emotional abuse, racism

Oh my gosh, I was beyond excited to be able to request this one and was beyond thrilled when I was accepted. I've been eyeing that gorgeous cover for awhile now! I was quite intrigued as the cover is a jellyfish, but the book is called starfish and nothing in the description seemed to match either images.
I really really loved this story. The social anxiety representation was SPOT on!
I absolutely love that the main character was Asian. I am not Asian myself, but one of my closest friends are and I rarely ever see their culture represented in a book so that made me very happy. Plus, I love reading and learning about other cultures as well!
This book was incredibly well written and I can't wait to reach more by the author

When I first requested Akemi Dawn Bowman’s novel, Starfish, I didn’t really know much about it other than the fact that it had one of the most gorgeous book covers I’ve ever seen. I was completely unprepared for the emotional punch this book would pack. Covering a wide spectrum of heavy subjects such as sexual and emotional abuse as well as suicide, Starfish is not an easy read by any means, but ultimately it is a powerful story about discovering who you really are and what you want out of life.

Starfish follows the story of Kiko Himura, a high school senior who suffers from social anxiety and therefore often has trouble expressing herself and fitting in. Kiko, however, is also a gifted artist who uses her art to say what she can’t seem to say with words. One of Kiko’s biggest dreams is to get into the prestigious Prism art school. She feels like once she gets away from home and can throw herself into her art, her real life can finally begin.

Kiko is also half Japanese and her parents are divorced. She lives with her mother, who is blond haired, blue eyed and is obsessed with her appearance. She also constantly makes Kiko feel unattractive and implies that she would be more attractive if she were not of Asian descent. Her mother is also a narcissist and so whenever Kiko tries to talk to her, she always manages to twist the topic around and make it about herself. On top of that, instead of supporting Kiko in what she is passionate about, Kiko’s mom belittles her art and can’t be bothered to attend Kiko’s art shows at school.
Then, as if Kiko’s mom isn’t bad enough, Kiko’s abusive uncle moves in with them. After an incident that took place the last time he lived in their house when Kiko woke up and found him in her bedroom, Kiko now refuses to live in the same house as him. She tells her mother as much, but her mom ignores her and tells her she is being overly dramatic about what happened.

Kiko longs for her mother to believe her and support her and let her know that she cares, but it just feels like that’s never going to happen. She knows she needs to get away from the toxic environment that she is living in, but her dreams are shattered when she receives a rejection notice from Prism. Having applied to no other schools, Kiko doesn’t have a Plan B. How will she recover from this unexpected rejection? Will she ever get the support and affection that she so craves from her mother or does Plan B involve starting over alone somewhere new? What happens next for Kiko?

LIKES

I fell in love with Kiko right away. As someone who also tends to get very anxious in social situations, I felt an immediate connection to Kiko as I watched her struggle to interact both at school and at parties. The author did a wonderful job in those scenes of portraying social anxiety and how truly crippling it can be.

Kiko was also a favorite of mine because she’s such a sympathetic character. In addition to her social anxiety issues, her home life is just awful. It’s hard enough being a child of divorced parents, but it’s especially hard if you feel like the parent you’re living with doesn’t seem to care about you and either ignores you or criticizes you every time they see you. I absolutely loathed Kiko’s mother and the way she treated Kiko. At the same time though, I completely understood why Kiko kept trying to connect with her and kept trying to show her the art she was working on. It’s completely natural for a child to want their parent’s approval and it was heartbreaking to watch Kiko keep getting rejected every time she tried. I just wanted to give her a big hug and tell her she deserved better because it was obviously killing Kiko’s sense of self-worth.

Even though Kiko’s mom had no interest in Kiko’s artwork, I sure did. Some of my favorite scenes in Starfish were where we got to see Kiko immerse herself in her art. Watching her completely at ease with herself because she’s in her element and then reading the author’s descriptions of what she was actually drawing and painting honestly made me wish the book was illustrated. The art work sounded so gorgeous and magical!
Aside from Kiko herself, some of the other elements of Starfish I really enjoyed were the overall themes. There is a huge focus on beauty, with a specific emphasis on the message that there is no set idea for what is considered beautiful. We’re all beautiful in our own unique way, and someone who is Asian is just as beautiful as someone who happens to be blond and blue-eyed. To go along with that truth about what is beautiful, there is also a huge emphasis on self-love. You should love yourself exactly as you are and not let anyone make you feel bad about yourself.

Along the lines of accepting that you’re beautiful just the way you are, Starfish can also be considered a powerful coming of age story. After she is rejected from the art school of her dreams, Kiko embarks on a journey of self-discovery to slowly but surely figure out who she really is, what she wants from life, and how she can stand on her own two feet regardless of whether or not she has her mother’s support and approval. It’s an often painful journey for Kiko, but in the end, it’s a beautiful one that is full of hope and promise.
One final element of the story that I liked was Kiko’s reunion with a long-lost friend from her childhood. There is a romantic element there and I liked the way the author handled the transition from friends to lovers. I also liked that the romance wasn’t just a way for Kiko to escape her home life, but that in a twist I really liked, it also presented Kiko with some unexpected opportunities and allowed her to make some empowering decisions about her future.

DISLIKES/ISSUES

Aside from my utter dislike of Kiko’s mother, I don’t really have anything for this section. And even though I completely disliked her, she was still an incredibly well drawn character and served an important purpose in Kiko’s story.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I think Starfish is going to be one of those books that I will continue to think about long after finishing the last page. As I mentioned earlier, it packs an emotional punch and Kiko’s journey is one that I think many readers will relate to on some level, whether it’s the feeling like you don’t belong, feeling like you’re not good enough, or dealing with a less than ideal home life. For this reason and because the writing and storytelling is top notch, I fully expect to see Starfish on many ‘Best of’ 2017 lists before the end of the year.

RATING: 4.5 STARS

I felt such a personal connection to Kiko, the main character. I'm not biracial, nor half-Japanese, but there was a whole lot about Kiko's life and personality that I related to so hard. It made the read that much more special to me, because it's not very often when I can say that a book is basically my life.

*Kiko is a middle child
*with two brothers
*she's shy and quiet
*awkward and has social anxiety
*parties make her super anxious, and she feels better when she's got friends like Jamie and Emery around
*feels weird for fangirling and showing her passion for things
*is a dreamer and a creative type
*doesn't like confrontation
*but wants so badly for people to see her feelings
*yet she's always scared those she loves will get angry or dislike her for feeling different from what they want
*but she's so courageous, and she learns how to demand better from people
*I'm going through a similar situation re: the relationship Kiko has with her Mom, but with a cousin of mine. I know starfish in my life too, and it SUCKS.

So yeah, I ended up absolutely loving this book, and all I wanted while reading it was to give Kiko a big hug and tell her that she deserved better from many people in her life. I loved that this book didn't tie everything into a neat little bow (especially with her mental health) and that it had so much good in it, especially the relationships Kiko makes with others. Just absolutely WONDERFUL.

Rating: 4.5 Paw Prints!

This book messed me up in the best way. The writing is absolutely stunning. Just gorgeous and lyrical and so descriptive that I can almost see the art that Kiko describes. The characters were perfectly developed and the exploration of anxiety and self-image issues were so so well done. I cannot scream enough about how well done they were. There is no easy answer to both the mental health and coming of age struggles Kiko faces, but there is always hope and options and the author portrays this in such a realistic and healthy way I cannot praise it enough.

As an abusive mother escapee, it was too easy to relate to Kiko’s struggle with her mother. That desperate need for the smallest token of affection & those feelings of responsibility even when you logically know that you’re being manipulated were so painfully familiar that I spent the entire book mentally screaming at her but also feeling like my own heart was being ripped from my chest. So basically my favorite kind of reading experience.

I also have a strong appreciation for the fact that even though there is a romance – it doesn’t dominate the story or Kiko’s decision making. She isn’t magically cured by Jamie’s love. AND IT IS BASICALLY SCREAMED IN TEXT THAT LOVE DOESN’T CURE YOU. Bless you Akemi.

If you’re looking for a brutally emotional story about learning to love yourself and figuring out how to choose putting your own happiness & dreams first, Starfish is definitely the book for you.

Starfish is honest, brutal, and so fricken beautiful.

Kiko is a half-Japanese/half-white seventeen-year-old living in Midwest suburbia. I can't even find the right words to truly express how much I wish I had this book as a teenager, and how I believe Starfish will help so many teens, especially Asian-Americans, right now. I'm half-Filipino/half-Mexican and I grew up in Midwest suburbia - most of my classmates were white and it was brutal growing up wishing I had blonde hair and blue eyes. It took me over 20 years before I embraced my heritage and reading Kiko's story completely broke me because I was where she was.

She's struggling with her self-esteem, identity, and so much more (no spoilers). There are so many factors that go beyond her struggles like her relationships with her friend(s) and especially her family. Everything about Kiko's life was relatable because all of our struggles do stem from different aspects of our lives. School, work, friendships, family - everything. And that's what we get from Kiko's story. We dig into all of her issues with everything in her life and how they have shaped who she is and where she ends up.

You'll feel Kiko's loneliness but you'll also feel her hope. I cried on more than one occasion while reading because she's such a real character that you instantly feel connected to her. You want her to find her strength at the end of the story as if she was you.

All of the characters bring something to the story - you'll love some and you'll hate others. Jamie + the romance throughout the story was the icing on the cake. It was sweet, romantic, and reminded me of falling in love for the first time. <3

I can't believe this is a debut because Akemi Dawn Bowman's writing is stunning. She pulls at your heartstrings but fills you up with so much hope. I'm looking forward to all of her future work!
If you're looking for a great diverse, coming-of-age story then I can't recommend Starfish enough. It's absolutely beautiful and everyone needs to read it.

I’m the type of reader that has a tendency to become really attached to characters, especially the protagonist that we follow throughout the story. They either become a character who I can see myself being friends with, or a character who I can relate to in some way. With Kiko Himura, the protagonist in Starfish, it was different because I didn’t only see one or the other. This time… I saw me. And coming to that realization was equal parts terrifying and wondrous.

I understood and identified with Kiko on such a deep and emotional level that I found it to be such a struggle to read the first half of the book because that is when we are first shown the unhealthy and destructive home-life Kiko and her siblings live in. It was awful, heartbreaking, and rage-inducing to see her mother be so selfish, narcissistic, and delusional to the point where it was physically draining for her own children to be anywhere near her. Kiko has social anxiety – something I can definitely relate to but never really had a name for until reading this book. There were moments in the book where I wanted to reassure Kiko that everything would be okay and that all she needed to do was take a chance, but I also acknowledged how scary taking that leap can be. I’ve always been the quiet type growing up, and didn’t try breaking out of my shell until college, but I also know that despite going through that, I still have some degree of social anxiety and that is something that is just part of who I am. Like Kiko, I’ve had to learn – and am still trying to everyday – to accept and see the beauty in myself, quirks and all.

I found myself feeling so proud and excited for Kiko as she explored California and discovered more about her Asian culture – a significant part of herself that she had missed out on growing up because of her terrible mother. Maybe because it’s so appalling for me to fully grasp, but I could not understand how her mother could have married and had three children with Kiko’s Asian father, and still be so racist towards anything Asian (even something as simple as anime, for heaven’s sake!), to the point where it distorted her perception of beauty. To Kiko’s mother, there was only one form of beauty: skinny, blonde, and blue-eyed, and anything differing from that was a flaw. I am not Japanese, nor am I half of anything, but I am a Filipino Asian American who grew up in California, so seeing Kiko finally break free from her racist and toxic home town – and even worst mother – was such a relief. It was beautiful seeing Kiko discover, not only her Asian culture, but also an inner strength and courage she never knew was there.

The whole best-friends-turned-lovers arc is something I’m always wary about in books because I don’t believe in it, but the romance between Kiko and Jamie was so sweet and beautifully developed. It did not feel like insta-love at all. On the contrary, Kiko and Jamie actually go through a lot of growth throughout their friends-to-more-than-friends relationship and it was so lovely to see that. Jamie is sweet, charming, understanding, and, like Kiko, has an artistic eye. Except while she utilizes pencils and paints to create images, Jamie captures them with his camera. He and Kiko hadn’t seen each other since they were children so the awkward reunion period was understandable; they were different people now, more grown up and have gone through so many things in their short lives, Kiko especially. I liked how Jamie did not immediately know about Kiko’s social anxiety and had to gradually learn to be more patient and understanding with her.

Poignant, absolutely beautiful, and filled to the brim with raw emotions, Starfish will slowly shatter your heart then put it back together again; this time more whole, filled with an unyielding light, and beating stronger than ever before. A truly inspirational and empowering read about family, love, and self-discovery that will stay with me forever.

Hi. I read this book and I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START???

Starfish was so I incredibly beautiful. It's just that book WHERE YOU CAN'T EVEN. Words do not suffice at this point. What's the point of writing a review WHEN YOU CAN JUST READ THIS BOOK? I will try and fail, to review this book (but omg it's so much more than that). I have so much to say about this book BUT HOW DO I WRITE AGAIN?

Let's start with our Main Character, Kiko, WHO IS HALF-ASIAN (half white). Can we just appreciate that for a moment? While I couldn't really relate to her feeling out of place because of being Japanese (London is very multicultural) but Kiko is SO GOD DAMN SWEET AND REALISTIC. She goes through SO FREAKING MUCH and I just want to hug her and be like...FLIP LIFE ATM.

And her character arc is so beautiful. She has social anxiety (I think the rep was DONE REALLY REALLY EXTREMELY WELL. I don't have anxiety but GOSH, this was just described in such a real, raw way) and she likes to draw and paint (!!) and I love literally every sentence that was about her painting. Her passion, her hobby, was SO MAGICAL. I could literally see Kiko's paintings in front of my eyes.

This book had the best messages...LIKE EVER. It's all about beauty, HOW BEAUTY COMES IN DIFFERENT FORMS, how Asians can be pretty (I hate you Adam. just letting you know) how beauty is different, not just in one form, it's not blond hair and blue eyes, it's not celebrities and magazines, it's you and loving you and I JUST APPRECIATED THIS BOOK FOR THAT.

"Beauty isn't a single thing. Beauty is dreaming - it's different for everyone, and there are so many versions of it that you mostly have no control over how you see it."

And the romance was SPOT ON. I really really enjoyed it. it was perfect slow burn and Kiko made she was actually ready for Jamie, for a relationship. She gave time for herself, and at the end, she LOVED herself and no matter how much it pained her, she made herself stronger and she was stronger. She was such a strong character. And when they were together, OMG IT WAS WRITTEN PERFECTLY SO THAT I SHIPPED THEM TOO MUCH.

I really liked that Kiko got to know more about her Japanese Heritage. This was a lot about Kiko finding herself, loving herself, accepting herself and coming to terms with; YES SHE IS HALF-AISAN, YES SHE CAN BE PRETTY, SHE CAN't PLEASE EVERYONE, SOME LOVE IS TOXIC and literally the list goes on. What I'm trying to say, THE MESSAGES ARE SO PROMINENT AND RIGHT AND PERFECT and they're added so amazingly into the book.

The writing IS TO DIE FOR and I clicked with it immediately. I practically finished this book in one sitting and it was so addicting and so easy. I didn't feel like I had to concentrate, I was so immersed in the character's and what was happening which is super surprising for a contemporary book. Bowman IS ACTUALLY A MASTER AT WRITING. it is so pretty and want to add like 50 quotes from the book here. It wasn't slow at all, It was paced so well.

He doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve; he keeps it in a locked box with all of his dreams and expressions because he doesn't want to share them with the rest of the world

Also rant time; The Mum

OMG KIKO'S MUM WAS UTTER TRASH. I get if she was going through tough times herself or had a mental illness but NO SHE IS JUST PLAIN RACIST... TO HER OWN CHILDREN Sorry she doesn't know what 'unconditional love is' Fine. Don't be a good mother but when (view spoiler) I officially hate starfishes now BECAUSE OMG YOU SELF-CENTRED little...UGHHH. I HATE her with a passion. She literally always ruins Kiko's mood and (view spoiler)Literally all she cares about is just HER REPUTATION and HER LIFe. GO FRICKING DIE OKAY. She literally changes her moods ALL THE TIME and makes everything about her. I could give you about a million examples of how Kiko's mum is SO WRONG IN EVERY WAY. She lies and SHE IS SO MANIPULATIVE.

And you know what. I GET Kiko for wanting her mother's love and approval. I so so get that. Because what child doesn't? I get why Kiko gave in nearly every time and I think that's what makes Kiko real. Because she's not perfect. She was a child who wanted her mum. AND I AM SO GLAD that was acknowledged and her character at the end, was different and she realised that her mum's love was some fake version of love! THANK YOU

I do think this had some parallel's with Eliza and her monsters; Art, brothers she doesn't really know, social anxiety but the stories definitely are very different. I just thought about this a lot when reading. I also would have loved more of some characters like; her best friend (forgot her name??), the dad and their side and a few more but I think everything was very seamless.I also think Jamie was a little TOO PERFECT but besides the point...

I need like a moment. No 78 moments. I had like emotions. No like 56 emotions. I can't even X 5678 okay?? THIS BOOK MADE ME WHOLE. It's just so so IMPORTANT and so BEAUTIFUL and it's exactly the kind of book YOU SHOULD BE READING RIGHT NOW.

Also please appreciate the cover. Thanks

I can see how this book would appeal to teens, especially mixed-race teens who are struggling with being different in a homogeneous community. However, I didn't like a lot of the ableist language used, and the author never explicitly states that what happens with Kiko at the party is ALSO sexual assault. She keeps calling it her messed up first kiss--no.

I read my first review on this book and knew immediately it was one I had to read. It was sad, beautiful, and so achingly real. I've often wondered how families of different cultures handled sharing these differences with their children. In this case, not well at all.
Kiko's mom was a real piece of work and so, so familiar. Though the author never specifically said she was bipolar, from personal experience, I assumed so. I grew up with a sister who is dead on this starfish. This is such an apt description for a bipolar individual and so much better than "bat-shit crazy" (my description for her for the last 40+ years).
Unfortunately, until about 10 years ago, I wasn't very familiar with this condition. Also unfortunately, my granddaughter is barely surviving growing up in similar circumstances. A Mom that is always criticizing her, telling her that she is useless, ugly and not worth the air she breathes. A Mom that keeps her isolated so that she doesn't have friends nor develop life skills. She "home schools" her. This is her way of having total control and being answerable to no one.
For the most part, as grandparents, your hands are tied. Offering emotional support and simply being there for them is about the sum total of help that you can give. If you attempt to run interference then you get cut totally out of their life. Unless the bipolar parent is physically abusive, you can do little. In most cases, the bipolar individual presents a totally different face to outsiders. Outsiders typically think you are overreacting.
This book shows how this emotionally cripples the children caught in the middle of the vicious cycle where everything revolves around the starfish. It's me! me! me! 24/7. Anxiety and fear becomes a way of life for these children.
A copy of this book will be in my personal library so that when my granddaughter is a couple of years older, I can let her read it to see that there is a possibility of light at the end of the road.

This novel means so much to me. I had heard about it on social media, but at the same time I avoided all information on what this was about somehow thinking this was a fantasy novel along the way, but when I started reading and I got this heartfelt, emotional, and personal read I was floored. This book felt like it was speaking to me. Like it was written for me to open my eyes and to start to feel just that little bit more whole. Starfish is an absolutely gorgeous novel that is now my favorite read of 2017!

Kiko is an artist with social anxiety. However she is so much more then that. Within these pages she took steps forward and then some steps back and she lived and she breathed and thought deeply about life and what she wants for herself, and how she wants to see life. Kiko was so achingly human and she was so real you almost felt like you could touch her soul.

What hit me most was Kiko’s mother. A mother like my Grandmother who had adopted me when I was a baby. It is uncanny how much the words that Kiko’s mother said mirrored the words my own grandmother has told me so many times before. It is insane to think that the author could have captured the essence of the woman who had caused me so much pain in the pages of this story without even knowing it. It made me feel this story in my bones in a way that I have never felt a story before. It filled me with anger when the mother in this book said certain things and it filled me with my own brewing of things I always wanted to say to my own grandmother that were truths never gone to light. However, I have never felt such peace at the end of a story as this one and I never felt such healing, because this is a story for those who know what it is like to live with a starfish and who know that emotional abuse can cause just as many scars though they may always go unseen.

This book is like poetry to me, especially the descriptions of paintings Kiko creates at the end of each chapter. Those descriptions often gave me goosebumps. They showed most of all how Kiko felt on the inside and I don’t know how she made every emotion good or bad turn into something beautiful.

This book is about family and it is about discovering that beauty has more then one definition. It is about dreaming and chasing those dreams and being who you are unapologetically no matter what. This book is so many amazing things and by the end as Kiko is transformed so are you.

But some people are just starfish - they need everyone to fill the roles that they assign.

Kiko's story is so tough to read at points - not only due to her childhood trauma, but also due to her struggles as a biracial young woman in a rural town. Her father is Japanese and her mother is white, and her mother has spent Kiko's entire life shaming her half-Asian appearance, name, and culture.
She once told me she wished she had given me and my brothers more "traditional" names because she was "kind of over the Japanese thing." You know, because being Asian is a trend or something.

On top of growing up with a narcissistic mother who has essentially ruined any chance at self-esteem Kiko ever had, she is also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and suffers from extreme social anxiety. As someone who has suffered from severe anxiety my entire life, Kiko's mental health struggles are portrayed in a way that I related so hard to.
Normal people don't need to prepare for social interactions. Normal people don't panic at the sight of strangers. Normal people don't want to cry because the plan they've processed in their head is suddenly not the plan that's going to happen.

While I will say that this book comes with serious trigger warnings for childhood sexual abuse, familiar abuse/neglect, and mental health illnesses, the story is simultaneously just as touching as it is heartbreaking. I spent the entire story rooting for Kiko because I wanted so badly to see her heal and move forward in life. Akemi drew such a beautiful story, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys YA contemporaries and is not going to be too upset by the aforementioned triggers.

While this book does also involve a romance subplot, I was pleased to find that it rarely felt like the forefront of the story; first and foremost, Starfish is the progression of an incredible young woman learning how to accept herself for the first time.

Thank you to Simon and Schuster for providing me with this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

TW: emotional abuse by a parent, childhood sexual abuse, anxiety/panic attacks, racism.

I have to admit, reading some of this book was hard work because of how closely Kiko and her mother's relationship mirrors that one I had growing up. Being belittled, even when that person doesn't realize it and especially when they do, makes it difficult to survive sometimes. I had some flashbacks when Kiko's mother was being narcissitic and petty, reminding me of the past. I will say that as painful as those moments were, and I'd caution those with emotional abuse in their past when reading Starfish, Akemi Dawn Bowman wrote them very authentically.

It's easy to see the affect that Kiko's mother's treatment of her has on her everyday life, particularly one moment when she's at a fair with Jamie, a childhood friend. He's a photography major who's practicing and, when she looks at a picture he takes of her that night, all she can see is the things "wrong" with her face: the shape of her nose, the shade of her hair, etc. She can't not pick herself apart, even thinking about how it's no wonder her mother has been telling her she's going through a "funky" stage. These moments hurt and strike home with each page how badly things have gone in Kiko's past and present.

The relationship that develops between Kiko and Jaime was a good one in that a) it didn't feel like insta-love and b) it didn't magically make Kiko's problems go away. There have been some mental illness books and movies that make it seem like falling in love will make everything better, but Kiko doesn't do that. She actually recognizes, when she's with Jamie and considering the future that she's be really dependent on him because of how he makes her feel and, while she believes she might love him, doesn't want their love to be based on him taking care of her. It's a hard choice for her to make, but she makes the decision to take care of herself first. There's a RuPaul quote that's perfect for this moment, I think:

If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?


Things aren't magically better at the end with Kiko's mother either and that was a powerful statement because things don't always get better. You can try and reach out, but there are people that just can't be helped. I really felt for Kiko when she kept trying to reach out to her mother, trying to get her to care about Kiko and her art, hoping that maybe this time will be different. Being able to break away from a toxic environment like that can be insanely hard, but she does it and starts moving forward.

I was happy for the epilogue wherein there was more closure than I was expecting. It gives a glimpse into the life that Kiko is creating on her own now. Learning to accept help, learning to love herself, and recognizing that doing all that doesn't mean that her anxiety, the pressure she feels to please others and say sorry, will go away and that's okay. It's a one day at a time thing and she's taking those steps.