Hamlet by way of Sons Of Anarchy.
Half Orcs riding literal hogs(that's right giant assed pigs)
Fighting Orcs, bandits and feral centaurs to keep the blasted waste between the
Cities and the wilderness safe.
Fun
It was fun.
A little wacky, but that's ok.

A grimdark-ish, motorcycle club type of fantasy that's definitely muscular, stinky, and rollicking - you're not going to get high fantasy here (even with elves and orcs). Mr. French seems to be having a blast with these characters and is especially adept at action scenes, of which there are many, while fleshing out his characters and the shifting loyalties amongst the inhabitants of The Lots. A strong recommend.

So let’s get this out of the way early with regard to Jonathan French’s The Grey Bastards. It’s foul-mouthed, has a good amount of graphic language (warning: I’m about to give a few examples. Seriously—bad words ahead), sex, and violence, and much of that is aimed in ugly fashion at women. There’s a heaping amount of “fuck’s” in the story (both the word and the act), but also a lot of “quim,” and “cunt.” The women save two are whores, “bedwarmers,” or mothers who if young breastfeed babies and if old take care of orphans. The two exceptions are a main character who is good at everything and smart and another character who says nearly nothing (and if she does it’s translated) and who was raped (perhaps gang-raped). On top of that, there’s a whole bunch of “I’m gonna hug you, you other guy you, but don’t think it’s a gay thing!” and “I’m gonna hug ya back you big lug, but if it goes on too long it’s definitely gay” jokes/dialog.


Now, none of that is going to sound “appealing” to anyone (at least god hope not). But if it sounds like it’s a deal-breaker, this is clearly not the book for you. It was a close call as to whether it was a book for me and honestly, I’m not sure I would have finished it had it not been a review copy. Now, I don’t want to imply the author is espousing these views, and
there’s an argument to be made that the author is highlighting the negative aspects of a culture. Plus, there are hints that things are changing. But I do think the execution muddies how these views are meant to be seen, and that is problematic. There’s a lot to like in French’s novel if you can look past all that, but I had great difficulty in responding positively at many points, it often took me out of the reading experience, and made me frequently wonder if it was all truly necessary (my own view, not really, but then that’s me complaining about the author not writing the book I’d write, so there’s that). With that pretty big caveat (really, it’s a big caveat, trust me), onward to a review of the book’s other aspect, which are mostly positive.

The setting is a world that a lengthy generation ago saw a major war between invading orcs and the allied humans “Frails,” half-orcs, and elves. The war was stopped by a virulent plague that swept through both sides, leaving them too exhausted to continue the fight and forcing the orcs back to their homeland. The allies then divided up the land, with elves, humans, and half-orcs in their own homogenous regions though there is travel and trade (elves mostly stick to themselves though). The half-orcs got the horrible borderland—“The Lots”—between the human kingdom and the narrow body of water the orcs cross to attack.

The half-orcs have just under a dozen social settlements that are warrior-centered, male-dominated, and strongly hierarchical. There’s a clear biker-gang vibe going on here (if not an out and out parallel), even to the half-orcs riding on war “hogs.” The Grey Bastards are one such “Hoof,” and our protagonist is Jackal, a relatively younger generation member who thinks the current Chief has outlived his abilities as leader. Jackal two compatriots are Oats (a “thrice-born—product of an orc/half-orc mating) and Fetching, the first female to ever become a Hoof member. The three become embroiled in complicated plots that involve Jackal trying to become the new chief, a possible new orc “incursion,” a prophecy of a returned god worshipped by halflings, centaurs who go orgiastically violent on the night of a certain moon, a half-orc wizard (a first) who shows up out of nowhere, a slave-trade in female elves, and possible fissures in the alliance amongst the three allied races. There’s more, but that should suffice.

First and foremost, the characters are a lot of fun. Jackal, as the main character, is mostly likable and has an engaging personality/voice. Even better, and one of my favorite aspects of the novel, is how he’s presented as someone who thinks he has all the right answers and motives. And in most novels, that’s where the characterization would end. But time and again Jackal is thrown for a loop (as is the reader), and his confident plotting thrown awry by learning that the world is more complex than his relatively short life experience has prepared him for. It’s an atypical portrayal of the stock “hero” character and shies away from as well the nearly-as-stock “anti-hero” type.

Oats is a more typical stalwart sidekick/best-friend but has his moments where the author digs a bit more deeply into his character. The wizard character is amusingly inscrutable and adds a nice touch of constant tension as one is never sure of his motives. Other side characters get a chance to show us more than one side of themselves. The one negative characterization is Fetching, who is unfortunately a bit too good: best archer, best fighter, smart, etc. I would have liked to have seen her less perfect, and as well seen a few more females in positions of strength and power (there are others who act strongly, but that’s different).

The worldbuilding is slowly revealed as the book goes on, and it’s still not fully laid out by the end; it’s more than a little thin, but clearly there’s a second book coming and one assumes we’ll learn more about it. The exposition can be clunky at times, and though the war/division of land at least explains why the regions are homogenous, I admit I’m a little tired of the one-race/one land set up and am ready for some fantasy that presents lands as more cosmopolitan. But that’s just a personal preference and also the result of decades of reading a lot of fantasy.

Plot-wise the action is vibrant, fast, bloody, and deftly handled in terms of logistics. The entire book is also nicely paced and shows good balance and smooth transitions as it moves between fight scenes, chase scenes, political arguments, and more intimate one-on-one conversations. A few cliché moments pop up, as do some a few unexpected twists to balance them out. Dialogue is quite well done for the most part, save the aforementioned language, misogynistic, homophobic “bro talk” moments.

If the more disturbing elements weren’t present or were greatly trimmed down in frequency, I’d have no trouble recommending The Grey Bastards as a fun read with engaging characters, a solid 3.5. But there’s also no avoiding the fact that those elements did cause me a heap of trouble at times and had me wincing quite a bit. So I’m dropping it to a 2.5, and I’ll let you decide how much personal weight to give those elements.

Everyone I've suggested this book to has loved it. The Orcs are the good guys and their world is just as complex as any you will find in fantasy fiction. Lots of action and well developed characters. I can't wait until the next book comes out!

AT LONG LAST, AN ORC HAS BECOME A MAIN CHARACTER. Well, a half orc anyway. In what seems like 95% of fantasy books, your main character will be a human, an elf, or perhaps a fairy… that last 5% is where your orcs, dwarves, or other species come into play and you get some originality. The Grey Bastards is the answer to many fantasy readers’ dreams because not only do you get half-orcs, but you get full orcs, elves, giant puddingy leech monsters, and mad centaurs. It’s a mixed monster medley for sure.

In the Lot Lands live the half-orc hoofs, one of the few lines of defense between the constant threat of orc invasion and the humans of Hispartha. The Grey Bastards are one of eight hoofs remaining in these desolate lands and as the title would imply, this book is about them. Or rather it’s more about Jackal, because everything’s about him. He and his childhood friends, the thrice-blood Oats and Fetching, who has the dubious honor of being the only female rider, set off a chain of events that leads them in unexpected directions. He briefly picks up a sorcerer side-kick, faces down the pudding leeches in their dank swamp den, rescues an elf girl, and fights centaurs during the Betrayer Moon. This was a legitimately wild ride from start to finish.

The banter between the characters is top-notch and never has that stilted, scripted feel that some books have. I, for the most part, enjoyed the humorous parts and thought the more serious or emotional portions actual evoked emotion and never fell flat. The world building is also pretty cool, and I thought it provided the perfect amount of depth and detail for a first book. And by that I mean he wasn’t describing the carvings on the cornices, but the reader gets a good feel for the history, culture, and setting without being bored or overwhelmed. Oh, and have I mentioned that the mounts are actually war-hogs? Yeah, forget boring old horses, we get frikkin monstrous hogs that will gore you through with their tusks!!! I think they really suit the half-orcs, who are way too tough for traditional horses. And those centaurs that I mentioned above? Every time the Betrayer Moon rises they sweep through the Lot Lands in a mad, lustful fury slaughtering all who are in their path and only cease when the dawn comes.

This was an awesome book and I really shouldn’t be surprised because this was initially brought to my attention during one of the previous SPFBO runs. It makes me ridiculously happy that that event gets indie authors the recognition they deserve and several have been picking up deals with major publishers. If you’re into a darker sort of fantasy or are just looking for something that stands out from the crowd, then I would definitely recommend The Grey Bastards. Jonathan French has something special here and I can’t wait to see where he takes the story from here.

I have a confession to make: I haven't read much epic fantasy. I've stuck to mostly urban, and when I have read high fantasy, I've usually erred on the romantic side. So I can't tell you if this book will meet your expectations, or how unique it was. But what I can tell you is that I didn't know I could love epic fantasy this much! This was a witty, gritty burst of awesome with the perfect blend of complex world building, intricate plotting, and developed characters, and I was so immersed in the story that I didn't want it to end.

Basically, there are all different creatures, as well as humans, but this book focuses on the half-orcs, specifically the group (aka hoof) that go by "The Grey Bastards." These hoofs protect the humans and half-orcs on their land from the orcs and centaurs and anything else that might attack. Also, instead of riding horses, they ride giant hogs, and for some reason I just love it when characters ride non-horse animals.

So there was a whole complex world with different species and lands and societies, but the information was scattered throughout the book in a way that never felt overwhelming or confusing. (And this is coming from someone who has a very hard time concentrating.) I loved all the little details that made the world feel real and filled-out.

The plot was also complex and really had a lot going on for one book. A lot happened, but it never felt rushed or chaotic. It did, however, feel a bit slow-paced and meandering at times since I didn't know what exactly the end goal was. That's one of my only complaints, and it's a small one. And don't worry, there were plenty of action-packed battle scenes too.

I also really liked the writing. It's hard to explain because it wasn't lyrical or "beautiful." It was simple and uncomplicated but had a maturity to it. This is an author who knows how to string words together and make them flow.

Most importantly though, the characters were fantastic! I loved these half-orcs from the very first page, especially Jackal. He was witty, playful, intelligent, likeable, and kick-butt all at once. He wasn't perfect, he could be a bit impulsive, naive, and vain, but he tried to do what he thought best in the situations he ended up in, I understood his decisions and why he made them, and he grew over the course of the story. He may have been half-orc, but he was just as realistic and relatable as any human. I was rooting for him.

Oats was great too. I thought he would fall into the dumb brute stereotype, but he didn't. He was big and strong but also smart and loyal. Then there was Fetch, who first showed up buck naked on the roof with all the confidence in the world and shot someone dead after he tried to hurt her friends. I mean, as far as making an entrance into a book goes, that is top notch. She was tough and kick-butt because she had to be for the men to accept her, but she wasn't cruel. And all the rest of the characters, including minor ones, felt just as developed and believable, even if I didn't like them all or get to know them very well.

I will give a warning about the characters though: they could be very vulgar, crude, and offensive. A few things they said might've been a bit problematic, but it was fitting and believable for the rowdy group of characters.

Last but not least, I felt more emotion than I expected to while reading this. There was humor, there was frustration, there was tension, and I could feel all of these things. Bad things happened too, not every character survived, and I shed a tear over one death in particular. If you've read the book, you can probably guess which one.

Overall, I thought the world-building, the plot, the writing, and the characters were all amazing, and I'm definitely glad I gave this book a try!

(Sorry it's somewhat incoherent!)

How badly did I want to read The Grey Bastards?

On the surface, it ticks a bunch of tickyboxes that make something a [personal profile] telophase book:

[X] set in a pseudo-European, pseudo-medieval fantasy world
[x] down-and-dirty characters caught up in situations beyond their control
[x] orcs! and half-orcs! as viewpoint characters!
[x] and speaking of which, just one viewpoint character instead of a giant cast of thousands
[x] "Grey" spelled as "Grey" and not "Gray" which is just wrong
[x] OH COME ON LOOK AT THIS COVER:
[.jpg of cover here]
YEAH THAT'S A [personal profile] telophase COVER RIGHT THERE
NO, I DIDN'T DO IT BUT YOU GIVE ME THAT COVER AND I WILL ABSOLUTELY PICK IT UP AND READ THE BACK
ON AN UNRELATED NOTE IT IS A CRYING SHAME THAT A NUMBER OF WARHAMMER4OK NOVELS HAVE SUCH AWESOME COVERS BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY I'M READING ALL SIXTY THOUSAND OF THEM


ANYway. A couple of weeks ago, I was reminded that The Grey Bastards was coming out on the 19th, and was consumed with futile book-lust, knowing that I had time to read it now, but wasn't sure about then. (Plus that whole ADHD lack of impulse control thing.) And then I remembered Netgalley! That place where librarians, of which I am one, book bloggers, and other book-reading professionals can go request ARCs of books! And yes! it was on there! I put in my request and within a few days had an ARC sitting on my kindle.

So how badly did I want to read it? Well, I'm also a member of a site run by Penguin called FirstToRead, where you can log in and spend points (that you earn by logging in) to guarantee reading copies of pre-release books or enter a lottery to win a chance to read a pre-release book, and a couple of days ago I logged in to discover that I'd spent 500 hard-earned points on another ARC of The Grey Bastards that was ready for me to read. Oops. :)

Apparently I wanted to read it TWO ARCS BADLY, that's how much. Ah well, I'm happy for the Netgalley copy because the FirstToRead copies are epubs and I'd be stuck reading it on my ipad (although I think they were supposed to send me an email that it was ready and I never got it).

You don't actually care about any of that, though. You want to know about the book if you've got this far and didn't quit reading at the pseudo-European, pseudo-medieval tickybox above. I categorize this book with ones like Glen Cook's Black Company series, which is one of my all-time favorite series. I don't think French has reached Cook's heights, but I still read the hell out of the book.

Now the part that I'm not that great at when reviewing: talking about the plot and whatnot. Our protagonist is the half-orc Jackal. He is a member of the Grey Bastards, one of several fighting half-orc brotherhoods living in the wasteland outside of a human kingdom, serving as the thin grey line between the humans and rampaging orc tribes. Jackal gets thrown into the depths of conspiracy and conundrums when a human shoots his mouth off and gets himself killed by one of the Bastards, and they have to cover it up. The situation starts bad, gets worse, and Jackal ends up dragged halfway to hell and back before it's all over.

So much for plot--go read the description on the book cover or one of the many reviews if you want more. What I really liked about it started with Jackal--he's a tough guy with a heart, and I enjoyed spending time in his head. The worldbuilding also does things I like--take a sort of familiar place (Fantasylandia) and puts little twists here and there, building it out into something not quite typical, but retaining enough of what it started from to be mostly familiar.

The Amazon copy mentions "a generous nod to Sons of Anarchy," and, well, never having seen any episodes I couldn't tell you if it's SoA AU fanfic with the serial numbers rubbed off, but the half-orc brotherhoods are based on motorcycle clubs/gangs OH COME ON YOU HAVE TO FACE IT THEY RIDE HOGS. They are of course your basic fictional clubs/gangs in that they're polished and prettified up and aren't necessarily doing things like running drugs. Rape exists in the world--half-orcs are all products of rape--but it happens offscreen, even though various parts of the plot hinge on the consequences of it.

(See, you various "But medieval times were GRITTY and you have to show it by having lots of rapey rape!" people? You can incorporate it without having it onscreen.)

I also note that I have been on the internet too long because when the Amazon copy called it raunchy, I was expecting way more raunch than what I got, which doesn't even match the worst of the Game of Thrones TV show (I never read the books). I also do covers for romance novels, and those get way more explicit than the sex that happens in this book, which seemed almost tame by comparison. Oh well. Sex happens in the book, characters talk about it and make ribald comments to each other, but it's never exploitative--it fits with the characters and their lives.

I don't really have much coherent to say about it--I never do, which is why I'm more of an artist than a writer--other than this is going up on my virtual shelf near the Black Company books* and Paul S. Kemp's Egil and Nix series**. (Please feel free to rec me other books you think might fit, although not Malazan because I would love to read Malazan and have tried several times but there are TOO DAMN MANY PEOPLE TO FOLLOW. The Black Company sticks with 1 or 2 POV characters per book, which is fine by me.)

* THERE'S A NEW ONE COMING OUT THIS FALL YES I PRE-ORDERED THE INSTANT I FOUND OUT
** I keep meaning to talk about them here and never do. I would describe it as Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser minus the Mouser's unsavory predilection for rather young women.

One last ANYWAY and I shall soon be done. I gather from the internet that French self-published TGB before it got picked up by Crown for traditional release, in case you are scratching your head going "I'm sure I've seen this before..."

If you can't tell, I rather enjoyed the book, and if there's going to be a sequel, I'll grab it. My only major side-eye about it is a plot spoiler, so I'll just say that one character exits offscreen in a rather anti-climactic way that I feel doesn't serve them well, but I reserve judgement on that until we see if they show back up in a sequel or not.

Two thumbs up, check 'er out. Get your copy at Amazon starting Tuesday.

When I first started reading The Grey Bastards, I knew it was an homage to the television show, “Sons of Anarchy,” but when discovering the names of the main characters, Jackal (Jax), Oats (Opie), and the Claymaster (Clay), I thought they were a little too close to the real thing. Then I discovered that these half-orcs rode hogs – real, animal hogs – and I almost gave up reading what I thought might be a spoof. I kept reading, and despite my misgivings, I started to get caught up in the story.
There is some tremendous world-building here. I loved the description of the kiln, their hideout, where the walls can be heated to kill any intruders. Then there was the Hogback, which is a ramp that can be raised and lowered to let the hogs and their riders out over the walls. There are the sludges, gelatinous creatures that can envelop and suck the life out of a creature, and the Rohks, flying predators who could carry a whole hog. The magic is different, created out of smoke and sparks.
Given the nature of the show, I expected the sex and violence to be more graphic than it is; however, many of the other descriptions are just as graphic and gross as can be.
Just as in “Sons of Anarchy,” this hoof (club) is being run by a corrupt tyrant whose time has come. Jackal has discovered that the Claymaster is making deals and paying for them using elves, a violation of the treaty they have which could lead to war. As he comes closer to taking over leadership of the Bastards, he discovers that perhaps they are not the fierce proctors of the Lot lands that they think they are; perhaps they are simply the dregs of humanity left to survive on scraps. Along with his backups, Fetching and Oats, and the wizard, Crafty, Jackal will find out about the Bastards and their place in the Lot Lands, even if it kills them all.

"Live in the saddle. Die on the hog." Any time there's a book about a troop of half-orcs riding giant hogs and protecting the hinterlands of civilization, count me in! French has given us an absolutely awesome tale of sword and magic and fantasy, that stands out because of its stark realism. It's not a tale of noble princes and rescuing princesses. It's how a troop of toughs would talk to each other and deal with each other. The joking, the bantering, the trust, the distrust. The bastards with their half-orc blood are all that stands against hell being unleashed. There was nothing about this terrific tale that was not worthwhile. An entire world was created in this novel, harsh, brutish, and amazing. This is a fantasy book not written for kids, but for adults.

Never thought of half-orcs in this light. This book keeps the pace going, along with some commentary on point of view...

Genre: Fantasy
Publisher: Ballymalis Press (Nov. 16th, 2015); Crown (June 19th, 2018)
Hardcover: 432 pages
Audiobook: 12 hours

4/5 Stars
Thanks a lot to Penguin Random House for my ARC of The Grey Bastards. It was a damn good read!

War pigs. Orcs, Half-Orcs, and Three-Quarter Orcs. Elves that ride stags. Wizards, halflings, plagues, battles, and a lot (if you’ll pardon my pun) of fun, filthily enjoyable fantasy.

The Grey Bastards, Book 1 of The Lot Lands, is about Jackal, a half-orc who lives alongside his friends in their hoof, The Grey Bastards. Left on the outskirts of society because of their race, each member of the hoof is a half-orc that has sworn their life to patrolling the lot lands in search of orc invaders. The Grey Bastards are led by the Claymaster, an enormous old half-orc riddled with plague. Riding their trusty barbarians (giant war hogs), Jackal and his friends fight alongside other hoofs to protect humankind from being overridden.

But after the appearance of a mysterious wizard and a pitched battle with the demonic Sludge Man, secrets are revealed and Jackal begins to question the Claymaster’s leadership. Jackal’s search for answers to the true nature of the Grey Bastards threatens to upend his life, along with the lives of his friends.

The Grey Bastards is one hell of a good read. I’d liken it to a similar vein of fantasy that Kings of the Wyld occupies: plenty of good myth and magic coupled with fun, endlessly entertaining characters. I found myself just as invested in the mythology and lore of the story, like the reason the Lot Lands came to be, with some of the lighter (and dirtier) parts of the story. Seriously, where do you sign up to become a slophead? If I got to take care of hogs like Hearth and Ugfuck, I’d join the Bastards in a heartbeat.

Jonathan French’s writing is magnetic. Through battle and retribution, heartfelt moments, and no small amount of debauchery, French makes you feel as much a brother or sister of the Grey Bastards as Oats or Fetch. The pacing is perfect and keeps you enthralled from one moment to the next.

Look for The Grey Bastards on Jun 19, 2018 published by Crown (Penguin Random House). I can’t wait for book 2!

Pre-order your copy today!

The Grey Bastards was the winner of the 2016 SPFBO (Self-Published Fantasy Blog Off) contest hosted by Mark Lawrence. And wow. I can definitely see why it did so well. And I can most certainly see why it is now being traditionally published. It harkens back to that almost D&D style while offering a fresh take on things.

Throughout the book, we follow Jackal's perspective via 3rd person limited POV. He is a half-orc abandoned at birth and raised in the Lot Lands. And he is a Grey Bastard--a member of a group of half-orcs (one of about 9 groups) whose overall job is to protect the Lot Lands from the thicks (what they call orcs). They ride on hogs they affectionately call barbarians. These are loyal creatures with names such as Hearth and Ugfuck.

In my eyes at least, the plot of the book is one that slowly reveals itself. I personally went in blind, knowing absolutely nothing about the book. But in general, it's about Jackal and how he comes to see the cracks in everything he once held dear. One small incident slowly begins to spiral into more and bigger ones.

This book is amazingly well paced. The writing is a big help. It has both the quality of an intense page-turner during the action scenes and a more steady-moving character study during the "normal" parts.

What I loved about it is how we almost get this unreliable narrator feel to the plot. Not necessarily that Jackal is a purposeful unreliable narrator, but as we learn through him, many things he once assumed are turned on their heads.

Jackal has friends in Oats and Fetching. But even them he doesn't truly know completely, although he does trust them completely. Fetching is the sole female member of the hoof (i.e., the group) and is damn strong. One of the best parts of the novel. 

Something I wasn't that big a fan of is the world-building. We visit many different places, from Hispartha, to the Kiln, the Sludge Man's domain, etc. And yet none of it felt connected to me. It was like we were getting these wonderfully intricate paintings of each individual place and yet each individual piece didn't really fit with the others. In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor flaw for me--especially since the book seems to be more focused on Jackal and his goings-on. In a sense, I felt that we saw the trees in glorious detail but didn't really see the forest as a whole.

Overall, though, if you're looking for a classic-style fantasy filled with orcs; half-orcs; humans; centaurs; and elves, this is the one for you. It has great characters and writing. And it might just keep you up all night reading. Live in the saddle. Die on the hog.

[I received a digital ARC from the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.]

The Grey Bastards by Jonathan French is a raucous epic fantasy set in a world populated by orcs, humans, centaurs, wizards, and more. The story centers around The Grey Bastards band of half-orcs who with other half-orc gangs patrol the southern border to protect humans from full-blooded orcs.
The well-written main character Jackal is the rising star in the gang. The novel opens with a seemingly routine visit to the local brothel by Jackal and his two best friends, but the visit quickly becomes serious as the gang members are complicit in the death of a human soldier of royal blood. This sets off a series of events that includes a power struggle between Jackal and the current leader of the band. History, tradition, and egos collide as Jackal and The Bastards try to survive in the waste land of their lot.
French’s writing is excellent; he combines great character development and world building.
I highly recommend this one to any lover of fantasy with the caveat that this book can be vulgar at times with much sexual humor and graphic violence. This book was self-published in 2016 and will get a major-publisher release later this year, which I predict will be a success.
Thank you to NetGalley, Crown Publishing, and Mr. French for an advanced copy for review.

The Grey Bastards by Jonathan French turned heads back in 2017 by winning the second annual Self-Published Fantasy Blog Off run by Mark Lawrence. It follows a “biker gang” of half-orcs that patrol on giant boars and has since been picked up by a major publishing company, due for release in June 2018.

French manages to take what could have been a generic fantasy setting (halflings, orcs, elves, etc.) and spin it into a gritty, unique world. Halflings are intimidating as hell, there’s a mysterious Betrayer Moon that can pop up at random that stirs the centaurs into a killing frenzy, and the existence of any “good guys” is questionable at best.

Years before the story picks up, a massive war took place between humans and orcs. When it looked like the humans would lose, their half-orc slaves took up arms and rode into battle astride giant war pigs. As repayment for their heroism, the humans granted the half-orcs their freedom and land at the border between the orc and human realms, on the condition that they help prevent the orcs from returning.

Thus began the half-orc “hoofs,” who all share the same badass motto:

Live in the saddle. Die on the hog!

The book picks up several decades after the end of the war and founding of the hoofs, following the misadventures of one hoof in particular: The Grey Bastards.

For a book that revolves primarily around a cast of half-orc warriors in the same hoof, you might expect several of the characters to start to blend together. Not so; French displays a remarkable skill in creating believable personalities full of delightful flaws and quirks.

There are a few core characters:

Jackal: The main character, named because he’s cunning and can eat just about anything. When the book picks up, he’s starting to resent the status quo in The Grey Bastards and considering making a move to set himself up as the new chief.

Fetching: She’s the only female any of the half-orc hooves, and she’s twice as fierce because of it.

Oats: He’s a thrice, which basically means he’s three-quarters orc, and best friends with Jackal and Fetching. The three grew up together and are probably the closest-knit group within the Bastards.

The Claymaster: As current head of the Grey Bastards, his say is final. He actually took part in the war with the orcs and is still afflicted by the deadly plague that helped to end the fighting.

Crafty: None of the other half-orcs can pronounce his real name, so he was nicknamed “Crafty” due to his ability to wield magic. He shows up offering his services to Jackal and the Grey Bastards.

The beautiful thing about this plot is that it starts small and then sneakily spirals into something grand and epic.

The story begins with Jackal and co. waking up from a night spent “looking after” their hoof’s brothel. A misunderstanding with some human soldiers causes some long-simmering tension between the humans and half-orcs to boil over.

In the events that follow, it becomes apparent that not everything Jackal’s been told about the world is true. Mysteries and schemes start to be revealed as the plot progresses until eventually, you realize that the book is not actually about what you thought it was at the start.

Did I mention the world was gritty? Part of that has to do with the language. French has the honor of using the word “fuck” more times in a single book than anything I’ve read before. At a glance, the word appears 214 unique times.

The prose is an interesting mix of simplicity and high vocabulary. The text reads very smoothly with little fluff, but I found myself having to break out my Kindle’s dictionary feature at least once per chapter. I thought this worked rather well, and in some cases added depth to the story, such as having the half-orc riders wield tulwar blades.

I never felt like the book had any slow moments. The action ramped up throughout the novel, and scenes that could have been treated as filler served to flesh out the world, build character, and introduce new mysteries to keep the reader guessing.

This book would be best for people who like:

Witty banter
Fun characters
Escalating plot
Alternate takes on Tolkien races
Gritty settings without entering grimdark territory
Sons of Anarchy