I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't what I got.

Mariah MacCarthy's Squad is one of those rare books that has grown on me as time has passed and I've reflected on it.

It's an odd book because there's no way to really prepare for what it's about. Basically Jenna, a teenage cheerleader, begins to go through a friend breakup from her oldest friend and reacts poorly. When it begins, you think it's going to be a coming of age story about the way we change as we get older. then, for awhile, things get really . . . dark. Jenna decides to cope with the loss of her friendship by lashing out and plotting "revenge" on a girl that she has been close to since fourth grade. When the story shifts, your expectations shift, perhaps unfairly. At that point, you think the book is going to be dark throughout, when really it is just a coming of age story.

When I was first reading this and began to realize that this was really just a regular YA fiction novel, that it wasn't morphing into mystery or some other sub genre, I felt uncomfortable with my inability to categorize what was happening. It felt like such a subversion of genre conventions: surely this obviously troubled young girl should, if nothing else, be shown getting help for her break? After all, I thought to myself, she was overreacting so greatly to losing a friendship. I mean, it's life after all. People grow apart.

Then I remembered.

I remembered being young and how intense female friendship is in your youth. I remembered that feeling of being "best friends" and how, in many ways, that relationship is even more intimate than a romantic one because of the ability to be affectionate with no expectation of sex, because of the way you share every moment and detail of your lives, the note passing, the sleepovers, the feeling that you totally can't get enough of someone. . . . and I remembered friend breakups. Man, I swear they were worse than break up break ups. They were a person who you'd totally trusted just rejecting you. the self doubt, the sadness, the feeling that you couldn't even vent about it because no one else took friendship breakups nearly as seriously (even though they'd all probably been through the same thing).

this book is so important because it's about something that hasn't already been written about a million times. It's fresh and yeah, really dark in a way that feels over the top sometimes, but still honest. for me, this book took me back and made me remember my own youth and that, for me, is always the hallmark of really nice YA.

4.5/5: Definitely recommend.

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC of this awesome novel.
https://bibwithblog.blogspot.com/2019/01/darkly-funny-but-sort-of-sweet-review.html

This YA novel tried to be a lot of things--cheerleaders are more than stereotypes, a heartfelt LGBTQP book, a book about family, about a mental breakdown...but none of these threads were interesting or paid off in the end. I left it feeling like I'd wasted my time.

I've read some books with unlikable protagonists. I'm generally kind of glad to see them because they mix it up a little. And I kind of love when you end up rooting for them despite yourself.

This was not that kind of book.

The story centers on Jenna and her rapidly devolving relationship with her best friend. Jenna is understandably upset by this situation and acts out badly as a result. This wouldn't be so terrible in and of itself- lots of us have lashed out in grief or frustration- but Jenna takes it to some pretty severe extremes. The problem is that there's never a time I find myself rooting for her. There's never a moment when I think maybe her actions are justified or I can at least rationalize them by figuring this is how teenagers think. Because it's not. This is a character who is pretty terrible and somehow never faces any real consequences for her actions, despite them being blatant and awful.

That said, some of the supporting characters definitely made the book worth reading for me. The minor players all felt much less static than Jenna and I appreciated that.

This was just alright for me. The book felt overly weighed down with cliches and stereotypes despite trying so desperately to be fresh.

A brief summary: Jenna is a cheerleader, but she wants you to know she isn't a stereotypical cheerleader. The story follows her as she has a mini-breakdown after the fallout with her former best friend, Raejean. Jenna has an identity crisis and doesn't even seem to know who she is anymore, but after initially losing herself and her best friend, she begins to find a new version of herself.

Things I Liked (usually I would write loved, but I’m not sure I felt that strongly):
- Gemma/James -- I was intrigued by Gemma/James’ character being transgender. It didn’t feel over the top, and the arc here seemed to relate more to the relationship James has with Jenna, rather than him being transgendered. It was nice to see that character in the novel; however, it felt tossed in there and underdeveloped. I almost the book had deleted all of the Raejean nonsense at the beginning and just made itself about Jenna and James. That seemed to be the closest the book got to being authentic.

Things I Didn't Like:
- The sex/drugs content -- While I'm not typically one to censor a novel, I felt like the references to drugs and sex were a bit over the top and unnecessary. It could be because I actually coach cheer, but I would be furious if my athletes participated in this behavior as often as it is portrayed in the book. ESPECIALLY for a team that consistently places well and takes itself so seriously. Obviously, I don't want to think of myself as a naive adult, but I think it's unrealistic that their coach couldn't notice all these behaviors within them and that they wouldn't negatively take a toll on their athletic abilities. Also, while I typically don't have huge problems with sexual content, the sexual content in this book appeared right away, and it felt like it was simply for shock value. The main character describes a lot of "sexual fantasies" with a little too much detail... It's one thing when sexual content is later in the book after it's been built up and developed, but it's another when it's thrown in in the very beginning just to prove the main character isn't a stereotype. It just felt forced.
- Speaking of stereotypes... For a book that tried to break the mold of stereotypes, it felt like there were a lot -- Jenna's brother is a "goth" who is into LARP-ing. That's pretty much all the development he got. Jenna "isn't a ditz" but then I didn't see much more to her character other than her mental breakdown. The cheerleaders are supposed to be serious athletes, but they all just come off like the popular crowd from any teen movie ever.
- Lack of development - Jenna goes to great lengths to explain her past with Raejean, but then she never really explains why all the sudden she switched into this mental breakdown. It would be one thing if Jenna spent most of the book trying to figure out why she can't even pinpoint what made her come apart, but it seems like the author (and Jenna) don't even care that she's suddenly losing it. It just felt awkward, and the only thing I knew about their friendship was that they shared sexual fantasies over some guy, so I wasn’t really that invested when Jenna decided she suddenly hated her.
- This book seems all over the place -- I wasn’t sure if it was trying to prove to me that cheer is more than we think, if it was a novel about female friendship, if it was a novel about sexuality and fluid relationships, if it was a novel about a mental health breakdown, or if it was a novel about discovering oneself. It just felt really disjointed, and none of the plotlines really came together. The closest thing I felt to a really developed idea was that Jenna “finds herself” while LARP-ing. The author could’ve done something great with Jenna and James, but it was over after one date.

Overall: I'm not likely to recommend this one. It was trying too hard, and I don't think many of its points ever really landed and felt fresh. It felt underdeveloped and inauthentic.

I received a complimentary copy of this book from MacMillan Children's Publishing through NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own. The book will be published on March 12, 2019.

Squad is an intriguing, if uneven, story of a teen cheerleader named Jenna who tries to navigate a world without her best friend, Raejean. Their relationship had been off since junior year started and, unable to understand why, Jenna proceeds to drive herself a little bit mad in attempts to endear herself to her friend, and feel part of the team of her cheer squad. After an official falling out, Jenna looks for a life outside of cheer and re-connects with her older brother, pursues a new relationship, and attempts to forge her identity. Sounds great right? Well...

I felt like this book couldn't quite decide what it wanted to be. It starts off almost like a thriller, and I half expected Jenna to be a murderer...then it sort of turns into a realistic contemporary full of angst...then there's a few chapters of romance...then it transforms into a female empowerment novel. It was a bit confusing, to be honest, although I think the second half worked better than the first. I actually almost gave up on it, but once the plot started to move along, I felt like Jenna's story found its footing.

I'm not quite sure who to recommend this book to, although I can see it resonating with teens questioning their identity. I can see readers of Malinda Lo enjoying it, sort of, but then again maybe I would just suggest to read a A Line in the Dark for a better treatment of the subject of intense female friendship. I was initially drawn to this book because of the inclusion of a trans love interest, but just be aware going into this book that the heroine is clueless about trans experiences, so there's quite a bit of learning for her to do. At least Jenna does change (thank God) throughout the book, and in turn the writing improves as the book goes on; I think moving forward this author might have some offerings that stick with me more than Squad probably will.

This one was just okay for me - I couldn't relate to Jenna at all, and a lot of her decisions seemed to come out of nowhere. I will probably purchase it for my classroom library when it's published, but it wasn't a hugely successful book for me.

I thoroughly enjoyed this! The synopsis made it seem like revenge was the biggest plot of the book, but it read more like a coming of age/figuring out life story (with a bit of revenge sprinkled in). Nevertheless, It was a quick, fun read and my students will definitely relate to Jenna and her struggles.

I loved this book! The full review will be posted soon at kaitgoodwin.com/books! Thank you very much for this wonderful opportunity to connect books to their readers!