2 1/2, rounded to 3?

Cory comes home after the apparent suicide of her best friend to find her itty bitty Alaskan hometown had changed. The townspeople who had avoided Kyra, who had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, were now idolizing her in memorial. Cory quickly realizes a few things: it wasn't a simple suicide, and her fellow Lost townspeople had something to do with it. Sadly, I feel like Ms. Nijkamp didn't go far enough with the story. It was as though she wanted the reader to understand that there was more, but she wasn't going to state it straight out in the story. That left a not-quite-fulfilled feeling at the end of the book. Additionally, somewhat at random, Ms. Nijkamp changed from presenting the story in narration to a play script. Not sure why, but as I've said before, I am not a fan of "experimental" books.

Thanks to NetGalley and Sourcebooks Fire for the opportunity to read and review Before I Let Go by Marieki Nijkamp! Corey receives news of the drowning of her best friend, Kyra, and she travels back to Lost Creek to mourn her death and discover how she drowned in the middle of winter when the water is frozen several feet deep. Corey is treated like an outsider because she’s been attending a boarding school away from Lost Creek, so they disregard her questions and concerns. Corey’s determination reveals more than she ever wanted to know about the downward spiral of Kyra’s mental health and the ignorance and selfishness of the people of Lost Creek! 4 stars for a poignant look at bipolar disorder and the struggles of the sufferer and the coping mechanisms of the people closest to them.

First, let me say that I loved This is Where It Ends, and I was so excited to read another Marieke Nijkamp book. But this one proved unsatisfying. I felt like it moved in one place for too long, as if its wheels were spinning until its last quarter, when we discovered that there was more going on in Lost than we realized. By that point, I'd sort of stopped caring, though. I can't give this more than two stars, so I'm not going to leave a review.

I was really looking forward to reading "Before I Let Go" but it just fell short for me. The book basically is about two girls growing up in a town called Lost. One had mental illness and the other tried to help and protect her. The town just did not understand her and just used her. The town wanted to hide the secrets The chapters were repetitious and seem to be saying the same thing over and over but in a different way. I think that struggling readers would have a difficult time staying interested in this book.

I had a lot of mixed feelings while reading this story. It is somewhat a jumbled mess that switches from a present day narrative, to flashbacks, phone conversations, a script for a movie/play and letters written by Kyra to Corey. All these different styles made it hard to keep the story flowing, but somehow it all worked in the end and made for a beautiful story of grief and knowing that we can never go home again.

I don’t think that I can say that I liked Corey, but I certainly understood her and I sympathized with her plight. At times I thought she was delusional in her belief that she was a good friend to Kyra, at times it seemed that she didn’t understand her at all. But at lease she tried, unlike most of the people in Lost. I could also understand her need to know what had happened to her friend in the 7 short months that she had been gone. I think Corey comes out stronger in the end with a better understanding of life and loneliness.

We mostly only get to know Kyra through the eyes of those she left behind and by the notes and diary she left behind. She was diagnosed as bi-polar and I felt that the author did a good job of describing the effects of that illness on the person and on those around them. I liked Kyra and felt her pain. I would also liked to have seen more from her diary or letters than what we got.

Although Lost Creek is the setting, it was almost a character as well and the place and the people that live there certainly contributed to the story. The setting was beautifully written and certainly captured the Alaskan wilderness well. This quote certainly captures the town in a nutshell.

“The first colonial settlers in Lost found that winter is not malleable, and frost settles too, Kyra once told me. And no matter how hard they tried they could not escape being lost… And they could not escape Lost.”

The plot is a bit of a mess, as far as continuity goes. It is hard to put the pieces all together when you are constantly going back and forth between present and past. But as we learn along with Corey about what has been going on in Lost while she was gone and ultimately what happened to Kyra, sent chills down my spine. The towns people’s motivation was also puzzling and a bit freaky.

In the end I found this to be a beautiful and powerfully moving story. I don’t think that it is a book for everyone, but those who do push through to the end will find it a moving story about grief and friendship.

Lost Creek is an isolated town deep in the interior of Alaska, accessible only by one road or a small airfield - and the people there like it that way. They have each other, their history, and their secrets, and that's all they need to survive the deep dark winters. Corey lived her whole life in Lost Creek up until a little less than a year ago, when her mom moved Corey and her brother to Canada. Corey was sad to leave this safe, caring town behind, but she was most sad to leave her best friend in the whole world, Kyra. Kyra is... different; she doesn't fit into the town of Lost Creek like Corey does, and that makes the people of Lost Creek distrustful. And mean. And when Kyra was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the town became even less accepting. But when Corey and Kyra were together, at the lake, at the spa, in Kyra's room, they were heroes; they were better and stronger and happier. But as Corey prepared to leave, Kyra's manic and depressive episodes began to get worse, creating a small rift between the girls. A rift that continued to grow, whether Corey wanted it to or not, after she moved to Canada and her new school, where she made new friends and joined new activities. Then, the call came. Kyra had been found dead, under the ice, an apparent suicide. But Corey knows that can't be right. She was going to visit Kyra soon; Kyra wass waiting for her! Something else must have happened. So Corey flies back home for Kyra's funeral, but when she gets there, everything has changed. She is an unwelcome, distrusted outsider, and no one is willing to share this new batch of secrets the town of Lost Creek holds.

I was so excited to see that Marieke Nijkamp had a new book coming out! I read "This Is Where It Ends" and... loved it isn't the right word, but it was an amazing story told by a brilliant storyteller. I was hoping "Before I Let Go" was going to be more awesomeness; I wasn't completely wrong. But, "Before I Let Go" is different in many ways from "This is Where It Ends." "This is Where It Ends" I would classify as realistic fiction dealing with the very real current (political) issue of school shootings and gun control. The psychology of the characters certainly came into play, but it was a very real-feeling story of a school shooting. "Before I Let Go" I would classify as a mystery/thriller/magical realism (or paranormal). It deals with the social issues of mental illness and the social stigma that is attached to them as well as the private, insular nature of small towns. Both books are intense; both books are well written; both books involve violence. But, to me, the books were very different.

That little compare/contrast tangent aside, "Before I Let Go" was good (as attested to by the fact that I read it in one sitting)! It took me a little time to get into it, but once I was in, I was in. I had to know why what had happened to Kyra had happened. Exactly what was going on in town and the exact personalities of the people in town was never really crystal clear, but I think that was intentional. We were left a little confused because Corey was confused. Her perception of the town as it had been when she was there and her perception of the town as it was now did not line up, and she didn't really know why. Things slowly become clearer throughout the book, but I never really felt like everything got resolved, and I suspect Corey never did either.

There were a few little mysteries that were never solved, like how did the garden still bloom in winter, who burned down Corey's old house, who started the fire in Kyra's old building/room, and that irked me a little. But, the one thing that kind of got on my nerves, and the reason I took one star off of my review, was the ghostly presence that seemed to keep popping up. Was it Kyra's ghost? If so, why did it sometimes seem to be threatening? If it wasn't Kyra, then who/what was it? To me, it felt superfluous, added to ramp up the fear factor, because nothing ever actually came of it, and we never get an answer to what it was. It's just there to make the book feel more spooky. In my opinion, the attitudes, actions, and words of the people in Lost Creek were creepy enough! No additional random ghostly presence needed.

The other star I took off was for a mixture of things. For one, the plot was kind of flat. We know from almost the beginning that the town, at best supported Kyra dying, and at worst had a hand in making her death happen. So, from the beginning we know Kyra didn't really commit suicide - we're already that far down the investigative path - all that's left to figure out is who was there when she died. Also, the chapters that were written like scripts were a strange choice. I thought there must be some reason for it the first time it happened, like this was how it was supposed to go, but in reality what happened was (insert next revealing chapter here). But, no; these were just chapters written as scripts instead of regular exposition. Huh.

But, on the plus side, the setting is unique - not a lot of YA set in the frigid depths of Alaska; the abandoned spa was appropriately creepy; the writing style is interesting and easy to read; and the book deals with some important social issues (i.e. teens with mental illnesses and the stigma and isolation that they face). I think this is a YA mystery that many teens will enjoy!

This book...was not what I was expecting. The premise was interesting as was the beginning of the book, but the plot turned strange very quickly and I was starting to get "The Lottery" vibes off of it. The back and forth narration of the story between time periods was a little jarring sometimes, though interesting to see how life was before Corey left. The atmosphere of the town and the people, as well as the ending, was a little off the wall and far fetched for me with it being a contemporary setting. However, I didn't grow up in a small town so I guess I can't judge too harshly there. I was curious enough to finish the book and see how it ends, but I'm not sure I'd recommend it too quickly ahead of other works.

This book was a very quick read. It is pretty fast paced and just keeps going until it hits the end.
Corey returns home, her first home in Lost, Alaska, after she finds out her best friend Kyra has passed. Corey goes for the funeral and some answers but not everything is as it seems. Secrets seem to be the trade of Lost now and Corey may be stirring up trouble she shouldn’t in her search for answers.
I was sad for Kyra and all she endured. She deserved better and now she'll never get it.
Corey was relatable for me. As someone who had a best friend with a similar illness when I was a teenager I can attest to how hard it is to understand and how easy it is to be afraid for your friend and sometimes yourself because you don’t understand. You want to help, but maybe your help is making it worse. I saw myself in Corey and I was both relieved and saddened because I saw my own mistakes but when you’re a kid yourself how much better can you do?
Also, real quick. Yay for representation but I think asexual and aromantic where being pushed together as one and the way Corey described herself seemed more aromantic really than asexual. There was no real thing addressing sexuality that would make me think she was asexual, but yes definitely aromantic.
I think this was a good story, but I think it could have been better. The sense of wrong was immediate upon Corey's return, if it had been built up the impact might have been more. The potential supernatural aspect which wasn’t really fully explored and was really glossed over but the reason why these things had happened could have been better too.
It was a quick, good read and my second book by this author. She’s definitely one I’m keeping an eye on.

I hade such high hopes for this book. But sadly I had a hard time not to give up on it. There is nothing wrong with the style it is written. But I just couldn't really get into the story, I couldn't understand the motivation of anyone and was getting more and more annoyed with everyone. I chose to read this book and all opinions in this review are my own and completely unbiased. Thanks to NetGalley and SOURCEBOOKS Fire!

3 “Intriguing, but confusing” stars

ARC via NetGalley

Thank you, Sourcebooks Fire!

I requested this book on NetGalley because I wanted to give this author another chance, and see if I was the problem since I one-stared her bestselling debut, This is How it Ends. The good news is I liked this a lot more than the author’s previous book. The not-so-good news is that this book could’ve been a lot better.

Before I Let Go is the story of Corey and Kyra, two childhood BFFs who grew up in a tiny town of 200 inhabitants in Alaska. Kyra was bipolar and rejected by the rest of the town, and when Corey’s mom received a job offer somewhere else, she left her town and her best friend behind. Seven months later, she gets a phone call that Kyra is dead. They say is suicide, but she doesn’t believe it. When she flies back to town, it’s obvious there’s more to the story.

First, this book is supposed to be suspense/thriller, right? But with all the supernatural vibe I got from it, it’s hard to put it into a specific genre, which is something that often takes me out of the story. I kept hoping for some explanation to the voices, “predictions” and overall supernatural-y things happening, but I was left disappointed.

Something else that confused and irritated me a lot were the narrative choices. The main story was told in first person present tense, which I don’t mind at all. Then we had flashback chapters, which are always hard for me to connect with (especially when they’re repetitive and add little to the connection they’re trying to establish). But I could deal with them. My biggest problem were the script chapters. Yes. There were some chapters that were written in script format, and WTF was that about? I also kept hoping for an explanation, because that change in narrative made no sense whatsoever, but again nothing came. It was just thrown there. I honestly don’t know what purpose it was trying to serve. Can someone explain it to me, please?

Still on the needs-improvement part, Corey was not an easy character to like. Look, you best friend is struggling with mental illness—I won’t comment on how the portrayal of bipolar because I don’t know enough about it—and you leave her behind with a bunch of people who never liked her and talked about sending her away. I get that Corey had no choice on the matter since she was a teenager and was following her mother, but couldn’t she have at least tried to be a good friend? She promised Kyra she’d come back for her, made the girl promise to wait for her, and she couldn’t even bother to answer Kyra’s letter? *rolls eyes*

Then when Kyra dies, she goes back and starts confronting every single person about how they did not care about Kyra at all. Girl! Girl! The nerve!

I don’t understand what they purpose of having Corey be so careless was. Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth the risk of making her unlikable, which was what it did for me. I found myself getting irritated with her every time she confronted Kyra’s parents or the rest of the folks in her hometown. Also, repetition ruled this story. Corey had the same conversation over and over and over again, and it was completely unnecessary because I had already gotten the idea behind the whole mystery.

Since this was supposed to be a thriller, I was expecting something with a little more mystery to it. But there was no build up. When Corey arrives at her hometown, people are already super weird and the hints about what they did to Kyra were already too strong. There was no going from “oh, this town is nice and cozy” to “OMG, this is creepy.” We started with creepy and kept that pace. There was little find out. Little possibilities to explore.

The motivation for what happened was also a little weak. I get that desperation and hope can change people—even 200 people. But to think the ones that loved Kyra the most would behave in the matter they did? And that there’d be no sign of regret? I don’t know if I can buy it. But I blame that on the lack of character development. Aside from Corey and Kyra, everyone else was interchangeable, even Kyra’s parents.

On the other hand, this book was quite addictive. I read it superfast, and the beginning did make me curious about what would happen next. It would’ve benefited from being a littler shorter, but I didn’t consider DNF’ing it at any point, which I can’t say about many books lately. I also loved the setting—a tiny Alaskan town. I thought it helped with the eerie atmosphere the author tried to create. Again, I would’ve liked the town folks to have distinguishing personalities and for the supernatural vibe to have been clarified, but I think the setting in itself was a positive thing.

Before I Let Go was different than what I normally read, and it was a better experience than the author’s debut. I don’t know if I’m the right reader for this author, but I like her premises, and if she comes up with something else that peaks my interest, I may check it out again.

Corey is only gone from Lost Creek, Alaska for seven months before everything changes. It’s not just the town that’s changed—a fact she doesn’t want to accept when she comes to 5170C53eImL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_visit—but her best friend is gone. Dead. Everyone says Kyra drowned under the ice a very frozen Wolf Lake, but Corey believes there is more to the story than what people are telling her.

Corey knew her best friend better than she knew herself. Or so she thought. When Kyra was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which kept intensifying, Corey was the only one who still stayed friends with Krya. Friends so close that lines blurred between love and friendship. So close that when Corey comes home to Lost Creek for Kyra’s memorial, she swears she hears and sees Kyra everywhere. What she knows she does see is a town that once shunned Kyra was now celebrating her. Kyra’s paintings and murals were everywhere, showing life in Lost Creek getting better.

But was it actually getting better for Kyra?

In a town that refuses to change, Corey begins to unravel the horrors of what made Lost Creek so accepting of Kyra. The deeper into the truth Corey gets, the more she understands the hell her best friend went through after she left. And the more Corey’s life is in danger.

Nijkamp navigates the ambiguous areas between friendship and love in such a way that will have readers examining their own friendships. She also brings to light how easy it is for someone who doesn’t have a mental illness to think they understand what it’s like and be completely wrong. There are a multitude of lessons to be learned in Before I Let Go, from the importance of storytelling, to respecting the stories and lands of other cultures, to the need for a better understanding, and acceptance, of the normality of mental illness.

Heartbreaking and horrifying, Before I Let Go will draw you in and hold you hostage until the very last page.

This is the second book I've read by this author. While I was sucked in by her first novel, This is Where it Ends, I fought to keep reading this book. I would read a section and then put it down, contemplating if I should finish it. I finally got to Day Three, where the story took hold of my interest and couldn't put it down. The characters were not easy to bridge a connection with at first, though I began to warm up to the main character and some of the supporting characters. Teens who are going through similar issues as the protagonists will immediately find a connection. I liked the mystery revolving around the townspeople. I wondered if they were in some type of cult or conspiracy due to their responses throughout the story. The author touches on several delicate topics like homosexuality, mental illness, suicide, and destiny. The book is a "dark" and I don't recommend this for middle grade students. The author's approach allows for great discussions with teens and adults. 2.5 stars

This book was boring and after reading 38% of it, I gave up.

This is the second book I have read by Marieke Nijkamp, This is Where it Ends. I really ended this book. The story is about Corey and her best friend Kyra. Corey returns to her childhood town after hearing that her best friend committed suicide. Kyra has been battling mental illness for sometime and Corey promised to come back for her. Kyra has always been an outsider to the town of Lost until Corey leaves and then becomes the towns prophet through her paintings. This is a sad book, Corey tries to find out what really happened to her best friend, if she was murdered or actually committed suicide. The towns people want Corey gone, they will do anything to run her out of town instead of her learning their secrets. I did find Corey to be naive for her age especially with her years of Kyra's illness. She keeps trying to dig into what happened instead of seeing that Kyra was depressed and exhausted. This is a good YA novel on mental health. The author keeps this novel going at a steady peace throughout it. I found the characters to be a little flat but you can understand the sadness that both Corey and Kyra feel. The author jumps around from the past to the present in a way to show Kyra's life with Corey before Corey went off to school.

I would give this a 4.stars out of 5 and look forward to the next book by Marieke Nijkamp.

Corey learns of her friend's death and returns to the town where she once lived. What she finds there is not at all what she expected. Very little of the place she left when she moved away still exists and she finds herself feeling a bit more than uncomfortable in some of the situations. Her visit raises questions of her friend's death and of her own safety. Something is just not right and Corey sets out to find out what happened. The mystery, combined with the short chapters that always tempt me to read a little bit more, is really all that kept me going with this book. The switching back and forth from the past to the present was a bit confusing at times and I found parts of the book to be less than attention-grabbing. I really just wanted to skip ahead to the end and see what happened.

Unfortunately, this was only a 2-3 star read. I wanted to like it but the characters were annoying and the story boring. It could have been so much more. No suspense at all.

Just ok, writing quite pedestrian, a bit boring, difficult to stay motivated to finish reading.

Simply put, this book was haunting. Effed up comes to mind a little bit too. I'm not even sure WHAT I read, just that I couldn't put it down.
This book follows the journey of Corey as she returns home to the literal middle-of-nowhere town of Lost following her best friend's mystery death. What follows after is equally disturbing and intriguing. It really makes you wonder how many towns like Lost have secrets overflowing in the streets. My heart raced and broke when it was needed, and I was satisfied with the pacing, the mystery and the ending. The voice Nijkamp gives to Corey is one I related to immensely.
The bipolar angle was, from my point of view, well done. I have little experience with the disorder outside of psych classes, but it hit the buttons it needed to. It especially worked well in the story, with how Kyra coped and needed help and support.
However, there were times when the book came across as somewhat repetitive, and it was unclear what exactly what was happening. Like, was this just a thriller, or was there a magical element to it? I also wish the story had a bit more of a build-up. It started right away and I think took away from it reaching its full potential.
Overall, I really enjoyed this. 3.5/5

Before I Let Go is a story about Corey dealing with the death of her best friend Kyra. When Corey hears that her best friend has passed away, she races back to her hometown of Lost Creek, Alaska to mourn the death of her friend. Kyra was never liked in the small community, even though her parents are very successful and well loved, Kyra's only friend was Corey. When Corey was leaving the town, Kyra finally decided to go to a psychiatric hospital to help her with her bipolar disorder. As Corey comes back to town, it turns out that Kyra never left, and in those 7 months that she was away, Kyra went from most hated person in town, to friends with everyone. When things don't add up about Kyra's death, Corey must uncover the secrets of the town and what exactly happened the past 7 months in order to solve the mystery behind Kyra's death.

This book was alright. It wasn't great, but it also wasn't horrible. It just floats in the grey area of "meh" books.

The book started off very slow. It felt like there were a lot of parts that were very repetitive, and other parts that were kind of pointless.
On the plus side, this book was a fairly short and easy read (language wise). So you can definitely finish it in one day.

There was only one character I liked in this book, and it wasn't Corey or Kyra. It was Roshan. Kyra was a good person, from what we hear about her from Corey's point of view. If she got the right help she could have been a truly amazing person. I completely understand whys he did the things she did once Corey left the town, but I don't necessarily like them, with a little bit of thought and effort from Kyra's part the story could have turned out very differently. Corey was an okay character. We see parts of her growing up in Alaska and just how much she has changed in the 7 months she was away. It was a bit boring reading from her point of view, as it was very repetitive and for someone who's lived in this town before, she made a lot of mistakes where she should have known better. Throughout this whole story, it didn't really feel like Corey developed or changed at all, she is basically the same person at the beginning and the end of the story.
The character I loved most was Roshan. He is new to the town, and only arrived when Corey left. He knew Kyra, and helps Corey deal with her passing. When Corey gets in trouble he is there to help her without asking for anything in return. He's not like the others in the town, and will definitely follow his heart to do what is right. I honestly wish that he played a bigger role in this book.

The plot line was okay. The mystery wasn't that big of a mystery. It was really easy to tell what really happened to Kyra and how she died, early on in the book, even though Corey couldn't see it. The pace was very slow, the characters were boring. I didn't feel like there part of the book that really shocked me, there were no twists or turns in the book. It was basically a flat line right to the end.
A pet peeve of mine is plots with loose ends. There were multiple things in this book that weren't explained, and they were just left there without any answers.

Overall, I wouldn't necessarily recommend this book, unless you were looking specifically for an easy book to read with a plot line like this. I think with a few changes this book could have been a lot better.

I was initially drawn to Before I Let Go by the remote Alaskan setting and by the beautiful cover, but found that sadly the story did not work for me. I don't normally read many YA books, but think that even my teenage self would have had trouble connecting to the main character Corey. A third into the book I found I still had no feel for Corey at all (it actually took me some time to work out that this character was female, not male), and found her internal dialogue more puzzling than intriguing, and her friendship with Kyra strange to say the least. The story got off to a very slow start and unfortunately never really picked up enough for me to stay engaged. I concede that I am not the right audience for this novel, which delivered more o self-centred teenage inner dialogue than the promised mystery and did not manage to hold my interest. Sadly not the right book for me ....