REINFORCEMENTS

Self-reliance is a matter of personal pride for me. Throughout high school and college, I worked hard and became that student that others relied on to help with their lessons and homework (rather than the other way around). When I was off living in New York, I did my best to get by on my own without leaning on friends or family as much as possible. My first recourse in most situations is to figure things out by myself, because I don’t want to inconvenience others by having to help me out.

Which is really just another way of saying I hate asking for help.

There, I said it. I hate asking for help. I can’t stand being at another’s mercy. I can’t bear the thought of being in another person’s debt. Most of all, I don’t want to be that guy, and would go to great lengths to avoid being in a situation where I might have no choice but to ask for assistance. Just ask my wife about all the wonderful places we’ve discovered together owing to my impeccable sense of direction—she knows.

It’s for this reason that Heidi Grant’s book Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You struck a nerve with me.

Let’s face it: no one can ever go it alone in this world, and there are any number of instances on an ordinary day when we get by because of the kindness of strangers. Even I know that my apprehension towards asking for help borders on the irrational. As Grant explains in Reinforcements, however, this is actually a very normal reaction arising out of a fundamental fear of rejection. We tend to assume that most people would say no to even simple requests, and thus confront the anxiety of such an outcome even before we’ve mustered up the courage to even ask.

Yet the whole point of Reinforcements, however, is that this anxiety is overblown and possibly even misplaced. Citing various studies and social experiments, Grant makes a convincing argument that not only do we underestimate the odds that requests for assistance will be looked upon favorably, but people are actually inclined to be helpful in the first place.

There are a number of caveats to this, naturally. To start, how one asks for help matters a great deal; and while it might sound utterly manipulative to say so, there are techniques that can help increase your chances of getting a positive response to a request. Likewise, being helpful––or being in a position to have one’s offer to assist accepted by a person who needs it––is also an art that requires navigating specific social cues. But perhaps the most important thing to remember whether asking for help or offering it is that one should as much as possible avoid being that guy. Grant shares insights into all these things in Reinforcements.

Perhaps the main missed opportunity in Reinforcements is that Grant does not go far enough to explore how culture affects our disposition towards asking for help. I could quite very easily identify with practically every scenario presented in the book (my wife would be pleased!), but it’s quite evident that Reinforcements has a decidedly Western bent. While much of the psychological aspects of asking and offering help come across as universal, how these are put to practice in Oriental cultures would likely be different and it would be interesting to explore exactly how so.

I started out reading Reinforcements because I could identify with the difficulty of asking for help, and agree that it has much to offer even the most cynical among us who find it difficult to trust in our fellow man. It may or may not be the kind of book to help restore one’s hope in humanity, but it sure is a good place to start.

. . . . .

Thank you Harvard Business Review Press and Netgalley for this ARC.

This book reminds us to have the courage to ask for help, something that is difficult for many people,. Heidi Grant writes that this inability to request assistance is detrimental to our success and by building this muscle we will see positive outcomes in other areas of our life.

It was an interesting, motivating read to encourage me to reach out a little more regularly .

***I received an e-copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. Thank you for this opportunity.***

This was a great book. The story was captivating and kept me interested throughout. Can’t wait for more from this author.

#Reinforcements #NetGalley

The author makes the reader aware of the general misconception of asking help that are blocking people to ask for help when it is needed. By reinforcing the culture of help, we are not getting weaker but stronger and useful. If the reinforcement is spread, the impact is generally positive and constructive inside the community.

This read makes a great self help guide. This book us all about how to ask for help with your business or other personal problems, something that most of us feel ashamed or too prideful to do, yet it can be for our own benefit.

Interesting take on how to ask for help in business or personal needs. It is something ingrained in us not to do yet it can open many doors for us as the author points out . I found this a helpful self help guide. For people raised never to ask for help it is a must read. Thank you for the ARC which did not influence my opinion. I do recommend this book.

An intriguing new take on the concept of asking for, giving and receiving help. Asking others to help us can be a trying and sometimes even a humiliating experience; we might feel that we need them due to our own inability.. That, accompanied by the conviction that they are not glad to offer a helping hand, can prevent us from achieving more and living life to the fullest. As this book shows, the idea that asking for help is shameful and giving it is a trouble is outdated.

I think that this can be a marvellous read for anyone who struggles when it comes to asking for assitance.

If you're highly independent or even a bit of an introvert then asking for help is not your favourite past-time. Yet I believe (and this book backs me up) that it's a major inhibitor to success. "But people are too busy and don't want to help" you may say. This book proves that dead wrong. In fact, there is a biblical saying that "It is more blessed to give than to receive." This saying has been abused by those interpreting it as meaning that if you give away everything that you have then you'll have nothing left for yourself. Well, this book points out through numerous experiments (and an invitation to reflect on their results) that you feel better when you genuinely help someone. You are blessed. It also deconstructs the way to ask which is incredibly helpful. I am looking for book reviews for my latest book and already have a plan! I've seen a fair bit of this material in other books - Influence by Cialdini springs to mind but it is only a section in there. Here is an entire book dedicated to helping you ask people for help and for them to be glad about it. Could it be construed as manipulative? Depends on your motives I guess. But we are social beings and need a way to ask each other for help. I recommend this book if you are shy in doing that. You may be doing yourself and the other person a dis-service by not asking.