In "I’d Like You More if You Were More like Me," John Ortberg analyzes what true intimacy means and how we can grow deeper in our relationships with God and others. In the first five chapters, the author discusses why intimacy is important along with common misconceptions and challenges of establishing intimacy in our daily interactions. Ortberg demonstrates using biblical and everyday examples that the human urge for deep, heartfelt connections is part of God’s design for us. However, due to our fallen nature, we often choose to fulfill our own selfish desires and ambitions thereby failing to honour those around us as intimacy is a two-way road. Moreover, our culture and society try to convince us to find intimacy and connectedness through illegitimate substitutes such as adulterous relationships and unbridled consumerism. In the remaining chapters, Ortberg touches on how intimacy should be pursued in different situations and offers practical advice on changes we can make to improve those relationships. One chapter that was particularly challenging for me involves how suffering builds intimacy. The author states that times of suffering can become opportunities in which we can extend empathy and foster openness to those experiencing sickness and loss. Ortberg points to how Christ came to encounter and transform the lives of rejected, shamed people as the prime example of how we can also approach those yearning for intimacy in their most turbulent times.

I would recommend this book to all Christians as we witness our relationships grow increasingly disconnected despite being in a digitally connected era. The root of our disconnectedness lies in our sinful nature which cause us to be concerned of our own interests instead of those around us. We are often afraid to connect with others as we fear how people will view of our real selves while also fearing what we will have to deal with if others reveal their deepest thoughts and feelings. However, Christ came to remove the shame, guilt, and disgrace of sin and restore our relationship with God. Thus, it is only when we are intimately connected to Christ that we can establish peaceful, thriving relationships with those around us. Intimacy will always be a struggle as we battle our fleshly desires but God’s love fills and compels us to extend grace and mercy to everyone despite the costs, risks, and dangers of being vulnerable to fellow sinners.

In compliance with Federal Trade Commission guidelines, I received a review copy from Tyndale House Publishers in exchange for a book review.

Blog: https://contemplativereflections.wordpress.com/2017/10/13/book-review-id-like-you-more-if-you-were-more-like-me/

We are made for intimacy, Ortberg writes. He shares here his experiences and insights into having meaningful relations with others and with God. He believes “God uses our relationships with other people to teach us how to love him.” (Loc 182/4380)

He has ideas on what intimacy is and is not. He shares obstacles to intimacy, why we fear intimacy, myths about intimacy, how people differ in their ideas about intimacy, and the various way intimacy is developed.

My favorite part of the book was his section on intimacy with God. Our image of God, Ortberg says, will shape how we interact with others and the world around us, and how we see ourselves. I was intrigued about his ideas on lack of self awareness and self knowledge. I also appreciated his teaching on self deception and how sin blinds us. He included many psychological insights that also reflect Scripture truth.

Ortberg's writing style is easy reading. He tells lots of stories from his own life and from the Bible to illustrate his points. He also quotes other books at length. Readers who enjoy stories and quotes will like that aspect of the book while I liked more his sections with actual teaching points.

This is a good book for anyone wanting insight into intimacy in relationships, what sabotages it, and how it can be developed, including aspects like suffering. You'll get some good teaching on psychological issues too.

My rating: 4/5 stars.

John Ortberg is the senior pastor at Menlo Church, an author and speaker. He has written several book on spiritual formation. He holds a master of divinity and doctorate degree in clinical psychology from Fuller Seminary. He was previously teaching pastor at Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago. You can find out more at http://www.johnortberg.com/.

Tyndale Momentum, 320 pages.

I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review. I read an ARC of this book and the quote may have been changed in the print copy.