These stories are not for everyone, but for those who love the unique writing style of Ortberg, you are in for a real treat with these scary tales.

What I liked: I appreciate a new spin on old stories. I read a lot of retellings many of them stay with the original premise of the story; where the characters and the world they inhabit is modernized. However; I was very pleasantly surprised when I read this collection of delectable stories. I liked the way Ortberg played with the characters in ways I personally hadn't read before. Her take on the Velveteen Rabbit was great

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What I didn't like: I really liked the majority of stories in The Merry Spinster, I could relate the retellings to the original stories. There were only a couple of stories that I didn't really care for. With that being said that is due to the fact that I didn't have that touchstone of the original story to refer back to. But that isn't anything against the author but rather on me.


Star Rating: 4.5 stars


My thoughts: I really enjoyed Ortberg's writing style. Instead of writing in the classical sense it was more like she was telling you a story around a log fire.


Release Date: March 13th, 2018

Story collections are always something I think is a great resource for writers as well as a good way to find new and interesting takes on different genres. If you like creepy and twisted fairy taes you will like this book.

A truly original and clever collection of stories. All at once weird and compelling. I had so much fun trying to identify the basis of these tales. From the Grimm Brothers to the Bible, Ortberg finds inspiration in the most unlikely places and puts just the right twist to make them almost unrecognizable and totally original. The titular story, based on Beauty and the Beast was my favorite, even if it's heartbreaking. I also loved Good Fences Make Good Neighbors and The Frog's Princess. This is not Disney though. These are very dark and messed up stories with a twisted sense of humor and the way that the author plays with the language surprised me and made me laugh. And yes, these are tales of horror, but everyday horror... the casual cruelty, the desperation, the sadism are recognizable in the real world, even if they are disguised as fiction. Very good.

I received an advance copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

If you've read The Toast (dot net may she rest in power), you've read Mallory's weird, twisted, unforgettable Children's Stories Made Horrific. Some of the previously published entries are in this book, and the rest of the stories are new (at least to me).

Mallory's skill with words is hard to deny-- she has a way of tweaking a sentence to take it from mundane to something that invokes dread in you, whether it's because of the character's sudden and distinct lack of humanity, or the terrible and dispassionate response of a god. In these stories, she not only turns fairy tales on their heads, she also plays with the ideas of gender, gender roles, friendship, and love. Her Frog and Toad story continues to terrify me, and her Little Mermaid is fantastic.

This was a solid four star book for me, and I encourage anyone who appreciates the weird (or The Toast) to pick this up

Does A Lot of Interesting Things, Interestingly

First off, I didn't see the horror, scary, creepy angle here. These are witty, mischievous, and pretend-dark retellings of fairy tales and other popular cultural artifacts, but they struck me as funny, arch, coy, playful, and argumentative deconstructions and writing exercises, not actual "tales of horror". That's fine; indeed, that's great. But I wouldn't put this work in the same category or genre as all of those books that "reimagine" or "modernize" or update Grimm style tales, or put them in high school or make them into middle grade fantasy adventures. This uses Grimm and other well known tales, (including the Bible), to go to other more interesting places.

There is a lot of gender bending, pronoun play, feminist critique, cultural role playing, and post-Barthelme post-postmodern playing around, and it's all done with a good deal of style, wit, and, (if you'll excuse the phrase), verve. The narrator, who sometimes makes herself known through asides and digressions, is puckish and playful. Indeed, you could completely ignore the plot or structure of any of the stories and just get a kick out of the playful and transgressive writing - throwaway lines, bits of dialogue, sly asides, and withering gimlet eyed assessments.

Some of the tales are stripped down and streamlined in order to racket and speed to their conclusions. Others are pumped up and drawn out, I guess in order to play with different structural and story-telling conventions. There are deadpan monologues, bantering lead characters, occasional crowd scenes, and a few voice-overs, maybe to make a point, and maybe just as a form of writerly showing off. Again, that's fine because this is a writer who has earned the right to show off a bit.

As would any reader, I had a few favorites. I liked the pencil necked bureaucratic and fussy angel who just wanted to clear up a few things from Genesis. Even though I resisted where it was obviously going, I dug the Velveteen Rabbit. Princesses figure heavily in most of the stories, and Grimm coupled with girrrl power is always a treat. I may have found the one mermaid I didn't want to send back to the watery deep. And the absence of a "no" doesn't mean "yes".

Bottom line? These stories are a hoot; you'll be in the hands of a sharp, sharp witted, sharp humored writer with an eye for the gender jugular. A nice find.

(Please note that I received a free advance ecopy of this book without a review requirement, or any influence regarding review content should I choose to post a review. Apart from that I have no connection at all to either the author or the publisher of this book.)

What a great collection of stories. I definitely a fan of Ortberg's work now.

Delightfully bloody, dark, and feminist reworkings of familiar stories. And reading anything from Mallory Ortberg is such a treat. Recommended for all of the lightly misandrist fairy tale enthusiasts.

Dark horror fairytale retellings??? SIGN ME UP!!!!! I was thrilled when netgally approved me for this... My favorites were The daughter cells, the rabbit, and some of us have been threatening our friend Mr. Toad. These are nightmare inducing gems. My least favorite was the thankless child. I didn't get it and the pronoun thing just pissed me off. Overall I would definitely recommend this and I will be buying my own copy when it comes out.

I want to start by saying that I was lucky enough to read The Merry Spinster through an eARC courtesy of Netgalley and Henry Holt publishing. I appreciate the opportunity.

I've never read anything like The Merry Spinster. I mean this quite literally, as I have never read a "re-telling" of a folk or fairy tale. I can say this this will no longer be the case. I grew up on books like "Frog and Toad are Friends." I did own a children's adapted copy of Mother Goose Rhymes and long ago read some of the Brothers Grimm fairy tales. After reading this book, I realize that that there are numerous Grimm's Tales that I have not been exposed to. I did a little research while reading this title. I stared at the large listing of individual Grimms' tales and thought "Crap, I've got a lot of catching up to do." If you are expecting these tales to be something like the way "Shrek" integrates fairy and folk tale characters; you'd be off a little bit. If you are expecting something optimistic and cheerful, reminding you of simpler times; well, there you'd be off a bit too.

Ms. Ortberg reminds us of the dark side of these tales in an entirely new way. Yes, we know The Grimms were pretty... well, grim; however, the writer also spotlights the cruelty through characters manipulating, gaslighting, shaming others. Kind of reminds me of the culture of girls: "Raise your hand if you've ever been personally victimized by Regina George!" "Good Fences Make Good Neighbors," a spin on Frog and Toad and "Some of Us Have Been Threatening Our Friend Toad" are great examples of this. What can I say about The Rabbit? Yes! That Velveteen Rabbit is so wonderfully creepy. Ortberg definitely has a way of turning the sweet little woodland creatures into something entirely different than what we've grown up on.

It took a few stories in for me to warm up to this book. There are times that I thought that the author's style was just a bit too clever for me or, perhaps; the author herself really is much cleverer than me. So much so, that I got lost in the plot of a story because I didn't know what was being referenced. Fortunately, this was not the tone of the entire book. Classic Disney and fairy / folk tales often show females as weak without males. These tales do not have weak female characters. I'm going to read this one again because there are so many nuances to this work. I like stories of strong women and....dammit, I like animals that talk (even if they act like Mean Girls).

This story collection was pretty delightful. There's some feminist overtones of classic heroines taking charge of their own stories. There's some gaslighting going on in some pretty cruel ways and them some things that are truly terrifying. If anyone likes retold fairy tales or classic stories this will be enjoyable.

This was a very cool book. The imagery that Ortberg uses and the flipping of the usual narrative scripts within fairy tales was awesome and well thought out. There were tons of lines that she wrote that I highlighted and chortled at because they were just so true to life, despite being set in a fairy tale world. Definitely would recommend this book to anyone who likes the grimmer side of fairy tales.

I have been a fan of Mallory Ortberg’s writing since her early days at The Toast, so I was over the moon to be able to get my grubby hands on an advanced copy of her newest, The Merry Spinster.

This collection of fairytale, folklore, and bible re-tellings is both ingenious and terrifying. With a feminist and queer spin (no pun intended) to each story, Ortberg’s writing brings an unexpected and needed new life to them. You do not need a perfect memory of the original stories to enjoy them though, they are all their own unique short and enjoyable stories that are easily digestible.

I love Ortberg’s weirdness and these strange worlds she has created. They are not for everyone, but if you are willing to take a chance (and stomach some of the complicated wording or plot), it is totally worth it.

This was a fun book to read, it you like to read unusual and twisted stories. Ortenburg doesn't retell familiar fairy tales; she takes the familiar and gives it her own unique spin using humor, integrating bits and pieces of other literature such as the Bible and folktales, Female characters play strong roles in her tales; no damsels in distress here.
On the other hand, it took me awhile to finish this book because I would put it down and walk away, not in any rush to pick it back up. Some of the stories grabbed my attention, while others left me not really caring one way or the other what happened.
Overall, this book, for me, rates between 3 and 4 stars.
Overall, though, I'm glad I read it, even if it did take me awhile. I like the unusual and twisted telling of these tales; I think the ones that gave me the most difficulty involved stories I hadn't ever read. At the end of the book, Ortenburg includes a list of the original works she based her stories on and the list did include tales I hadn't read before.

I enjoyed this modern, edgy and warped (and I mean that in all the best ways) take on traditional fairy tales. I’m always game for updated retellings and this collection did not disappoint.

Such a smart and funny book—a completely original take on some of our oldest and (strangely) cherished stories. Ortberg is a masterful storyteller and maker (re-maker?) of language. Highly recommended.

If I ever have children/nieces/nephews/unfortunate babysitting victims, I'm reading them these. Dark, sharp, and insightful, Mallory Ortberg takes familiar tales and unravels them, repurposing the yarn into something twisted, dark, unrecognizable, and surprisingly comfortable in your brain-parts. These stories are old friends whose dark sides you never knew, but instead of being repulsed by them... you realize you love them more than ever. I received this book from NetGalley for an honest review. I loved it.

I am a huge fan of a retelling. So, seeing this collection of retellings of fairy tales, folk tales and other well-known/traditional stories available for request on NetGalley had me super interested. Needless to say, I was psyched when I got chosen and sent the ARC. I was a little nervous starting to read, because “everyday horror” could mean a lot of things (I totally overlooked that subtitle when originally requesting, as the rest of the description jumped at me first) and I am a giant baby when it comes to scary stories. But these are the perfect type of creepy for me: twisted and dark, instead of full on scary. And I got to read them right in time for Halloween!

Here are some short thoughts on each of the stories:

The Daughter Cells: The way the differences in perspective (between the original Little Mermaid and this retelling) are captured is on point. In general, this was an awesomely gory story to start the collection with.

The Thankless Child: The gender fluidity in the Cinderella retelling was really interesting and I thought that was a fascinating new take. And the uncomfortable focus of the fairy godmother on Paul (our Cinderella character) definitely made this tale a little horrific to read. However, beyond that I am not sure that understood the religious undertones (that were somehow related to salt?) or what the ending meant.

Fear Not: An Incident Log: The angel voice/monologue was a creative point of view. There was definitely a dark humor in carrying out God’s orders as a sort of mundane check the boxes/HR sort of job position. Very original and probably my favorite use of religion in any of the stories.

The Six Boy-Coffins: With details from a couple well known fairy tales (even if you cannot name them, you’ll recognize the elements, like nettle shirts and brothers turned into swans), this was probably my favorite story of the collection! This is a wonderfully horrifying take on the normal “handsome prince marries fair maiden” fairy tale trope, with a lovely feminist commentary on the lack of a no not meaning a yes. And the [well-deserved] lady revenge at the end was awesome! Love this quote: “She was beginning to learn the danger of silence, and that someone who wishes to hear a yes will not go out of his way to listen for a yes.”

The Rabbit: This one likely scared me the most. A sociopathic version of the Velveteen Rabbit, with a very succubus take on what being “Real” in the eyes of a child means. It felt a little like I was reading a stuffed animal version of a pathological killer storyline on a crime show. Yikes! But it was very creative, both in that I’ve never seen this story retold anywhere before, and to be fair it’s not an unreasonable (if still totally dark) reimagining of the original.

The Merry Spinster: The titular story. And sadly not my favorite considering it being based on my favorite ever, Beauty and the Beast. It started out super promising, but by the end I was really confused by the progression of the relationship between Beauty and the “Beast” and the ending. So when I finished I was pretty unsatisfied. However, this quote is pretty much my life: “Instead, she reads books, which did her no good whatever. She was twenty-eight and mostly useless.”

The Wedding Party: The dialogue between the main characters in this story was superb. It was witty, and authentic and creative and I loved it. I also thought the couple unsettling moments between them were well written examples of “everyday” horror. Unfortunately, the rest of the story, like the plot, made very little sense to me. I mean I understood what was happening on the surface, but I don’t think I recognized any of the original tales they were retellings of, which meant I wasn’t getting anything deeper from the story.

Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Mr. Toad: Whoa. What a sick and twisted story about messing with someone’s head. So much manipulation at the hands of supposed friends – the mind games and intimidation in this story were definitely a bit terrifying.

Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters: Probably my second favorite story overall. This was a cool take on the many siren/mermaid/selkie myths. Really entertaining, with a great gory ending and a big dash of over-righteous father (I mean really, you have to be pretty zealous to do what he did to his own son…yeesh).

The Frog’s Princess: This one definitely had some humor too, like an exaggerated warning story to children about making promises they don’t intend to keep. I also feel like there was a chance something deeper was going on, some kind of societal commentary on the importance we place on beauty (“Beauty is never private.”), but I think exactly what that was went over my head. Regardless, this was a lighthearted sort of gross.

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors: This was a strange amalgamation of a Grimm fairy tale and Frog and Toad. Both of which I like. But the way they are combined here is done very creepily – another really “horrifying in a depressing way” story of manipulation by someone who is supposed to be a friend. It’s well done though and a good way to close the collection.

Finally, a few of my thoughts on the collection as a whole. As I already mentioned, the “everyday horror” was the perfect amount for me: off-putting, but not enough to keep me awake at night. There were religious undertones in a number of the stories and some I enjoyed, but I felt like it happened too often for my enjoyment (keep in mind that I am super atheist and take that with a grain of salt). On the other hand, there were lots of real life phrases dropped in pretty much all the stories, everything from “financial portfolio” to “metal alloys” to “oil-modified urethane finish” and I thought that the jarring juxtaposition of that language with the fairy tale tone used throughout was a great touch. It gave a different sort of spin on the idea of “everyday horror.” One other thing I noticed was that many of the stories had some serious pronoun fluidity and confusion, which I am generally be ok with, but I felt like I couldn’t ever figure out why, what it added to the stories or what message it was supposed to be sending, so I’m not sure how I feel about it in these cases (as far as actually/truly reviewing it). Unless the goal was to just normalize non-traditional pronoun use....in that case - hell yea! Overall, an entertaining collection of super weird retellings and stories inspired from popular tales!

Thanks to NetGalley and that publisher, Henry Holt & Co, for sending me an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

If you're already a fan of Mallory Ortberg, this book delivers everything you could possibly want. If you're not already a Mallory fan, I urge you to get on board as soon as possible. I only wish this was getting released in time for Christmas this year!

A collection of “retold fairy tales” – or so says the blurb, but I think I’d describe it as a collection of short stories that, while they certainly play with fairy tale motifs and plots, aren’t quite producing new fairy tales, no more than The Bloody Chamber or Into the Woods are fairy tales. Besides, Ortberg takes her inspiration from sources beyond traditional folklore: here we have Shakespeare, the Bible, The Wind in the Willows, and Frog and Toad are friends, among others.

I’m a huge fan of Ortberg, which is the main reason I wanted to read this collection as soon as I knew it existed (though I am also a fan of fairy tale retellings, so that aspect didn’t hurt), but I mainly think of her as a comedian. Though she can be very funny, that sense of humor isn't much evident in this book. These stories are dark, casting a cynical eye over society and human relationships, interspersed with some genuinely bone-chilling moments.

My favorite stories were 'The Daughter Cells', a take on Hans Christian Andersen’s Little Mermaid from the point of view of the mermaid. I mean, I suppose the original was from the point of the view of the mermaid as well, but this is a story where the whole worldview is oriented to creatures that live in the ocean, and to them to breathe dry air or be unable to regenerate limbs or live behind doors are just odd cultural quirks that must be tolerated in those poor humans. Another favorite was 'The Rabbit', in which the Velveteen Rabbit does not become Real through love of a child, but through stealing the child’s life-force. It’s creepy and sociopathic and I just loved it.

On the other hand, I really wanted to like 'The Thankless Child', a mix of King Lear and Cinderella (and how have I never noticed those parallels before? The three daughters, the youngest one good but oppressed, the missing mother). Parts of it are wonderful, particularly the insistent demands of the godmother for the youngest child to love her and only her – that was absolutely chilling in an understated way. There’s an interesting take on gender roles here as well, with “husband” and “wife” being placements one decides on after marrying, more job titles than gender roles. On the other hand, I’m not exactly sure what happened at the end, in that way of literary fiction that is so concerned with being subtle it crosses the line into incomprehensible. It’s not the only story with a bit of that, but this was the piece that suffered the worst.

I did enjoy this collection overall, even if it wasn’t quite what I expected. For a sample of Ortberg's writing in a similar vein, check out <a href="http://the-toast.net/2015/04/07/childrens-stories-made-horrific-thousandfurs/">this retelling of Donkeyskin</a> by her. If you like that, you’re sure to like this book as well.

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2173146338