Wow! This is one powerful read. The prose is achingly beautiful at times, and the characters are wonderfully flawed. This book is raw, honest, and doesn't pull punches.

I've always had a special fondness for books with twins, probably because my younger sister and I are so close to each other we very well could be twins. This book does not disappoint. I am fascinated with how close yet far apart from each other Adina and Tovah are. I also learned so much about Huntington's and Judaism.

Overall, this is a thoughtful, unflinching book which made me stop and think about how we as humans deal with life when things don't go according to plan.

This was such a haunting read.

I can’t give this anything less than 5 stars because I devoured it. I read it in one day, and by the end of it I was emotionally drained. This story broke my heart over and over again. I had to take little breaks between chapters to just catch up on my thoughts.

This follows two estranged sisters, who are complete opposites. One artistic and outgoing, and the other academic and an introvert. After their 18th birthday, they are tested for Huntington’s, which runs in the family. One of them tests positive, the other negative. Now one sister must rethink her future plans and factor in Huntington’s, while the other has to wrestle with the guilt of testing negative while her sister tested positive.

There were times that both Adina and Tovah were unlikable, but that just made me like them even more. They were flawed, sometimes selfish, but very complex and real. Their relationship was so far from perfect, with jealousy and guilt between them. And there were times when you were siding with Adina in their arguments, and then the next chapter you were rooting for Tovah. But the end of day, you just couldn’t help but sympathize with both of them. They both made their mistakes, but they both were so well-developed and you just wanted them to reconcile and try to fix their relationship.

Every single relationship in this book was so fragile. Adina and Tovah’s relationship, their relationship with their parents, with their love interests, their friends. I recommend this to anyone who likes reading about complex characters.

This story also has a heavy focus on the sisters’ religions: Judaism. They talk a lot about their faiths, traditions, and practices. One sister is very religious while the other has her doubts.

This book was heartbreaking but also hopeful. It was one of my most anticipated books of 2018 and I’m so glad it didn’t disappoint me.

Before I start reviewing this book, I want to tell you that You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone by Rachel Lynn Solomon is probably my favourite book of the year. It's one of the most powerful reads of mine, it was raw, it made me feel things. It was absolutely perfect and when it comes out in January, please make sure you read it because you have no idea what you're losing on.

"I thought I could force him to love me. Relationships are not about control, though, and perhaps that is why I have never had a real one. I want to always feel strong when I am with guys. That isn’t going to change. I am always going to wear my dresses and red lipstick because I like them. I am always going to have people watch me when I am onstage, but my looks are not the only things that make me Adina."


I'm not sure how to make a structure for this book review as I usually tell you first about the things I've enjoyed and then about the ones I didn't. But this book is different because I've enjoyed absolutely everything. Like literary, there's nothing I didn't enjoy. So, buckle up because we're going on a fangirling trip, my dear.



Things that I absolutely loved about You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone :

How the books makes it pretty clear that women can be everything and don't have to be limited to only on trait (like smart, beautiful or talented).

The characters are absolutely unique, Rachel Lynn Solomon did a great job at creating complex and three-dimensional characters. They felt so real, that for the first time, I had absolutely no problem imagining them, imagining what they would like, what they might do in a situation. I absolutely love how Adina and Tovah, the main characters, are very different. Adina is a music prodigy, she is very cofident, she loves make-up and dresses, she's experienced in relationships. And then, Tovah is the smart girl, the one that never gets comments on how she looks, but is always complimented on her brain, she's not that experienced in relationships. You get the idea.

What I absolutely loved about Solomon's book is how she fought these cliches. She showed us this sister rivalry that was pretty much rooted in people's expectations and how society sees girls. I've always been annoyed with how girls can only be smart or can only be beautiful and there's never both of them. And if you're beautiful, then you're expected to have a boyfriend, if you don't, then there's something wrong with you. If you're smart, you're expected to focus on your studies and forget about the boys. So, society wants us to be one dimensional, pretty much. And Rachel Lynn Solomon slammed it all.


2. Sisters and a very complex take on their relationship

Tovah and Adina don't have a good relationship at the beginning of this book, they are arguing all the time, they don't spend time together and so on. The thing is they have very valid reasons and it's not that simple. You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone is, in my opinion, a love letter to sisters, in the end, you realize how beautiful and touching it is to have a sister, how that bond is beyond everything else. To me, as an only child, it really touched me and made me envious of everybody who has a sister.


3. Family over relationships, always

Solomon did a great job of focusing on family rather than on romantic relationships. I think you've seen pretty often on my blog commenting on how YA does pretty badly in incorporating family interactions in the stories a.k.a the missing parents. This one again destroyed everything you could expect from YA, it was mainly focused on family, relationships were there, but only to show us more facets of Adina and Tovah. It was amazing how every relationship from their family was explored by the end of the book, you get Adina and Tovah together, Adina and her mom, Tovah and her dad, Adina and her dad, Tovah and her mom. And they are all very unique. They feel so real because they are normal relationships. For example, Adina is very much connected with her mom, but she has a colder relationship with her dad, not because of issues, but because they don't connect as much. With Tovah, it's the other way around. And I think it's highly relatable because even in a family, we are all people and there are some persons with whom we can identify and get along with better than with others (even if they are our parents).


4. Incredible representation of Huntington's

As a psychology major, I'm highly interested in mentally ill people being represented in a good way. I'm fed up with books that demonize them, make them seem violent and aggressive and like they don't matter. I know better than that. We should all know better than that. Because we can do so much better for them by starting with trying to understand and be there, listen.

I got into this book not knowing much about Huntington's besides the fact that it is genetical. The premise of the book is that Adina and Tovah are going to take a DNA test to see whether they're going to have the disease like their mother or not. I think Solomon did such a great job at representing this illness as it is, not romanticized, not distorsioned in any way. It just felt very real to me and I understood many facets of it.

What I highly appreciated was the outcome of the DNA tests and how the sisters progressed from there. I don't want to say much because I want you to find out for yourself. But at some point, I was very worried about one character's potential decision. It's a very difficult matter and I don't think there's a white or a black in here, it's about decision and perspective. But the author managed to show that there are choices and I loved that, showing alternatives is amazing.


5. Religion being very important in this book

I think religion is becoming somewhat of a taboo for our society, I rarely ever see it talked about in books anymore and I dislike this trend because I feel like it's not that people aren't religious anymore, as much as they don't feel the subject will be interesting to people. And it's pretty wrong. It was so refreshing to see both perspectives in the book. The characters are Jewish, Tovah identifies with Judaism a lot, while Adina doesn't because for her there's impossible for God to exist and let her mother be as sick as she is. I think it was refreshing to see both of these perspectives in one book because it was impossible not to relate to any of them. And while I'm a religious person, Adina's thoughts were relatable, at times, as she does, I've always questions what's the reason for all the suffering. You know, it's highly relatable. And it's great, we should talk about these things instead of letting silence divide us.


6. Not very nice characters

This one is a favourite of mine. In my opinion, Adina was one of those characters that aren't nice (at all), but you can't help, but feel for them. I rooted for her all the time, even though I wasn't okay with her actions. You just realize that she's flawed and that's totally okay. Women don't have to always be agreeable, nice in order for us to like them. We all have different personalities and we should accept that in female characters as we do with male characters. Adina challenged everything, she liked to play games, she wanted to be liked and appreciated, she owned her body. I loved seeing such a confident character in a YA book.


7. Sex representation in YA

Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. A million times thanks.

We have to understand that teenagers have sex. (WOW!) And they should be informed and those healthy representations of sex in YA are absolutely necessary if we want them to be informed.


8. Amazing plotlines

What I enjoyed the most was how Adina came to realize that her relationships weren't what she wanted. She realized that most of her past relationships had been about her body and not about who she was. And I loved how she came to this realization. Solomon presented us her relationship with Arjun and Tovah's relationship with Zack and they were contrasting each other. Tovah and Zack made Adina aware of some of the issues she had when it came to relationships and life, in general. I really loved it.

9. Making your dreams come true

Both of these characters are very dedicated to what they want and I loved how hard-working they both were. I loved how their objectives were very high and they wanted everything, at once. And I adored how the book showed us that sometimes you might not get what you want because it's not meant for you or because you're not prepared for it. It showed us that it's okay to take a break from something you've worked a lot on, to just wonder if it's what you want. It's okay to try to get to know yourself better, any time. It's never too late to understand who you are and what you want.


All in all, this book challenged a lot of cliches, a lot of unhealthy tropes, it is a dreamy book and it is an important book and I hope you all find yourself in it.

Also, I'm so happy for Rachel Lynn Solomon who got to write the book she probably always wanted to read.
"I wrote this book partially because the only Jewish stories I read growing up were Holocaust narratives. We cannot stop telling those stories, but they are not the only stories we as Jewish people have to tell."

(this line is from the acknowledgments and it stayed with me a lot.)

4.5 stars. This novel dealt with a lot of heavy/complex topics - Huntington's disease, Judaism (with a parent from Israel), thoughts of suicide/merciful death, complicated family relationships, first loves... But I think all of the topics were handled well and really added something different to this story. I have never read a book with a Jewish main character (besides awful Holocaust novels from high school required readings that I have blocked from my mind). The author wove the Siegel family's Jewish heritage in Tovah and Adina's stories so wonderfully - it was great to see one whose life was heavily influenced by their culture and another whose life... wasn't, as much. And I actually learned a lot about Huntington's, a disease I am not at all familiar with, so I am glad we are going to have this novel for me to shove at students so they can learn as I did.

The author gave some trigger warnings (self-harm, suicide ideation), but one thing that I wish was mentioned was Adi's relationship with an older man (Adi = 18 still in high school, love interest = 25). I had a really hard time getting past this - as someone who works in a high school, and is the age of Adi's love interest, this made me supremely uncomfortable (I very nearly quit reading the book because of it). However, the relationship is not at all glamorized, and Adi explicitly realizes he took advantage of her because of her naiveté (sidenote - I cheered when she realized she is more than just her body).

This was a beautifully written novel and I highly recommend it. I will definitely be purchasing it for my media center (and then putting it on display, how beautiful is that cover?!).

I really want to read this but cannot access it on my device. Will be getting from library when published and will review! Rating based on summary

Teenagers need more books like this. The world needs more books like this. Rachel Lynn Soloman’s sparkling debut, You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone, is just the type of young adult novel I love to collect in my library. It’s intelligent, never trite or simplistic, and contains the emotional authenticity I crave in young adult literature, often feeling shortchanged. Not here. This contemporary story kept me turning pages over and over again.

Rachel manages to give dual POV sisters, Adina and Tovah, unique worlds and even worldviews even though they grow up in the same family. I ached for the sister who tested positive for Huntington’s Disease but I felt every bit as much tension and angst in reconciling the other players in this story and how the terrible diagnosis touched them as well.

This book is lyrical and rich, raw, and many times frustrating and uncomfortable. In my book, that is storytelling at its best. The plot is thought-provoking and peppered with many sides of the Jewish faith and traditions. All of these components do exactly what they should do: touch readers and make them think…and think again.

If you like books about the heartaches of growing up, those (sometimes) strained relationships between siblings, and a family deal with a crisis... this one might be for you!

Unfortunately, halfway through, I was missing huge chunks of text and was unable to complete the book. However, I absolutely adored the first half of the book and can't wait to buy a finished copy.

TW for self harm and suicide ideation.

Oh, this is one that aches. It’s a lovely and heartfelt look at sisterhood and family and the uncertainty of the future. I loved Adina and Tovah and I ached for them from the very beginning. Their relationship has been damaged but they both so desperately want to reach out to each other and they both aren’t quite sure how. It’s just so real and honest and emotional. I loved it from start to finish, through the highs and the lows. I felt like I could’ve kept reading about Adina and Tovah for the rest of their lives. I HIGHLY recommend this one.

This was by far the most thought provoking book I have read. It completely blew me away. I have never read a book that centered on Huntington’s Disease, nor did I know much about it going into the book. I also haven’t read many books, if any, where the main character’s were Jewish. I learned a lot about Jewish culture while reading this book and really enjoyed it. The story had an almost poetic tone and flowed seamlessly. The story had so much depth to it.

I love how the story was told through both twins points of view. They were both so completely different, and interpreted scenarios in such opposite ways, I feel like we really needed both points of view. The jealousy between the twins is palpable, each has what the other thinks they want. I couldn’t imagine knowing that at some point in my life I would develop this awful disease that I was watching my mom suffer from. I had a lot of mixed feeling about Adina, one point in the story I really enjoyed her character then at another point I would be so embarrassed by her actions. Tovah I seemed to connect with better, there wasn’t any major dislike for her from me.

Overall this was one of the best books I have ever read, and will recommend it over and over to absolutely everyone! It was so well written and researched, and I learned so much about so many different topics while reading it. I thought it was an amazing book with a unique and absolutely wonderful storyline.

This is the type of book that is extremely relevant in the age in which we acknowledge certain privilages and give voices to those who have been silenced. This is one of those books. Read it, cry, love, share it.

This is the first book that I've read that had a heavy focus on the Jewish faith, practices, traditions, and language and it was wonderful! It was diverse not just in religious and cultural ways but also in the racial differences of love interests and physical illness rep (Huntington) as well. I was impressed by how well all the different topics merged into a well-told, cohesive, and touching story.

Tovah and Adina were complex and complete characters and I loved their interaction with their peers, parents, love interests, and one another. I truly enjoyed this debut novel and cannot wait for more from Solomon.

CONTENT WARNINGS: suicidal ideation, self-harm, chronic illness

I barely have words for how much I adore YOU'LL MISS ME WHEN I'M GONE, but, I shall try my best.

EXAMINING SISTER RELATIONSHIPS
The relationship between reserved, grunge and biology-obsessed Tovah and headstrong viola prodigy Adina is unlike any other sibling relationship I've seen in YA. From the beginning of the story, you know this won't be a traditional relationship. Their relationship only splinters after one receives a life-altering diagnosis for Huntington's Disease, the same illness making their mother slowly deteriorate.

These sisters destroy each other. Uplift each other. Call each other out on their messiness. The other relationships in this book are just as beautifully messy.

STRETCHING THE LIMITS OF FEMINITITY
Adina's your girl for this one. She did whatever she wanted to, however she wanted. She'd manipulated men from at least fourteen for her own ends, which, while I don't condone it, was certainly fascinating to read. She makes you redefine what a girl in society should be, and what we expect for teenage girls. She's unapologetic with her sexuality, free with her thoughts, and unflinching with her cruelty. I loved her a lot. #TeamAdina forever (though I certainly loved Tovah, too!)

Another favorite facet of this novel was each girl's ambition. Tovah plans to attend Johns Hopkins for undergrad, then medical school. She's in every extracurricular you could imagine to achieve this goal. Adina is a viola prodigy, the first chair in her school orchestra and a shoo-in for a music conservatory. She dreams of becoming a soloist. Each twin works hard to be at the top of their game, and subtle changes of language in each POV show that Tovah is more science-inclined and Adina is more musically-inclined.

MENTAL HEALTH
I wasn't expecting this, but the depiction of suicidal ideations and self-harm was so accurate it made my heart hurt for the character dealing with those issues. I wanted to give her THE BIGGEST HUG. YMMWIG shows the beginnings of these two pervasive thought patterns, along with a short recovery arc (not that the recovery was short, the arc just wasn't a huge part of the novel).

The book also explores that self-harm isn't JUST about using metal instruments; you can hurt the ones you love and alienate yourself to punish yourself for things you haven't done wrong.

SMALLER, YET STILL SO IMPORTANT THINGS
• This story is #OwnVoices for Judaism! Though it wasn't written to educate me, I still learned a lot about the twins' faith, especially since Tovah turns to religion and Adina altogether eschews it.
• Each twin had different parental relationships that were heavily explored. Especially Tovah and her dad bonding over Nirvana! It was so precious.
• College is front and center here, a welcome change from other books.
• Each twin has a romance! One is toxic, and one is adorable and wholesome. I'm sure, by now, you can guess which twin had which.
• Friends letting you down is another theme.
• The writing is beautiful and heartaching and hopeful all at once.