Tova Mirvis broke from Orthodox Judaism at the same time that she divorced her husband, but her strict faith and her marriage had both been dissolving for a long time. Every time she chafed against wearing a hairpiece and a hat to synagogue, every time she resented having to check that all was prepared so she wouldn’t have to so much as turn on a light on the Sabbath, she drifted a little further from the religion that had previously given her so much of her personal and familial identity. “Doubt quietly, but don’t talk about it, don’t act on it,” she’d always told herself.

In this graceful and painfully honest memoir, Mirvis goes back and forth in time to contrast the simplicity – but discontentment – of her early years of marriage with the disorientation she felt after leaving Orthodoxy behind as she renegotiated her family relationships and eventually found a new partner. The difference was particularly stark on Jewish holidays, which she still celebrated in a desultory way, mostly to keep things constant for her three children. “Every transgression feels like a first, each one new and destablizing.” I think any one who has ever wrestled with faith or with other people’s expectations will appreciate this story of finding the courage to be true to yourself.

This was a fascinating account of one woman's escape from a unhappy marriage, and a religion full of laws she no longer felt comfortable with.

I was drawn to this book as I'd been through a similar experience when I left my church community a few years ago. As I was reading this I was nodding my head, and also cringeing as I remember having had the same experiences as the author. I too went through the same feelings of relief and worry about not believing in the same way anymore. I too worried about having encounters with people in the street that I used to share the same faith journey with.

I was equally fascinated and horrified by the author's descriptions of the laws Orthodox Jews have to keep, even the more liberal ones. It certainly opened my eyes to a whole new community of people I'd knew, about but had never read about before.

It was beautifully written, and I recommend it if you enjoy faith memoirs.

The author describes her long and painful journey that took her from obedient Jewish wife to a questioning non-believer. The reader experiences her agonizing rebirth as a freethinking modern woman.

An Orthodox Jew gets a divorce from her husband and tries to decipher what parts of her old life, and faith, still fit in her new reality. I learned a ton about Orthodox Judaism, while reading a wonderful story.

Tova Mirvis grew up in a small Orthodox Jewish community in Memphis, Tennessee. Her family is well rounded, intellectual, loving and kind. Her parents unconditionally supported their children and their choices as they grew up. Tova always dreamed of being a writer and attended Columbia University in NYC where she honed her talent and met her future husband. She remained true to her family traditions and always walked the careful line of what is allowed and what is not. Who is good and who is better. As Tova’s small family grows they make their way to the suburbs of Boston. In this perfect little house, with her three beautiful children Tova’s questions become too heavy, the answers no longer easily shrugged away. She is torn between the strict faith her husband adheres to, the explanations her children demand and daggers of disappointment found in the eyes of her community as she strays further and further from their world. This heartbreaking memoir is Tova’s emotional journey leaving her religious community and her marriage, both overwhelming attempts at discovering the life she was meant to live while leaving so much behind. Well written, softly spoken, this memoir was both eye opening and incredibly sad. But sometimes even hard unanswerable questions must be asked if we want to live a life of truth and honesty. I look forward to hearing this author speak next week at the Boynton Beach JCC Book Fair.

What do you do when you no longer believe in the religion that you grew up in and that your entire being, including your marriage, is completely wrapped up in? When your life consists of rituals and rules that govern everything you do. How do you walk away from that without losing everything?

For Tova Mirvis, this was her difficult but necessary struggle. Raised in a Modern Orthodox family her faith made every decision for her and permeated every part of her life. She did everything she was supposed to do, following the laws of modesty, studying in Israel, marrying in her early 20's and beginning her family. But over time, doubt began to creep in. As she explored her faith through her writing, creating stories of Orthodox people who questioned and tested their faith, she came to realize that the life she was living was not what she wanted. And as she neared the age of 40, she knew that she had to go. But how could she do that when it meant breaking up her family and leaving her community completely? How was she going to start a new life and in what was to her a completely new world?

This is an absolutely beautiful book. Though her story is a very specific one - questioning her ultra-close, tight-knit faith and community - there are so many themes in this book that will resonate with everyone. Doubt, family, suppression, questioning, love - it is all wrapped up in her story. For anyone who has ever questioned their beliefs, this book will ring true. The book explores the first year of her new life away from her faith while going through everything that led up to her decision to leave. She is brutally honest and thoughtful throughout the entire book. Reading this book it is very obvious that Mirvis is a fiction writer, this book is written like a novel. An absolutely beautiful, thoughtful, and honest read.

I've read the author's earlier books (The Ladies Auxiliary and The Outside World) and looked forward to reading her memoir. The Book of Separation is very detailed (and that's perhaps one of the greatest challenges of the book) and we learn about her orthodox upbringing in Memphis, education in NYC and overseas, and her marriage, children and subsequent divorce. The cloak of orthodoxy was difficult to shed and Ms. Mirvis illustrates the book with many, many examples, most of which were very interesting (worrying on Yom Kippur if any of her neighbors see her driving while they're walking to the temple, being one of the "skirts" at Columbia, selecting clothing/uniform she'll need to wear while in Israel for her niece's bat mitzvah, or even the baby steps she took towards eating a non kosher lunch with writer friends).
The book opens the reader up to a society that is rarely written about (at least to my knowledge) and was a worthwhile read, in that respect.

Rarely do I encounter a memoir that I earmark to re-read again in the future, yet The Book of Separation is that one. With beautiful prose that long-time fans will recognize from her fictional works, Mirvis unravels the threads of her marriage and her faith. It's a story of losing one's religion in order to be free, but it's also a story of Mirvis leaving her marriage to live more truthfully.

What I loved about this book is that it does not rely on saccharine language or self-deprecation in her self-discovery. Her concerns seem real and tangible, even for those of us in young marriages or happy ones. There are revelations that any of us can recognize in ourselves.

The Book of Seperation tells us about how the author left orthodox Judaism and how this effected her life. She tells of her strughles with this more traditional form of Judaism as well as the responses from her family.

Ultra-Orthodox Jewish women -Hasidic women - belong to sectarian communities, worshipping and working as followers of specific rebbes-they are set apart from assimilated, mainstream Jews.

Here in America....In 2017....this is a lifestyle choice that many men and women follow.

Hasidism -( a word Tova Mirvis doesn’t use in her memoir yet is the Hebrew word for Ultra-Orthodox Judaism)......or Orthodoxy....is a radical movement of Judaism which reaches back as far as the 18th century. The emphasis is on religious education for boys... yet for women and girls, the expectations for women are ‘still’ different. There have been changes through the years — yet there are male and female differences even today.
In the early years women were not expected to move past basic literacy. Only in the 20th century, when it became clear young Hasidic women were hungry to pursue advance education- did we begin to see respected female ultra Orthodox Jewish Scholars—which incidentally paralleled feminist movements.

Tova Mirvis was raised - from childhood in an Ultra-Orthodox Family. She ‘was’ educated - attended Columbia College University and received an MFA in fiction writing. She lived in Canada for awhile — but has been living in the United States for many years ( more years than I realized: her entire marriage of 17 years to Aaron as an Hasidic married woman)
Today Tova — no longer practices the observances of Orthodoxy.

THIS BOOK IS TOVA’S STORY. I found it ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING- DISCUSSION FASCINATING!!

SO NOW I’m going to SHARE..... my little book report ... ha! ( may the Bone God’s forgive me and do their density building in spite of me sitting too much and not keeping my retirement word from writing long reviews).... but I can’t stop thinking about this book yet .... so I’m writing this for my need of completion!

Here is what is UNUSUAL—

Tirvis' story of leaving her religious community and her marriage is, at heart, a compelling one, and I found myself drawn into the complexities of her life in the initial chapters of the book. As the book progressed, though, there seemed to be a lack of cohesion and organization that resulted in me losing interest in her story. At times, she begins sharing a memory, segues into another story, and then abruptly shifts back to her original train of thought. I was often left flipping pages to remind myself what her original train of thought had been. There is a stream of consciousness approach to the memoir that I didn't connect with. Readers hoping to relate to her marital issues may also be disappointed that she never shares anything of depth beyond their differing religious viewpoints; most marital issues aren't explored but shared in the vaguest of terms (i.e. that they fought a lot, that they "wanted different things.") The book summary also implies a sacrifice of family and friends, but other than some rude acquaintances who shun her upon her leaving their Orthodox community, she seems to leave with overall great support in her life (happily for Tirvis, but the book description does not feel like an apt one). There are also too many metaphors for Tirvis' growing independence - while they were charming at first, I grew tired of reading stories of her driving, going out alone, biking, or hiking as metaphors for her life in general. Still, there is an inspiring story at the heart of this book, though I wish the book had been edited and organized in a way to better deliver this story. Two and a half stars.

The Book of Separation is a heart wrenching memoir. Mirvis is simultaneously separating from her husband and her religion. She poignantly describes those that supported her and those that shunned her. Her beautiful writing makes this memoir meaningful for the reader and difficult to put down. Mirvis recounts the changes she made in her life and the impact they had on her children and other loved ones. This memoir is one of both struggle and hope. Mirvis is a fantastic writer and a very strong and thoughtful person.

The Book of Separation is the story of Tova Murvis' choices at a critical juncture in her life. Murvis practiced and adhered to the strictures of Orthodox Judaism. She waxed and waned with her faith until she had to make changes in her life concerning her marriage and her orthodoxy. The reader is given a gleaning to the many rules of her faith. I'm intrigued by Orthodox Judaism but could never conform to its rigidity.

Tova Mirvis bares her soul in "A Book of Separation," in which she recalls her Modern Orthodox upbringing in Memphis; her sixteen-year marriage to Aaron, with whom she had three children; and her decision at the age of forty to leave not only her husband, but also traditional Judaism. Tova, (a name that in Hebrew means "good"), is a novelist who married too young and too hastily, before she and Aaron really knew who they were and what they wanted. Although they stayed together for a long time and were grateful to have two beautiful sons and a daughter, Aaron and Tova gradually drifted apart and began quarreling. Tova had hinted now and then that she was no longer comfortable with the rituals that defined their existence, but Aaron was still shocked when she asked for a divorce.

Mirvis's writing is exceptional. She creates poetic images and vivid metaphors, and in heartfelt passages, shares her feelings of pain, guilt, and loss. The author does not single out religion as the sole source of her discontent. In fact, she acknowledges that Orthodox Judaism is, for many individuals (including Tova's Chasidic brother), a beautiful and fulfilling way of life that helps bring harmony, peace, and joy to its adherents. Nor does she blame her husband for her woes. Instead, after much soul-searching, she realized that her insular community was slowly suffocating her. She was no longer content to go through the motions of pretending to be happy.

"The Book of Separation" is a poignant and, in many ways, sad description of the dissolution of a long marriage, made all the more difficult because three children were involved. Tova and Aaron consulted lawyers and therapists before splitting up their property, settling on a joint custody agreement, and making the transition from a couple to single parents. This memoir is a rich tapestry that flashes back to Tova's childhood, education, early years with Aaron, and her excitement and pleasure at becoming a mother and a novelist. Finally, she finds the courage to express her misgivings to her husband, parents, and friends. Eventually, she forges a new path, and takes her first tentative steps into uncharted territory.

Intelligent, honest and straightforward, this memoir retraced the author's challenging journey out of the Orthodox Judaism and her marriage. A very insightful account, daring to put under question everything while building up a new, authentic life. Strongly recommended for both the story and the beautiful writing!

Tova Mirvis was brought up in the Orthodox Jewish tradition, marries an Orthodox man after knowing him for 12 weeks, and realizes after 16 years of marriage that she is looking for more that the tightly-knit community offers to a woman. This memoir follows her journey through her marriage, her life as an Orthodox wife and mother, and her divorce. This insightful book is a pleasure to read, both for the way it is written and for the glimpse into a world few of us will know.

When Tova Mirvis describes her divorce in this memoir, it is so much more spiritual than physical, she has divorced not only her husband but her lifelong relationship with Orthodox Jewry. This is a very interesting book about the chains that the author had to break to free herself from the constraints of being an observant, Orthodox Jew.

As a mother, she describes the struggles of separating but enabling her children to remain within the culture she has cast off. Unlike UNORTHODOX, Deborah Feldman's story of leaving the world of the Hasidic Jew, this is more about Mirvis as an artist seeking freedom, both artistic and personal.

This is not a story that paints anyone as evil, it is a simple story of how Mirvis was able to move from one world into another, with a lack of bitterness and and a look toward a future. The reader cheers her honesty, and feels proud of her ability to find her true self without disparaging or hurting anyone.

A brave and heartwrenching memoir from a woman who , in finding herself, lost her family and way of life. It also gives us a look inside an insular community which is foreign to most of us. I came away from this book with a great deal of admiration and respect for the author for choosing to do and become what was right for her, despite the challenges and heartbreak it entailed.