I enjoyed some of the stories, hated others. Overall, I was left unsatisfied. Fairy tale retellings are becoming kind of overdone now. It's much harder to rise above the pack when the pack is so big.

Many thanks go to Mallory Ortberg, Holt Paperback, and Netgalley for the free copy of this book in exchange for my unbiased review. I admit it. I have a soft spot for fairy tale retellings. Ortberg was definitely original here. She melded two or more tales, nursery rhymes, prayers, and ballads to create one-of-a-kind stories with a cynical twist. If anyone has difficulty identifying what's being used, there is a table at the end. I think my favorite was "The Wedding Party", which read like a first rate British sitcom. It makes me want to read some chick lit by Ortberg. It would be quite good I'm sure similar to Kinsella but much more snarky.I just loved this book. It's a quick read, really entertaining and clever. I loved how she gained inspiration. Can't wait for her next work!

Ortberg's The Merry Spinster is an extremely timely reimagining of some of history's most well known tales. By turns dark, horrifying and confusing, Ortberg highlights some of today's most controversial issues hidden within updates to beloved classic tales. The Merry Spinster takes a look at the world we live in now and how culture, family and society have changed; then takes the stories originally meant to teach children how to behave in the middle ages and twists.

I highly recommend this book and if anyone can figure out what was going on in "The Thankless Child", please let me know!

This collection contained some interesting (and dark) modifications to classic fairy tales. My favorite was probably The Daughter Cells (revision of The Little Mermaid).
There were a couple of themes that surfaced repeatedly throughout the book. The first was gas lighting. Multiple stories contained characters who worked to inflict guilt and confusion on their victim. The second was gender pronouns not aligning. There were several stories where daughters were referred to as "he". It was a little confusing but not insurmountable.
I liked it.

Looking at how others have reviewed this book, I'm pleasantly surprised at how closely my opinions on <i> The Merry Spinster</i> matches up. I really wanted to like the collection since I'm a sucker for anything fairy tale related, but this collection is very uneven. The two heroes of the collection are definitely "The Rabbit" and "Six Boy Coffins" which both show Orberg's strengths as a writer. However, the book is lead by two of the weaker stories, which I think may turn readers off of finishing the book.

Ortberg provides some unique takes on traditional fairy tales by interweaving questions of gender identity throughout. A short but compelling read.

Skillfully written and often delightfully unsettling, although with a handful of stories I just couldn't quite connect with.

Ortberg's modern spin on fairy tales moves the genre forward in a great way. She's included some tones of the original Grimm tales that were pretty gory and filled with horror. She also manages to add in some questioning of gender roles for an even more progressive take. My fave story: a delightfully creepy version of
"Velveteen Rabbit."

Mallory Ortberg's The Merry Spinster provides a sometimes sinister, sometimes zany take on well known tales.. In theory I like that concept, and I like Ortberg's non-heteronormative approach to the characters but this wasn't my favorite collection of short stories. My best summary is that Ortberg's writing is well crafted but it didn't necessarily make the stories fun to read.. Also, if you don't like being "freaked out" this book may not be for you. There are some dark moments in these stories.

Thanks to NetGalley for the free e-Arc in exchange for an honest opinion.

I was heartbroken that I didn't love this, but it felt like nothing original or new to me.

This collection houses moments of glee, horror, and head-scratching "huh?" Ortberg's take on fairy tales is purportedly feminist, but this adaptation from the feature "Children's Stories Made Horrific" isn't always forthright in its leanings. Using a familiar tale or trope as the basis of each story, Ortberg removes its flesh and organs and uses the skeleton to build something recognizably related, but utterly new. Or boils the bones for soup. Depends on the story. Some are funny, some are unbelievably unsettling. Much deeper and unnerving than the classic and delightful Texts From Jane Eyre, this is definitely worth a read.

This collection of stories will feel at once familiar and darkly, deliciously fresh.

Though fairytales and fables, these stories carry such a refreshing air of reality. They drip with a dark, sinister unpredictability that flows through our real lives. Ortberg forces the reader to see each retelling and re-imagination through a new lens, one that refocuses the otherworldly and fantastic as real. Remove the preconceived idea that mermaids aren’t real, that animals don’t talk or interact with each other in friendships, or that little boys don’t turn into swans; what do their lives look like? They are as complex and flawed as our own. And they can be similarly heartbreaking and cruel.

With every story, we are given a new glimpse into worlds and situations we thought we already knew. Readers will feel the heart-string tugs of the stories that inspired this collection, nostalgia working to convince us that we know how each story ends. But Ortberg rewrites the script, opening our narrow perceptions to something more – cruel realities of these fairytales we’ve come to love. What may be expected to tarnish the memory of beloved fairytales and fables ultimately elevates them, allowing these stories to grow and mature with the audience.

Ortberg does not shy away from the harsh and unfair or unsavory elements of life, and allows these aspects to shine in this collection. She has given us our favorite stories, with an honest, relatable tone that is unencumbered by preconceived notions of a “happily ever after” ending. We, and our stories, are better for it.

The Merry Spinster: Tales for Everyday Horror by Mallory Ortberg

3.75 stars

Mallory Ortberg’s short story collection focuses on the fairy tales of the past or beloved children stories and twists them into horrifying and shocking heights. I will admit not all the stories in this collection are perfect, but I can’t remember the last time I read so many 5-star short stories in a collection. Ortberg is skilled at telling the story in a way familiar to the reader and then leaving the story with a mouth-dropping ending. The majority of the endings are not horrifying in the usual slasher film sense, but they are creepy in the same way that one knows that something far worse is to come, but it cuts off at just the right time Ortberg is strongest in this suite, but she is also weak in several other areas. I will review each story briefly to better clarify my exact meaning because overall, I think she is a strong writer, but she struggles to gain footing with certain stories and I think this is because she was trying a new approach to writing or a different writing style to emulate the original tales.


Whimsical Writing Scale: 3.75

The Daughter Cells – 3.5 stars

“I can think of a dozen better things I could do with a soul.”

The story of “The Little Mermaid” is famous and beloved my many ‘90s children who experienced the Disney adaptation. However, the original tale is quite dark and I would consider it to border on horror and it is definitely a tragedy. This story takes a delightful turn and the mermaid has more Ursula-like qualities that are quite bone-chilling. I love a good soulless mermaid. My biggest problem with this that it takes a while to gain its footing. The narrative is a little wonky and it isn’t until the mermaid talks to the sea-witch that the story takes a dark turn and was able to capture my attention and make me excited about where it could end. It ends on a high note if you were wondering.


The Thankless Child – 1.5 stars

“To be grateful is to be wakeful and watchful.”

This is a “Cinderella” retelling and I say that very loosely. There is a Godmother who acts as a deity for a household and if I’m being honest, this story is all over the place. I was struggling to follow the plot, the characters, and the point. The purpose of the overall story failed to go anywhere at the end and I was severely letdown. I dislike Cinderella anyway and I generally hold retellings at a higher standard, but this was not well-done. To say the least, I was underwhelmed.


Fear Not: An Incident Log – 5 stars

“The Voice of God, once heard, is not easily unheard.”

This is a retelling of Genesis from the point of the view of the Lord’s Angel. The main focal point is the wrestling match that occurred between Jacob and the Lord’s Angel before he became Israel and the horror and guilt this angel feels even though he swears he feels nothing of the sort. I absolutely loved this story. The writing was superb and I felt like Ortberg’s writing style was shining through. I love Genesis in general, but I really liked seeing a new perspective on it. Highly recommend!


The Six-Boy Coffin – >b>5 stars

“If the next child you bear me is a girl, then let the six others die, so that our wealth need not be divided and that she alone may inherit the kingdom.”

I was destined to love this story because it is based off of “The Six Swans” and my favorite fantasy novel is Daughter of the Forest. This story is so very reminiscent of Sorcha’s plight and her quest to restore her brothers back to humans while being forced into silence that it made me long to reread that wonderful story. However, this is a horror collection and while elements of “The Six Swans” are a little scary this took a delightfully satisfying turn with the last lines and the subtle shift in the main character. I was incredibly impressed by this one and I absolutely loved it.


The Rabbit – 5 stars

“Can you take the Real out of a boy, then? Can you take his heart into your own self and leave him stuffed with sawdust on the nursery floor in your place?”

This is based off the beloved children’s story “The Velveteen Rabbit” and it is hands down my favorite in this collection. “The Rabbit” is easily the most horrifying story in this collection as we see the rabbit’s obsession with becoming Real and taking the life force from a child who loves him. The illnesses the boy faces are horrifying and my stomach was churning thinking about all the toys I’ve owned as a little girl. I was definitely left feeling scared and creeped out.


The Merry Spinster –3.5 stars

“Everyone belongs to someone. You’re not allowed to belong to yourself.”

This is a “Beauty and the Beast” retelling and focuses on a girl who is called Beauty for ironic reasons. She’s plain, unremarkable and insights no inspiration in those around her. Her mother ends up being the one to have her daughter a captor of the Beast or Mr. Beale, a businessman of sorts. This was really promising, but the ending ruined it for me.


The Wedding Party – 1 star

Honestly, I can’t tell you what this story is about. They were talking about “The Goose Girl” at one point and I’m sure it is reminiscent of it in some aspect, but this was just bad. The main character was a complete misogynist who had a strong entitlement and I just couldn’t with him as a narrator. I get that some men are just insufferable and that this was commentary, but I didn’t get the story as a whole so I feel like the social commentary went over my head a bit since I couldn’t see the whole scope of the narrative.


Some of Us Had Been Threatening Mr. Toad – 3.25 stars

“We’ll rescue the poor, unhappy animal! We’ll convert him—why, he’ll be the most converted Toad there ever was by the time we’re done with him.”

This was a unique story with a gruesome twist. It follows a bunch of your average sweet, fluffy talking animals and they are not happy with their friend Mr. Toad. See, Mr. Toad has been stealing things and feeling entitled and they have had enough, so what better way to show him that he needs to repent than by torturing him. The concept was scary, but it is a little off-putting to read from the perspective of this narrator. I feel like it was just easy to get confused about plot points and it took me out the story.


Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters – 4.5 stars
“For our story, it all led to sin in the end, and it all began with the listlessness and self-forgetting that comes not from God.”

This story follows an old mother as she recounts her son’s greatest sin— falling in love with a siren. They struck a bargain that the mother was fine with, but when it started to impose upon her grandchildren she took matters into her own hands. Matthew 5:29-30 “If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” The mother definitely stuck to this verse and it was scary.


The Frog Princess – 3 stars

“Beauty is a public good and you are responsible for it.”

This is based off “The Princess and the Frog” and it is an interesting twist, but it is not horrifying by any means. In fact, it felt very out of place in this collection. It was scary or intimidating and I was confused by Ortberg’s pronoun usage because it is never explained or specified and this lead to me thinking there was another character when there wasn’t it. It was a bit of a mess.


Good Fences Make Good Neighbors – 2 stars

This was a frustrating story. I honestly just can’t wrap my head around it being this collection because it wasn’t horrifying. It was frustrating. Human manipulation and being the brunt of someone’s tactics for power is scary, but it needed more.


Overall, The Merry Spinster is a strong collection. It has some fantastic tales, but it also has some complete busts. It’s your typical hit-and-miss short story collection. I just personally found there were more hits than misses for me.


Cover Thoughts: I’m living for this cover. When I saw it on Netgalley I was blown away! I love it so much.

Thank you, Netgalley and Holt Paperbacks, for providing me with a copy of this novel in exchange for an honest review.

This is one of those "right books at the right time" books, coming as it did for me on the heels of a monster historical fiction book. Familiar stories that harken back to the darkness most of these stories originated from, Ortberg takes on fairly tales, folk tales, children's stories, and myths.

In Ortberg's hands, the Little Mermaid is no fawning girl just yearning to "where the people are;" Beauty isn't much of a beauty and the Beast truly is a beast; and the Velveteen Rabbit is, well, sort of evil. There's a whole lot of gender bending going on here - females are husbands (or wives, if they want to be) and female names and daughters turn out to be male. Ortberg explores obligation and the ways it can be abused in many of the tales.

As a lover of fairy tales, I really enjoyed the retellings of some of my favorite. But my favorite tale in this collection was "The Rabbit," in which Ortberg plays on the original premise of the children's classic The Velveteen Rabbit, exploring what that stuffed rabbit might be capable of if it truly imagined becoming real. Not for your kiddos!

I downloaded this one from Netgalley, but I may just have to buy a copy to have so I can read it again! Some of you may know Ortberg from The Toast - clearly something else I need to check out. Off to do that now!

Though this one wasn't necessarily for me, I think the name recognition of Ortberg and the appeal of fairy tales will really make it popular in libraries.

This book is an often-disturbing look at some classic children’s tales. If you’ve read much children’s literature, you know many of these stories are pretty creepy to begin with, like Grimm’s Cinderella where the sisters cut off their toes and heels to fit in the slippers, and Snow White where the evil queen is forced to dance to her death in burning shoes. These were moral tales, designed to scare children into behaving. In retelling these stories, Ortberg shines a light on the very things that are disturbing about these stories. It’s worth noting that the “every day horror” in these stories is much more psychological than physical (though in some stories it’s both).

Unlike many readers, I didn’t come to this book with any background knowledge of Ortberg, who is the writer, editor, and founder of feminist website The Toast (no longer online). Ortberg just came out as trans and is now Daniel Mallory Ortberg, which makes his many plays on gender in the book that much more relevant.

In truth, I’m not a huge fan of fairy tale retellings, or any retellings for that matter. I prefer original stories, but I liked how Ortberg turns a lot of the assumptions in these stories on their head. I particularly liked Daughter Cells, which tells the story of “The Little Mermaid” through the eyes of a slightly more empowered mermaid. And I liked “The Six Boy Coffins” based on “The Six Swans”, where a young girl has to suffer for years to rescue her brothers, including losing her voice and being forced into marriage. Ortberg makes us think about the gender assumptions in these stories – like the creepiness of men who want women who can’t speak for themselves.

“Being beautiful had never prevented her from remaining in the woods alone before, but there was nothing she could do about it. Beauty was what gave him the right to talk to her as if they had been introduced, and take her hand, and make her wear his cloak, and take him from her tree and to his home. She could not help herself from crying, just a little bit, at the ridiculousness of it all.”

I was intrigued by “The Wedding Party”, based loosely on “The Goose Girl”, because I enjoyed the dialogue between Allison and David, a couple who are about to be married. I can’t say I understood all of this story but it did keep my interest and I wanted more.

The one based on the Velveteen Rabbit was incredibly creepy, seen through the eyes of a Rabbit who wants to be real and will step on whoever he needs to in order to get there. I found that one to be the most interesting adaptation, because it reminded me that in fact I found the oh-so-feel-good The Velveteen Rabbit disturbing as a child, as only stories about thinking, feeling toys can be. The truth is that most of our beloved children’s stories are disturbing.

Some of the stories didn’t work at all for me, including the second and third ones, which almost made me put down the book. There’s a story based on Wind in the Willows that is psychologically disturbing, but there wasn’t enough there to make much sense. There’s a version of Beauty and the Beast that didn’t work well for me, because the character of Beauty wasn’t very likable and I just wasn’t sure what point Ortberg was making. I also didn’t like “Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters”, based on an Orkney folktale, which was quite violent. There are strong religious themes in some of the stories that also didn’t work well for me.

In general, I liked best the stories that were closest to the stories I already knew, where Ortberg just makes slight differences to highlight these stories’ dark underbellies – or in some cases, to give us an ending that’s feels a little more just.

Note: I received a complimentary copy of this book from NetGalley and publisher Henry Holt and Co. The book was published on March 13, 2018.

Mallory Ortberg’s feminist horror collection is bound to be the best short story collection of 2018, darkly funny, cleverly conceived and brainier than I realized when I signed on for it. Many thanks go to Henry Holt and Net Galley for the review copy, which I read free and early in exchange for this honest review. This title is for sale now.

Ortberg takes well known children’s stories and fairy tales and injects sinister elements into them, sometimes starting with the exact wording of the story, cited in her endnotes, and then changing it a tiny bit at a time. If you don’t know the story quite well, you may not be able to pinpoint the exact place Ortberg goes off script; some of these are Grimm’s Fairy Tales, which are fairly sinister in the first place and not originally intended for small children. She often combines the influence of a second fairy tale, and everything is beautifully documented at the back, just so you can see how she did it.

At first I wondered if I would react badly to this; I am a grandmother of tiny children as well as a retired teacher, and these stories tread on sacred ground. But it’s done with such genius that all I can do is shake my head in admiration.

There are eleven stories. One of my favorites is the title story, in which a woman is held prisoner by a captor that builds her a fabulous library, but tells her that he will decide what she will read. There’s horror for you. There’s a takeoff on The Little Mermaid that left me with half the story highlighted out of admiration. The Thankless Child features a fairy godmother that is more of a mafia figure, like a supernatural, female Godfather.

But perhaps my very favorite is The Rabbit, which is a takeoff on The Velveteen Rabbit. I began this one with a furrowed brow, because the original story is so dear to my heart, a cherished experience held with each of the four babies I bore and raised. But my prior knowledge is actually a useful thing, because with the original more or less committed to memory, I can see where she begins to alter the story. At first she changes just the tiniest things, and then gradually adds more…and in her version, the rabbit loathes the boy and seeks revenge. In the end it is the same story, and yet different enough that it doesn’t offend me as I suspected it might. She started with apples and made red oranges.

Ortberg has created a masterpiece of feminist fiction replete with some of the best word smithery found in contemporary prose. It can be read at the surface level, just for your amusement—which is guaranteed to all that enjoy gallows humor—or as a scholarly endeavor. I expected this book to be full of darkly ridiculous stories themed around women’s issues. Instead it is even better, both brainy and hilarious, the best surprise of 2018.

Highly recommended to all that appreciate great feminist fiction and enjoy dark humor.

I enjoyed the dark twists on old fairy tales and the feminist aspects of some of them.

“I have no idea what that was about.” That was my first thought when collection this book and it sums up my overall impression.

Unfortunately, this one did not work for me. I greatly enjoy retellings and dark fiction is a favorite of mine but this collection was underwhelming. The strangeness was just strange, not particularly horrific or intriguing. I think I missed something along the way, and it shows in the other reviews. There were pieces of the stories that I liked (gender swapping, feminist commentary, upending tropes, so on) but many of those aspects were overdone to the point of distraction. The prose is pretty (Ortberg can clearly write.) but the execution of the retelling itself wasn’t the best.

For all the stories, I would only rate two as great: “The Six Boy-Coffins” and “The Rabbit”. Both of those were amazing short stories that I loved every minute of and I’d rank them up there with the best shorts I’ve ever read, especially the Velveteen Rabbit retelling. I was ready to quit the book before reading them but they were so good that I kept going to the end just in case there was another buried gem.

Note: I received a free Kindle edition of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. I would like to thank NetGalley, the publisher Henry Holt & Company., and the author Mallory Ortberg for the opportunity to do so.

I know that retellings are getting old for some people, but Daniel really does a magnificent job with this collection. As with any short story compilation, some fell a little short for me, but overall I was highly impressed with what he had done. All of the stories here are inspired by “fairytales” of some kind, but they aren’t necessarily what you’ll be expecting. They’re the perfect blend of creepy and thoughtful.

My rating for each story:

The Daughter Cells ⭐⭐⭐
The Thankless Child ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Fear Not: An Incident Log ⭐⭐⭐
The Six Boy-Coffins ⭐⭐⭐⭐
The Rabbit ⭐⭐⭐⭐
The Merry Spinster ⭐⭐⭐
The Wedding Party ⭐⭐⭐
Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad ⭐⭐
Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters ⭐⭐⭐
The Frog’s Princess ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Good Fences Make Good Neighbors ⭐⭐⭐⭐

In total, these scores averaged out to 3.36, which I’ve rounded up to a 3.5. I thought they were very well-written, and was particularly excited to see a lot of gender non-conformity in the stories. Gendered pronouns and titles were essentially meaningless in some of the stories, which was an interesting and much appreciated route to take. I’d definitely recommend this collection to anyone interested.