Even If I Fall by Abigail Johnson
I have to say this book just didn't do it for me. To me there was perfect opportunity for a great story but it just fell flat. I think if the author would have went deeper into the story instead of hit and miss in the important parts it would have been so much better. I think if there was more back story of Jason cal and the girl that tore them apart would have helped. I would love to read a follow up book on what's going on with their lives and how the town reacts and everything!

Brooke has given up on her dream of being an ice skater. She's too busy trying to keep her family together in the wake of her brother's devastating crime. Since he confessed to killing his best friend Cal, things haven't been the same, or even remotely okay. Her brother Jason is in jail, her sister Laura all but stopped talking, and her parents... well, her mom just cries. Her father seems angrier than ever. And Brooke? She's just trying to keep it together.

When she spots Heath, Cal's younger brother, on the side of the road in a rainstorm, she offers him a ride. What begins is a shaky friendship based around mutual despair and anguish. His family talks about his brother like he isn't gone. Hers pretends like Jason never left. But no one seems to be willing to talk--about how things really were, about how things are now. They bond over their need to talk to *someone*, even if it's someone neither of their families would approve of. And when Brooke and Heath start to develop feelings, things get even more complicated.

What can I even say about this story? It's full of heartache, of questions, and, ultimately, of healing. It took a while for me to get into it (I hate when everyone else knows the full story, and the reader has to figure out piece by piece, even if it makes a good story!) but when I did, I couldn't put it down. I really felt for Brooke and her family. And the end (view spoiler)

If you like mystery, or forbidden romances, this one is for you.

I received this ebook from Netgalley in exchange for my honest opinion. I LOVED this story! I loved Brooke and her character. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes. She was so brave and handled this situation beautifully. I feel like I would be a mess all the time just thinking about my brother being in jail. I’m glad she got all the answers she was looking for, as well as Heath (whom I love).

This book was amazing! Such a great story! Will come back to update once I get my thoughts together!

I read this book in one night. It tells the story of the connection between a boy and a girl despite the fact that the girl's older brother is in jail for killing the boy's older brother. She and her entire family are outcasts. The town despises them. People pick on them. She and her sister are now home-schooled.

But the book manages to transcend some of basic YA tropes by making the crime more nuanced. She believes that her brother is hiding something. He couldn't have killed his best friend over nothing. That story keeps the reader intrigued.

The romance between Brooke and Heath is a bit contrived, especially the skating partner plotline. I think this book veers back and forth between the more intriguing plot regarding her brother's crime, the relationship between him and Cal, the fallout for the 2 families and how that could affect any connection between Brooke and Heath and the silly B-plot of the skating audition.

This was truly one for the books ;D get it?! Ok, so I felt a surge of emotions like sad ones and happy ones and even angry ones. “Even If I Fall” teaches you about how to feel or not. I have read this and now have a different perspective to families who go through this. This story has taught me even more empathy than I had before. For that, I truly say thank you to Abigail Johnson. If this makes no sense it’s because I just came from work and finished this book and have a lot of different emotions passing me.

***Thanks to NetGalley for providing me a complimentary copy of EVEN IF I FALL by Abigail Johnson in exchange for my honest review.***

After Jason kills his best friend Cal, his sister Brooke’s life shatters. She no longer training to become a competitive skater and studying online instead of in school. Betrayed by her friends, Brooke meets Maggie, new to town, the only person who doesn’t look at her like a murderer’s sister. To keep Maggie’s friendship, Brooke lies about her brother. The only person to whom she can speak honestly is Heath, Carl’s brother. Brooke and Heath know they should become friends, but...

I thought EVEN IF I FALL might be a predictable, like a Disney movie with the ending tied in a near bow. While some of the plot was easy to figure out, other twists and turns showed me I underestimated Abigail Johnson’s storytelling. I couldn’t help but root for Brooke, with her many flaws and good heart. I understood why she kept Jason from Maggie, knowing the secrets would end in disaster. I also championed Brooke and Heath, hoping evidence would clear Jason, despite his confession.

Johnson writes great characters and interesting plots. Even minor characters have personalities and quirks. No one is all good or bad. Family plays a big part in her books which gives her narrators more depth as we see them interacting in multiple situations.

EVEN IF I FALL is an emotionally charged story of family and friendship in the aftermath of a murder.

Even If I Fall is a heartbreaking story detailing Brooke's life one year after her perfect brother murdered his best friend. The Covington family never received a reason to why their son and brother did what he did, so the four remaining members of the family break apart from their once close knit. The dad spends all his time in the basement where he makes furniture, the mom spends hours jogging and pretends that everything is fine when she visits her son in jail, Brooke has nightmares and finds herself isolated, and younger sister Laura is withdrawn to the point where she rarely speaks and spends all her time plugged into her phone.

One day Brooke encounters Heath, the brother of the guy her brother killed, on the side of the road during a storm and offers him a ride. That moment changes everything between these two characters who are aching and yearning for some type of outlet that their family refuses to give them. They meet in secrecy by a tree and pond and express their battered thoughts and emotions as Heath tries to understand that Brooke isn't her brother and Brooke tries to understand that there isn't a way to fix the consequences of her brother.

The struggle between Brooke and Heath drew me in, and I could relate to Heath's mindset. More than once I thought about how I would react if I were in his shoes and stumbled upon a relative of the person who shattered my world. Would I be enraged at the relative even though they didn't cause my suffering or could I accept that they were innocent and be able to distinguish them separately?

Reading this story related to me on a personal level, but it leaves the reader with churning emotions as they experience Brooke and Heath's pain. They both lost someone they love and are trying to hold together their broken families while the only thing keeping them from drowning is seeing one another and expressing their emotions.

Some cons include the random uncle who showed up on a few pages but never contributed anything to the story. I also didn't like Maggie's reaction when she discovered the truth about Brooke's family. She takes it personally and manipulates Brooke by approaching her without her beloved makeup to show her how much she has been crying over Brooke keeping a secret from her. Maggie honestly needed an awakening because not everything is about her. Brooke would have told her about her brother when she felt comfortable and stopped fighting off her demons. Maggie didn't understand how torn apart and in pain Brooke was because she was only thinking of herself and how her BFF betrayed her by not spilling her darkest secret. Secrets are secrets for a reason. I don't waltz around and blab all my secrets to my friends. There are some things we don't want people to know and Maggie's nonacceptance of that concept repulsed me.

Thank you NetGalley for an ARC.

Prepare to feel all of the emotions with this stunningly heart-wrenching contemporary novel. This is the first book I have read by Abigail Johnson, and now I’m scrambling to add all of her others to my TBR list. That is how much I love her writing.

Even if I Fall is a story about the aftermath of a murder conviction. Brooke Covington’s brother, Jason, confessed to killing his best friend, Cal, a year ago. Ever since that fateful day, Brooke and her family’s lives have been irrevocably changed. Brooke and her younger sister, Laura, are now homeschooled due to being bullied and ostracized at school. Brooke’s mom hides her pain by acting as if Jason is just away at college while also taking off on random runs throughout the day. Brooke’s father spends all of his time in the basement working. Laura has shut down emotionally and physically. All she ever does is listen to music or watch TV on her phone. Needless to say, Brooke feels lonely. No one wants to speak about Jason or what happened that fateful night, but Brooke needs to; she’s plagued by nightmares of the various possibilities of that night. She’s desperately trying to reconcile the brother she knows and loves with this version of him that has committed a heinous crime.

There doesn’t seem to be anyone who can relate to Brooke--except Heath, Cal’s brother. At first, Brooke feels undeniable guilt when she sees Heath on the side of the road with his broken-down truck. How can she feel sad about her life when she still has her brother and he doesn’t? How can she feel happy knowing her brother took away his?

After a few encounters, Brooke and Heath find themselves drawn to the other. No one else quite understands their respective situations. Together they learn how to navigate the rocky terrain of their brothers and learn that they aren't a reflection of their siblings.

I can’t say enough great things about this book. Johnson’s words convey such raw, real feelings that I was brought to tears...numerous times. The love Brooke has for her family is nothing short of beautiful. Her dedication, selflessness, and grief were written so incredibly well that I actually felt her internal struggles. I honestly cannot imagine how I would act if I were in her shoes.

This is such a phenomenal story about grief, guilt, shame, and forgiveness. Even if I Fall explores how everyone navigates these emotions in vastly different ways that can actually be harmful to others. Some people shut down like Laura in the face of trauma, but shutting down can hurt those around you who need to vocalize their feelings such as Brooke.

However, this is also a story about not letting someone’s past dictate your own future. When this book starts, Brooke has given up on her ice-skating dreams for her family even though deep down she clings to a kernel of hope that maybe one day she will skate professionally. One of my favorite themes from this book is forgiveness. Brooke has to learn how to forgive her whole family and herself for how they have dealt with this painful situation. But, she also has to learn that she never needed to take on her brother’s guilt for his actions. Though everyone in town acts as if she (and her whole family) too killed Cal, she didn’t. So why is she punishing herself for a crime she didn’t commit?

I could go on and on about this book--which is why you should read it. I need people to discuss with about this book! This story is truly beautiful and I cannot recommend it enough.

This book was almost perfect in so many ways. Brooke is a teenager who’s brother is in prison. Her town refuses to acknowledge her and her family. She meets the younger brother of the boy her brother killed and this is their story.
Brooke needs closure about her brother. SHe needs to know why. I'm not entirely sure what happened that night but this was still a great story!

"The first fireworks burst in the darkening sky. I'm suddenly afraid, and my feet have barely left the ground."

Even if I Fall is a stunningly spectacular emotional read that deserves all the rare 5 stars.

Brooke's older brother Jason has been in prison serving time for the murder of his best friend Cal. Brooke and her family have been trying their best to keep the family unit together but the town continues to shun the family away for the murder.

Brooke has ultimately given up her dream of being a professional ice skater to help mend the wounds of her family. Brooke's father throws himself into his woodworking career and refuses to see his son Jason in prison along with Brooke's younger sister Laura who has withdrawn completely from everyone.

All Brooke has right now is her job at the ice skating rink and her new best friend Maggie. One day Maggie runs into the younger brother of the boy her brother murdered Heath in town. Slowly, a relationship starts to build and they realize that they two are the only ones that understand each other.
"When he reaches for me, I know that I'm going to do everything I can to make sure he stays awake."

How can I describe this story? It's so much more than meets the eyes. I can truly tell you with my entire soul that THIS is something you WILL not or SHOULD not miss.

This is a beautifully thought provoking novel that will have your heart bleeding with emotions.

Such a stellar 5 star read!!


Huge thank you to Netgalley and Harlequin Teen for the opportunity to read this arc in exchange for my honest review.

Publication date: 1/8/19
Published to GR: 10/29/18

I liked this book a lot. The main character Brooke was so likeable and her pain so relatable. I just felt the pace was slow at first. The description and book itself read like a mystery at times but with no payout. I think the romance should have been played up more. If Brooke' s brother hadn't killed Cal or if it was more to the murder the mystery vibe would have paid out. But with weak revelation, the book should go more for the romance. Use the murder as a life lesson. But the writing was good and the characters strong. I just wanted more from Brooke and Heath as a couple, more interactions with the families and maybe a little of Heath from his POV.

Heartbreaking and emotional, Johnson delievers a well written story about a young girl who has face trauma and is moving forward. I enjoyed If I Fixed You and I also enjoyed this one but it did take me a little longer to get swept in to the story. Thank you netgalley for this arc in exchange for my honest review.

Thank you to Net Galley and the publisher for allowing me to read this book in return for my honest opinion.

Brooke's family is dealing with the fallout of her brother's murder conviction. Everything in their world has changed. The book focuses on Brooke's new life, and how she navigates it. On top of losing friends, jobs, and respectability, Brooke's world is turned upside down by a chance meeting with Heath Gaines, the brother of her brother's victim.

Full of complex situations, interesting characters, and a unique story line, this book is engaging and a great read.

I couldn't go any further than the first few chapters. After that, I was done, I couldn't read anymore.



Brooke is learning to drive stick, and tosses her keys because shes too frustrated. She runs off to the ice to blow off steam. She can't accept that her life is so changed because of what her brother did.



Heath just comes off as rude. Didn't really want a ride from her. Didn't want her to pay for his car and just shoves the money at her and basically gets angry.



Only a few chapters in and there is too much drama. There is a lack of detail. What exactly happened to lead up to her brother being sent to prison took way too long to get to. The characters were just meh. Overall, this was something I couldn't get into.

Even If I Fall by Abigal Johnson focuses on the after of a tragedy. Brooke's brother Jason is in jail for murdering his best friend Cal. This obviously rocks his family unit and the community. Brooke is left to figure out her new normal as her family is broken and struggling, her friends have disassociated with her, and the things that bring her joy no longer do. In the midst of this, Brooke connects with Heath - Cal's brother. Yup, talk about complex situation. Through the story, Brooke and Health's relationship grows, but they must keep it a secret from their families and the whole community. The story centers on how the family emotionally navigates visiting Jason - or not visiting. There is also the emotion that Heath and Cal's family feel as they continue to grieve and process. This book is also about Brooke's want to understand the truth of what happened that fateful night. That truth is ultimately revealed, and the secrets that are uncovered add a whole different dimension. This is another one I read thanks to NetGalley. Thanks to them I was able to go on this emotional journey. The story is a complicated one which is what makes it worth reading.

I really liked this! I felt connected to both of the main characters and I really loved connecting through the past and present.

This was an amazing and heartfelt story just as I was expecting. I really enjoyed this one and am for sure going to look into more books by the same author.

“Even If I Fall” is a young adult novel by Abigail Johnson that tells the story of 17-year-old Brooke Covington whose brother was sent to prison a year ago after confessing to killing his best friend Cal. Brooke and her family have become outcasts in their small town, and Brooke’s only solace is her new best friend Maggie (who recently moved from LA and doesn’t know Brooke’s history) and working/ice skating at the local ice rink where she is basically tolerated because she knows how to drive the Zamboni. Brooke’s life takes a major turn when she happens upon Heath, Cal’s brother, walking in the rain and offers him a ride.

This is an emotional journey of healing for a girl who has to reconcile the horrible thing that her brother did with the fact that he’s her older brother and she still loves him. As her family just tries to make it through each day, Brooke is still learning to navigate how she feels about her brother, about the town, and about Heath. As her friendship with Heath develops, Brooke’s need for answers about why her brother did what he did get stronger. When she finally learns the truth, it puts her into a bit of a tailspin.

Even reading this as an adult, I was touched by it. This story tugs all the right heart strings and doesn’t have a clean happily ever after because sometimes the things we can’t believe could possibly be true are actually the truth. I also like that the author stayed away from the sexual side we see so often in young adult books today. There are a couple of kisses in this one and no swearing that I remember. In fact, in one part of Brooke’s narration, we read, “‘It’s freaking hot out here.’ Only he doesn’t say freaking.”

This is a book I would let my pre-teen child read, and I would certainly recommend it to anyone who enjoys a nice heartfelt read.

Thanks to NetGalley and Harlequin TEEN for an advance copy in exchange for an honest review. This title is scheduled for publication in January 2019.

A really lovely story that brings up a lot of emotional encounters. I loved how it was not clear-cut and instead showed how life truly is at times; messy and complicated in the face of incredible grief.