This was an intriguing concept, of a story told from the perspective of a narrator who's paralysed and bed bound, in a coma as far as everyone else knows. He can't see or move, but he can feel and hear. Of course, it's also a horrifying prospect, especially being in pain and not being able to say.
Even though there's a slight suspension of disbelief required -- after all, isn't it terribly convenient that all significant conversations are had at Alex's bedside? -- it was an enjoyable story. I found some parts slow, and the twist probably came a bit too early, but Alex's fear and helplessness were palpable, and those were what drove the story forward. Without giving anything away, I also liked how it ended.

Wow, brilliant. Alex keeps us on the edge of our seats, solving his ‘accident ‘.

How is this Emily Koch’s debut? How!?!?! If I Die Before I Wake is something so different and thought provoking alongside an intriguing mystery to solve.

I really felt for Alex. I can’t imagine how frustrating it is to have to listen conversations about you and in some cases at you with no right to respond or react. And these conversations alongside Alex’s thoughts gradually drop pieces of a jigsaw to reveal who tried to kill Alex.

I don’t know if this is what it is like to be in a coma; thankfully I’ve never been in a position where I’ve been in a coma. But the author definitely gave me a perspective of what it could be like and it’s quite a frightening one when you think that there are your nearest and dearest having to such hard decisions around medical support. I was willing Alex to give the doctors an indication he was still in there.

This is a chilling read. The only perspective you have is Alex’s and for the majority of the story, he doesn’t interact with the other characters. I was desperate to find out who had caused Alex to be there in the hospital bed.

Emily Koch is on my list of authors to watch if this debut novel is anything to go by.

A really interesting book and written from a perspective i hadn't read before - it took a little while for me to understand Alex's position but it was a really addict read.

Good fast paced storyline. Twists to keep the reader interested. Different first person perspective to story

What an absorbing book, I read it voraciously. I was hooked from the start, especially as I know the area it references and my husband is a (now retired) rock climber. I felt frustration for Alex and fondness for Bea and I think this is what kept me involved. I passed this onto my husband after I had read it and he loved it too. I can't wait to read more from Emily Koch.

One of the best books I’ve read this year! A real page turn & I didn’t guess the end, . I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend. Thank you.

Firstly thank yoi to Net Galley and the publisher for an ARC of this book.
This is a unique story told from the point of view of a man, Alex, in a vegatitive state.
It is essentially about how he came to be in a vegatative state and who caused it.
The story is well written, the characters quite likeable and the description is very in depth.
I enjoyed reading it as it is different to anything I have read before. A unique twist on a thriller/mystery tale.
I would definitely recommend this book to friends and family.

If I Die Before I Wake was a great book, I was hooked from the first few pages.
This is Alex’s story.......
He is in a coma, a vegetative state but he’s come round, only problem is he can’t communicate to let others know he’s back.
Can he solve the mystery of his accident before it’s too late?
A fab book which I enjoyed every minute of.

Imagine being aware of everything that is going on around you, but being trapped inside your body, unable to move or respond in any way. Imagine being able to hear, think and feel - both physically and emotionally - but everyone around you thinks that you are just an empty vessel. This is the situation Alex finds himself in following a climbing accident. Or was it an accident? The story unfolds, told entirely from Alex's point of view. Alex's greatest wish is to discover exactly what happened to him and to protect those he loves. His exhausting attempts to demonstrate his inner awareness and to prove his will to live are heart wrenching and leave the reader emotionally drained. This is a uniquely put together novel which is thoroughly gripping. Highly recommended. Thanks to Random House UK, Vintage Publishing, Harvill Secker and NetGalley for the ARC.

Thank you for this free book from Random House UK, Vintage Publishing.
And this in one of the best books I have read recently. The idea of showing someone in a coma after dangerous climbing accident, the idea that his brain is still working and he is still hearing everyone around him but….no-one knows about that, is brilliant. And also sad. Because he is the only person who knows that his accident was not an accident. He is step by step analyzing all comments and talks happening around him. Up to the final conclusion. Everyone visiting him, including the nurses and doctors are convinced he cannot hear anything. So everyone is talking freely, expressing their concerns, thoughts, what happening in their life.
The best thing is that we don’t leave Alex hospital room. Everything what is going on is only in his room. He cannot move, cannot see, he can only listen and think. His world is very, very limited but via his senses we learn so much.
Beautiful, very moving story.
Wonderful debut. I will be looking to read the next book by Emily Koch.

If I Die Before I Wake – A Good Debut Thriller

Emily Koch is an award-winning journalist and a graduate of the fabulous creative writing course at Bath Spa, has written a debut thriller that will keep you enthralled. If I Die Before I Awake, should not work, but it does in so many ways, and will keep the reader gripped throughout.

Alex is in a coma, and there are doubts he will ever come out of it, he is surrounded by the machinery that is keeping him alive. His girlfriend, Bea, his family and friends visit often and have done so for the eighteen months or, so he has been in a coma. What they and the medical staff do not realise he can hear every word that is being said, he can see the outline of bodies and more importantly he can feel everything.

Alex is our narrator as he describes his life before and after a climbing fall, a mere accident so he believes. What he cannot remember is the moment of the fall while climbing that is just a blank. His climbing partner was below him so knows absolutely nothing about what went on to cause the fall.

While Alex is locked in within his body he tries to put together what actually happened and whether it was an accident, or someone tried to murder him. He tries his hardest to survive and give indications that he is still fighting to live, but the scans and other tests show nothing is happening. The hospital is preparing the family for switching his life support machine off, but that spurs Alex on to find out who tried to kill him.

As Alex lies in the bed listening to what everyone is saying around him he is trying to work out the hardest puzzle of his life. Will he be able to solve it, and will he be able to show everyone he has the will to live by fighting to get out of the coma.

A good debut thriller that will keep you hooked from beginning to end.

A wonderful debut. Alex is narrating - in his mind at least. He's in a coma and deemed by the doctors to be in a persistent vegetative state following a climbing accident. He swings between hopelessness, desperate for his family to let him go and franticly begging for someone to notice that he is aware. I loved the nod to progressive techniology as an fMRI scanner is used to assess Alex's ability to communicate with the outside world. For the time being all Alex can do is listen to the fleeting conversations of his visitor and remember times past. As time ticks by it becomes clear that the police are interested in Alex's case - very interested in fact in his fall that may not have been an accident after all.

This is such a gripping book - I was so annoyed when life interefered with my reading time. Koch writes in a way that makes the reader care deeply for Alex, I was definitely cheering him on from the sidelines. By the time the book ended and Alex had solved the mystery of what happened that day I was a wrung out reading wreak. A brave book with a thrilling story brilliantly told. Highly recommended and gets 5/5 stars from me.

If I Die Before I Wake is a captivating debut and ultimately an extremely compelling read although, for me, was a book of (almost) two halves.

The first part of the book is much more steady and lays the groundwork, letting you get to know Alex, his background and his unique situation, while dropping hints of the puzzles to come. The second part felt much faster paced and has more of a ‘traditional’ mystery feel, with plenty of clues and revelations and twists and turns.

“Looking back, I can see that this was the point when things changed. From then on, it wasn’t just me who was in trouble”

Alex’s descriptions of his day-to-day existence and his condition, feelings and frustrations are all very evocative and I regularly found myself shifting in my seat, flexing my fingers and scratching imaginary itches in sympathy for his plight. Variously, poor Alex made me want to jump in a refreshing shower, down a pint of water and throw open a window for some fresh air!

Despite not being able to move or to see, Emily Koch makes Alex uses his other senses to paint extremely vivid pictures of the sights, smells and sounds in his hospital room and beyond. His visitors and his doctors and nurses are brought clearly to life and I could totally picture his room, as well as him in his life before his accident.

“I listened as she went on, letting her words take me away from my discomfort as I lay on the unforgiving bed frame. Her descriptions made me feel hungry and brought my grey world to life. I loved it when she did this – talked about what she saw…She somehow knew what I needed. I clung to her descriptions and fleshed them out”

Listening to Alex’s memories and regrets is in turn both heart-breaking and amusing – I loved the section about him recording his own radio show, as I did the very same thing as a child. His descriptions of his successful climbing experiences, his memories of his mum and his trip to Canada, his recollections of time spent with Bea are all very moving. Despite his awful situation, his narration is also often wry and deadpan.

“A huge storm raged outside my window, dulling the sound of ambulances coming and going. Rain drove in at the glass –waves of pitter-patters blown in by the wind, as if someone was turning the volume dial up and down every few seconds. it was only interrupted by several minutes’ worth of hail so noisy that i entertained the possibility that we were, in fact, under machine gun fire”

Throughout the book, Alex’s relationship with his friends, family and acquaintances are all examined through the prism of his newly incapacitated situation and his fractured memories force him to consider who he can really trust or rely on.

The final 25% of the book really ramps up the pace and the conclusion is surprising and satisfying. I could barely keep up with the last few pages as it was so emotional and I feel a bit bereft now it’s finished.

This unique and original story really makes you appreciate that life is for living and it will stay with me for a long time to come. Thank you to NetGalley and Random House UK, Vintage Publishing Harvill Secker for the ARC of If I Die Before I Wake.

A who-dunnit story with a difference; told completely from the perspective of Alex who is trapped within his own body and with only the ability to speak to himself inside his own head trying to piece together the clues from the snippets of conversations he can hear and from his own fragmented memory as to how he got where he is.

This was an intriguing read and I really enjoyed that it was told from Alex's point of view - the sense of complete frustration and, at times, desolation at being completely helpless - was excellent and, at times, heart-breaking. I imagine it was extremely difficult to write and it must have taken great restraint not to introduce other concepts or parts of the story that may have helped to move it on but would have reduced the impact of Alex's situation.

This is a very original psychological mystery told in a unique way and I did feel constant anticipation that something was going to happen but, unfortunately, it never really seemed to ... well not until the end that is. Now don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it; it's a good book with great characters and I can't fault the writing style, the flow or the concept, but it just left me with a sense of "is that it?" when I finished when I feel it could have been a fantastic book.

Overall though, this is an accomplished debut novel for the author so if this book is anything to go by, I await the next with eager anticipation.

"If I die before I wake" is Emily Koch's debut novel, but you would never have guessed that just from reading it. What a debut! There are few books that leave me so obsessed with them that I have to keep reading through the night, until I've flicked the last page, read the very last word.

Genre-wise, this is both a love story and a thriller. Do not however expect it to have a happy ending, as love stories do; rather, it borrows its ending from the thriller convention: there is a death, which everybody thinks must have been an accident, but turns out to be a murder.

So far so good. Only, it's just that the victim, Alex, is not exactly dead, not in the usual sense of the word: he is in a persistent vegetative state, supposedly unable to perceive or relate to his surrounding reality. In fact, Alex has developed Locked-In Syndrome as a consequence of the brain damage suffered during his "accident", and all he can do is lie helplessly on his special bed and listen, powerless, to the conversations his nurses and medical staff, visiting friends, girlfriend and family have around him.

His outlook on life is grim; test after test fails to show any significant brain activity, and Alex wishes he were simply allowed to die. However, as he puts bits and pieces of all the conversations he overhears together, he begins to suspect his accident might not have been an accident after all, and starts obsessing about solving his own murder and protecting his girlfriend before he dies (or before his machines are switched off).

And that is something that he in the end does, in his own mind, finally making him ready for the end he knows is coming. His girlfriend has stood by him for two years, but even she has begun to have doubts, and embarks on a hasty relationship that leaves her feeling and acting as if she is being unfaithful to Alex, having an affair behind his back. She is the last obstacle to his life support being switched off. But now she's told him that she's ready to let go of him and move on with her life.

I loved reading this novel. It is rather accomplished, and forces us to ponder such questions as the nature of life and death -- are you really alive if you're in a coma? -- as well as the validity and elasticity of our conceptions -- and preconceptions and misconceptions -- about euthanasia, and where it stands when considered against murder.

You'll end up, probably, as I did, brooding over concepts of lawful and unlawful killing, and how tenuous sometimes the distinction between the two might become: if the family had known of the Locked-in Syndrome diagnosis, would they have switched the life support machines off? And if they hadn't, would it have been a good or a bad deed? Was it a good deed to switch them off at all?

And is the doctor who guided the family towards the decision of withdrawing life support from Alex, but shadowed over the fact of the Locked-in Syndrome, guilty of murder, or did he do a 'good deed', a thing well done??

But if Alex was not alive in the full sense of the word, then switching his life support off was just that, not euthanasia, not lawful killing: letting Alex free to sink or swim while knowing full well he would be drowning.

The descriptive tags I chose for this book were #sad, #heart-wrenching, #touching, #thought-provoking, #beautiful, #unique, #original, #compelling, #thrilling, #gripping, #accomplished, #unmissable

Genre pegging: General Fiction (Adult), Mystery & Thrillers
Verdict: strongly recommended
Rating: ♥♥♥♥♥
Shelves: my favourite books; this month's best;

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review this book.
Alex is in a coma after a climbing accident and, although he is unable to move at all, he is fully aware of everything that is happening around him.
As various people visit Alex, including his girlfriend and family he realises two things . The first is that his fall was no accident and the second is that he does not have much time left to solve the crime,
I really enjoyed this novel and was fascinated as the mystery began to unravel. The book did seem to get off to a slow start but this was only because of the limited experiences that the narrator was having., which made it difficult for the story to be more fast paced. Overall, a very unusual and captivating read.

I really enjoyed reading this debut title. I constantly felt Alex’s frustration and the feeling of being trapped, helpless to do anything. I was always hoping that there would be a tiny moment of improvement for Alex, which added to the suspense that I felt throughout the book. The chapter length spurred me to always read on just that little bit more. I would hugely recommend this book to my friends.

It has a very interesting blurb, and I was expecting a really suspenseful thriller, but it didn’t really impress me.

The main character of this book is Alex, climbing enthusiast who gets paralyzed after climbing accident (or maybe an attempted murder…) He doesn’t remember how the incident happened, and he hears snippets of it and other information with every new visitor. What left me shook and baffled was the situation he was in. His brain was fully functioning but the body didn’t whatsoever. All his inconveniences, cramps, feelings were very painful to read about and really scary, to be honest. You can’t even scratch your itching nose, it is a mental torture! :S

The characters used in this book were not very interesting to me. I did like reading Alex’s story, but I was missing personality and character in other participants of this journey. The whole book was told from Alex’s perspective, and I would have liked to read other people’s perspectives as well. I don’t think other characters were fully utilized in this novel.

I liked that Koch used little snippets of new information in every chapter to kindle the interest to continue, but I didn’t feel tension while reading, and I think it needed some better twists. The dilemma of “To live or to die?”, raised in this book was really difficult and got me thinking, what I would like in such case.

The writing style of this novel was really creative, pleasant and easy to read. The chapters were pretty short and filled with some interesting details of not only Alex’s present but also with memories of his past and his dead mother. All this combination made this book quite an amusing book. After all the suffering and pain, the ending didn’t leave me satisfied as well…:( So to conclude, this novel was really an emotionally difficult journey for me, filled with pain, suffering and helplessness, where you have to choose between death and living. There were some interesting parts which I enjoyed, but it didn’t really work for me. I do hope you will give this book a chance and see for yourself, whether you like it or not. Enjoy 🙂

The author, Emily Koch obviously has researched this topic at great depths.
I liked the main character Alex and his friend Tom very much.
When we got to the nitty gritty it was really interesting. I was intrigued with the main part of the plot with Alex being in a coma. I had to laugh several times with the nurse's comments.
Thanks to NetGalley, Emily Koch and Random House for the opportunity to read and review this book.