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An Anthology of Evil Men

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An Anthology of Evil Men honestly made me want to throw my kindle across the room. This felt like way too many conversations had around the break room table and late night phone calls. As a woman in my late 30's I have had way too many conversation similar to this with friends. "Why are you still talking to him?" "You could do better all by yourself." Not to discount the author's experiences but, I feel like we have all been here at some point. Duped by a partner and had the rose color glasses ripped off of us.

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Although this book can be tough to get through and has some stories that both break your heart and make you proud of women, it's a good book to read in today's world. I love that the author has found a way to express her stories and emotions in a way that is able to be spread to others.

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I feel sorry for the author who received unpleasant treatment by his co-workers. Somehow I can relate. Esme is funny and witty, and she could express her difficulties in such an entertaining ways.

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An Anthology of Evil Men is a chronicle of dating. A thirty something woman's date life. I didn't enjoy this as much as I hoped I would. Maybe just not for me. I felt disgusted and annoyed by it. Thanks to NetGalley for an arc in exchange for an honest review.

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This is hard to rate. I don't know what to say. She deff had some cringe worthy stories and some funny At times funny, touching, and raw. Gives new insights to men and women hoping to understand the difficulties women in particular face trying to balance work, love, and life.

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“An Anthology of Evil Men” by Esme Oliver is described as a “collection of sharp new essays that crystallize -- as only Oliver can -- the highs and lows of a woman dating in her 30s. Sometimes cringe-worthy, always hilarious, this [sic] stories go beyond the run-of-the-mill rom-com fantasies and lay bare what it means to be a strong, sensitive woman who is determined not to settle for less than she deserves. Oliver's experiences, which include two separate experiences with sexual harassment -- one which occurred in the U.S. Senate -- bring a clear-eyed levity to the realities of being a grown-ass woman in a #MeToo world.”

Maybe I’m too old to be reading this or to be able to relate to it anymore, but I did not like this book at all. I definitely found it to be cringe-worthy. I did not find it to be even remotely funny, let alone hilarious. I do not think that Oliver is a strong woman determined not to settle for less. In fact, she proves over and over in her stories that she IS willing to settle for less! I will concede to the fact that she has had two experiences with sexual harassment, but her challenges with dating, in my opinion, were mostly created because of her own bad choices. The men she dated who we are supposed to see as evil were young and/or not ready for commitment, came with huge red flags that Oliver chose to ignore, and/or just weren't ready to settle down with Oliver.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all had the guy we admired from afar and then realized he wasn’t what we thought he was when we got to see him up close. We’ve all been duped at one time or another. We’ve all made bad choices. But we don’t all blame the men and call them evil. We just chalk it up to the fact that we made a bad choice and we’ll do better next time. But Oliver doesn’t seem to learn from her choices, she doesn’t do better, and she chooses again and again to ignore her friends when they warn her off someone.

I went into this thinking it was going to be funny stories about the types of men most women have dated in their 20s and 30s. I came out of it thinking that Oliver is whiny, has serious self-esteem issues, and has no idea what she’s looking for in a partner -- even as she approaches 40. She is completely focused on money and what a man can provide for her, all the while claiming that she is an independent woman.

If you really want to know what the book is about, read the spoilers below. You’ll get the gist. If you want funny stories about dating in your 20s and 30s, watch a few episodes of “Friends.” You’ll probably enjoy it a lot more. 1 out of 5 stars but only because I can't give it 0.

Thanks to NetGalley and Riverdale Avenue Books for a free digital copy in exchange for an honest review.

***SPOILERS***

Alex: Oliver knew who Alex was in college, but he was dating P.J. someone. She admired him from afar, and when they meet in a bar post-college, he tells her she’s beautiful, takes her home with him (so she can see his house but nothing is going to happen *wink wink*), she sleeps with him, and tells her roommate the next morning that she thinks she’s in love with him. He strings her along, completely ghosts her, and when he calls her out of the blue to tell her he’s moving from DC to New York, she says “Even though I haven’t seen him in some time, Alex is my anchor.” WHAT?!?!

When she goes to a conference in New York, and plans to look him up, even her friend thinks she's an idiot. And what happens? She ends up staying with him where he’s crashing on a friend’s couch (because he doesn’t have his own place yet) and uses all her cash to pay for a $150 dinner because the restaurant doesn’t take credit cards and neither of the guys has cash. Only when Alex doesn’t give her money to get to the train station does she finally write him off. She was in her early 20s, so with a huge eye roll, I can almost give her a pass on this one even though I think she really let it go too far. As I said, we’ve all been there...usually only once.

Paul: She met Paul in law school when they were both on Law Review. Long story short, she was warned before she even hooked up with him that he cheated on his last girlfriend. He was crazy jealous when she was talking to another guy from their class even though it was just a conversation, and he ends up cheating on her. Throughout their relationship, she does things out of desperation to keep him. When he misses being called up for an award at a dinner, she begs the presenters to call the award again. By this time, she has to be mid- to late-20s. How does she not realize how embarrassing that will be and how much worse that will make it? She also quits attending Bar Review, despite the fact that her future employer is paying for the classes, and convinces Paul that they should just chill together and listen to the tapes because she wants to maximize her summer with him.

When she moves to Boston, his visits come further and further apart. He starts to complain about Liz in his office, and at his urging (and against her own judgment), Oliver gets Paul an interview at her firm. In the meantime, when he forgets their anniversary, claiming he’s just so swamped at work, she starts to get suspicious and calls someone who also knows Paul and finds out that he was seen at the opera holding hands with Liz. When she confronts him, he tells her she’s changed – always having to go to the nicest restaurants and have the nicest things, that she’s arrogant. They break up, and she starts to date other guys but always seems to come back to thinking about Paul and wondering if he’ll come back to her. After Paul moves to Boston with Liz, Oliver finally decides she can’t take it anymore and moves to Nashville but eventually ends up back in DC.

Silas: She was 29 when she met Silas; he was 44. Once again, she makes a statement about being “already so in love with him, and I always feared him leaving me like the ones before. So I did what I had to do to make him happy.” They are not living together, and one day when Silas is feeling sick and is running a fever, she offers to go out to buy some soup. He tells her that he just needs to rest and that she should just go home, and her first reaction is that she is being pushed away, she’s disposable, and she’s losing him. This fatalistic reaction is a theme with her. After Silas is feeling better, he informs her that he has an STD, and she needs to get herself tested. They do not talk for the 30 days she has to wait, and she says she has such hatred for him and what he’s put her through, but then in the very same paragraph, she says that despite everything, she misses him. They finally break up when Silas asks her to go to China with him for five years, she tells him she can’t go, and then the next week when they’re away at a wedding, he tells her it’s not working for him.

Ezra/Jack: This chapter is less about dating and more about the sexual harassment. Ezra was more like a friend/mentor who was 62 and made a number of inappropriate comments. I wouldn’t consider him “evil;” he was definitely a dirty old man, and if we consider what constitutes sexual harassment, he sexually harassed her. But still, “…despite Ezra’s inappropriate behavior, I kind of missed him.” She did nothing about Ezra’s behavior except to stop spending time with him. Oh, and at the time, she was dating Daniel, who she broke up with but then decided she should have kept him around until after Valentine’s Day because she didn’t like being without a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day.

Ten years after working with Ezra (so when she was 37), Oliver worked with Jack, a Senator’s Chief of Staff who basically treated her like crap. At the time, she was dating Evan, who had a big salary and showered her with gifts and had a summer beach house. (Materialistic much? Kind of backs up Paul’s point of view.) Jack seemed to berate her on a daily basis and DID sexually harass her. At Evan’s urging, she reported Jack but was told that she would have to attend counseling as part of a cooling off period so she could decide if she really wanted to move forward. If she did, the case would be settled in mediation. When she was told that she would legally be suing the office of the Senator if she moved forward, she talked with a friend/colleague who told her to pursue it (that it would never go public and she would get a large settlement). She also went home that evening and talked with Evan, who told her she should pursue it, but she was afraid of Jack and the Senator ruining her reputation, so she decided to quit instead. Nothing ever happened to Jack.

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Reading Esme Oliver’s “An Anthology of Evil Men” will have you revaluating your own dating history and the experiences you have dealt with. The book covers men who are not only rude and unkind but those who are workplace sexual harassers. I had to remind myself a few times that these were true stories all experienced by the same women. My heart ached for Esme and cried with her. At times, the book resonated a little too close to home for me and I am sure it will for others as well. Esme did a wonderful job putting into words her past and I have to give her kudos for sharing her story. My only issue I had with this book is I wish each chapter had a time period listed at the beginning. I know that she explained when each story took place but seeing it at the beginning under the chapter name would have been helpful. Thank you Netgalley for the copy in exchange for my honest review.

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Ok, I have mixed emotions about this book. On one hand, the author experienced some things that were not nice and at her workplace, yes she did experience sexual harrassment. Why I have mixed emotions is, other than the workplace situations, she seemed to just fall for a guy right away. In her personal life, she seemed to be searching for something in all the wrong places. :In those situations, it was hard to feel sorry for her as the treatment she received and although she was hurt, she kept going back. This was a quick, ok read. Thanks to NetGalley, the author and the publisher for the ARC of this book. Although I received the book in this manner, it did not affect my opinion of this book nor my review.

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Thanks to Riverdale Avenue Books and NetGalley for the free e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Esme Oliver’s An Anthology of Evil Men is a very timely book about harassment and the abuse women face from “evil” men. The book spans men who were rude and unkind to workplace sexual harassers. In all of these cases, I felt like I was trapped with Esme. All hard situations, all difficult to figure out how to navigate, and hard to read as well. Brutally honest and pointed, Esme’s stories resonate with me and likely a lot of women.

Something about this book felt a little unfocused. The four sections reflected on four different experiences, but none of them felt quite put together.

3 stars/5

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Esme Oliver accurately portrays what females deal with constantly. I like that there is a section for each stage of her life/who she dated. I would have loved to see a happy ending that she had found the perfect match. I agreed/related with so many of Esme's situations. This was a quick read with four sections/essays showing the highs and lows of dating in your 20s and 30s all while being a working professional.

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