What a great and timely message to begin a new year! I love to challenge myself with thought-provoking non-fiction books between my beloved fictions, and this one is a real gem.

The author bravely lays bare her own struggle with self-absorption, which she didn't even register until the pain and misery of following the siren call overwhelmed her. Indeed, it's an unusual subject to highlight because rather than being urged to renounce it, our society coerces us to fall into its trap, thinking we're doing ourselves a favour. Miller trusts that we can all relate to some extent, and explains how self-focus is our default setting, and therefore a tough pattern to shake.

She reveals a sneaky variety which appears to be completely unselfish and others-directed. However, when a reputation for kindness, charity or altruism suits the image we wish to project, then it can be really still about us! I wonder how many people can say, 'Ouch.'

But identifying the problem is only half the solution. Next, she describes how many of society's attempted 'cures' are in fact leading us further along the insidious spiral. It's easy to mistake the restlessness and dissatisfaction of self-absorption with low self-esteem. Then we try to fix it up by giving ourselves pats on the back and self-affirmations. We might turn to social media and see these boosting attempts going on everywhere. But Miller argues that they are all counter-productive, and what we really need is self-forgetfulness.

She points out how easy it is to make specific facets of our lives all about us, including our families, possessions, appearances, friendships, reputations, callings, and even God himself. It's sobering to read how something as wholesome as parenthood, or a ministry or calling can become all about the individual, to the extent that they keep craving affirmation to keep their egos from crumbling. As Sharon Hodde Miller puts it, 'Calling can become about you, and when it does, it will shrivel your soul like a flower scorched by the sun.' It's hard to deny that we live in an era when people don't even realise that they're trying to build their platforms more than their character.

The best part is that she doesn't just lay out the problem, but offers sound and workable solutions. I think the nitty-gritty of this book is the last part, which encourages us in the crusade to keep our focus off ourselves and our life impact. She recommends four different ways to nip it in the bud, which are Praise, People, Purpose and Passion. Now, although I sometimes find using alliteration to make points comes across a bit forced and strained, not in this case :) Miller is sure that remembering and practising them helped her enormously, and they're convincing enough for me too. Because I'm sure so many of those gloomy moments are tied up with all this sort of tricky business.

As I say, a good book to start the year with.

Thanks to Baker Books and NetGalley for my review copy

Self-focus is an almost universal human problem. In a world of social media and encouragement to be yourself and believe in yourself, it is all too easy to turn inward, and for self-focus to overtake even our good intentions, but the results of this can be toxic.
Where society would say that self-esteem is the solution to our problems, Sharon Hodde Miller proposes that instead self-forgetfulness is the answer, and that if we would realise life is not all about us, and instead put our focus on God, our lives would be much better.
Recognising that is one thing; actually changing our focus in this way is a much harder task, but this book provides valuable help.
It takes seven areas of life (God, family, appearance, possessions, friendships, calling and church) and explores the ways in which we might be tempted to make those things about us, as well as looking at the consequences of doing this.
This is followed up with some practical advice on how we can move away from this self-focus to put our focus on God.
Miller's writing is challenging, cutting to the heart of our motivations and revealing them for what they are. However, she writes as someone who is on this journey too, and illustrates her points with a variety of examples from her own life, both of getting caught up in self-focus and of overcoming it.
This book left me challenged and with a lot to think about and I'm sure it is a book I will return to and reflect on some more.

**I received this book for free from the publisher through Netgalley. My review and opinions are my own.**

Miller’s book addresses a problem common to humanity – self-focus. Our souls naturally curve inward and we naturally focus on ourselves, she says – and I’m sure many of us (myself included) have seen this to be true. Knowing this, how do we recognize it and what do we do about it?

Part 1 of the book is mostly autobiographical, telling her story of discovering her own drive to self-focus and learning about “self-forgetfulness.” Part 2 dives more deeply into how we can recognize the places and ways we focus on ourselves, and how it affects us and those around us. Addressing parts of life like God, family, friendships, and church, this section is extremely beneficial if you’re not sure whether or not you struggle in a certain area.

Part 3, how to get our focus off self, is where the book really shines. Taken in four sections – praise, people, purpose, and passion – this section is a walk through how God tells us to aim ourselves outward in love and service. Part 3 was absolutely my favorite section of the book. The chapter on praise was worth the whole book.