This was not a bad book, and my students (who had ARCs) enjoyed it. I think it's one of those books that kids like more than adults. There was buzz in my book club already from the author's previous book.

Before I Let Go is just OK to me. Not one that kept my attention or is one I'd re-read.

Corey and Kyra we're best friends since the day they were born 17 years ago. When Corey leaves Alaska to attend college, they make a promise to each other, a promise to wait. Days before Corey is to fly back to Alaska, Kyra is found dead. Corey doesn't believe it was an accident. And she must find out the truth.

All three stars that I have given “Before I Let Go” are because of the beautiful writing. That being said, I didn’t like this book at all. The story sounds good in the blurb but fell flat all the way around for me. It did not help that I didn’t like any of the characters, so I wasn’t even invested in finding out what happened to them. It was a chore to read. “One of us. One of us. One of us,” ran through my mind the entire time. I know that Marieke Nijkamp is capable of much better storytelling and still look forward to her next book.

They synopsis is interesting, but the book fails to deliver. The main character is boring, unsympathetic, and doesn't develop. The plot is boring and anticlimactic.

It's hard for me to write this... but I really didn't enjoy reading this book. It was a struggle, really, for me to even finish this. I don't know, I just feel like I've put so much expectation on this book (since I've absolutely loved This Is Where It Ends) that when it didn't meet that, I feel so let down. If I didn't set the bar pretty high for this book, I think I will like it (I don't think I will love it even with a bar set low though).

I’m not sure how I feel about this one. Her last book drew me in quickly but I ended up wanting more from it. This sort of did the same for me. It was okay but definitely not my favorite book out there.

The first thing I read by Marieke Nijkamp was This Is Where It Ends and I literally could not stop reading it. I started it one weekend morning and finished it that afternoon. It was unbelievably compelling. When I saw that her newest book, Before I Let Go, was available I snatched it up as quickly as I could. Corey is a high school student who has recently had to leave the home where she grew up in a remote part of Alaska. She misses her life there and especially her best friend Kyra. Having been away six months, Corey is looking forward to a long-planned visit back when she receives the devastating news that Kyra is dead. How could this have happened? Kyra struggled with bipolar disorder and was often seen as an "outsider" in an extremely tight-knit community, but she knew Corey was coming in just a few days. They had plans.
Was her death really as simple as Corey has been told? How and why has the town changed so much in just a few months? And why is Corey now being treated as the "outsider"?

I was so excited for this book and I had such high hopes. It did keep my attention and it was very surprising in parts, but it just didn't go where I thought it was going to go, where I thought it could have gone. I kept waiting for twists and turns that never materialized. Of course it isn't the fault of the author that I came in and continued reading with my own load of expectations. It isn't her job to tell the story I think she is going to tell, but when I got to the last page I couldn't help but feel that it wasn't what I wanted it to be. I am sure that there are other people who will love this book and not share my anticlimax, but I was a little disappointed.
I do still highly recommend This Is Where It Ends, especially in light of current events.

First, many thanks to Netgalley and Sourcebooks Fire for an eARC copy of this book in exchange for a review. All opinions are my own.

I am KICKING myself for putting off reading this one. I loved Nijkamp's earlier work This is Where it Ends so I don't know why I hesitated on this one. I should not have. I read this over the course of an evening and I loved it. It is a blend of magical realism, a thriller, and a harsh look at the realities of living with and loving someone with a mental illness.

Corey moved from the small town of Lost Creek to Winnipeg 7 months ago, and is now on her way back for the funeral of her best friend. Kyra, who was a diagnosed bipolar, had always been treated as an outsider in their small community, and was found dead under the ice of White Wolf Lake. Corey doesn't know what to expect from everyone when she returns, but it definitely isn't what she gets. The entire town is in mourning for Kyra, but they are content in the fact that she served her purpose and can accept that, like a star, she burned too brightly and burned herself out. Because to them, she was a prophet. A seeress like the days of old. And they used her up. Corey doesn't have much time, only a few days until her flight is scheduled to take her back to Canada, away from what she thought of as home, but once there, she realizes she doesn't know anything about these people and what Kyra's last months were like. And no one wants to tell her the details.

The writing in this one was fantastic. The only small details that kept it from being a true 5 star book for me was the timeline (it jumped back and forth a bit too much for me) and the scene at the end with Corey and Kyra's father; I felt like that interaction cheapened some of the rest of the story. Beyond that I loved the characters and the multi-faceted ways that Nijkamp presents mental illness. Highly recommend for grades 8 and up.

The Alaska setting got my attention but I couldn't get into the story. Might be a good fit for someone else.

This is one of the strangest books I've read. Not that this is a bad thing. I loved the story and the raw emotion and anguish portrayed by the MC was well done. But the weirdness of it, how the town reacted, how things happened to the people in the town...that was what really grabbed me. I kept wondering if I'd misread something from earlier in the book. And I had no idea how this would all play out. Would she leave, would the town let her?

Creepily beautiful and definitely recommended

I loved this book! Marieke Nijkamp did it again, because oh, what an emotional story of friendship, mystery, and family.

Before I Let Go is the second book by Marieke Nijkamp I have read, albeit a very different story to the first. In this one, we travel with Corey back to her home village, where she had lived until a few months ago. We find out about her best friend, the one who never quite fitted in, Kyra. Now it is Corey who doesn't fit in, and she works hard to find out what happened to Kyra, who seems to have turned into the town's Oracle.

This is a great story, with an original storyline, and intrigue enough to delight anyone. It is also very sad, as we learn about Kyra, and what happened to her. Corey has to deal with a lot, the least of which knowing that she let her best friend down when she needed her the most. The town is not one that I would want to be visiting!

Well written, with no editing or grammatical errors that I noticed, I was nonetheless confused by the script that appeared in the middle for no apparent reason. I couldn't see any reason for needing it like that, unless it was to just discombobulate the reader even more - in which case, it worked.

If you are looking for a mystery, with a hint of the supernatural, then I can definitely recommend this book.

When you are following a smash hit debut novel it could be a bit daunting for a new author. I loved Nijkamp’s first book (This is Where it Ends) and I must admit that I was a bit nervous picking up this one. How could it possibly compare with the sublime piece of young adult fiction that took the world by storm in 2016?
Set in Lost Creek, Alaska this is a very different setting but as soon as you start unfolding the characters you realise that nothing else has changed. In the depictions of best friends Kyra and Corey Nijkamp has blended a realistic and fatally flawed friendship that tugs at the heartstrings.
The book opens with Corey at her new boarding school. We learn that she has been neglecting her correspondence with Kyra, unable to share her new friendships and experiences with her isolated friend. When her mother phones with bad news Corey’s world falls apart. Kyra is dead. Was it a dreadful winter accident or a deliberate suicide?
Corey heads back to the remote small town where she grew up to attend Kyra’s funeral and to investigate for herself. She needs to know what has happened. What changed after she left Lost Creek that would leave Kyra feeling so low?
Before I Let Go is a lesson in friendship and the pain and joy to be found in first love. Adding in issues of mental illness and small town attitudes makes this a compelling read. Told from the point of view of both girls, Kyra’s notes to Corey are both spellbinding and bittersweet as she finds herself in a position that she can’t get out of. This is a beautiful story that raises so many more questions than it answers. In true Nijkamp style!
Supplied by Net Galley and Sourcebooks Fire in exchange for an honest review.
UK Publication date: Jan 2 2018. 372 pages.

Corey and Kyra grew up the best of friends in the small isolated town of Lost Creek, Alaska. When Corey’s mom decides to the family to the mainland, Kyra and Corey promise to stay in touch and Corey assures Kyra she will come back for her.

Only Kyra doesn’t wait and Corey is now headed back to Lost Creek for Kyra’s memorial. As Corey looks for answers while struggling to accept Kyra’s death, she finds herself standing on the outside looking in, suddenly one of the outsiders while the town speaks of Kyra in hushed tones of love and respect. Sentiments that were not there while she was alive.

The deeper Corey digs, the more she’s convinced something is wrong. The town is keeping secrets, secrets that killed her best friend. And if she isn’t careful, she may join her friend.

Before I let Go is the sophomoric novel from Marieke Nijkamp, author of This Is Where It Ends. Set in the wilds of Alaska, Nijkamp writes an atmospheric YA mystery that focuses on a teenager and her relationship with that around her. A sort of coming of age that addresses friendship, family, love, loss, mental illness, and fear. Told in the first and third person, Nijkamp flashes between the past and present while using a variety of writing mediums to let the protagonist (Corey) tell us her story, focusing on her relationship with her best friend as she attempts to understand why she committed suicide and what the town had to do with it.

Corey has lived most of her life in a small isolated Alaskan town where everyone knows your business and you have been tried and judged from birth. Raised by a single parent who worked long hours, Corey’s best friend was the town pariah, Kyra. Diagnosed as bipolar, the town was frightened by what they didn’t understand and ostracised her. Corey was always there for Kyra but sometimes the weight of being Kyra’s friend dragged Corey down. She admits to being conflicted over the move to the mainland. A new school and friends will give her a chance to reinvent herself. She will no longer be just Kyra’s friend and an outcast by association. There she can be whoever she wants and she takes advantage of that.

Nijkamp captures Corey’s teen voice perfectly. The narrative is indicative of the age as it fluctuates between dramatic outtakes and rambling narcissistic monologues; creating at times a sense of disconnect. She is understandably confused by the cold reception she receives when she arrives back in Lost. Unfortunately for us, we never get a true sense of anyone beyond Corey so we also remain in the dark. We are told she is now considered an outsider but not why; she’s only been away seven months. This lack of follow-through repeats throughout the book.

Corey’s characterization is sharp while those around her blurs out of focus. Even their dialogue is vague and random, overflowing with useless platitudes that try to create a sense of mysticism. If they weren’t an important part of Corey’s life then they didn’t register with her. Kyra is/was the only other whom we really get to know and even then it’s colored by Corey’s perceptions. Nijkamp does a fine job of exploring Corey’s many facets and I enjoyed the patience and perseverance she exhibits as she tries to show us all the truths behind Corey and Kyra’s friendship. She shows more than just the good times but also the awkward, intrusive, and annoying times. We remain unsure of Corey’s true intentions because she is unsure herself. She is walking into this story blind and in her need to assign responsibility to someone for Kyra’s death, she avoids having to look at her own complicity. There is an odd cadence to the narrative, reminding me of Ellen Hopkins’ writing, that lends more to the of disconnection felt.

Using a series of letters, journals, and memories, it’s ridiculously easy to predict what happened and why. Nijkamp captures the town’s xenophobia and selfishness perfectly, though the catalyst that brings it into the open felt manipulative and added an element to the story that didn’t work for me. As we reach the end, we realize there was no great mystery involved here but rather a sad story of a town that chose to sacrifice one of its own to ensure its survival.

Before I Let Go has a strange appeal to it despite the lack of direction, characterization, and her attempts to incorporate multiple tropes which leaves her writing vulnerable and weakens the storyline. I’m not sure about this author but I am willing to give her another try in the future.

Grade: C-

I liked the premise of this story and it was written very well. I found myself excited to pick it up each evening and was hard to put down.
I think the author did manage to capture the essence of the town and the people and it was written perfectly for a YA audience.
I did question the motives of the parents though- as being a parent myself I could not image throwing my own child to the wolves- but I really enjoyed the science fiction element and I would definitely read another novel by Marieke Nijkamp.

Trigger Warning: Discussion of suicide.

I was such a huge fan of Marieke's debut novel, This is Where it Ends, so I was really excited to read her latest, Before I Let Go. And it's absolutely brilliant!

Corey lived in small town Lost Creek, Alaska her whole life, until seven months ago, when her mum got a new job in Canada. She left her best friend, Kyra, behind, but always planned to come back and visit. Days before her planned return to Lost Creek, Corey receives a phone call to say that Kyra has died - and it looks like suicide. Completely devastated and disbelieving, Corey returns anyway to visit Kyra's parents, Mr and Mrs Henderson, and to attend the memorial. There, she finds that the small town who once scorned her beautiful friend as an outsider for having bipolar, now speak of her reverentially. Things changed in Lost Creek in the past seven months, and people who once wanted Kyra out of the town now sing her praises, and everyone has at least one of the paintings Kyra would paint during her manic episodes. Yet no-one, not even Kyra's parents, will fully explain to Corey what happened to Kyra. There are only the vague answers of "It was her time," and "It was meant to be." As Corey finds out more as the days go by what happened in the past seven months, she starts to wonder if her best friend's death was really suicide.

This book. This book is so good. I loved it, but did I enjoy it? Not at all. The people of Lost Creek are not good people. I'm sure it's not true for all small towns, but Lost Creek is like small towns you see in movies, specifically horror movies; it's its own little world, and they have their own rules, their own way of doing things, and their own prejudices. Through flashbacks, we get to see how life was like in Lost Creak before Corey left. It doesn't matter than Kyra's great grandfather was one of the first settlers to Lost Creek, Kyra didn't belong, and they made no secret of the fact that they wanted her out. It was as if they thought her manic episodes would taint the town, or it was catching. People stared at her in the street, and wouldn't involve her in anything - no party invitations, no asking to join other kids for a coffee, nothing. Everyone knew what the town thought of Kyra, especially Kyra.

So when Corey returns after Kyra's death, she is flabbergasted at the change in the town, and how they talk about Kyra. It's more than them coming to understand her, and thinking of her as one of their own. They venerated her. She was put up on a pedestal, and spoke about as if she were some kind of god. It was weird, but more than that, it was was creepy. I mean, really creepy! I found the people of Lost to be really disturbing, and I felt uncomfortable the whole time I read Before I Let Go. Especially with the constant repetition of the phrases, when talking about Kyra's death, of "It was meant to be," "It was her time," and "So be it." They mourn her, they celebrate her, but they're not surprised or shocked that Kyra took her own life, they don't act like it's a terrible thing that happened to someone so young, someone who was so troubled. And who says, "It was her time" about a teenage girl?! Especially when it's suicide?! Before I Let Go almost feels like a horror story, though it doesn't quite make it. But it definitely shows that people can be scarier than monsters.

Not much happens in the book, however. It's mostly just Corey talking to various people she used to know, and how they're not treating her like an outsider because she left. And because she doesn't understand. She wasn't here, she didn't see what Kyra did for the town. They finally understood Kyra through her art (whatever that means, because I never fully got that), Kyra's art changed the town for the better through her art, and gave them hope. These conversations make up pretty much the entirety of the book, but with each conversation, Corey - and the reader - learn a little more, and the sinister undertones of the book get stronger. There's a subtle magical realism feel to the story that is present throughout, but I can't really talk about how without spoiling the story. Before I Let Go is interspersed with letters that Kyra sent Corey, most of which she didn't reply to. Kyra was having a bad time with her bipolar, and Corey not only wasn't there in Lost Creek, but she wasn't there for her by replying to her letters. Kyra must have felt so alone. She needed help, but the town was too busy being cultist, and Corey wasn't replying to or even opening her letters.

I must point out that this isn't a book about bipolar. Kyra having bipolar is integral to the plot, because it's because she's bipolar that the town treated her one way, and then treated her another. If she didn't have bipolar, there would be no story. But it's not about bipolar. Through the flashbacks and conversations she was with Corey, and her letters, we get an idea of what Kyra's experience of living with bipolar is like, but she's not a narrator, so we're being told rather than shown. I don't feel I came to better understand what living with bipolar is like by reading Before I Let Go. But I don't think I was meant to, because, as I've said, it's not about bipolar, but a town's treatment of a girl who has it.

I loved the relationship between Kyra and Corey. It's so complicated, because, no matter how close they are, even Corey doesn't fully understand how Kyra feels during her manic and depressive episodes, or feels about having bipolar. Their bond is everything to both of them, and yet to me, it always seemed like, despite that, Kyra was so alone, because no-one really understood her. Nobody got it, not really. Kyra has a problem with how Corey sees her, because Corey seems to think Kyra is better when she's manic, but doesn't understand that her manic episodes are just as hard on her as her depressive episodes. I loved how much they loved each other, and how strong their friendship was, but also how it was really complicated. And it get became more complicated when Corey discovers Kyra is in love with her, whereas Corey has never felt attraction to anyone. But I think it shows the strength of their friendship that Kyra being in love with Corey doesn't ruin their friendship, and how together they learn about who they are, and come to realise that Kyra is pansexual, and Corey is asexual. Throughout Corey's time in Lost Creek, their friendship is everything. So I was really disappointed in Corey for not replying to Kyra's letters. I felt so let down by her on Kyra's behalf. Although we come to learn why Corey didn't reply, and maybe even understand, it's still not ok. Her friend was clearly asking for help, and she didn't get it,

I finished the book feeling angry. Angry - no, raging - at the people of Lost Creek, and their treatment of, Kyra, a girl who was ill and needed help. Really, the things they did. They used her, they abused her, and they are abhorrent. When it's finally revealed what had happened to Kyra, I was filled with repugnance, rage, and sorrow. Kyra was failed, in so many ways by so many people. She deserved more, and she deserved better. But I was also angry at how the story ended. Not with Nijkamp, not in the sense that the ending was a bad one or disappointing, because there is no other way this story could end. And that's why I was angry, because there was no other way it could end, that there are no other possibilities. I just can't begin to describe just how deeply my sadness goes for Kyra. After all she went through, after dying, and yet, that's how it ends. It's unbelievably heartbreaking, and just so wrong.

Before I Let Go is a story that will really tug at you heartstrings. It's so emotional, but also really chilling and creepy, and I'm partly glad I've finished, just so I don't have to spend any more time with those people. Such a powerful novel, I think Before I Let Go may even surpass my love for This is Where it Ends. It's absolutely incredible; a definite must-read that will leave you desperately uncomfortable, and crying out for answers.

Thank you to Sourcebooks via NetGalley for the eProof.

Unfortunately, Before I Let Go was just an awkward mashup of any YA book ever. It's rare for me to say this, but I have a hard time rating this book higher than 1 of 5 stars. I wish there was maybe a 1.5? Because I feel guilty for 1 star but UGH. It feels so inadequate to tell you that this book was bizarre (imagine wide-open-eyes here), but that’s truly the best single word that describes the story. I genuinely hope that there was some huge, deeper meaning in this book that I completely missed — and if so, please enlighten me. I will gladly revisit my review. It’s very likely that there are a few new creases on my forehead just from attempting to discern the relevant parts of this book.

Such a powerful story, scary and heartbreaking, it made my heart beat faster and brought tears to my eyes. YA fiction at its best.

I found myself questioning the purpose of this story. Was it to showcase bi-polar conditions? Maybe an attempt at a paranormal fiction? A "coming of age" tale? I couldn't decide and couldn't relate to the writing. It seemed to be a showcase for recognizing and understanding bi-polar disorders in young adults. It did a good job of portraying the frustration on both the afflicted and their circle of friends. I think in places the repetitive scenes and dialogues became somewhat annoying for me and I would have liked some better resolution as to what actually happened in the end.

All in all it was a dark read and I came away feeling depressed and unfulfilled. Similar to "This is Where it Ends", it seemed to come from a tragic emotional place in the author's mind. I understand the intention and realize the difficulty of portraying this affliction so as to be understandable to the general public.