This book starts out, from the very first page pulling your heartstrings, and it doesn't stop. This is my first Kathleen Glasgow book, I do however have another one of hers sitting on my bookshelf just dying to be read. This was such an emotional and raw read, I can't believe it took me so long to read it. 

While it's heavy in subject matter, it was an incredibly fast read, and I really just loved it. I will advise you to have some tissues handy.

Glasgow delves deep into grief after Tiger Tollier loses her mother, June, which propels her into the foster care system. Tiger has to grapple with a very different sort of life while losing the one person on whom she has always depended. You heart will break again and again.

A rare book that grabs you from the very first page. I have recommended this for readers who enjoy a gritty read full of all the feels.

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE DARK by Kathleen Glasgow (Girl in Pieces) is a truly memorable coming of age story. As the author notes, it "is, above all, a book about grief. This is a book about learning how to go on, about finding your way in the dark."

Glasgow shares the story of Tiger Toliver, a 16-year-old high schooler who lives with her single Mom. Like many mothers and daughters, they are good friends, but they also have the power to hurt each other. Tiger wants a more "normal" teenage life, with boys and dances, but her Mom struggles with that coming independence.  They have a heated argument and shortly afterwards Tiger learns that her Mom has unexpectedly died. Truly bereft and suddenly a ward of the state, Tiger is moved into the foster care system.  She is shifted between homes and ultimately is assigned a guardian, Shayna, but more problems and complications occur.

I highly recommend HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH THE DARK and so do many authors (including Jennifer Niven, Julie Buxbaum, and Karen M. McManus) currently writing for young adults. I am looking forward to booktalking and sharing this very powerful novel; it will allow readers to empathize with and to better appreciate the many emotions that Tiger and her friends and classmates experience.  Glasgow purposefully weaves in a portrait of the upheavals of life in a system that covers "almost half a million kids in foster care in the United States alone. Almost 2.5 million children are now homeless in the U.S. and one in twenty-eight kids has an incarcerated parent.... These kids are all around you: in your class, on your team, in your neighborhood, your camp, sitting quietly among the stacks in your library. Do you know them?"

While I can't speak personally to the realism of the novel, the depth of grief and loss Tiger feels certainly felt very real. Her experiences and those of the other children she meets are heart-wrenching, but the writing makes her experience meaningful and beautiful. I loved the setting and the characters around her.

*Book Received in Exchange for Honest Opinion/Review*

This book was just as dark and heavy as I anticipated. I knew going in after reading the synopsis that this book was going to weigh heavily upon my heart, and sometimes the world needs books like this. Sometimes we need to be emotionally gutted and that is exactly what this novel will do.

I really enjoyed how beautiful How to Make Friends with the Dark was. Haunting, poignant, and an accurate portrayal of how there isn’t a guide for grief. Sometimes the darkness swallows us whole, and we just have to give in and wallow before finding any semblance of light. And boy did Tiger wallow, I was drowning in her pain and anguish, there were several moments when I wondered if it would ever get better? Will her pain ever lighten? And watching the harsh reality of her life play out was both heartbreaking and moving.

There were just several things that I thought took away from the story, starting with the names. Tiger and Cake, while adorable, they are childish. I would have loved to see more mature nicknames as this book is centered around teenagers. Secondly, Tiger has a fleeting romance that happens but goes up in flames after her mother passes. I thought this took away from her grief and while I understand that lashing out does occur when you are going through grief, I don’t think this was the right way to approach it. I just didn’t care for the anger and outburst, it was an unnecessary distraction from the main story line.

In the end, there was a semblance of hope. And though it took a couple months, the pain does ease, it doesn’t go away but Kathleen Glasgow accurately portrays the struggles and constant reminders of the loved ones we lost. A must read for any teen struggling with grief and the loss of a loved one.

At first I figured I knew exactly where this book was headed. Sudden, unexpected grief and a life you don't know how to live. Some of the plot elements are exactly what you would expect. But in many ways Glasgow pushes her plot much further than other writers. Tiger, as the novel's title implies, embraces darkness. Her life is entirely out of control and she's fully disconnected from everything she's ever known. As such, she makes drastic decisions with long term consequences. In that way, this is a realistic plot. It's also uncomfortable and difficult to engage with. So I would exercise caution before recommending to the average reader.

How to Make Friends with the Dark wasn't what I was expecting. It's actually pretty heavy from the start, and it only gets worse as the story progresses. Tiger's mom dies, so obviously it isn't going to be about sunshine and rainbows, but the entire thing felt a little off. The way people reacted to certain scenarios, and how they spoke... it just didn't ring true. At times the story and conversations felt rushed, and other times I felt like Tiger was over-explaining her feelings and rambling.

It also threw me when the author kept changing Tiger's point of view. One chapter she's saying, "and you drag yourself, sick as you feel, but elated," and the next it's, "ready to strike me down if I don't cook drugs for her." I can see how this might work for the story, but it almost feels like Tiger is two people, and it was more confusing than convincing. 

Tiger is also incredibly repetitive with her descriptions of things. I'm not sure if it was intentional, or if the author didn't realize her character had previously made similar comparisons. 

"And Kai, who looks dreamy and sweet, plucking his bass, his brow furrowed, like one of my books might say."

"His brow is knitted, as they might say in one of the books we read last fall in Lit class."

And then there were times when I didn't understand the main character at all, "Suddenly the smear of acne across his jawline wasn’t something I was embarrassed for, for him, but something I found tender, and wanted to touch." Would anyone really think that?

Side note: Tiger and her mother are barely scraping by, there's no food in the house, but they both have cell phones. Details like this irk me, because food is a priority, texting is not. I understand having a phone for emergencies, but Tiger's mom was calling and texting her despite knowing her daughter was in school. Also, phone bills are expensive, and that money could have kept Tiger from going to school hungry, and desperately trying to scrape Life Savers from the bottom of her backpack.

In the end, How to Make Friends with the Dark just wasn't a good fit for me. I've read other raving reviews, so don't simply take my word for it. If you think it sounds interesting, try it for yourself. I didn't get very far into the book, but I did glimpse Tiger's first negative experience with foster care, so be warned. Children are often mistreated even when they are under the "protection" of the state, and I have a feeling this book is going to touch on some of the more unpleasant aspects of being in the system.

Tiger Toliver and her mother live together in a little house doing the best they can with what they have. Her mom is overly protective, which drives Tiger crazy sometimes, but they are best friends. When Tiger asks her mom if she can go to the school dance, her mom, unexpectedly, says yes and buys Tiger a dress. It's the most hideous thing Tiger has ever seen. They get into a huge fight, and she tells her to just leave her alone. It turns out those are the last words Tiger ever says to her mom. Hours later, she finds out her mom had a stroke and died. She now has to face life without her, and she ends up in the foster system until a long lost half sister that she never knew about shows up. Through it all, she wears the horrible dress, day in and out.  I liked this book and the representation of the emotions that Tiger went through, but found some aspects a bit far fetched like wearing the dress every day and some of the sister’s behaviors.   She was lost without her mother, and the author certainly made you feel that bond and all that Tiger was going through.

How to Make Friends with the Dark recounts, in unminced words, the process of grieving. I've read (and reviewed) a lot of books about death, but none of them got to me the way this one did. I am fortunate. I have little experience with death-grief. Being inside Tiger's head turned me inside-out, emotionally. I am still reeling. 

The summary states the catalyst for the events of the book, but essentially, Tiger had no other family except for her mother. She winds up in foster care, where she meets many kids with a variety of stories, as well as adults--helpful and unhelpful. I appreciated Glasgow's consideration of how in the system, there are both good and bad experiences. Some made a genuine effort to help Tiger, and others didn't. I know it's not officially part of the book, but Glasgow's author's note at the end was particularly thoughtful. 

I digress. What I liked most was how imperfect Tiger's grief was. First-person perspective contributed so much to this, because in combination with Glasgow's writing, Tiger was SO REAL. Her emotions were tangible, and I cried no less than four times. We didn't know her mom (June) for very long, but Tiger's love for her was evident, and thus her sorrow and confusion and anger and sadness were all the more weighted. 

We spend so much time inside Tiger's head, but also get to experience her relationships with multiple secondary characters, all of whom I liked. One in particular I can't say anything about, but her mere existence shocked me. In the end, despite multiple mishaps, I'm glad her story of recovery was included in the novel. I think Tiger's relationship with her helped establish Tiger's story as unique, and not just the generic story of a girl whose mother passed away.

​Overall, Tiger's powerful story earns 5/5 stars from me. I was blown away by this book, and I 100% recommend it.

I can personally see the appeal to some, but for me this hard hitting contemporary was not it. It is a read that I can see could benefit teens who are going through a hard time, but I feel because of the intense content matter it should also be read with caution and trigger warnings should be noted.

Review



I first want to thank both Delacorte press and Netgalley for gifting me a copy of the book for an honest review.

*Disclaimer: Self-harm, contemplation of suicide, and drug and alcohol violence.*

In this book we follow Grace Tolliver "Tiger" through a heart felt journey where she loses her mother and bestfriend June. June is everything she has always had in her life. No brother, father, grand-parents of cousins that she knows of. So when she loses her mother she feels like she lost her whole life with her. Her mother was also always really strict with her and in her final moments, they had a big argument. Which tore Tiger apart. We follow Tiger as she meets new people who become a great influence in her life. We also get  a preview of what it will be like to be a foster child.



I really enjoyed this book from the beginning, it was a little slow paced and a bit heavy even if it wasn't as dark as I expected it to be. It was 416 pages which I feel could have been condensed a bit maybe to 300 pages or so. I wanted this book to make me cry and make me want to carve my heart out and it didn't do that. I felt bored and annoyed at times. I wish the author would have included more heart-felt scenes in the book. I wish Tiger would have gone through more of a relapse and then gotten back up on her feet. But that's just my opinion on the matter of what she was going through. I definitely do recommend the book, especially for readers who are just beginning to pick up books based on grief and self-harm. 





3 ⋆⋆⋆

Eye opening look into life as a foster child. I wish this was the focus because there are not a lot of YA books about foster kids/teens. 

It was difficult to connect to Tiger and her relationship with her mother because she was only on the page for one chapter so when she died it wasn't as impactful as it could have been. Because we only saw Tiger's mom for one chapter, I was hoping to get to know her in flashbacks or memories but that didn't happen. 

There was too much focus on the sister and her problems which seem to come out of nowhere and was wrapped up too quickly. 

I did enjoy the platonic friendship between Tiger and Thaddeus. Far too often YA tries too hard to make a romance so I appreciated the friendship.  

Overall, I felt like I've heard Tiger's voice before and I didn't get any new insights into dealing with grief.

Reading this book made me more aware of the suffering of many children in our society. Children expct to be taken care of and loved. Many times they are put into unbearabel situations and are told to endure.

What does it mean to make friends with the dark?  To be so lost in your grief that you can’t find any foreseeable way out?  To come to terms with the death of a loved one, and find peace within yourself?  Kathleen Glasgow, renowned author Girl in Pieces, explores the black hole of grief in her new novel, How to Make Friends with the Dark, in which a teenage girl unexpectedly loses her mother, and learns just how dark of a place grief can be.  

Tiger Tolliver just wants the things that all teenage girls want - to hang out with her best friend, shop for her own clothes, and go to the school dance with her crush.  While Tiger’s mom can be a little absent-minded and quirky, there’s no doubting that she loves Tiger with her entire heart ... maybe a little too much.  Tiger is finding her mom’s overprotectiveness to be a bit suffocating, so one day she blows her off, and that’s when the unthinkable happens.  Her mom dies. 

How to Make Friends with the Dark is one of those novels that will hit right at home for anyone who has suffered a terrible loss.  Glasgow perfectly captures the overwhelming feelings of loneliness, sorrow, hopelessness, confusion, and guilt that follows the death of a loved one within her story of Tiger, a young girl who loses the most important figure in her life - her mother.  

Not only is Glasgow’s writing in this book beautiful; so is her story of Tiger who moves through the grief process before our eyes in the novel.  From unbearable loss, to foster homes, to self-destructive behaviors, to finding yourself again, Glasgow realistically portrays grief in a relatable, compassionate way.   

Thank you to NetGalley and Delacorte Press for a digital ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review.

I really wanted to read and enjoy this book but I had so much trouble getting through it. It was so dark and depressing from the very beginning. I will say that some of the writing was really beautiful prose. However I just wasn’t prepared for how sad this one turned out to be,

This was such a beautiful, raw depiction of grief. I really love Kathleen’s writing and how she delves into difficult topics with such care. I’ve got a few favorite lines in the story. It helped me cope with some of my own grief reading this book. 

CW: death, suicide/suicidal thoughts, grief

When her only parent dies without warning, a teen finds herself at the mercy of the foster care system. She’ll have to learn how to navigate new relationships and come up with a new definition of normal. Author Kathleen Glasgow brings her own personal experiences to aching reality in the wrenching but somewhat incomplete novel How to Make Friends with the Dark. 

Sixteen-year-old Grace “Tiger” Tolliver just wants to hang out with her friends and survive school. The school part’s easy: with her best friend Katerina, or Cake, Tiger has gotten through every single day of academic torture from the third grade to their current status as sophomores. Lately, too, she’s attracted the attention of her crush; Kai, her partner in science class, has just asked her to the upcoming dance. 

The rest of life, though, is a problem. Tiger is an only child to single parent, June, and June keeps Tiger on a tight leash. Tiger loves her mother, but she wishes—often—that June would loosen up a little. It doesn’t help that Tiger has no idea who her father is and that June refuses to talk about him. If Tiger had a dad or siblings, she’d have someone to commiserate with or at least someone who could take June’s attention off her for just a minute. But, nope. It’s just Tiger and June.

Until it’s not. June dies from an unexpected medical incident, and Tiger finds herself spiraling through the various stages of grief. It only gets worse as she learns that because she’s a minor and has no known relatives, she automatically becomes a ward of the state. Despite the fact that Cake’s mother, Rhonda, volunteers to take Tiger in, the social worker holds hard to the line.

Within days of her mother’s death, Tiger moves from one foster home to the next. The children she meets introduce her to the darker sides of life. At least Tiger knew her mother loved her and would do everything to make her happy. She’s at a loss for words when she hears stories about parental abuse, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse; she had no idea there were so many ways to hurt one’s self and others.

Then she gets word of an older half-sister she’s never met. Tiger clings to idea of family, even as she discovers that her half-sister isn’t exactly the epitome of responsibility. Still, Tiger wants to go home, and she’ll do whatever it takes to get there. Going home doesn’t necessarily mean all the demons have left, however, and she discovers that grief is a beast that follows a person anywhere.

Author Kathleen Glasgow shares in her note at the end of the book how much of it was inspired by her personal experiences with grief, and she scores full marks in Tiger’s story for nailing the sound and look and emotion of loss. Tiger doesn’t mince words when it comes to sharing the depth of her broken heart. Readers will want to reach out to her and offer their heartfelt condolences, so real are her emotions.

Separated from the grief angle, however, the book doesn’t work quite as well. Cake is refreshing as Tiger’s best friend, putting her own wants and dreams on hold, yet she disappears two-thirds of the way through the story with a half-hearted narrative explanation and doesn’t reappear. The half-sister who becomes Tiger’s guardian spends a lot of time fretting over her own problems. At one point, Tiger joins a group at school for grieving teens, but that part of the story fizzles out as inconsequential as well. 

Readers may wonder why these story elements were introduced if they weren’t going to contribute to the overall plot. Other pieces of the story come across as unrealistic too. Tiger shares early in the book how poor she and her mother are—she mentions with wryness the thrift store clothes she wears—yet early on she and June stay in touch with their cell phones. If they don’t have enough money for food, how are they paying that bill?

For readers wanting a story that shares the reality of grief in all its ugliness, this book fits the bill. Otherwise I recommend readers Borrow How to Make Friends with the Dark.

The Quick Cut: A 16 year old girl finds her life turned upside down when her mom dies - putting her into the foster care system.

A Real Review:
Thank you to Random House for providing the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

 Losing loved ones can be one of the most difficult moments a person can experience. We can handle going through the pain ourselves, but when it is someone else or when that person disappears - it can leave a hole in their lives. In this story, Tiger experiences that loss when her mom suddenly dies. 

 Tiger Tolliver never lived the perfect life, but she was happy with it. Her mom constantly struggles to pay the bills, but she makes it work between selling jam they make and taking books to local homes for cash. However, Tiger is growing up and wants to go to the school dance (against her mom's wishes) when she gets a call that her mom has died. With no dad in the picture and no known next of kin, Tiger is thrown into the foster system. Will she survive or will the grief break her apart? 

 First and foremost: this book was very hard to read. The amount of pain Tiger experiences (and puts herself through if we're being honest) is so insurmountable that at points it was beyond uncomfortable to continue. You get the most grim, dark version of grief a teen could possibly go through and for that alone - this book is definitely a trigger alert. 

 Beyond that, the book gives a very close look at the foster care system and it's not a pretty picture. Tiger may not have had family, but there was friends dying to take her and due to the law - she was still a warden of the state. There are good homes, bad homes, and some unsung heroes who do their best to make it a better experience for the kids stuck in this broken system (even if for a short time). In most cases, its still an unhappy ending as too often the foster system doesnt provide the type of support needed or the parenting really required. 

 The medical mention in this book is what causes Tiger's mom to die: the brain aneurysm. The book isn't broken out by chapters; it's broken up by before, after, & now. In after, there are two mentions of the aneurysm and neither in great detail due to Tiger's shock. The first is at the hospital right after her death (page 36) and the second time is when she receives her mom's death certificate (page 179). 

 Based on the first conversation, it sounds like a brain aneurysm ruptured and caused a subdural hematoma. To put that in plain English: her mom had a blood vessel in her brain with weak walls, which caused a balloon to be created and fill with blood. When it broke, that bloom filled the space between the brain and the brain cover - causing pressure which would've killed her. 

 I liked this book and even for moments related to Tiger, but she is infuriating. She ends up down an extremely dark path that takes a toll on her body (and her soul) which if she was less lucky would have seen her dead or in a jail cell. Rather than listen to the adults or those trying to care for her, she continued to wallow and drown in her grief like an addict to drugs or alcohol. 

 I can only see someone torture themselves for so long before it becomes too much.

My rating: 4 out of 5

I loved the title of this book! I wish it had tied in more to the story line though. I think that there is some strong messages in this book but it isn’t a book that you would just pick up and read for fun. It’s a pretty heavy read and not exactly what you think it will be. Overall, I liked it but it just wasn’t what I was expecting.