I was anticipating that The Way of Hope by Melissa Fisher would provide an answer for the church to find a way to accept the gay community into the church without condoning their lifestyle or condemning them in the process. And while it did not address the issues of the subtitle - A Fresh Perspective on Sexual Identity, Same-Sex Marriage, and the Church, it did give insight, in the form of a memoir, into the life of the author who struggled with same-sex attraction.

The author grew up in the church and knew what it meant to be a Christian. She admits to being sexually abused by a man, hence her reason for not trusting men. But what came through quite clearly to me and what she didn't seem to realize is that she was also sexually assaulted by a female. She was raped by a friend she trusted. She admits to being horrified and laid there paralyzed, frozen until the assault stopped and the girl left her room. This "friend" continued to attack her, but because the author was brought up a certain way, she did not call her out on it. And clearly, she did not even see it as a sexual assault. Eventually, she got to the point where the lust for sex controlled her. She wasn't gay. She was a victim who already had a problem with pornography, who was moulded by her predator to become her sex toy. This predator, this woman who raped her night after night, ignited in her a desire for sex, to make a deliberate choice to sin. I did not get the feeling while reading this that she was born gay. In fact, she states that "Ninety-nine percent of the women I've known I have felt zero attraction toward." Confirming to me that she was in fact not born gay. I felt she had instead, found a way to release her frustration with life, her anxieties and her desire to rebel against the church and God in general, through sex and since men weren't safe, she chose women.

Time after time, she deliberately chose to sin, cutting off all ties to God and the church so that she didn't feel guilty. As she states: "Since there was no God, there were no rules, and no one could disapprove of my feelings or actions. My monster had free reign."

But, the author did eventually come to a point where she was willing to listen to God again. She knew what she was doing was wrong and never really felt comfortable doing it. She rebels in a big way against God and God, brings her back to Him, step by painful step. What the author learned in the process can be applied to anyone (not just those dealing with their sexual identity), but anyone who is struggling with sin. There is a Way of Hope as the title suggests and the author shows that it is Jesus!

I especially liked her description of the woman caught in adultery, who was brought before Jesus. When applying it to those in the gay community, the church has failed horribly. We have collected boulders, not rocks and are throwing them in condemnation at people who are struggling with sin. We don't do it for anyone else but the gay community. Why? As Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." As the author states, "Transformation happens only after the rocks of condemnation get dropped." The church needs to listen to that and take it to heart. Step one on The Way to Hope - throw away your rocks! Accept gay people into your church AS THEY ARE, worts and all. We do it for everyone else, and we especially need to do it for them.

But here is the problem - most people in the gay community do not think they are sinning. They believe their sexual desires are normal. Since the church believes the gay lifestyle is a sin, how do you offer acceptance without condemning? These are the issues that should have been addressed in this book. Instead, the author talks about her spiritual journey, (which is worth the read in itself), but I was left with the feeling that unless a gay person is willing to go on the same search for God, they will not be stepping inside a church anytime soon. The author proposes that they must be prepared to admit that they are sinning and willing to become celibate forever until God changes them, something I believe most gay people will find offensive.

Can we love and not condemn the gay person without condoning their lifestyle choice? This is a question I wanted to see answered in this book, but it was not forthcoming. However, The Way of Hope is well worth the read simply because the insights the author learned on her journey to hope will help anyone who is struggling with sin in general.

But I am not done, a I? Sigh. No. Sigh. Neither are you, and neither is Jesus. He's not done until we are free. And we aren't even close to free. We live enslaved to the prideful voice that tells us to self-protect and self-provide in order to keep the wounded part of us silent. We do and act and perform so that it won't be seen. We spend our lives feeding our faces and starving our souls.

A journey of young woman who faced her pain and examined her heart. A product of divorce and living a mantra of managing her life by protecting her heart and others. She called herself a protector and performer. A responsibility she put on herself at a young age that spilled into an identity crisis as she went into college and adulthood.

She lays the foundation of what occurred in her life that lead her to a gay lifestyle and the train wreck that occurred to see Jesus. Her hope.

Her account does not bash the gay lifestyle but gives understanding to a freedom and peace that God desires for all who are created in His image. Even though my struggle is different, I desire the same peace Fisher found in the Hope of Jesus.

Some of her quotes that I found encouraging and enlightening.

If you don't let Scripture offend you, it can't encourage you. If you won't let Scripture rebuke you, it can't reward you either.

The most broken part of me that needed healing wasn't my sexuality. It was my pride. Drawing me into a healing opportunity for one, he could address the other. I sensed that God's next step for me was an opportunity to step into the waters of humility in which he wanted to heal me.

Myself a product of divorce, I see some of my own struggles that Fisher overcame and how it has spilled into my relationships. The issue of trust and shame. Knowing the difference of what is my responsibility and what is God's. A real struggle for all.

I have included her web page. She is a gifted writer and communicator. I highly recommend.

A Special Thank You to Baker Books and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.






http://www.gothewayofhope.com/blog/

THE WAY OF HOPE

October 3, 2017 · by Lorne Anderson · in Books · Leave a comment ·Edit

As a private person I am always mildly in awe of people who can bare their souls in print for thousands or millions of strangers. I can share personal details of my life, and do here from time to time, but there are lines I will not cross.

Melissa Fisher has crossed all lines in The Way of Hope, which makes for a compelling read even if I did feel a little uncomfortable, like a voyeur staring at her naked soul.

The book is billed as “a fresh perspective on sexual identity, same sex marriage and the church.” I’m not certain the perspective is fresh, but it is one woman’s powerful story of her immersion into the gay lifestyle and subsequent departure from it.

There are no punches pulled, no holds barred. Fisher, remembering her own experiences, points out that those dealing with same-sex attraction don’t feel any love or comfort from the church. Maybe that isn’t true of every local congregation (as indeed she did find people who were willing to accept her as a person without accepting her lifestyle) but it is probably true of many if not most. We have difficulty separating sin from sinner, and not just for sexual sins.

How does a good Christian girl wind up married to another woman, knowing that this is not what God intended? As we walk with Fisher on her journey she explains her choices and we see the logic behind them. Too many times it seems her choices are informed by hurt caused by those who call themselves Christian.

Fisher tells her story well, with an easy to read style. It isn’t just her story though, not only an autobiography. She takes what she experienced and works out from it to show how one person’s story has a message for each of us. A message of hope. For those trapped and looking for a way out, she offers a map.

It takes courage to share the worst aspects of your life with others. Fisher has shown that courage and more. After you hear her story and perspective, she allows others to have their say: her mother, her father and her ex-wife. Their contribution isn’t large, but I found their voices to be valuable in letting the reader see the whole picture.

Who should read this book? Certainly anyone interested in the personal aspects of the same-sex debate, who wants to increase their understanding. You won’t read about law and sociology, but one person’s story, a story that is I am sure remarkably similar to thousands of others. It should also appeal to anyone who enjoys a tale of overcoming, a story of redemption and the love of God.

Because that is what it all boils down to in the end. No matter who we are, without that love there will be no hope.

“Book has been provided courtesy of Baker Publishing Group and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.”

This book deals with an important topic and one which Christians have to deal with more and more: how do we respond to people over issues of sexuality, in particular same-sex relationships?
Typically Christians gravitate towards one of two extremes: condemning or condoning, but this book proposes a third response: compassion.
The book was not what I expected. Rather than containing advice for churches in this area and examples of churches responding well, it is largely made up of Melissa Fisher's own story of wrestling with issues of faith and sexuality, and how the church has been a help and a hindrance on that journey.
Although I was expecting something different, I enjoyed the book. Her story is gripping and, while same-sex attraction is not a personal struggle for me, I also found aspects of it highly relatable.
It reminded me of the importance of listening to one another's stories and that, when we do , we usually realise that we aren't so different. All of us are longing for a place where we can be known, loved and accepted as we are, and this book gives thought-provoking and helpful insights into how the church can work towards being that place for those in same sex relationships or struggling with issues of sexuality.

Thoughts And Ideas

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Zachary Houle
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Jul 11
Melissa Fisher
A Review of Melissa Fisher’s “The Way of Hope”
Walking the Straight Line
“The Way of Hope” Book Cover

Same-sex marriage is undoubtedly the hot-button issue in the evangelical church right now. You know that and same-sex relationships are contentious when other Christians start telling you you’re going to Hell (which I don’t really believe in, thanks) for a review you’ve published about a book on the very issue of homosexuality. Into the fray comes a new book called The Way of Hope that, in its subtitle, suggests that there’s a new, fresh perspective on gay people in the church.

This is going to be the hardest review I’ve ever written.

So the new, fresh perspective is that homosexuality is a sin and gay people would be wise to let their sexuality go. Yes, that’s right. The “fresh perspective on sexual identity, same-sex marriage and the church,” per the subtitle, is the same old story we’re used to hearing. The Way of Hope is written by Melissa Fisher, a woman who was in a same-sex marriage but now identifies as being straight. The first half of the book is a memoir, while the second half is about the need for finding Jesus (remember, she’s an evangelical) and joining the church for community and so on. This half is more of a polemic.

However, before diving into the meat and potatoes of the title, there are a few things about Fisher’s life you need to know before rushing off to make any judgments. First of all, she appears to have been raped as a young girl by family friends, and then was molested when she was 20 by a man who is still close to her family. She repressed the molestation for six years. In college, a woman made advances on Fisher that she initially was against. But owing to an addiction to pornography (which isn’t discussed in depth in the book), Fisher began feeding a little internal monster that was good at keeping secrets. She wanted to be good and perfect, and not cause trouble for anyone. The pressure caused her to eventually identify as a lesbian and she was married to a woman for some time.

Fisher’s parents also got divorced when she was young. She also saw her mother kissing a man who was not her father well before the divorce. She acknowledges at the start of the book that she often wished she were a boy, and dressed as such for some time. There’s probably more, but you get the gist. Fisher had a young life filled with enough trauma and identity confusion to make someone question their sanity, let alone sexual identity. These days, Fisher identifies as being straight. This book seems to be of the argument that her homosexuality was wrong, she shouldn’t have been attracted to other women, and that homosexuals need to honour the image that God created for them by being attracted to the opposite sex.

Never does Fisher come across as being condescending towards homosexuals and the gay lifestyle. What makes this book so hard to judge, though, is that its message is so deeply personal and buoyed by life circumstances, seemingly, that one cannot use it as a measure to judge others by. It’s no secret that I’m pro-homosexuality, and personally call as friends two people who are bisexual but are in an opposite-sex marriage and a man who was married to a woman and had kids, but eventually came out as gay. You probably see where I’m going with this. You can’t say that what is true of X is true of Y. Just because one person writes a book about their experiences, someone with a different set of experiences may reach a very different conclusion on how to live their lives. They certainly shouldn’t be judged. Is that what Jesus would do? Not judge people, generally? (I’m basing that on the “low lifes” that he hung out with after all.)

I suppose that I thought I was getting a pretty progressive book about sexual identity and such, when it isn’t at all. It conforms to the tried and true beliefs of the conservative church, though it does seem that Fisher is a member of a somewhat progressive church that encourages people to “come as you are.” So if you really want to be convinced that homosexuality is bad, then this is the book for you. If you want to be convinced, as I am, that God and Jesus have bigger things to worry about than what two people who are in a consensual, loving relationship do, then look elsewhere.

I can’t say that I was terribly offended by the book, though, at some points, I could feel my heart sink in my chest. Fisher seems to think that the church is the place for a “conversion” of sorts can happen, and while she doesn’t get into conversion therapy, stats will probably bear out the fact that conversion therapy doesn’t really work. If someone is born gay, they’re gay. Anything else would be living a lie. So I want to be gentle and loving myself, and cautiously point out that the author has been abused by both men and women at some points in her life. So her perspective is coloured by that abuse. It’s not my place to judge things that were out of her control. (I did like the fact, though, that, at one point, Fisher expresses sympathy for her molester and argues that there’s a place in the church for people such as him to get healing.)

I suppose if I have any misgivings about The Way of Hope is that this book will be used by some to say that converting from a gay or lesbian lifestyle to a straight one is doable and morally correct in the eyes of God. I worry about that. I worry about the purpose of this book. I think that if Fisher had stuck to a more memoir approach, this danger might have been mitigated. Maybe. But she, alas, does slip from time to time to making judgments about the gay and lesbian lifestyle as being sinful. That actually hurts people who are who they are.

In all honesty, I don’t know what to think about The Way of Hope. I applaud the author’s honesty and candidness and she has a right to tell her story. If she feels more comfortable dating and marrying men rather than women, based on her experiences, all the power to her, then. I’m not going to take anything away or judge her for telling what she feels is her own personal truth. However, to then transpose that personal story and make it applicable to everyone feels wrong. It just isn’t the right thing to do. I’m thus torn on this book. I simply don’t know what to make of it. However, if you’re looking for progressiveness, as the book’s subtitle suggests, this isn’t it. How about we leave it at that, and call it a day, shall we? I told you this was going to be hard.

Melissa Fisher’s The Way of Hope: A Fresh Perspective on Sexual Identity, Same-Sex Marriage, and the Church was published by Baker Books on July 4, 2017.