I'm really quite stuck on this... although I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book & was very invested in the story line, I'm not sure how to take the writing style. Some parts I thought were beautifully written, but other parts I found as though the writer was trying to hard to sound emotional depth. A lot of the dialogue between Corey & Kyra in the flashbacks was too unrealistic. Although I really enjoyed this story, I don't think I'll search for other books by this author as I'm not too keen on the writing style.

The premise of the book is Kyra struggles with mental health issues and is unaccepted in Lost until the town begins to view Kyra’s creative art as hope for the future of The town. Unfortunately the town lose sight of the actual person Kyra is When Kyra dies this is met with acceptance as to how things were meant to play. Out Corey was Kyra’s best friend and when she returns to Lost she cannot understand and accept the attitude of the town. This was an ok read but not one that kept me engaged. I really felt for Kyra and wanted to see how things played out which did keep me reading.

Corey hasn't been gone very long from Lost Creek, the tiny Alaskan town she once called home. She promised her best friend, Kyra, she'd come back. When she does return, it's for Kyra's funeral, and it hasn't taken long for the rest of Lost Creek to give Corey the title of outsider. And the town is keeping secrets about Kyra's death and her last few months of life. Can Corey uncover the truth before she becomes Lost Creek's next victim?

Marieke Nijkamp's YA suspense Before I Let Go is filled with atmosphere. The most compelling aspect is the town of Lost Creek with all its creepy quirkiness. It's a fast-paced read with an intriguing mystery, though the twists weren't entirely surprising.

The very first thing that caught my eye about this book was the cover. It has that chilling vibe that fits well-enough with the Alaskan setting of the story.

There is a little town in Alaska named Lost Creek, where nothing ever changes. Corey lived there with her best friend Kyra for years, until Corey moved away, leaving Kyra all alone in a community that has never accepted her. But they promised to wait for each other. The time has finally come for Corey to visit, but days before, Kyra unexpectedly dies. Corey still returns to Lost, desperately trying to figure out what happened, but the townspeople are saying the oddest things.
It was meant to be.
It was her time to go.
So be it.

I was definitely quite invested in the story from the beginning, and I really loved the beautiful writing, which was quite haunting. I'm personally a fan of unconventional writing styles that may not always fit the "correct English rules," and the author manipulated the writing to fit the mood of the story well. There are sections, however, where the writing style looks a bit like the transcript of a play or something of that sort, and I definitely noticed myself becoming less engaged during these parts.

The plot was very interesting from the jump, and I enjoyed reading Corey's return to Lost, but as the book wore on, the plot became a bit repetitive and slow. The cycle was that Corey would ask a Lost resident about Kyra; they would say something that would upset Corey, and the cycle would repeat all over again.

Therefore, although I quite liked learning about the characters, and the story itself was definitely very character-centric around Corey and Kyra, I wasn't the huge fan of how the plot played out. The ending felt like a combination of anticlimactic and out of the blue, especially considering how long the build-up was.

Overall, I would still say that I loved the setting and the vibe of the book overall, but the plot only gets a "meh" from me.

Corey returns to her home town, Lost, Alaska to grieve her best friend's sudden death. Ruled a suicide, Corey works hard to uncover the last months of her friend's life. She knows that something is not right about the story the townspeople are telling, but I don't think she suspected what the truth really was. This book kept me on edge until the end!
I received an advanced readers copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

First thought about this book, I quite didn’t know that it was a diverse book. Haha! I’m sorry. It must have slipped my mind. But then when I figure out that it was indeed diverse and it talks about suicide and depression, I braced myself. Most books that have this kind of topic are kind of heavy for me especially because I can relate to it.

However, I wasn’t moved by this book. I like some of the parts of the book especially the parts where I could actually connect to the characters. But there are parts that I do not understand the point of it. Like, why put it there?

Also, if I understand the story correctly, what happened wasn’t suicide at all, it was murder. Sure the protagonist’s best friend was depressed, very depressed, but she did not end herself, the whole town did. And all they talk about was her being a bright star and how she burnt out her brightness that is why she died. Like how sick is that?

Upon realizing that part of the book, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I don’t wanna meet the people from that town. They’re so twisted.

The ending though, I kind of both like and hate the ending of it. I’m pretty sure that there is something that the protagonist could do other than what she did. But maybe that’s how it supposed to be. Her best friend’s story wasn’t meant to be told to the outside world. Which, for me, kind of sucked because her best friend was an amazing girl; and despite her mental illness, she’s still fighting and being optimistic. She could be an inspiration to other people.

The narration was a bit confusing to me though. It was narrated using a third person point of view but there are chapters that use outsider’s view and sometimes a first person POV too. It was confusing at first but when I adjusted it was kind of fine. Still, I find it difficult to catch up because I don’t know what the change in the chapter was narrating about.

The story was good but I wasn’t into it as I thought I would. I feel like this book would have a very huge message if the parts that were confusing and unimportant were gone.

If you are the kind of reader who likes a bit of mystery with their diverse read, this book is perfect for you. I still recommend this despite my review. :D

This has been on my TBR ever since it came out. I was looking forward to reading Before I Let Go, because I enjoyed reading Nijkamp's other book: This is Where it Ends (which is about a school shooting). After reading the blurb of BILG, it sounded very cliché, but sometimes clichés can be a good thing! So I opened my Kindle app, and started reading...

Best friends Corey and Kyra were inseparable in their snow-covered town of Lost Creek, Alaska. When Corey moves away, she makes Kyra promise to stay strong during the long, dark winter, and wait for her return.

Just days before Corey is to return home to visit, Kyra dies. Corey is devastated―and confused. The entire Lost community speaks in hushed tones about the town's lost daughter, saying her death was meant to be. And they push Corey away like she's a stranger.

Corey knows something is wrong. With every hour, her suspicion grows. Lost is keeping secrets―chilling secrets. But piecing together the truth about what happened to her best friend may prove as difficult as lighting the sky in an Alaskan winter...

BILG started off at quite a slow pace... There were a lot of parts of the beginning that seemed quite repetitive and I was praying that the rest of the book wouldn't be the same. However, I did see that the book was quite short, so I also knew that the book would be a quick read and I hoped that Nijkamp packed a lot of mystery into such a short time.

It's a mashup of two clichés: the dead best friend who had loads of secrets and also may have been in love with the other friend who is alive because... well... BURY YOUR GAYS! And also the cliché of a girl moving to a small town that has loads of secrets. Seriously though, the people in the town are SO CREEPY AND WEIRD and they just sound like a cult. I was half expecting them to come out with pitchforks and flaming torches chanting some weird prayer thing. I guess this comes from them being brainwashed by Kyra's death. But it did get to a point where I just kept getting angry at them because there was Corey, trying to find out what happened to her friend, and then there are the townspeople just being complete and utter d****.  





“But I want my life to have meaning because I give it meaning, not because someone else says that it does. I want my life to mean something because I create. Because I love. Because I make the world a better place.”

― Marieke Nijkamp, Before I Let Go





Regarding the characters, I didn’t love Corey. She was fairly bland and lacked character development. Despite going through some immense realizations when visiting her hometown, I don't think that she changed all that much... She was very.... I don't know what the word is... Boring, I guess? She was very two-dimensional and I didn't connect with her at all. Though I can’t speak for the representation, I felt the author took great care in representing Kyra's bipolar disorder. Kyra remains an individual and unique person while dealing with her illness and I feel much information about the reality of this disorder is revealed through the text which I love to see in literature.

Additionally, I LOVED how this book examines the trope/misconception that mental illness is something that is “magical” and that greater depth and power comes from the manifestation of said illnesses. Although I can't say whether the representation was positive or not (I do not have BPD), I do realise that Nijkamp highlighted a lot of key areas of the illness.






“But together we held our darkness up to the light, and it became easier to carry because we were not alone.”

― Marieke Nijkamp, Before I Let Go





I am a bit conflicted on how the LGBTQ+ representation is conveyed in the book and I've noticed that it hasn't really been received that well by other members of the book community. Again, I can't speak about the rep here, but a lot of people (including myself) have labelled this book as a novel that falls into the "burying your gays" trope. This is seen where Kyra - who is pansexual - is dead. But then on the other hand, we have the main character - Corey - who is asexual. On top of this, I also felt that there was not much development into the character’s sexualities beyond finding the labels they identify with (which is definitely important to include!) and one having unreciprocated feelings for the other. It felt like Nijkamp just threw the labels into the book and just left them there without any development. To be honest, I actually haven't found any own voices reviews about this novel and the pansexual and asexual representation, so if someone has read this book and is pan or asexual, then I would love to hear what you thought! 

Overall, this book wasn't that great. Sure, there were some compelling elements such as the mystery (sometimes), and I did like a few of the characters, but for me. there were just to parts of the story that I was questioning and things that just didn't fit right. Hence the 3 star rating. I probably will end up reading Nijkamp's next book, but I don't have my hopes up for anything absolutely amazing as my opinion on her two previous books have been average.

Disclaimer: this book was sent to me by the publisher in exchange for an honest review

Before I Let Go is a Young Adult novel about friendship, community, mental illness, and dreams. The story begins with 16 year old, Corey, returning home to Lost Creek, Alaska for the memorial services of her best friend, Kyra. Lost Creek is in a remote section of Alaska and protects their own. "You know how it is, dear. You're an outsider. And Lost Creek does not take kindly to strangers." Corey wants to understand how and why Kyra died? Was it an accident? She finds the town changed since she left 7 months before. The buildings look different, the people seem to have a renewed sense of hope. And no one wants to talk about Kyra. Why do people keep saying, "So be it."? The book is full of suspense as you try to figure out what is real, who is a friend, and is anywhere safe. Do we really know people? I couldn't put this book down & read it in one day.

When I saw the cover of this book, I knew I wanted to read it. This looks cold and creepy. Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp

Corey and her best friend, Kyra, are inseparable. Corey is the only person who understands Kyra’s high-highs and low-lows. So when Corey’s family moves away from their Alaskan town, she makes Kyra promise to stay strong during the long, dark winters and wait for her return. Except Kyra doesn’t.

Two days before Corey is to visit, Kyra is found floating underneath the ice.

While everyone in Lost Creek deems Kyra’s death a suicide, Corey knows something is wrong. With every hour, her suspicion grows. The town is keeping secrets—chilling secrets. But piecing together the truth about what happened to Kyra may prove as difficult as lighting the sky in an Alaskan winter…



This is set in Alaska which is one of my favorite places. It deals with the themes of mental illness and grief.

Warning: Spoiler Alert

Corey returns to her hometown of Lost, Alaska after her best friend Kyra falls through the ice in January, when the ice should be frozen solid, just a few days before Corey is scheduled to return for a visit.

I was eager to read “Before I Let Go” after reading the synopsis and was drawn in quickly. However, it just seemed to be going in circles for the majority of the book. The townpeople act strangely, they tell Corey she no longer belongs, Corey is hurt and confused, Corey misses Kyra, Corey thinks she sees/hears Kyra, repeat.
I finished and I was left with a feeling of, “What just happened?” and “What genre was this book?” Was this supposed to be about teens who are loners, suicidal, lesbians, precognitive, survivor guilt, or a ghost story? A lot going on here and several of the themes just never came to fruition.

I still have lots of questions. Where did all the stinkin’ salmonberry flowers come from in Alaska in January? Why did Mrs. Robinson’s garden growing and blooming in the dead of Winter? What was up with Aaron’s cottage looking unlived in and then reverting? Did the townspeople kill him, too, and he was a ghost? Why did the townspeople try to kill Corey but then let her escape and go on as if nothing happened. Was Kyra a ghost or was Corey just spooked? Was Kyra precognitive or just imaginative? Were her paintings self-fulfilling?
In the end, I did not like Corey. Not one bit. OK, she left town to go to school. She moved on with her life, but totally forgot about her best and only friend Kyra even though she knew Kyra was bipolar and needed her. Corey would not even return her letters. She should have some guilt there. In the end, she leaves Lost with hope and is starting a new story. Not sure I would want that kind of best friend.

Thought about the title, “Before I Let Go”. What does it mean? Before Kyra lets go and kills herself or Before Corey lets go and moves on with her life a second time? Or maybe both. Not sure, but that makes me dislike Corey even more!

I liked the flashbacks and letters (especially the unsent ones) to tell the story. Good story, but just too much going on and not enough resolved.

Publication Date: January 2, 2018
Genre: Fiction, Teen, YA, Magical Realism, Mental Illness
Cover: Great
Rating: 2 stars
Source: I received this book from the publisher via NetGalley in return for an honest review. Thank you for the opportunity to read this book!

I really enjoyed having the opportunity to read this book! It was one that I was hoping to be selected for. I have read several books by this author, and I have yet to be disappointed.

Oh this was a hard book for me. The author is talented at writing, but wasted those talents on this story. I could could care less about the story she was telling. I found it so painful to get through. I could of cared less about the characters and was annoyed by the town. It seemed like some freaky cult town that you find in an M. Night Shyamalan movie. They were so weird. The story was so weird. I started skipping over the flashbacks once I realized that they only made me more annoyed with the characters and even less interested in their story. I get that mental illnesses are real and difficult, but this was extreme. That stopping meds brought on her super powers through art. I found it all to be too much, too weird, too annoying. Sorry.

I'm conflicted on this, but overall it was just good. Not great. It was an easy and quick read. I enjoyed the Alaskan setting and the small town feel (I'm a small town girl) but I felt the main character was "blah". I was interested in the story and finding out what happened - but I just don't think it unraveled well for me.

This book was good, but I thought it could be better. I've been reading a lot of mystery-fiction-magical books lately so maybe I'm burnt out but it just wasn't as gripping as I had hoped. I enjoyed the author's writing style so I will probably check out some of her other books. The setting was beautiful but I don't think the characters were developed enough to the point that I really cared about them or was invested in them.

In a word: strange. I don't know what else to call this book. It feels flat, directionless and messy. I'm not sure what it was trying to do.

The best thing I can say about this story is that the setting is well realized. I could see Lost, I could feel the winter chills. It reminded me a lot of my mother's hometown in northern Canada although decidedly more creepy. The townspeople were flat and dull but the arctic winds and abandoned spa were almost tangible. However, like with the rest of the story, the supernatural elements are where it starts to fall apart.

Nothing in this book is explained. It tries so hard to create a sense of tension but fails. What it ends up being is a lot of unexplained nonsense. Characters that barely make sense, seriously I've seen slasher films have better character depth. The supernatural elements are never explained or justified. I guess sometimes mental illness is just a superpower? Not the best representation but alright I guess? The author also seems to confuse asexual and aromantic.

There's no real development. The town is creepy from the first second and it just...stays that way. There may or may not be ghosts. There's definitely something supernatural afoot but who cares. Not the book certainly. This story is literally just Corey (I keep forgetting her name) toddling around her hometown for a few days thinking about how different and creepy it is. As readers, we never really get a sense of what it was like before outside of her relationship with Kyra so we can't tell it's off. We just have to rely on Corey telling us. This is bad writing.

In addition, I don't know WHY some chapters were written in script format. I don't know what it was meant to add to the story. It ruined the little flow the book had and didn't actually improve anything. I cannot fathom why the author suddenly decided three chapters needed to be written this way. It's just odd.

This was an easy read thanks to Nijikamp's writing style but there's honestly nothing in this book that mattered. Corey, despite going through A LOT, got almost zero character development. Nothing changes. There's no satisfying closure. We start the book in one place, and we end in THE EXACT SAME SPOT. Nothing had changed for our protagonist or her hometown. No one learns anything. There are some brief moments of mild excitement that amount to nothing.

This book isn't bad enough to hate, and that's a shame. At least something that bad would be memorable.

I really loved this book. I loved the Alaskan setting, the encompassing horror feelings these words gave me, the way the characters realistically felt differently--and yet the same--about the situation. I loved the complicated friendship between Corey and Kyra, and Kyra herself. Corey didn't feel particularly unique, but it was in a way that made her undoubtedly real, and for that I also loved her.

I didn't like, however, that there was no intervention at the end. It didn't seem realistic in that regard, and while a reason was given for it, it was a stupid reason that seemed devised for a cleaner ending.

But even through that, and even through oddness of the story, I really suggest you give it a read. It kept my attention, and Kyra's story is valuable.

Oh my goodness this book...I don't know how to describe it, it gave me all the feels. It made me so angry I just wanted to hit something, there were times when I sat there, physically gobsmacked, I don't think I've every read a book like it. This book covered a lot of important topics. There's a trigger warning for suicide, one of the main characters suffers from bipolar disorder so this book looks at mental illness. We also have some LGBTQIA+ rep in the form of an asexual character, a pansexual character and gay characters. So as you can tell this book sounds like its going to be important and hard hitting and too me it really was.

I was hooked from the first page. The writing was fantastic it was compelling and very atmospheric. The chapters were short which kept me going and the inclusion of different forms of media including script like passages and telephone calls kept me engaged. I also like that the author included the flashbacks, this helped to flesh out the story and understand what was happening. The rural Alaskan setting also made this story really atmospheric that coupled with the, what I can only describe as, 'cult' like members of the community made this story both thrilling and creepy. Marieke's writing was also very emotive. Corey was experiencing a barrage of emotions throughout this book and you could really feel them coming off the page. She experiences grief, anger, confusion, hurt and guilt along with other things and I felt all of these emotions right along with her. It takes some good writing skills to get me to do that and I really admire Marieke for it. There were times in this, as I said before, that I was physically gobsmacked with the way the community of Lost were treating Kyra. Marieke did a good job of writing Kyra as a character in her own right and not just as a vessel for her illness but my god the way she was treated made me angry. I would assume this was Marieke's intention and it definitely worked.

After I finished this I wasn't really sure what to think. I knew I enjoyed the book as a whole and that it was a compelling and atmospheric read but I struggled to put my thoughts together. As a result I read some of the reviews and lots of people criticized the development of the characters but to me that wasn't an issue. This got me thinking about the novel as a whole and really it isn't a highly plot driven story. It was more of an exploration of an event with a large focus on the feelings of others and dealing with grief and emotions and I think this was done very well. Throughout the story there are elements of the unusual and not all of these were wrapped up in the end. Overall I think I was okay with that but I suppose it could of been wrapped up better.

Overall I really enjoyed this book. I loved the writing style, I don't think I've ever read anything like it. It made me feel all sorts of emotions and I admire the author for being able to do that. It was a highly compelling and extremely atmospheric read that I would recommend.

<b>I received an eARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.</b>

To put it bluntly: this was not great. It was actually a total letdown, and reading the reviews of others here tells me that my view on this particular book is not at all unfounded.

The story was, at best, a confusing hot mess. Not to mention it was all very repetitive by the end. I felt like Cory was constantly having the same conversations with the same people over and over again, and that those people were just giving her the same cryptic message in return. It got old pretty fast, and all I wanted were actual answers.

Technically, I did get those answers. They were just as muddled and entirely confusing for me as everything else. I just didn't find much about this book to like, honestly. I didn't care for the characters, the cliches buried everywhere, or the whole "mystery" and how silly it sort of seemed.

Sorry, but this is a total no from me.

This is a wonderful written book. It kept me guessing and wondering what happened to Kyra until the end. Corey knew Kyra wouldn't hurt herself and she wonders daily on how she ended up dead and the police think it was a suicide. The whole town is keeping secrets and Corey is determined to find them out. This is a must read for all thriller lovers and you will not be disappointed.

Sometimes when I read a book, I forget why I wanted to read the book in the first place. Before I Let Go is, unfortunately, one of those books I forgot why I even bothered. It seemed interesting? Maybe last semester I read a different synopsis (probably not)?

Was I asleep? (It’s possible – I’m a tired college kid who appears to have enough sleep.)

Before I Let Go is set in the present with Corey returning home to Lost Creek, only to find out her best friend Kyra is dead and the town that once ostracized Kyra is suddenly mourning her. And for some reason whatsoever, the role is reversed and Corey is looked upon as an outsider who moved into the wrong city.

I was expecting a lot more suspense and build up but I got none of it. Nada. Zip. I got a lot of this:

Lost doesn’t take well to change, but we learned to understand her. She was happy.

And this.

She spread happiness. Kyra finding a place here was a sign to all of us that Lost can change – and change for the better. After all those years, she’d finally come home to us, and we to her. She was at peace.

And this.

With her art, she showed us the future. And once you understand that, you’ll find Kyra’s truth.

Same message, all a different variation.

No suspense whatsoever aside from a mild curiosity. 🤷

Eventually, all of it felt repetitive and there didn’t seem to be any progress aside from finding out what kind of person Kyra was before she died (even that felt a little confusing sometimes).

The writing is readable though. I went through Before I Let Go relatively quickly, at least the small progress that I chose to go through before my attention got taken away by The Heart Forger.

I still don’t know why I wanted to read this book. I expected more, I got virtually nothing but an early DNF in the year. 😪