This was a fascinating look at an experimental medical procedure to treat severe depression. I found a lot of what Armstrong had to say about swimming through the fog of depression relatable, and it was interesting to see her different family dynamics while she underwent treatment. I was aware of her blog before now, though I was never a reader of it. I imagine some readers of this book will be more aware of the context to some things she mentions here that aren't fully fleshed out, but it was mostly regarding details that were not wholly pertinent to the main subject, this treatment.

I wish the end of the book had more reflection rather than just a recounting of a conversation she had with a friend, and maybe it tied just a little too neat of a bow on the story, but that's a minor quibble. I would still recommend this to anyone who either wants to know they are not alone, or to anyone who wants/needs to know what severe depression is like.

I can’t really describe it,” I mumbled to her when she called me to ask what was wrong. “I feel like the Frankenstein monster. I mean, I feel like I died and someone brought me back to life.”

What’s wonderful about The Valedictorian of Being Dead is the honest day-to-day terror of living with severe depression because it exposes the brutal reality only those suffering through it can attempt to explain. Imagine a depression so horrifying that you are willing to die again and again, in an experimental treatment, to cure yourself of wanting to take your own life. What are the options when the drugs don’t work? When you have children to raise as a single parent? When depression is a life sentence and you can lose your children if your ex uses your mental health as a means to take your children away, would you risk it all?

Heather is the perfect candidate for the experiment, chemically induced coma approximating brain death. With a family history of depression, it’s an inheritance more people struggle through than openly talk about. As if mental illness is a dirty little secret, and is it any wonder with the cruel treatment people have received throughout history, and in the not so distant past? Imagine putting your faith in an experiment that makes you feel like Frankenstein’s Monster. Heather’s blog has brought attention to the highs and lows of her own mental health, I hadn’t heard about it until I read this book.

Fear of the unknown, will my brain survive this fully intact? Will I lose my memories or time? Anyone who has ever encountered any sort of brain confusion can relate to the sheer terror of that rabbit hole. If she wakes up at all and survives the coma that is and not just once, oh no! Ten treatments, my friends, ten! The writing isn’t always perfect and that’s okay because this book is about hope and sharing, it’s a fight for a life without debilitating depression and in turn, a chance to finally truly live. It takes courage, and support, which is something Heather isn’t great at asking for, but how many mothers are? Too, Heather allows the reader to be privy to her innermost fears, thoughts and memories of her past, losing her voice in relationships going all the way back to discipline from her father, he of the ‘snap out of it’ answer to depression so many people have. Why is it today, there is still so much misinformation and ignorance, shame in admitting the brain is as much a part of our body as any other organ and mental illness is a disease? How can we successfully treat that which is unacknowledged? Ignoring it or ordering your loved ones to ‘snap out of it’ isn’t going to work, it’s not something people choose, until it’s you, it’s so hard for people to believe. I think often other’s reactions are fear based. There is still a stigma and shame on us as a society for that.

An interesting medical experiment that shares the story of the human being taking part in it.

Publication Date: April 23, 2019

Gallery, Threshold, Pocket books

Heather Armstrong has never held back. You are considering this book because you already know that, because you have a morbid curiosity about this very radical treatment, and because you hope she will keep you from being completely freaked out with her wry outlook and FML rawness. If you spent the early years of dooce.com being a little...concerned about Armstrong, and wondering whether you can really "know" a blogger well enough to tell her to be a little more careful and take care of herself, this book will not make you feel better -- not for a long time. But have faith: The first-person narration of a story about dying ten times lets you know she comes out of it. Maybe better enough to sign a book deal.

The book's greatest strength is sticking to its subject matter. It is no longer than it needs to be, no more dramatic than it already is, and in the end it is indeed hopeful. Sometimes I think that if Sylvia Plath had been just 10 years forward on the timeline, she might have made it through.

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/2755413813

Heather B. Armstrong is depressed. Not just a normal depression, if there is such a thing. Her depression is so debilitating that she just wants to be dead. Not commit suicide, just, be dead. She has two special little girls that as a single mother, need her. And she needs them. Her Psychiatrist recommended her to a doctor that was doing a study. A study using propofol as a deterrent to depression. The anesthesia puts you under so far that you don't have any brain waves. A coma, a death. Heather goes through the process ten times. Two times the first week. Three times the next two weeks, and two times the last week. Her mother and stepfather are there for the entire process. They give her the time and help she so greatly needs.
Another thing this story brings out is that depression doesn't only affect one person. It affects the people around you, family and friends. It can also run in families. The importance of the study Heather was in is important to anyone suffering from this debilitating illness. For her it also can help member of her family that also are suffering.
Mostly it's about the strength and determination of a woman to overcome her illness.
Enlightening and informative.

A raw and deeply personal look at the authors struggle with devastating depression. Heather Armstrong is open and honest throughout her journey. A must read for 2019.

** I received an electronic ARC of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an unbiased review.

“Have you tried turning it off and on again?” It is a question I have laughed uproariously at when asked by Chris O’Dowd on The IT Crowd, and it never ceases to be in my steps of getting things working again. Coming in just after “stare at it until I think I know what I’m doing”, and just before “I guess I’ll just smack it and see what happens.” The reboot is a classic in terms of setting things right. But will this work on the human brain? When Heather B. Armstrong’s depression gets to be so excruciatingly unbearable, she decides to undergo an experimental treatment that seeks to answer just that.
A single mom, Armstrong is no stranger to stress, being over extended, and generally never feeling quite on top of things. Add to this depressive episodes that regularly have her calling her mother from inside her closet, sobbing about her desire to be dead. With little hope for the future and increasingly debilitating fights with her own mind, Heather’s doctor refers her to an experimental treatment that brings the patient’s brain active down to brain dead and leaves it there for a certain period of time. In essence, turning the brain off to see if it will reboot with without the depression programming.
The Valedictorian of Being Dead takes us through each of the ten treatments required to get through the study. Armstrong takes care to present this in a humorous, but also sympathetic light. With ample help from her mother and stepfather, we get to know what happens at each step in this potentially deadly procedure and not only grasp the mindset of someone willing to go to these extreme measures, but also the heartbreak of a parent watching a child they can’t help go through the process.
The frank discussion of depression is really fresh, with readers who have been through similar experiences may find themselves saying “Oh, yes. Me too.” However, one thing that really stood out was the privilege involved in being able to undergo this type of treatment. Without Armstrong’s stellar support system and financial means, the ability to undergo the treatment would not have been possible. However, I think that serves to highlight the increased stressors of people of limited means who are also battling mental illness.
Grab a copy of The Valedictorian of Being Dead; The True Story of Dying Ten Times to Live on April 23, 2019 and learn about this fascinating process with humor, empathy, and love.

I was intrigued by this book because I realized that I used to read the author's blog several years ago. I had completely forgotten about it, but I remember being entertained by reading about her life on a regular basis. I didn't know anything about her more recently, however.

Her struggle with depression is astounding and difficult to read about. I struggle with anxiety, so I understand how it is possible for someone to feel the way she did. I had a very easy time relating to Heather, as I also have two young daughters, and their personalities are similar to how she described her daughters'. I am not a single parent and have no doubt that I would find it just as daunting as she did.

Her story was really compelling and I had a hard time putting the book down. It's well-written and engaging.

I think I started reading memoirs centered on mental health well over ten years ago because books like The Glass Castle and Prozac Nation were book club picks. I've read a few more since then, but I'm by no means an expert in the genre. The Valedictorian of Being Dead centers on Armstrong's experimental therapy for severe depression that involved extreme anesthesia instead of electroconvulsive therapy. She's pretty explicit about her reasons for writing the book: she wants to eliminate the stigma around depression and explain what depression and treatment felt like for her. It makes for rough reading, but it's also fascinating to hear about the experimental trial and her positive response to it.

I've been reading dooce.com for 12+ years, from back when you had to explain what a blog was, so it's hard to explain what I didn't like about this book. Her blog posts are usually funny and relateable, with the occasional streak of whining, but this felt like a collection of all the whining. The title really works because everything that happens is THE WORST THING EVER. Maybe the second half gets funny and there's a payoff, I'm sorry to say I couldn't finish it.

I was completely vested in this compelling memoir of a former mommy blogger who undergoes a medical study for severe depression. The study, where the patient is put under anesthesia for their brain to coastline for fifteen minutes, brings the extended family closer. Parents and siblings understand the patient and the illness better by being included. An interesting and personal read.

Copy provided by the Publisher and NetGalley

Honestly I had no idea who Heather B. Armstrong was prior to reading this book. I had to google her, and her website dooce.com. She started blogging in early 2000s; prior to smart phones, social media and before influencers were a thing. She is said to be the most popular “mommy blogger” in the world. Her website has been listed in Times Magazine and Forbes. Over the years her blog has shifted and changed, but one strand woven through the years was her struggle with depression.
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“Depression extinguishes our purpose in life- the purpose of anything in our lives- making it quite literally impossible to handle anything. Every day and hour and minute is an obstacle course of things we are supposed to handle; most people do so without any effort, but we can’t even see around the first corner. And so we collapse. Or we sleep for days on end. Or we yell at people who don’t deserve it. Some of us drink ourselves into a stupor. Others scream into a pillow or crawl into a corner to rock back and forth. Some of us retreat to a closet to call their mother and say, “Please, let me be dead.”
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Throughout this book Heather is raw and real and expresses depression in a way I have never before heard. She talks about her experience with the experimental treatment she was apart of for depression. Ten different times over three weeks she was placed into a chemically induced coma approximating brain death. The hope of the study is that the brain will get a ‘reboot’ and the feeling of depression will subside. For Heather, this treatment was a life line thrown out to her while she was struggling to stay afloat in the middle of what felt like the deepest sea. This study came right after a time when she wasn’t sure she could continue to live like she had the previous 18 months. With the help of her physicians, friends, family, mother and step father she did ... and then put it on paper to help others who are like her.
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The title initially caught my eye on Netgalley. Throughout the book as you get to know Heather she continually describes herself as a Valedictorian of everything she does ... being a daughter, school (she was Valedictorian), steps per day (at least 20k), running a marathon and in this book, being ... even being dead.

I'm constantly amazed at the strength people who struggle with depression, anxiety, or other forms of mental illness exhibit when they so bravely and baldly tell their Tales... Armstrong does a marvelous job explaining her life and struggles, and her decision to die (almost) several times a week for several weeks in the hope of stopping her downward spiral. This is a heartbreaker of a story, told with wit and snark and an unflinching honesty that sends you alternating between laugh-out-loud hilarity and tears-pouring-down-your-face devastation. Reading about the experiences of Armstrong, her daughters, her parents, and her extended family was painful but also full of glimmers of hope and optimism that I hope find their way into the lives of people who need them...

This book intrigued me from the first I heard about it. As both an educator and avid reader, I’m always interested in learning more about mental health, as well as anything brain related. This book as an easy read….sort of. Heather dealt with many struggles—she touches on struggles during her childhood, adult life, single parenting, depression, and anxiety. While this doesn’t make the book seem like a happy book, Heather uses humor to keep the book upbeat. Heather uses humor to give the reader a laugh in unexpected places. Heather is brave, hilarious, and strong. I’m off to search out the author’s blog, mentioned in her book.

To be honest, it's been a while since I caught up with Dooce--I followed her religiously for a long time when her daughters were little--they were the same age as my daughters--and I admired her honesty about parenting. Somewhere along the way my free time became non-existent and, well, life just happens so when I saw Heather Armstrong's newest book and saw the synopsis, I knew I not only wanted to read it, I needed to read it.

I've suffered through what I call situational depression and I've been very fortunate that I've had the resources, time, support, and right brain chemical composition to work through it and return to my typical state of mild cynicism, grumpiness, and good nature. I also have close relationships with people who have struggled with days, weeks, months, and years of anxiety and depression and I thought I had an understanding about what that felt like but this book showed me that I had no real idea of the depths of despair and hopeless--and the helplessness- that my friends and family members live with.

This book made me more emotional than I anticipated--both with Armstrong's snark and wit and with her brutal honesty. It gave me a lot to consider when it comes to my patience and reactions to the people who rely on me to love them, protect them, and provide a safe space to live in and through and with what they're feeling. It also gave me a strong sense of hope that there are options being developed to provide a more permanent solution to the devastation of depression.

*link to review to come*

The writing in this book was atrocious, half of the time it made no sense to where I had no idea what was going on, OR WHY.

Wow! This opened my eyes to what debilitating depression must feel like. I liked the style in which it was written, and could kind of feel myself climbing out of the dark hole with her. And, there are some lighthearted moments, too. I was left wondering how the LDS community feels about treating depression, since everyone in Heather's family is still a practicing Mormon, and the children of her siblings suffer from depression.

Such a sad, sad topic but written so beautifully, I could not put this book down. I have never suffered the depression that Heather B. Armstrong writes about, so while I could not relate, I could understand how real and devastating it is to those who do. With such a talent for writing, and such love for her children, I wanted to hug her and tell her she was a beautiful person and good mother. Her telling of her story was so real in each phase, you could feel her pain and you could feel her improvements, the words demonstrated her change in spirit. Such a remarkable process that helped her to find normalcy and happiness.

An inspiring, riveting memoir. Heather B. Armstrong, known for dooce.com, was struggling with a crippling depression. Desperate for help, she agrees to an experimental treatment where she is “killed” - placed into a chemically induced brain death for fifteen minutes - ten times. She bravely recounts the experience of the experiment, but also her deep depression, its causes, and its effects on her family. Powerful brave writing. Highly recommended.

I gave this book a 5 out of 5 star review. It was an enjoyable and I would recommend. to others. Generously provided to me through NetGalley

As strange as this might sound, given the topic of this book, this is one of the best books I have read. Ms. Armstrong's memoir of her battle with profound depression and the experimental treatment she undergoes in an effort essentially to save her life is remarkable and awe-inspiring. She had dealt with severe depression and anxiety since childhood, but she found herself in an eighteen-month episode of depression so deep that she wanted to be dead. She did not want to kill herself and she was never actively suicidal/never made any plans; she just wanted not to exist anymore. Ms. Armstrong has an irreverent sense of humor, which is certainly helpful in a book like this. She displays an openness and honesty that most of us (certainly myself) could never bring ourselves to reveal. In the depths of her deep depression, her psychiatrist suggests trying an experimental treatment -- she was only the third patient to undergo it -- in which she would be administered Propofol anesthesia and placed temporarily in an almost brain-dead state/a really deep coma three times a week for ten treatments. The book focuses on the treatments and how she responded, but it also delves deeply into her family life (single mother with two daughters), her relationships with her family, her history of depression and anxiety, events of her childhood and adult life that have contributed to or been influenced by her mental illness, her fears, etc. If I was in her shoes, I am not sure I would have been brave enough to undergo the treatment.

It should not be a spoiler to learn that the treatments are beneficial -- it would not be much of a book otherwise. Reading about Ms. Armstrong coming out the depression is incredibly powerful (I was in tears by the end of the book), as she describes the changes she notices -- enjoying music, realizing she no longer feels a constant state of sadness, realizing that she is displaying better self-care (showering more often, dressing better, putting on makeup at times), finding the strength to make some changes in her life to ease the pressure she puts on herself and the anxiety she experiences. The treatment essentially brought her back to life -- a life with meaning and purpose and joy despite all the struggles and hardships of daily life, especially as a single parent with mental illness. Ms. Armstrong "humanizes" depression and anxiety in a way I have not read about before.

There are so many powerful moments in the book -- when Ms. Armstrong realizes how much more of a father her stepfather has been to her than her biological father and lets her stepfather know much he has given her through his steady love and caring; when her mother lets Ms. Armstrong know how tremendously difficult it has been to watch her endure these treatments (her mother and stepfather took her to the treatments and stayed with her the entire time) and how hard she had been praying for a treatment to be found; the reactions of her siblings after they witness her undergoing a treatment session; the conversation between Ms. Armstrong and her teenage daughter, Leta, about how the treatment is working and how helpful Leta has been (in ways Leta never thought about or did not recognize), etc.

One of the best decisions Ms. Armstrong made in writing this book was including an afterword from Dr. Brian Mickey, the psychiatrist who conducted the experiment, talking about advances in treating mental illness, ongoing barriers to treatment, the struggles that still exist, and the need for further experiments (whether Propofol or other types of treatment).

I received a review copy via NetGalley.