Relational Reset

Pub Date:   |   Archive Date: 01 Feb 2019

Member Reviews

I read this book a few days before a gathering with difficult people in my life. When the difficult moments inevitably occurred, I remembered Dr. Shaler’s advice and bit my tongue. She offers wisdom from her own life and her private practice as a Christian counselor. I am always looking for life-tested, applicable tips for handling difficult situations. Dr. Shaler offers many in these no-nonsense, easy-to-read chapters with examples of how to respond in sticky situations. She tells on herself through relatable stories, which I found to be winsome. After reading Relational Reset, I have many more tools ready for the next time a challenging relationship problem arises.

Favorite quote:

“Our bonds can be healthier and stronger–we can experience more positive feelings toward one another and less conflict–when we are willing to take the risk of talking straight.”

I received a preview copy of Relational Reset from both Netgalley and Moody Publishers.
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For whatever reason, the initial chapter on insecurity did not resonate with me. However I am so glad that I stuck with this book. I found it to be theologically robust, centered on God and the Gospel, and practically helpful. While many of the relational difficulties in this book won't be new to most readers, the intersection of psychology, theology, and practical advice is very handy. I recommend this book to anyone looking for some practical advice toward living out a life of loving neighbor as commanded by God.
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Let me start by saying, this book is needed. Books like these will always be needed considering that our entire existence on this Earth is built on relationships & learning how to successfully navigate them is key to living a life that's well balanced. My only hiccup with this book is the fact that it's focused on women. I'm not sure why that is or if they're planning to release a more male centered version but either way, either idea rubs me the wrong way. It can come off as though women are the only ones that need this information (which isn't true) or that women are the problem to any relational breakdown. The examples given in the book are also women centered. A major plus is that there's no bad theology laced throughout the book & it's also very biblically grounded pointed towards Jesus in every instance. The examples provided in the book are easy to relate to (though they might lean towards one gender than the other). It provides questions to make you reflect at each chapter & a prayer at the end which I quite like. This book is definitely worth picking up & being diligent in applying the different concepts & principles. Reading the book won't be enough (as is the case with every book) but putting in the work based on what's outlined in the book will definitely be helpful in cultivating healthy relationships. My favorite nugget from the book was about cultivating self-worth vs self-esteem. The author likens true self-worth to climate & self-esteem to the weather. Self-worth is deeply rooted & truly defines who you are & can only be found in Christ while self-esteem easily fluctuates & depends on what's going on around you at any given time. That is so beautifully articulated & holds so much truth. I can't wait to pick up a physical copy of this book to add to my shelf & make all the highlights. 

*Provided with a copy for review purposes.
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There is a lot of common sense wisdom in this book. Many things I already do or know so it wasn’t as fresh with the ideas as I would have liked.
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It is very easy to be locked into your own view of things, your own opinion of why things are as they are, why people behave as they do. It is also very easy to believe that if there is a fault to be rectified then the fault must be with you. To ask the question, 'What have I done wrong? Why are they behaving in the way they are? How am I at fault. This book helps you to stand outside of yourself and your circumstances, to view everything from a different perspective and to approach reparation, if that is what is needed, from a different standpoint. I was particularly encouraged by the advice on saying no! I have found throughout my life that I have sought to please man at the expense of my own feelings and sense of what is right and I now am not afraid of actually disagreeing or gently correcting if I believe things to be wrong and not in line with God's will for my life or, in fact the life of the one I am disagreeing with. 
Because this book is biblically based the answers, the advice, the suggestions are, as it were, from the 'Owner's Manual'. God knows how we think, how we invent scenarios, how we can so quickly become hurt or offended and Laura Shaler uses the truths in the Bible to say, what if this is, in fact the case? What about thinking about this from this point of view?
 I found I could relate to many of the examples and scenarios sited in the book and was helpfully led through helpful processes. It was an easy read and I think many of my friends would benefit from reading it and anticipate buying several copied when the book is published in print format.
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The author relayed mostly common sense wisdom, but in a thoughtful, non lecturing way. We all have to be brave enough to incorporate this advice into our relationships. So many woman struggle with asserting themselves in their relationships and communications and I love how the author handled that section. 

Thank you netgalley for the opportunity to read and review this book!
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With a Christian base, this book offers insights into relationships and personal expectations that may affect growth .
I loved the 'talk straight' chapter where it's all about creating an environment and speaking your truth as it is and not flinching from any feedback or situation that arises due to it. I mostly loved the fact that it called for being assertive.

Thank you Netgalley for the eARC, this book is one that couple or individuals can always go back to for insights on their thoughts, feelings and actions in any relationship situation.
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I didn't realize this was a religious book. I wish this would be made clear and obvious on the front page.
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Relational Reset is a Christian based relationship book with handy, honest examples of why things go wrong and how to correct them. There is a ton of relationship information in this book... and each chapter seems to have something that I can relate to from either current or past behaviors. I love the tone of this helpful relationship book. The tone delivers instruction without condemnation. The topics discussed in Relational Reset apply to romantic relationships, family relationships, work relationships, and friendships.

One of the most helpful chapters for me personally was the Talk Straight chapter about being assertive and honest about your feelings and how important that is for the relationship. To me, when I was growing up in the church it seems like women were given the message that being too assertive is not healthy or holy.  I like the way author Laurel Shaler presents the information on talking straight...and combining these techniques with empathy and choosing to see the other person's perspective seems sound advice. 

I highly recommend Relational Reset- I can not wait until it is available in print so that I can get a copy to keep!!!

Relational Reset: 

Table of Contents:

Silence Insecurity
Deal with disappointment
Overcome Offenses
Talk Straight
Dismiss Blame
Eradicate Envy
Forget Fear
Surrender Judgement
Dispel the past
Let God
Be the Bigger Person
Relational Reset Appendix / Resources
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This is a book everybody can benefit from. It will help you get rid of your bad habits. At one time or another everybody feels every emotion that is in this book, some people more than others. Laurel Shaler is very open and honest in this book. Make sure you have a highlighter handy because there is so much in this book to refer back to. Thank you Moody Publishers via NetGalley for the ARC copy of this book. This is my honest opinion and I will be ordering a hard copy when it comes out.
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