Well, this was a real tearjerker. I've always been drawn to emotional books about things I don't have any personal knowledge of (like foster care, abuse, etc.) but I didn't expect to be quite as touched by this one as I was. So many emotions going through me... mostly anger. This was definitely an eye-opening read for me.

*3.5/5*

The Quiet You Carry is a Young Adult book about Victoria who’s dumped into a foster home, in a different city just because her dad didn’t want her home anymore. But is that the only reason?

The Quit You Carry was such an interesting book. I wanted to know what was going to happen to Victoria and what really happened between Victoria and her father. I read this book in two days just because I wanted to know the ending. I think that this book has a strong message and you also get to know more about foster care.

We have our main character Victoria who suffered a lot at home and is now in a foster home. In the beginning, I really wanted to like her because she is the main character, but she was really annoying. She kept whining and I get that her situation wasn’t ideal, but I think that the whining wasn’t necessary…

Besides the main character, I enjoyed reading this book. The Quiet You Carry is fast paced, confronting and interesting!

I received an e-arc of this book thru Net Galley. All opinions are my own.

Such a heartbreaking story and honestly it made me cry. Nobody should ever experience what Victoria did with her family but sadly this is a reality to some

"None of us can understand what’s going on in another person’s life from the outside looking in. No one can really see the quiet you carry, unless you let them"

I feel this quote resonates to not only me but to everyone who tries to keep things hidden.

I received this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book was tough to read in many ways but was well-written and kept me interested. It did a good job of exploring the foster care system and the emotions involved on all sides when children end up in the system. I learned a lot and felt very connected to the characters.

I wish I could have managed to make it through this, but I just couldn't.

The writing is simply stunning, the plot heartbreaking, but all of it far too believable and real and "close to home" for me to read and enjoy.

I freely admit I barely got through the first scene without breaking down in public.

Having seen the foster system first hand by way of extended family and the violence and abuse against and perpetuated by those in the system, I can completely understand where the author was taking this.

If I could have finished it I would have given it 5 stars. 4 stars because I couldn't but through no fault of the author's, only my own inability to disassociate from the novel.

Thank you for bringing these real-world situations to light through written word.

Victoria's life is forked one night when social services shows up to her door, the door to the house she's been locked out of by her widowed and remarried father. She's told to pack some belongings--nothing valuable--and get in a social worker's car, and with that, she's in the foster care system. After a night on a stinky couch in the social worker's office (or home, I forget), Victoria is delivered to foster-mother Connie's house, where she is to reside in the girls' dormitory with two foster sisters and Connie's real daughter. Yep, it's like that.

Victoria is a second semester senior and has to start fresh at a new school, which is hard enough when you're not carrying secrets, shame, and have zero contact with your old life (cell phones are valuable, so verboten). She's hella lucky to be befriended by a sweet girl named Christina, and it's to her credit that she allows herself to be brought into Christina's life because the secrecy and shame make bonding difficult.

Things get better, fortunately, and Victoria gets back some of what she's lost, but it's a slog. The story drives home how when you're at a disadvantage, everything is harder and it's impossible not to make mistakes. The Quiet You Carry is an important read on a topic that is underrepresented in young adult literature.

This was another book that I wasn't quite sure where to post - it is definitely a YA book, but one that had explicit and dark themes. Not one that you would want to be read by a young teenager, particularly as the protagonist appears to be punished for what has been done to her (victim blaming at its finest). For older teens and adults it is completely clear that this is not ok but I fear for younger teens in this position it would just add another complication that encourages silence. So it's here - with the adult books. 

From the get go this book reminded me of one that I read as a teenager. It wasn't my typical reading material but it had come free with a magazine (probably more magazine, which looking back was wickedly inappropriate for a young teen - oh well). I have tried to search for the name of the book but google is drawing a blank and I'm concerned about ending up on a weird watchlist so I've decided to stop. Anyway that book was the introduction to me that weird shit happened in the world and that I was probably pretty lucky to read 15 or so and have no idea that these types of things happen. Probably an upside to growing up pre-internet. 

Back to the story here - it was an intriguing read. The author had a good understanding of the inadequacies of the care system and the lack of support available to everyone in these situations (with a huge dollop of empathy for both the social workers and the foster carers). One thing that frustrated me was that the principal appeared to have an interest because he had been adopted - I'm not sure that having him be adopted added anything to the story. It is his job to make sure that he looks out for a child who has just been placed in a care facility, no justification needed. This is nit-picky, I know, but  I work with children in similar positions and feel that bonding over not being with birth families is perhaps not something that happens on first meeting. Certainly the principal should be better at his job than having this the way to show he was trustworthy. 

I enjoyed the writing and story and I did read all the way to the end. Unfortunately the story won't stay with me in the same way that the previous book did. 

I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5. 

ARC provided through netgalley.

*Scheduled to post on publication date*

Everyone has that something that they deal with, that they carry alone.... unless they choose to let others in. This book was not easy to read, but one that NEEDS- to be read. It was hauntingly beautiful and heartbreaking. Its one of those books that may not be for you but you can tell, its written in a way, that it was meant for someone.

In the Quiet you Carry, we follow main character Victoria, who goes through something awful and gets put into Foster Care. She suffers from PTSD and has to learn how to grow, move on and deal with what has happened to her. As her life is thrown into chaos- we get to see how she manages the changes. Victoria's character growth, throughout the book was amazing to read. The author did a fabulous job telling this very empowering story of life in the foster care system. If you're looking for a book that takes all your emotions and throws them into a tailspin- one that grips you and your heartstrings...from the very first chapter- I totally recommend this one!!!

Here is a short and sweet review to close off 2018... a review for a YA tragedy that had me tear up throughout.

This was such an intense book from the first chapter all the way to the last one. It's a book that grips you and never leaves you with a dull moment. I guess it may be strange for me to say so, but sometimes I will read books that don't have much development in them - that is not the case with The Quiet You Carry. I got real development from main and secondary characters, from the plot, and from the entire situation the protagonist goes through. It's a book that moves... and it will move you.

I'd like to thank North Star Editions for the free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

A heartbreaking and empowering story of life in the foster system, author Nikki Barthelmeiss has drawn on her own experience to create the story of Victoria, a seventeen year old girl thrown out of her home by her widowed father who has accused her of making sexual advances towards him. As well as dealing with the loss of the only family she has left, she must learn to cope in a chaotic foster home run by a strict disciplinarian , whose only interest in her charges seems to be financial, while worrying about the younger step sister she has left behind. To cap it all off she has to move away and change schools , putting her college aspirations at risk. It is no wonder that she builds a wall and makes it difficult for anyone in her new life to connect with her, despite their good intentions, but eventually she makes some true friends, ones that will help her face up to some very difficult decisions and help her to do what she must.
As I mentioned it is clear that this is a book written by somebody with experience of the foster system, and while the situations described may be harsh, they are absolutely believable. I found myself really rooting for Victoria as a character, and I felt the highs and lows with her as her story progressed.
I read and reviewed a book courtesy of NetGalley and the publisher,all opinions are my own.

This is a beautifully heartbreaking and harrowing story of a girl, who at 17 is put in the foster care system after she realises her father is not at all the man she thought he was.

This is such a heartbreaking and wrenching story of a young girl, on the cusp of adulthood having to confront things that cause her a great deal of pain and sadness. This book is brilliant and I loved every moment of it. It was definitely one of my highlights of 2018!

Thank you for the chance to get an early copy of this book. I think this book fills a need that I have not read in other YA literature. The topics covered in this book are handled with tender loving care and as the reader I was truly moved. The characters are well developed and I plan on adding this book to our collection.

I knew there was something weird about this book when I first saw it, but I can honestly say I had no idea this book would be about sexual abuse. I don’t know if I would have requested it had I know what it was about. Saying all of that, it wasn’t a bad book, it just covers several unsettling topics.


First things first, I didn’t give this book three stars because of the difficult things that take place throughout the story. Things like what happened in the book, happen everyday, and they’re horrible no matter the circumstance. This was a good book, the way the main character, Victoria, changes throughout the story is very real and easy to relate to. The author did a wonderful job of explaining the way Victoria was feeling and how confused she was throughout the book that made it easier for those of us who have never gone through something like this.

There were lots of great characters in this book as well. With Victoria being the oldest at their foster mother Connie’s house she feels a little responsible for the younger kids. Jamie is the one who opens Victoria’s eyes and makes her realize that she needs to take care of her sister Sarah. Christina and Kale love Victoria despite her hiding the fact that she was in foster care. I think Christina was my favorite character though. She always stood up for Victoria and kept her out of trouble because Victoria could not afford to get into trouble. That’s how true friends are supposed to be and that’s why she was my favorite.


Thank you NetGalley and Flux for an advanced copy of this book in return for an honest review.

“None of us can understand what’s going on in another person’s life from the outside looking in. No one can really see the quiet you carry, unless you let them.”

Truer words have never been written. Everyone in this world has, or is, going through something that shakes us to the core and completely changes our lives - sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s not, and other times it is deeply traumatic. Some people are better at hiding it than others. I know I was, and to a degree, I still am.

Barthelmess tackles several very serious issues in this book, and they were done so masterfully and sensitively. She really gets into the head of a teenage girl who is struggling with the awful reality that she has found herself in, but is not yet ready, or is unable to confront it.

I identified so much with Victoria and all she went through, reliving my own experiences, remembering my feelings and fears as I read about hers. And if I were to use one word to describe the result it would be: genuine.

The Quiet You Carry is very confronting and it may be a trigger for some people, so please take care and read with caution.

Thank you to Nikki Barthelmess, North Star Editions/Flux, and NetGalley for an arc of this compelling book in exchange for an honest review.

A beautiful title for a beautiful book. The Quiet You Carry is a compelling and soulful story about a girl forced into the daunting foster care system while coming to terms with her father's abuse. I loved how the story was realistic and did not try to soften or romanticize Victoria's situation.

I could completely relate to Victoria and with every step she took, I felt like I was there with her. I could feel like anxiousness, her confusion, and the hurt as she was yanked away from her life. I cried as she tried to piece together everything that happened and still try to blame herself. My heart broke at the pure cruelty shown to Lizzie, a little girl denied the right to play with toys, when that's exactly what a child should be doing. But, both mine and Victoria's hearts began to heal with the support of Christina, Kale, and Principal Nelson. I smiled at Christina's unwavering support, giggled at Kale's antics, and felt my heart become full at Principal Nelson's kindness. And finally, by the end of the book I felt like everything was going to be okay.

This book is a real eye-opener to the foster care system and how much it can affect a child. Barthelmess has a talent for writing emotions and enticing the reader to dive deeper into the book. The Quiet You Carry outlines how discouraging the system can be, but also highlights how one can successfully navigate through it with the help and support of the community. Five stars for you Ms. Barthelmess.

Thank you #Netgalley for allowing me to read #Thequietyoucarry as an advanced reader copy., Ms Barthelmess has a tour'dforce of YAlit, definately five stars , and if Netflix, Touchstonepictures or other production company hasn't offered a movie deal for this book they better not wait long. Readers who loved A Fault in Our Stars or A Walk To Remember will be in a complete book hangover for A Quiet You Carry, I feel this story will also become as significant as 13 Reasons Why, and will be one parents will talk about with their teens.
Victoria is the first protagonist in a very long time that I felt should have an interview after the story was over, She is that friend you had that smiled bravely despite her world falling apart around her. That student that every teacher had sitting by herself , without a coat or a second pair of shoes . A girl we see getting off the bus trying to smile ,but holding back the t.ears. I know those monsters Victoria dreamed of, that she desperately wanted to set free, Every child who ever has lived through abuse were not taken safely away by CPS, and tough as Connie was, she was doing her best as a fostermom, but not all children are lucky to end up with a Connie . In this story, it will make you think, please make sure to share the contact numbers of CASA with a child you may think needs it. There are so many raw and real topics explored in this story, foster care ,abuse, cutting as a sign that a child needs emotional help. The Quiet You Carry should be shared by librarians, reading groups, and high school english classes. The Quiet You Carry is that nightmare that if we are lucky we are able to set free.
The cover: gorgeous
The characters : five star memorable.
The author: Best Debut Author of 2019...

Wow. That was raw and emotionally brutal.

I will not recover from The Quiet You Carry, but that's kinda the point.
Like most people, I'm aware of foster kids, went to school with some, knew of some foster parents in my small town growing up, but I never really understood the deep emotions of those involved. And I don't think I ever will fully understand what those kids go through. This book will help empathize and shed light on a whole world most of us know only a little bit about.

It should be a no brainer, but this book has all the trigger warnings. As I was reading it, it brought up every pain I remember feeling in junior high and high school. And I had a pretty easy time compared to most! If you're in any way feeling depressed, or anxious, or alone ... just be careful before starting this book. It's going to hurt, but hopefully you'll feel cathartic at the end (which is as happy an ending as can be).

Barthelmess writes in a way that's gripping and holds your attention. The story moves quickly and there are no extraneous words, sentences or scenes. Everything is important. You're inside Victoria's head as she's trying to resolve what happened to her and her new life in foster care at the same time. The constant back and forth between PTSD and trying to attend high school is unsettling. As a reader we're never sure when Victoria's mind might trigger a memory or gut reaction to something others may find mundane. In that way, the storytelling is perfect and truly accomplishes Barthelmess' goal.

I received a copy from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Story: 5 stars
Character Development: 5 stars
Writing/Prose: 4 stars

The Quiet You Carry is realistic and heartbreaking with an element of suspense as Victoria suffers from PTSD and struggles to keep up with the lies she's told for self-preservation. The character development and backstories are remarkable all around, from Victoria to Connie to Christina. While this book provides excellent representation of a child in the foster care system, it may not be for everyone due to the amount of triggers for everything from sexual abuse to self-harm, to eating disorders, and more.

“No one can really see the quiet you carry, unless you let them.”


4,5 stars


Thank you Flux, North Star Edition for giving me this book through Netgalley! As usual this had no influence on my willing and honest opinion!


The author in her acknowledgement explains how she was put in foster care when young and how she had no idea what that was before entering the system.

She gives what I think must be a very accurate description of foster care, with its overworked social workers, with foster parents enforcing strict rules, with kids thrown into it in the peak of a crisis and being left disoriented, groggy from what has been and is happening.


You’ve guessed from the synopsis that Victoria entered foster care after something her dad has done to her.

This first scene was brutal.

She was taken away by a police officer and a social worker and they were brusque with her.

Victoria had to leave everything behind: her phone, her computer anything of value and take only clothes with her.

She’s slept the night on a couch in the social worker’s office.

If this is not traumatizing, especially when added to what happened with her dad I don’t know what is!


From that moment on she will live with two other foster girls in the care of Connie. Connie is her foster mom and she had such strict rules that the girls hated her.

I confess that Connie’s character was very hard to like but that’s the beauty of this story: nothing is to be taken at face value and many characters hide their true self behind a mask!


This story shows the limits of the foster system and of justice. In case of abuse it’s the victim’s word against the aggressor. If the victim is mute because she is afraid of the consequences, she’ll be thrown into a very hard system.


Victoria will rage more than once again this system and against what is happening to her. She will also live in denial because like most victims she will have great difficulties to go against the perpetrator.

This book highlights how manipulator can perpetrate abuse and have the victims think this is not so serious. Victims often feel a sense of loyalty and obligation to their abuser as sick as that may seem.

Victoria’s dad was one of the worst manipulators.

He manipulated Victoria’s mom who convinced Victoria that a woman had to do everything to keep the husband happy. She also entrusted her husband into Victoria’s hands leaving her feeling responsible for her dad’s happiness. Hence not wanting to condemn him even after what he’s done.


This is a complex story as the characters go through a tempest of emotions and contradictory feelings. In this again the author did an excellent job portraying teenagers thrown into foster care and having to deal with being a victim. Coming to term with what has been done to them. Accepting their new situations is not easy! They are told they should make “the most of it” but most of the time they’ve been through trauma and landing in a stranger’s house, leaving all your friends behind really leaves you …lost.


I had no problem at all walking in Victoria’s shoes. She was solidly fleshed out as were the side characters as well. The friendship and budging romance helped alleviate some of the gloom and offered Victoria the support she needed. Because amidst all the drama, she remained a teenage girl who wanted to assimilate, to blend in, to live a normal life.


“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I sob. “I couldn’t. It’s humiliating. It’s sick. It’s wrong. These aren’t normal problems. I just want to be normal.”


Recommend it? Totally!

This is truly a heart-wrenching story. It's the kind of book that will stay with you for a while because it pulled on all of your heart strings and made you cry. This story focuses on Victoria, our main character, who has suddenly been kicked out of her home by her father and forced into foster care just a few months before turning 18. Readers don't get all of the backstory immediately, so you learn about Victoria's past and the relationship between her and her father gradually as the story goes along. And unless your heart is made of stone, you will feel reeled in.

Sexual assault and child abuse are very hard topics to approach because they need to be handled correctly. An author cannot go into a story with no understanding of the effects it has on children without completely ruining the message. Nikki Barthelmess handled this so well. This is just a personal opinion, but the topic was handled really delicately and without any harsh stereotypes or insensitivity. These kind of stories need to be told, but the right way. Readers get a close look at the family dynamic in Victoria's home. We are not simply catapulted in to an awful situation to try and figure out how Victoria got there. Instead, Barthelmess takes us all the way back to the beginning and shows us the relationship between Victoria and her father, mother, stepmother, and stepsister. There is a lot going on in this, but it's not overwhelming (at least not in that sense, though the emotions can be). We're also given a fairly realistic look at being a foster child at several different ages (thanks to Victoria's foster sisters Jamie and Lizzie).

The plot is fairly slow-paced, and the book is pretty short, but for this type of story where readers gain information and insight as the story builds, this works. The last few chapters of the book speed up a bit to wrap everything up, which is one thing I think could've been tweaked a little. I'm glad that readers get some closure from this story, but I personally would've liked an extra chapter or two to really carry out the ending the way that Victoria, Sarah, and Jamie deserve.

The characters all shocked me. In a lot of books, we see development of the main character, and maybe minimal development of a supporting character or two to feed the story. However, in this one, it felt like practically all of the characters were developed for us. Victoria gets a lot of new people in her life thanks to being put into foster care, and for such a short novel, I didn't think we'd learn so much about all of the people around her. Even Connie, who I really didn't care for, has layers beneath her hard foster mother exterior. The friends that Victoria make don't just add to the story but they get a little piece of their own in there, too. It isn't often that I get to see so many contributing characters get legitimate story lines, but I really liked it.

Overall, this is definitely one that I'll remember for a while. I was pulled in, my heart was shattered, and I was proud of Victoria in the end. She became her own beacon of hope, and if you love a story like that, then definitely check this out.