According to several definitions, a tribe is a group of people who share a common culture, linked by language, customs, traditions, geography, and often ancestry.
The author, Ruth Fitzmaurice, had two tribes that fit these descriptions. One was her family consisting of her filmmaker husband Simon and their five children. The other was her friends-specifically those friends who share a common culture- women whose husbands have serious chronic, disabling illnesses or injuries.
Her husband Simon Fitzmaurice developed motor neuron disease, called MND in the book. Besides Ireland (the Republic) they also lived in Australia and England before settling permanently in Greystones, Co. Wicklow, on the east coast of Ireland, on the Irish Sea.
I say that because other Americans may be as ignorant about Irish geography as I am. And because they will recognize MND by another name, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, ALS, the motor neuron disease that bears the name of a famous victim, American baseball player Lou Gehrig.
Swimming is one of Ruth’s favorite ways to cope with the stress of caring for her children and husband, and since her friends swim with her, she calls her tribe the Tragic Wives’ Swimming Club. But these are no leisurely swims at the local YWCA. No these are nighttime swims in the cold and choppy waters in an Irish Sea cove at Greystones.
“There is a secret society of the hurt. We harbour pain skilfully under smiles. Observe a subtle strain behind the eyes. A certain tension in the jaw muscles. We gather on a stony beach that may as well be a deserted car park. We swap pain silently like illegal contraband.”
In this memoir Ruth sways from the complexities of her life to the mundane, from acting stoic to distraught, from feeling in control to helpless; we feel what she feels as she navigates her fragile existence, torn between love for her husband but longing for him to be truly present in her life. Even her children say they wish their real dad was there, all the while loving him as he is.
Ruth does not explain the Irish healthcare system which according to my research is a public-private system, different than Americans have. Thus, Ruth doesn’t explain but just tells us about the regular assortment of home health nurses, therapists, social workers , and caregivers assigned to Simon, some of whom more satisfactory than others. In a comparable situation Americans might envy such entitlement, but Ruth makes clear it comes at a cost-loss of privacy and autonomy.
“Illness by its nature is disorderly. A public system swoops in to serve and take good care. Doesn’t it? They are all super nice and speak in loud voices. Meetings are very important to them. …Plans must be written down. It’s called a Care Plan. I may sound bitter but mostly I feel bemused.”
Although Simon died in 2017, Ruth’s book doesn’t end there, it really doesn’t end. She didn’t tell her story chronologically, because it isn’t so much about what happened as it is how she reacted, felt, and coped with her unexpected life. After reading it, I left wanting to know more about this woman and her family and am glad to know there is more to her story.
“Some good days at the cove start off feeling bad. It’s warmer than we thought and nobody else is here. This beach is ours. We will collect stones for Dadda (Simon). I only wish we could hand the whole cove to Simon so he could put it in his pocket. It starts lashing rain…we are whooping and laughing and climbing and swimming. Sorry souls do what they can to survive, so just go with it. I dare you.”

This quiet book roars with the experiences of self lost and found, of connections reborn, and the wisdom of one who has walked a hard road and braved the wilds of life apart from the wider world. Thoroughly recommended!

With her husband Simon dying from MND (Motor Neurone Disease which in Canada it is known as ALS—amyotrophic lateral sclerosis—or informally as Lou Gehrig's disease), Ruth Fitzmaurice has to find a way of coping – and does so through her so-called tribe. The focus of the book in terms of Ruth's private story, how she keeps her head above water (literally) in such harrowing circumstances, is her discovery of a love of wild swimming. In all seasons and all weathers, she plunges into the sea, off the coast near her house in County Wicklow, along with a group of other stalwart women, all of whom have been or are in the midst of terrible ordeals themselves. They do not plan to become a group or tribe in this way, it just happens, organically. They call themselves 'The Tragic Wives Swimming Club' jokingly, but what they achieve through mutual support and enormous physical courage is not to be laughed at, only admired.

This story borders on rambling, even manic at times as Ruth doesn't use any type of timeline or write in any kind of order. Instead, she chunks her staccato type narrative into mini-essays. The narrative is a raw and honest, the quality of which is sometimes wonderful, at times intensely sad, at others funny but always incredibly human and frequently beautifully poetic. There are times when the reading experience of the book is hard work; the style is incredibly fragmented, and she leaps from topic to topic, situation varying wildly, but always she writes with such honesty and integrity. She chops backwards and forwards between the earlier 'good' times and the current problems in a way that sweeps you along but does require a certain level of commitment to keep everything straight in the head from the reader. Her sentences are short, unsentimental, as well as powerfully evocative.

Ruth is unabashedly open with her thoughts and feelings and she is incredibly brave to bare her life in this way. Never straying into overt sentimentality, it is powerful if one can follow the weaving threads of thought to the ultimate ending. At times painful or confronting, it is a testament to the human spirit.

A moving memoir of a woman attempting to live and cope with her husband's progressive condition (ALS), while also caring for their five children. She finds support in a group of friends, or her tribe, which gives her strength to continue. This would be recommended for all those who are caregivers and struggling to stay afloat during difficult times.

A beautiful tribute to and personal memoir of Ruth Fitzmaurice. Seems a little thrown together but still worth reading.

This is a very uplifting memoir about a Tribe of family and friends who support Ruth Fitzgerald and her
husband through one of the hardest times I can imagine. She takes you through their romance, hopes
and ambitions. I had to put it down a few times and read something lighter but her story is about real life and learning how to cope.

Bloomsbury USA and NetGalley provided me with an electronic copy of I Found My Tribe. I was under no obligation to review this book and my opinion is freely given.

Author Ruth Fitzmaurice wrote I Found My Tribe while her filmmaker husband, Simon, was struggling with ALS. The book tells the story of their marriage, from its beginnings through Simon's ultimate demise.

Having previously read It's Not Yet Dark by Simon Fitzmaurice, in which he chronicles his journey through his life and illness, I was interested in gaining Ruth's perspective of the same events and time period. I was not really a fan of the writing itself and the series of essays did not seem to be organized in a cohesive manner. I did not find the author to be particularly engaging, so it was a struggle to finish this relatively short book. For these reasons, I would be hesitant to recommend I Found My Tribe to other readers.

This was a beautiful memoir. I would love to have the support that the MC had in this book. I felt so connected to all of the stories-- awesome!

Last year, I stumbled across IT'S NOT DARK YET: A MEMOIR, by Simon Fitzmaurice, and the book touched me in ways I didn't anticipate. While my terminal illness is much slower acting than ALS there were things he described that verbalized things I'd been yet unable to say. Things about how there are moments when you do things because you fear this could be your last chance to, or other times when you're in the middle of doing something and it suddenly hits you that tomorrow you might be physically incapable, so you put your all into it all that much harder.

"How does this relate, when I should be reviewing I FOUND MY TRIBE?" you are probably wondering. I came to my own terminal illness from a unique place. I was the child of someone who had spent 14 years hearing he only had a few weeks left to live. I am acutely aware of what it did to me as a child. I'm also aware of what it took for my mother to survive it. And as I watch my spouse now handle the course life chose for us, I felt like maybe Ruth Fitzmaurice's story would help me help him. It did.

I see the way we've built our own tribe. I think unless you're building up a support system in this kind of situation, it's hard to understand why it's a "tribe". I read a lot of reviews in advance about "Where did the title come from?" but it's more than building a family, it's building an entire support network. It's more than just the people in it, it's the places in it. It's so much bigger than any one small piece of the puzzle.

I think it's important for people to go into this book knowing that Ruth waited to tell her story until after Simon had passed. Sometimes, telling our side of the story is better that way, so we save those already suffering at least one piece of pain, because if they knew you hurt for them, it would only hurt them more.

My heart is heavy for the Fitzmaurice children. I have an idea what their life has been like and what it will continue to be like, and that is hard. I'm grateful for Ruth's story just as I was grateful when I found Simon's last year.

I kept asking myself how does she do this and I appreciated the very introspective writing. Very honest, moving, and brave story.appreciated Ruth's writing and the strong connection to the sea was magical. I kept asking myself how does she do this and I appreciated the very introspective writing. Very honest, moving, and brave story. Writing about such suddenness and misery was so raw and real, I appreciated it greatly. Thank you Bloomsbury USA for the ecopy arc to enjoy.

Thanks to Netgalley for my copy.

I previously read the husband's book which was an amazing read. Whilst undoubtedly a brave and strong woman this book felt disjointed and choppy. I admire her strength and the loyalty of her friends but felt disconnected emotionally.

I loved this book. So well written. I found this book unputdownable!!

I Found My Tribe by Ruth Fitzmaurice is a poignant debut book.
Her tribe consists of her husband, Simon, whom is living with Motor Neuron Disease. Her children are also a major part of the tribe. Simons only form of communication is with his eyes.
MND is a condition that affects the nerves and brain. There is NO cure and always fatal. This horrific disease is most commonly know to the public as, ALS.
The other tribe members that play a significant role in Ruth’s life, consist of her swimming friends. They refer to themselves as, “The Tragic Wives” swimming club. They meet to cope and share the challenges of their daily lives. Cathartic in so many ways.
This story is told by Ruth, Simons wife. In reading it you will learn of her everyday struggles and challenges of being a caregiver, but mostly as a wife, as she watches her husband deteriorate.
This is a book that proves how having a strong support system can help the caregiver find strength in her daily struggles.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a digital copy to read and review, in exchange for an honest opinion.
As a retired nurse and previous caregiver to loved ones... you have my utmost respect, Ruth.

The story is sad yet inspiring, truthful and harsh at times in its reality. It makes one wonder what they would do in similar circumstances - and hope they never have to find out.

I received this book from Netgalley to review.
Simon Fitzmaurice has Motor Neuron Disease and this is the story of how his wife, Ruth, copes with the everyday struggles. She copes by forming a group called the Tragic Wives Club. To deal with their stresses they swim in the cold water at the local cove near her house in Greystones, Co Wicklow. At home she deals with her ailing husband, her 5 children and a slew of caregivers. Everyday she meets with her group and swims. Here she is free and everything is washed away. Soon her group begin to swim naked on each full moon of every month. This makes it more freeing and allows her to deal with her troubled life. This group is her tribe. This is the story of ger tribe.

I think this was a case of reader/writer mismatch. I like the idea of this book but could not get in to the story due to the execution and the style of writing. The sentences were too short and chopped up for my taste.

Ruth has five active children, and a husband, Simon, with Motor Neuron Disease. Simon can only communicate with his eyes. Ruth’s life is filled with children, caregivers and healthcare professionals, and her love for Simon, but she needs more.

Fortunately, Ruth has her tribe: The Tragic Wives’ Swimming Club, a group of close friends who help each other through the obstacles they face every single day in their lives, and the waves and frigid water they face in their swimming. Swimming in Greystones cove saves them, and their favorite thing is moonlight swims in the ocean under the full moon.

Sometimes, the most unlikely things can save you.

I think a lot of us are looking for our “tribe.” The fortunate ones find them. Ruth is blessed to have friends who both surround her in her difficulties—and they are so very difficult—and who can fully sympathize because of their own similar circumstances. Ruth is an amazingly strong woman: she’s raising FIVE kids essentially alone, while writing full-time and caring for a husband who needs total care and an army of medical staff. I cannot even imagine the kind of strength this takes. This book is a wonderful read about the friends who help us shine a light into the darkness surrounding us.

Note: Ruth’s husband, Simon, passed last October.

(Galley provided by Bloomsbury US in exchange for an honest review.)

As a wife and mother of 5 small children, this author writes truthfully and poetically of her struggles for a normal life with her desperately ill husband.
She describes her days with a revolving staff of nurses and caregivers in her home with wit and charm and never seems to let anyone feel sorry for her. Her best moments are when she is swimming with her friends, all members of "The Tragic Wives Swimming Club".

Beautifully written. Honest, raw and at times sad. All the things that go with being a caregiver to one who is terminally ill. I recommend this to anyone who enjoys a story that evokes emotions.

I didn't realize until I started reading that I already had her husband's memoir It's Not Yet Dark. I kind of wish I had read it first, because neither spouse was Bfamiliar to me before I started reading. But I decided to keep going with this one since it was release day. I'll read his story next.

Poetic, great imagery, and not completely depressing. I might add more later. Thanks, Netgalley, for giving me the chance to read this book.