I really wanted to like this book, but it just did not work for me. I think the overall message is a very important one, but this book felt like three different books shoved into a very tiny amount of space. There's a weird almost paranormal aspect going on that's not really explained, the people of this town are seriously messed up and creepy, and then you've got the whole "how did my best friend really die" mystery. There are also random bits of screenplay style writing that just kinda threw me off - I don't really understand why they were included. Honestly, this was a three star read for me - not bad, but not especially good either - until the last like, 3-5%. There was a chapter that I really thought was the ending - it had a nice ending tone and it just felt like the ending chapter, then all of a sudden something wild happens and it's out of the blue and really jarring. It just completely ruined the nice feelings that chapter I originally thought was the end created for me and left me wondering what in the world just happened, but definitely not in a good way. I also didn't particularly like any of the characters, which isn't always an issue for me because sometimes unlikable characters work in a book, but man, the people of the town are just awful and the main character, Corey, was just pretty blah for me. This was a super quick read though. The way the chapters are written you feel like you just can't stop, so I finished this in one sitting and it did keep me hooked, for the most part. I went in with pretty low expectations, but I still didn't really enjoy it.

This book does have the words asexual and pansexual on page, there's a m/m couple, and the best friend, Kyra, has bipolar disorder, but I can't speak to the actual representation.

I received a copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.



Returning to Lost Creek, Alaska for her best friend's funeral after moving away several months ago, Corey is devastated. She never found the words to tell Kyra that there was a great big world outside of Lost, and now she'll never have the opportunity. Guilt-ridden over never responding to Kyra's letters, Corey doesn't know what to expect in Lost.



Lost isn't what she remembers, and neither are the people that live there. The town that she once loved and that loved her seems like it's hiding something. Determined to uncover the truth about Kyra's death, Corey sets out on her own. Desperate to find answers before her return to Winnipeg and terrified for her safety, Corey races against the clock before her flight departs. Told in present tense, letters sent and unsent, and flashback narratives written in play format, Corey's and Kyra's stories unfold as Lost fights to keep its secrets.



THOUGHTS: The remote Alaskan wilderness amps up the creepy factor in this mystery. Through the emphasis on Kyra's storytelling, readers will be compelled to learn what actually happened to her, but they may not feel fully invested in the novel, as the characters lack depth. Though identity and mental health issues are addressed, they are not at the center of the story. Before I Let Go is a good read for mystery fans and those interested in exploring the way mental illness affects one's life and experiences.

I think that there was definitely a strong idea here, but that the execution left a little bit to be desired. The supernatural elements weren't fleshed out enough, as it was heavily implied that Kyra was predicting the future, but it wasn't explored much. I think that had there been more details about that, or at least a bit more explanation it could have been a stronger element. There were also some strange format choices in the telling of it. I didn't mind getting perspectives from letters and phone calls, as those are pretty old had and can still fit into the narrative. But there were strange moments where it would suddenly written in the way that a movie script would be, with int/ext and movement directions and everything. This didn't show up until about half way through the story, and it was really jarring. And this book is advertised as a mystery, and while it sort of is it never felt like the stakes were very high, or that the resolution was terribly well planned out or well explained. It's kind of a shame that these moments took me out of the story, because I did think that there was serious potential for it. I liked Kyra's character, and I like that it seemed that Nijkamp did her research when it comes to bi-polar disorder and tried to make it not only accurate, but also a respectful representation and to try and de-stigmatize it.

I had higher hopes for this one. I can see myself recommending it to some teens, but for those who want a solid and creepy mystery, this wouldn't be it.

Before I Let Go
by Marieke Nijkamp

Before I Let Go

Copyright: 2018

Pages: 372

Read: Dec. 16 – 22, 2017

Rating: 2/5

Source: NetGalley





Blurb: Best friends Corey and Kyra were inseparable in their snow-covered town of Lost Creek, Alaska. When Corey moves away, she makes Kyra promise to stay strong during the long, dark winter, and wait for her return.

Just days before Corey is to return home to visit, Kyra dies. Corey is devastated―and confused. The entire Lost community speaks in hushed tones about the town’s lost daughter, saying her death was meant to be. And they push Corey away like she’s a stranger.

Corey knows something is wrong. With every hour, her suspicion grows. Lost is keeping secrets―chilling secrets. But piecing together the truth about what happened to her best friend may prove as difficult as lighting the sky in an Alaskan winter…

Review: I received a copy of this book from NetGalley for free in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.

So this was totally an impulse request on NetGalley. The cover really drew me in. The blurb made is sound so creepy. I don’t read a lot of YA, but this one really sounded great to me.

But. It fell flat. Very flat for me. There were times I considered just DNF’ing it. The writing itself was good, but the actual structure of the book was strange. There were flashbacks and then there were chapters that were written like a script. It was just a strange set up for a book in my opinion.

And the overall plot/storyline? It fell flat as well. I think I expected more from it somehow. It started out extremely slow. Like slower than slow. And it was a little bit all over the place and really confusing.

I didn’t really care for how Kyra’s bipolar illness was portrayed. If you or someone you know has a mental illness issue of any kind, I do not feel like you should read this book at all. The way it is presented was just very disheartening to me.

Bottom line? This book just didn’t work for me.

Posted to Goodreads: For a more in-depth review watch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMjXy2S8ols&feature=youtu.be

Corey and Kyra had been best friends through everything including: Corey's father leaving, Kyra's mental illness, and Corey's moving. But when the two girls are living in different countries they slowly drift apart. Months later Corey is shocked when she learns Kyra has committed suicide and she returns to the small town of Lost, Alaska to uncover the mystery of what happened to her friend.

I was disappointed by this book. The characters were never quite developed enough for the reader to actually care about their story, the mystery felt a little obvious, the surprise twist was a little too familiar to be a surprise, aspects of the book (mental illness issues and asexuality) felt as if they were added to try to make the story more buzz worthy and the entire book just move very slow.

I received an eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

This is one of those cases where I think it's unfair of me, as an older adult, to comment on a YA novel. This is really written for teens, who have a different way of looking at the world. Writing for them is also different than writing for older people- where we might be annoyed about repetition, not so much of a problem for others. This is an interesting mystery that uses relevant themes in an Alaskan setting (loved the setting.). Corey is searching for the whys and hows of the death of her friend Kyra. It's not an especially complicated story but it is a worthy one. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.

Corey moved away from her isolated Alaskan town Lost. While she had several acquaintances, her best friend Kyra was her whole world. The town rejected Kyra because of her bipolar diagnosis, but Corey did not allow it to change the nature of their friendship. Corey moved away and in doing this she stopped communicating with Kyra. Now, several months later, Kyra is dead and Corey travels back to lost to figure out what happened.

I expected to find a realistic fiction book, but instead got a fantasy/mystery mashup. The author has a beautiful way with words. The legends described throughout the story were vivid and compelling. I was less interested in the actual story and had difficulty understanding what was actually happening in the plot.

When Corey gets the call that her best friend, Kyra, has passed away--falling under the ice in their frigid hometown of Lost Creek, Alaska--she is devastated. Corey has been gone from Lost, as it's known, away at boarding school, corresponding with Kyra only via letters. She was due to visit in a few days and now her best friend is gone. Lost always shunned Kyra because she was bipolar and had maniac episodes. The small, insulated town couldn't understand Kyra's highs and lows. She stood out too much in a place where being different was wrong. But the seven months that Corey's been away has been long enough for the town of Lost to turn on her and now deem her an outsider. Since Corey's departure, Lost has suddenly embraced Kyra, though Corey isn't sure why. Even worse, they are calling Kyra's death meant to be, her time. They've rallied around in her death and they want nothing to do with Corey. Kyra always said she would wait for Corey to return: why didn't she?

I definitely have some mixed feelings about this one. It's billed as a YA mystery, and I can see its drama appealing more to teens, perhaps, but I could never really fully tell what the book was truly about or what it was trying to be. It has weird unexplained mystical elements thrown in--think Carol Goodman or Jennifer McMahon, but they aren't fully fleshed out or well-explained. I believe the intent is to slowly build up suspense and creep you out, but they don't slowly build up (they sort of start out full force and stay there, or almost trickle away... it's hard to explain) and they never really seem to have a purpose. So it's just one element of the book that leaves you hanging. The ending, too, leaves you with little closure.

The novel is told mainly from Corey's perspective, but we also get weird snippets told as if in a play format (like we're hearing from the town), but those aren't fully formed either. It's very strange. I liked Corey, but she comes in angry at her town and we don't get a lot of explanation into her character or real background into her friendship with Kyra, despite being assured that they were best friends up until Corey left.

It's sad, because I was really drawn to the character of Kyra (you get flashbacks to the girls' friendship and life before Kyra's death). I thought the book did a fairly good job of portraying mental illness and honestly Kyra--despite her death--seemed to be the most fully formed character in many ways. She implores Corey not to fix her, that she's not a puzzle to solve, and she discusses her manic spells in a very mature and very thoughtful way. It's one of the reasons that I'm keeping a three-star rating for this one; I'm hoping the portrayal of her illness can help and inform others.

There are also a variety of relationships portrayed in the novel--albeit, I thought, rather superficially--lesbian, pansexual, asexual, gay, etc. I wouldn't say any relationship is at all fully delved into, but I appreciate that Nijkamp at least wanted to try to be representative with her characters.

The other thing is that Nijkamp's books are just so darn easy to read. I remember that about This Is Where It Ends, too. I read almost this entire novel in one setting. Her writing draws you in so easily, even if you don't always agree with what you're reading, or if you wish for more character development. You could pick this up and fly through it in a day.

In the end, this certainly wasn't what I expected. The strange mystical elements seemed out of place and they, along with most of the characters, weren't really fleshed out. I was a fan of how easy the story was to read and the mental illness portrayal, though, as well as how easy the story was to read. I was drawn to the character of Kyra and wished I could have learned even more about her. The story was compelling and Nijkamp did an excellent job making you feel the cold of the Alaskan setting and the similar coldness of the townspeople. At the same time, while I could certainly see a small town being incredibly close-minded (and they were), some of the other plot points seemed a little overboard. A quick read, especially for teens.

A tense thriller that is well plotted. The characters are excellent and the writing is gorgeous.

Overall I liked this book even though it wasn't quite the thriller I had anticipated. In fact, it got a little weird with this sort of cult-ish undertone to it. I was looking for more of a straight up 'who done it' but still enjoyed it nonetheless.
I had recently returned from Alaska prior to reading this which is why I originally picked it. The author did a great job of capturing the feel of Alaska and I could imagine being back there.

Corey and Kyra were best friends and inseparable. When Corey moves away from their small snow-covered town in Lost Creek, Alaska, she leaves Kyra behind in a town that hated her. So she makes Kyra promise to stay strong until she returns. Just days before Corey is set to return back to Lost Creek she receives a phone call, Kyra is dead. When she gets to Lost Creek, she is treated like a stranger and met with hostility. Corey struggles to get an answer to her simple question of ‘What happened?’. Corey knows something is wrong and Lost Creek is keeping chilling secrets.

I’m a little conflicted about my feelings for Before I Let Go. I really liked Marieke Nijkamp’s other novel This is Where it Ends and went into this with high expectations. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the lack of ‘mystery’ and lack of ‘suspense’.

There were a few things that I really liked about Before I Let Go. For example, I really loved the Alaskan winter backdrop. It provided an eerie atmosphere which, unfortunately, didn’t manage to add any suspense to the plot.

One of my favourite aspects of this was that it subverted the ‘inspiration porn’ trope that is so often commonly used in books that feature characters with depression, bipolar, etc. Lost Creek was a town that shunned Kyra because they thought she was ‘weird’ and didn’t fit in. That is until they saw the art she created, which she used as a coping mechanism. Then they revered her, put her on a pedestal, believed it was her calling, that her art had ‘meaning’ and treated Kyra like a ‘prophet’. Seeing her not for her but for what her bipolar created. I liked Corey’s anger at the discoveries she made. I liked her anger at how they saw and treated Kyra. I believe it sends some really important messages.

Before I Let Go also has an ace character. Corey states on-page that she is asexual. I have read a couple of times that Before I Let Go is an ownvoices book, but I don’t know for sure. But I feel like the narrative sometimes equates both asexuality and aromanticism. Also, Krya is stated on-page to be pansexual!

While I liked the main characters and enjoyed the relationship between Corey and Kyra, I felt like the characters and relationships were a little underdeveloped. I liked the flashbacks but would have preferred more insight into the relationship. To see their loyalty and devotion. Corey felt a lot of conflict and guilt over Kyra’s death, but it did feel a little cliche and similar to a … lot of other YA thrillers.

Overall, not necessarily a bad book, but a book that fell flat against my expectations.

I really loved the author's first book, This Is How It Ends so I was excited to read Before I Let Go. I love Young Adult books, as well as the Thriller/Suspense genre. However, I was fairly disappointed by this book, other bloggers had compared it to Dangerous Girls by Abigail Haas which is one of my all time favorite books and it doesn't even compare.
I feel like I have read this plot before and I found it to be fairly predictable. It did have some diverse characters, but I just really didn't get invested with any of the characters and therefore just really couldn't get into the plot. This book does deal with some sensitive subjects, including mental illness and sexuality and although I like that authors try to write these subjects into fictional books, the execution isn't always great. The characters in this book also felt fairly underdeveloped, with the exception of Corey.
I didn't really enjoy this book, but I really liked the author's first book, so I do hope to read more from her in the future.
Thank you to the publisher for sending me an ARC of this book.

After reading THIS IS HOW IT ENDS by Marieke Nijkamp, I knew I was in for a treat with her next release. This book is every bit as intense, emotional, and heartwrenching as her first book, but in a very different way. The setting is offbeat, unique, and perfect for this type of story. Nijkamp's writing is beautiful and gives readers all the feels. This is definitely a story that will stick with me for a long time.

An ARC has been offered by the publisher in exchange for an honest opinion
“Hers is a story that deserves to be told. Hers is a story that deserves to be heard. It’s the story of a girl who believed in heroes and wanted to be one herself. Who saw stories in the world around her, and who regaled an entire Alaskan town with them. And hers is a story of how they started to believe her. “

4,5 “eerie” stars

This book will be hard to review without spoiling your fun so I’ll probably keep it short.

I’ve seen readers stopping their reads as they were lost about what kind of book this story was.
When “it” happened I was puzzled and confused too. I wondered where the author was headed to with the choice she made for this book. It took a turn I totally did not expect based on the blurb. Yet I still loved it. Maybe because this story can’t be put into a box?
Marieke Nijkamp’s writing is excellent! The story is nerve racking with an oppressive mood. Everything happens in this very, very small town lost in Alaska with endless nights and snow everywhere. It is weighting on you. It has an oppressive and eerie feeling. Lost is a town that thrives on secrets.
The small clues left here and there built up the tension till the apex of the thriller.
All along I was uneasy, shivering, shoulders tense and I could not put it down.

Back to the story now!
When Corey comes back home to Lost after she’s learned that her best friend Kyra has been found dead she soon realizes that Lost is not home anymore.
So much has changed that it’s scary. Its inhabitants who could not stand Kyra seem to have claimed her. She is mourned fervently by everyone and that’s so not what Corey remembers!

Corey is grieving. She had a very tight friendship with Kyra. Kyra was “special” and I won’t say more about this as to not spoil the book. Let’s just say that the way Marieke Nijkamp described what Kyra went through was spot on. Take it from someone who also has this “kind of” special friends.

Corey is resenting the town so much! Where were they when Kyra suffered all these years? When they rejected her? Where were they when she needed love and acceptance the more?
Kyra suffered so long from their rejection because in this little town anything different feels like a threat.
“Why is everyone so afraid of me?” “Because you’re unpredictable.” Like spring storms and inaccessible mines. “In Lost, unpredictability has never been good.”

But Corey is also struggling with her guilt as she can’t avoid thinking that she left Kyra alone too. She has her death on her hands too.

In the span of six days Corey will try to understand what happened in the few months she left. What really happened to Kyra and to the town?
She also realizes that even if she is born and grew up for more than sixteen years in Lost she is now an outsider.

Marieke Nijkamp did a stellar job at writing suspense. The oppressive atmosphere. The eyes always watching every move Corey did. The petals appearing in her room. The fever overcoming the town. The small signs Corey gathers to show her that Kyra’s death may be not what it seems.

Know beforehand that things will be left unexplained even by the end of the book. Things beyond our logical grasp. If you can’t stand a book leaving questions unanswered then don’t read this. But if you love books and movies with a mysterious and scary feel, if you love spooky atmosphere then this could be your next fix.

It was my first Marieke Nijkamp and it won’t be my last as she thinks and writes “out of the box”.

I really enjoyed this author's first book, so I was very disappointed when I read this one.

The writing is so stiff and there is a coldness to the entire story that did not manage to keep my interest. After about page 150, I was really hoping the end of this story would happen fast.

For sixteen years, Corey and Kyra have been friends. Together they roamed the forests of Lost Creek, Alaska, went to school together and spent their free time together. Then, six months ago, Corey moved away with her mother and younger brother and left Kyra alone. Alone in a town who hated the girl because she was different. Her maniac-depressive behaviour irritated the 250 inhabitants of the small city; she was at best invisible, at worst an outsider. Two days before Corey is due to visit, Kyra is found dead. Beneath the ice of a lake in mid-winter. For Corey this is not only a shock, but unbelievable. Kyra cannot be dead and she would never have killed herself so shortly before her arrival. Her suspicion grows the closer she comes to her former hometown and finally there, she is not greeted with unanimous joy.

Marieke Nijkamp’s novel is set against the Alaskan winter which perfectly reflects the mood of the novel. The atmosphere is gloomy and often spooky throughout the story and at times it actually gave me the creeps. It is a wonderful merge of a young adult novel and a thriller.

Yet, first of all, it is a novel about friendship. Corey remembers her time with Kyra, the good ones and the bad ones and she is ruminating about the question if she has left her friend, left her alone with the ill-natured people of Lost Creek who resented her with her escapades. Could she have prevented a possible suicide or even murder of her friend? A tough question for a sixteen-year-old girl alone and face to face with a whole hostile town.

On the other hand, it is a novel about life in a reclusive community who considers people who moved away outsiders after only a short time and who are hard to anybody who does not fit in their world-view. Where people do not talk much to somebody who does not belong to the inner circle. And a community who lives to its own laws and values. After only a couple of months, Corey does not understand them anymore, does not recognise the people she once loved anymore.

Looming above all this is the question what happened to Kyra. Did she really change after Corey left? Did the people actually change in the last couple of weeks? Or is this just the story Corey is told to hide the truth.

The author has a great talent in making you feel with the protagonist, I experienced this when I read her novel “This is where it ends” about a school shooting, too. “Before I let go” is a quick read that I enjoyed a lot.

Honestly, I just didn't really like this book. I was intrigued by the premise, and I kept waiting for something to happen, but nothing ever really did. It was quite repetitive and I didn't feel like it was enough. Of anything.

This is a "did not finish" for me! After 100 pages it was just so incredibly mediocre and uninteresting I decided to drop it. Perhaps read by a teenager it might have more appeal? Since I DNF this book I will not rate it or post a review on any public media since I don't think that's fair to the author, it may have a great ending that I just couldn't get to.
Thanks for the opportunity!

Before I Let Go was an emotional story. It deals with grief. With loneliness. With mental illness. It also shares hope, dreams, loyalty and friendship. The writing was haunting, and the main characters made me feel her anguish.

Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp is the story of best friends Kyra and Corey. One girl is dead and one is trying to figure out why. It's a magical story about love, loss, hope and secrets but the story just happened to fall flat for me.

Corey arrives back home to Lost, Alaska in the wake of her best friends death. Her best friend being Kyra, the Bi-polar town outcast that everyone tries to have sent away. Lost is a town that doesn't like change or anything unpredictable and those are the two things Kyra brings to their doorsteps. Kyra killed herself because of her Bi-polar, or so it seems, and Corey sets out to figure out the truth. The entire town is hiding something, including Kyra's parents. They tell Corey that while she was gone, they came to love an appreciate Kyra, but at what expense? They tell Corey she is now an outsider and they don't want her there anymore. But she can't leave without the truth and the town won't let her leave WITH the truth.

This book had such an interesting plot and it was sad and made me angry but aside from those few things, it really did nothing for me. It hurt my heart so very much to give this book the low rating that I gave it. I ADORED the authors first book and it will forever be in my collection but Before I Let Go, sadly will not.

There were also some good points to the story. Otherwise why would I have given it the rating I did? The friendship between Kyra and Corey was beautiful yet fragile. Then you have the mystery behind Kyras death and Corey's unwillingness to accept anything at face value. I also truly loved the descriptions of Kyra's art(despite how she felt about it) and her love of stories. I feel like a character is more realistic when they have an obsession or passion. The book was also set in Alaska. That is pretty rare and I loved that. Trust me, there were a bunch of positive parts to the story, it just didn't live up to my expectations and felt a little boring to me.

In the end, I will still recommend this book to people. I would probably say read Before I Let Go first if you haven't read her previous book that way you might spare yourself and disappointment. Also, the ending was pretty anticlimactic. It just... ended.

Overall, I gave the book 3/5 stars.