As a human, who does have a collection of grudges and know how to hold them, reading a book about this topic is highly beneficial. While reading this book gave me a way to do some introspective investigation into my own habits, I was hoping that it would be more like a guide to help acknowledge and rid oneself of grudges. On the contrary, it almost felt like a retelling of the author's grudges and her justification of them. I was expecting a book that could help you work through the issue rather than just discuss it. Regardless, it did help me think about my own actions.

A somewhat light-hearted look at the universal habit of holding grudges, this book by Sophie Hannah examines her own grudges and explains how a grudge can be beneficial. Hannah outlines how grudges can help one protect oneself from poor behavior, hurt feelings, and use grudges as lessons to improve our lives.

Sophie Hannah recounts many of her own grudges, assigning a point scale by which others may rank their own issues. She firmly believes grudges, handled properly, can improve one's outlook on life and improve relationships.

As a professional grudge holder, I was excited to read this. However, I ended up feeling like I was duped into reading a book about the author’s personal grudges and why she felt justified in having them. There are good parts, but overall the book felt disorganized (lots of references to other chapters which got confusing) and the end was literally just a list of grudges. Probably enough for a good long essay but stretched into book form.

I received an ARC from the publisher through Net Galley in exchange for an honest review.

I have always loved Sophie Hannah's novels, loving the way they make me think all the way to the end instead of knowing by the second chapter who did what and how it will all come out. Nope, you usually wait until almost the last page so it is very satisfying to me to work to figure it out.

When I requested How to Hold a Grudge, I saw her name and requested it, not realizing (or caring) that it was not a novel. This is a very entertaining and informative book on the whole theory and nurturing of grudges. Unusual topic you say? Yes, but are there any of us who have never held grudges? Why not learn why we do and think what we do. Perfect them or unravel them?

Nicely done! Thank you NetGalley for an advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.

I truly wonder why Sophie Hannah wrote this book. Successful in her other offerings, she does not have the qualifications, credentials or training to write a book based on psychology; and it cannot be touted as a self-help book when her aim seems to be talking about herself. There may not be any current books about grudges, but is there really a need for one? Does the world need more people holding tight to every real or imagined slight?

That is what this book recommends. Don't only hold on to your grudges (proudly!), but look for instances where you have less than satisfactory interactions, write them down, and physically keep them in a special place, for they are your story and lessons of your life. Then you can pull them out time and again to review them and treasure them! Yes, TREASURE YOUR GRUDGES!!

The author even categorizes her grudges (naming well over 30 categories), as well as grades them according to their dreadfulness, impact, and intention. She proudly talks about the ages of some of these grudges (over thirty years!! YAY?) There are even rules for keeping and releasing grudges. Does this sound over the top to anyone else?

I must also wonder if the author realizes that her book shows her in a bad light as a person who is easily upset with others who hurt her by not doing things, saying things or reacting in the precise way she thinks they should. Her first example of a grudge in her book (important because she could tell there was something meaningful happening as it happened) tells of a time she stayed with a married couple. The husband, Martin has a quirky obsession with his cat and must know where it is at all times. The author found herself awakened during the night, when Martin turned on the lights, entered the guest room and was searching for his cat under her bed. (I agree this was totally inappropriate behavior on his part!) However, Ms. Hannah admits Martin would throw himself in harms way if he felt she were being threatened and would not hesitate to help her should she be in need of anything. However, she determined that she has a grudge against him because on a day-to-day basis when she is in no danger or need, Martin puts himself first. She must remember that and take steps to protect herself. Really? You must PROTECT yourself from him??

Another adage cited in the book - Vern and Fern visited the author and her two young children (her husband was away). It was dark when they were ready to leave. The author said she would walk them out to their taxi as there was something she needed to get from her car. They offered to stay in the house with the children (who were in bed) while she got what she needed. She insisted at walking them out and so she did. She was further infuriated when the taxi didn't leave and seemed to be waiting until she was safely back inside. She internalized this as a judgement against her ability to parent her children or to know what to do should she get locked out of the house. In her mind, she shouted out several "F-you! Just F-you!!" (abbreviation of the word mine) before giving up and going into the house. This too became a grudge against what I saw as a couple simply acting in a mannerly, concerned way.

Ms. Hannah is very dismissive of psychologists and well-known authors in the field calling what they write "a load of crap!" , which is disconcerting. Most adults are well aware that not everything works out the way we'd like. We process our feeling, adapt if called for, note lessons learned, and move on with our lives. We don't proudly keep a physical catalog of all missteps committed against us!

In another adage cited by the author, she asked her husband ""how would you categorize grudges?" "I wouldn't" "Well if you had to?" "I don't know, maybe x, y and z" "No, that's not the best way to do it!" I cut him off, excited by the idea I'd just had. He shrugged and left the room (possibly holding a grudge because I'd insisted that he participate in a conversation he didn't want to have, and then talked over him.)" Self-absorbed? You bet! Values others? Not so much.

Unfortunately, I know several people like this, and my lesson learned is that they tend to be controlling, wanting/expecting others to react or voice their thoughts in a manner predetermined by the person needing to be in control to feel safe. They also tend to be self-absorbed, wanting every interaction to be about them. No matter the topic of conversation they turn it around to themselves. Unfortunately, most people, including myself, don't like to be around people like this as they soon tire of feeling judged and walking on eggshells.

I don't want to spend the precious time I have on this earth cataloging, categorizing, grading, reviewing and TREASURING every wrong ever done to me. Life is far too short!! Beyond that, there is such a thing as grace, and rising above. Ms. Hannah is very comfortable with her chosen focus. I choose another path for my life - I choose joy!!

Please stick to fiction, Ms. Hannah.

Thanks to NetGalley and Scribner for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an unbiased opinion.

I never knew I needed to educate myself about grudges. I am glad I took the opportunity to read this book and you will too. I smiled all the way through!

Worth reading through to the end if only for the writer's personal and collected accounts of grudgeworthy events that validate the readers' own. I like that the writer sought additional feedback from multiple experts on the matter.

I received a free digital copy of the book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.