I don't read nonfiction often, but I couldn't pass this one up when I saw it on Netgalley. Uncomfortable Labels is Laura Kate Dale's autobiography about her life as a gay autistic trans woman.

› In Uncomfortable Labels, Laura Kate Dale says this book is one she wished she could have read when she was younger. This is about her challenges and triumphs as a gay, trans person with autism from birth to twenty-seven-years-old.

› Likes 😻
• It's inspiring how self-aware and courageous Dale is by sharing incredibly personal details.
• Although I'm not gay, or trans, or autistic, I will tell the world to read this book because it will give you a new perception about gay and/or trans people with autism.

› Dislikes 😾
• There aren't enough sources given to back-up some of the statements.
• Repetition and rambling. This book feels like an unfinished draft.

› Final Thoughts
• Uncomfortable Labels is an informational, important, timely and powerful read for adult readers.

Thank you to Netgalley and publisher for the complimentary copy in exchange for my honest review.

2* DNF at about 53% gone, as I was, sorry to be blunt, fed up of the narrator's selfishness and self-absorption. It was all too 'Me, Me, Me', and doesn't portray a Britain that I know.

The title of my 'review' of this book might make me seem and sound uncaring and bit of a beeotch, but tbh, by the point that I gave up, I was frankly in disbelief of the author's whingeing and stance and attitude. She was so into herself, her woes, her parents' lack of understanding, her posing, her portrayal, her claims about others hurting her always, and described a country that I, a fellow Brit, don't recognise. She doesn't say which part of the UK she lives in/lived in, which I suspect is deliberate. I have worked with someone who's transitioned and de-transitioned and I know a little, from *a* horse's mouth, what it takes and how things work, and yes, maybe this is a London-based experience where everything goes and where people are live and let live, but we're not all the bigots and bullies like the author tells it. School kids can be cruel, but in the UK we have a *national* curriculum that includes kids being taught about, and to respect, different cultures, religions, sex, genders, etc., and taught about conscious and unconscious bias, about the danger of preconceived ideas, etc., and teachers wouldn't permit bullying and/or cruelty and strong action would be taken. Teachers at *primary* school are taught about looking out for signs of a child being LGBTQIA; yes, at primary school level, and they know what steps to take next to get them support. We're Brits, fgs; we're all about doing the right thing all the time and being politically correct - or at least those of us with a modicum of decency and education are, so LKD's recollection doesn't seem without gross exaggeration. Or, perhaps it's her autistic brain that has made her perceive things the way she has?

I began to wonder if this author was even real, I am sorry to say. I am even sorrier about what I discovered about her when I googled. It seems like she's quick to exaggerate things, perceives slights and has been called out for a lack of honesty, and has apparently withdrawn things she's posted on social media after being challenged. She appears to do things for sensationalism, and seems to have strong biases. Yes, I appreciate that what I read I've not fully investigated, but when pretty much every article says the same thing about her, and, the sources are varied, I think there maybe has to be some degree of truth in it. I couldn't go on reading about LKD's version of the truth and her refusal to get therapy and/or professional help and/or treatment, because to do so would scupper her chances of getting NHS assistance for her transition. From my British perspective, and that of being married to a mental health professional who for 32 years has done his utmost to help his patients, and who's been stationed next door to Charing Cross's gender clinic, it's clear that her attitude cheapens the NHS and what they do. I think it's right that she be asked to get her house in order, so to speak, before undertaking even more changes that could affect her brain's already complicated chemistry, and I mean that with total respect. Those changes don't come cheap, and she'll be a drain (again, with respect) on the NHS for the rest of her life, so it does make sense to be in the best place possible before changing her life so drastically - add in surgery and artificial hormones to where she already is with her various difficulties, and there's a reason why health care professionals would be putting the brakes on.

This person comes across as Me, Me, Me and entitled. I wonder if she's in a good place and I wonder if she's unhappy with herself and with her life, because this book is too skewed and biased for me. Maybe therapy might have helped her? I feel a little disappointed that JKP has now published its second book with a completely personal, biased perspective (the other being Transgressive), without even attempting for a fair picture to be portrayed.

ARC courtesy of Jessica Kingsley Publishers and NetGalley, for my reading pleasure.

4.5 stars

I find it really hard to rate memoirs as it’s not like you can rate someone’s life so I rate more based on quality of writing and my interest level.

Laura talks about her experience from childhood knowing that she didn’t fit with the masculine presenting mould that she was pressured into filling.

She also talks about how living with autism and having gender dysphoria is common but is often overlooked or ignored by doctors as they assume it is an obsession/fixation or that they are not of sound mind to make decisions about changing their appearance and/or having surgery to corroborate how they present themselves.

I found chapter 5’s addiction quite repetitive but interesting and filled with statistics and her personal experience.

I think this is well worth a read for anyone who wants to understand more about why representation is important, those who are struggling to find help, information or support for transitioning, living as a trans person, or trying to navigate early adulthood with autism.

I got an ARC of this book.

The title and the cover drew me in. Just that play on words and all the feelings that it brought up was enough to sell me on this book. I again didn't read the description before I read the book. I was delighted to get a memoir that hit so many notes that I needed and wanted to see in the world. 

This is the sort of memoir that I will be waving at people, demanding that they read it. I have started to reach out more and more into trans spaces again. It has been full of autistic people which wasn't really talked about in the groups before. Now it is just another source of comfort for me. Finally groups are realizing that people can and do experience the world differently. Its so wonderful seeing trans people being accepted and loved. It is wonderful to see autistic people being listened to and seen as people. This book just has all of those feelings written so well in the last few chapters in particular. 

Laura Dale tells her story in this way that invites me in and kept me around. She said so many things that I wish I had been able to read when I started my transition. There were things about clothes just not being right, in more than just fit. There was the fear of shopping for clothes and the way the fabric felt. The way that interacting in the store was just so intense and complicated. I am going to put out my offer to go with anyone who needs or wants support shopping. I am a trained suit and bra fitter. I can help you find clothes that fit and work for you without fear. No one should be afraid or targeted while they are dealing with base necessities like clothes. She covers this so well. I just wanted to hug her for all of her openness, which brings me to my next point. 
She never shies away from mentioning what can suck about being autistic and being trans. She mentions how they can set the other off really easily. How her touch aversion has impacted her life. How she has to fight so hard to conform or risk being seen in a way that isn't good or healthy. How there are so many barriers for trans people to access medical care. How autistic people are treated in the medical community and by family. It is so important to read her words. Read them all. Sit with them. They are important. 

Just all the yes. I felt like cheering when she describes her experience with the roller derby league. I am just so happy and proud of her. She has continued to be herself no matter how hard others have made it. She has created this resource so others can feel like they aren't alone. She has broken into a hugely male industry of video games. She is the type of person that I hope I can be like when I grow up.

I've followed Laura Kate Dale on Twitter and throughout her journalism career for a while. This was a wonderfully honest and personal memoir and really opened my eyes to a lot of things I hadn't even considered relating to autism and being part of the LGBTQIA+ community.

*3.75 Stars*

This book was the memoir of 27 year old Laura Kate Dale. It was about her struggles as a transgender, gay, autistic woman but also her hopes and joy.

I thought her story was an significant one to tell and to hear. I found it deeply moving and interesting but I had trouble concentrating. The way it was told didn't really excite me I guess and I had trouble getting through the whole thing even though it's only a hundred and eighty pages long. Still, it's a very important story and I think a lot of people would benefit from reading it.

A memoir I'm very happy I read. It feels quite informal, almost conversational in tone, and that makes it feel quite personal; it was easy to connect with the author. I loved reading about the different aspects of her identity and the connections between her queer, trans and autistic identities. Dale explores coming to term with the labels she chooses to describe herself, and how they interact.

The structure of the book was sometimes confusing and a bit repetitive at times, but the copy I read was an ARC so this may be fixed at publication. Regardless, this was a really interesting read and I'm glad I got a peek at life from her perspective.

The highly personal nature of memoirs, especially on such sensitive and potentially painful topics, simultaneously creates high potential for emotional impact ... and makes them really freaking hard to rate and review. Because this is such a candid, unflinchingly account of some pretty dark periods in the author's life, multiple sections of this book were difficult to read.

It's definitely an eye-opening read regardless of how familiar you are with autistic and/or trans experiences — I could go on about the importance of intersectionality, but suffice it to say every autistic person's experience is different, as is every LGBTQIA+ person's, and so on for each aspect of life affecting one's level of privilege / quality of life. Of course Dale spends a lot of time on personal anecdotes, but she also examines the societal constraints that created so many of these situations and issues.

As Dale explains in detail, it's largely the influence of external factors — judgment, hostility, aggression — that make it difficult to be non-heterosexual and non-neurotypical. (Hell is other people.) There are some advantages to being autistic, trans, and gay; and at the end of the day, Dale makes it clear that she wouldn't change herself despite the challenges she has faced and continues to face. For the majority of us, life goes on, and it gets better.

Empathy, understanding, and destigmatization can go a long way toward preventing the kind of discrimination and bullying that Dale faced and hopes to combat by sharing her story. So whether you're LGBTQIA+, autistic, both, or neither, I would highly recommend this book.

A great, insightful look into the inner workings of a trans, autistic lesbian. I think a lot of people will find comfort in Laura's narrative.

(I initially left a more positive review, but having reread the sections that initially confused me, I have amended my original review. Both are below.)

So. This book isn't bad, per se. It was a quick read, largely because of the informal, conversational tone of the author, and I definitely feel like I learnt a lot from it. This sort of book is so timely and necessary. We all need to understand one another better, and there really is no better way to foster empathy than by reading and listening to the actual words of others and their lived experiences. I'm genuinely thankful that books like this are being published and that I got a chance to read it, and I would absolutely recommend it as a book which gives a vital window into the life of someone with autism who is also trans.

That said, the quality of this book leaves much to be desired. Reading it, I was convinced it was a first draft and not an ARC. Entire paragraphs are essentially rephrased and repeated; Dale makes a point and then she makes it again. She writes near the end of the book that she wrote 4 chapters on one train ride, and it honestly shows in the quality of her writing. I was surprised to read that she is makes a living writing about video games, because the standard of writing here really is very poor. I feel that Dale has a great story to tell and I wish that the publisher had given her more help to tell it, because she is in need of an editor who will be more sensitive to her narrative and shape it into the book that this deserves to be.

As it stands, this book has a lot of potential and I think it needs to be published to further a necessary conversation, but I really feel that it needed a lot more editorial work.

(Original review below)

A genuinely eye-opening book. Dale's tone is friendly and conversational, which makes the heavy subject a little easier to digest. It does, at times, border on reductive - there are some claims and statistics cited without sources - but as the general tone of the book is a personal narrative, I'm not sure it's the end of the world. If it were an academic textbook, it would matter more.

I also wanted Dale to talk more about the intersections of her identity. We hear much about the factors in isolation, as discrete labels, but it would have been beneficial to hear more about them as a linked whole. For example, we hear that trans people are both more likely to identify as gay / bi and more likely to be autistic than the general population, but it's never really explained or theorised why. Again, it's Dale's overall experience that matters and so whatever she feels is most important for the narrative is probably what's most important, but still. I wouldn't want to say what should and shouldn't be included in a memoir by someone who has characteristics that I, a cis woman, don't.

Most of all, this book absolutely serves to dismantle the strereotypes that I feel a lot of us hold about trans and neurodivergent people, and I'm glad to see it published. We could all do with a little more empathy, and hearing other people's stories is invaluable. Dale is a very capable writer and I'm looking forward to the rest of her work (I can see she already has another book on the way about video game butts, so that's promising!)

I just want to say that I love the title before I start off this review.

This was a rough book for me, and I think it might be because it comes down to the personal experiences Dale portrays in her book. It's rough, mostly, because I'm not a trans, autistic woman, so I do not have the same struggles as she does. I will say, however, that it was splendid in the sense that it gave me hope that people like Dale can share their Other narratives with the world.

On the other hand, the book has an issue with getting off track. The prose can sometimes be painful, almost mock-academic at times. I do wish that the book would either choose academic language with facts and citations or a more casual style of prose rather than both--it really detracted from my reading experience.

Imagine growing up on the autism spectrum, having to navigate a world that isn't set up for the way that you work. Imagine also being a trans-woman, having to figure out how to communicate your bodily and medical needs and exist in the LGBT space which isn't always autism friendly.

Laura's story was fascinating and I loved being able to take a look into her life and how being a Gay Autistic Trans Woman has shaped her life and made her into the woman that she is today. I didn't know before this book how often the LGBT and autism worlds collide and and how it can be to be in both spaces.

This was a very good book and I would highly recommend it for anyone.

I received this ARC from NetGalley in exchange for my honest review.

Thank you NetGalley!!

This memoir is about Laura Kate Dale... a gay trans woman with autism. This memoir is unique for so many reasons.

Laura tells us about her life experiences from her transition to her autism melt-downs and much more.

Such an amazing read.

Brilliant beginning with the title, "Uncomfortable Labels" is a memoir of the author's overlapping challenges in finding safe and welcoming spaces.

She's autistic, so she has to expend more effort to fit in smoothly with the allistic people around her.

She's English, so fitting in smoothly is of more importance generally. (I should point out that she doesn't speak of being English as a salient challenge, but readers from more gleefully iconoclastic parts of the Anglosphere will project that onto her.)

She's trans, so she missed out on the childhood fun of close female friendships and practical knowledge like sleepover etiquette. And since NHS seems to have zero sense of urgency vis-a-vis the race against the indelible effects of testosterone-dominated puberty (and regards everything but bottom surgery, or 'lower surgery' in UK English, as mere vanity), she's had to make tough choices on a daily basis between what will help her pass (a scarf can keep her safer from transphobes by helping her pass) and what is physically comfortable (a scarf can be sensory hell for an autistic person).

And she's gay, so even on days when she sacrifices enough physical comfort to attain passing privilege as a woman, she's still visibly lesbian if she wants to go out on a date.

What I didn't know about her until after finishing the book is that her beat as a reporter is gamer culture, than which you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Jesus Christ, she's got unobtanium ovaries.

I'm autistic and genderqueer (raised as male), so I found this memoir more personally relatable than a lot of readers might. Even with those advantages, I was still astonished by some of the things I learned -- for example, that having trouble hearing one particular voice amid background noise is much more common among autistic people. I'd been thinking it might be a hardware problem, but it's probably in my software! A lot of the symptoms of ADHD can apparently also be part of autism (difficulty directing the direction and depth of one's mental focus; opposite-to-normal reactions to central nervous system stimulants). It's little bits of insight like this that delight me most about the book, and make me particularly grateful to the publisher and to NetGalley for allowing me to have a free early copy of Uncomfortable Labels.

*Disclaimer: I was sent a review copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own. Content warnings for suicide ideation, transphobia, ableism and assault/harassment.

Uncomfortable Labels: My Life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman is a book everyone should read.

Structured like a memoir, Laura uses her experiences as a launching point to discuss the intersection of autistic and trans identity. What was most revelatory for me (and showed most of my ignorance) was the challenges and joys of how these identities overlap. From the beginning of the book, we learn that being LGBTQ+ and autistic is a lot more common than most people think, and that a disproportionate number of autistic youth are transgender.

Recounting signs from her childhood that signalled she was autistic, the reader shares the surprise that she wasn’t diagnosed with Asperger’s until a week before she was 18. However, the structure of the narrative reveals why this was not the case: by not fitting into the ‘extreme male brain’ theory of the autism spectrum of the 1990s by exhibiting more typically feminine behaviour, her signs could be neatly tucked under the carpet. And even now traditionally feminine expression of autism is overlooked.

Laura parallels the ignored symptoms and signs of autism with the ignored symptoms of gender dysphoria. Or rather, repressed is a better word, due to the fear of having to be bullied both for her autism symptoms and for her femininity. Laura talks about how learning to survive autism in her childhood was performative, presenting a version of herself “that could get through the world unharmed”. By examining the types of performances she has presented in the past, Laura ardently writes what it means now to live her authentic self:

“All too often in the media, we see trans women portrayed as ‘men pretending to be women’, but ultimately the opposite is far more accurate. As a trans woman, I wasn’t pretending to be female when I started presenting myself as female; I was learning to drop a carefully rehearsed act.”

As Laura outlines in her book, mainstream media and society have a problem with accepting trans people if they are not passing and do not fit into this palatable vision of what they manufacture trans identity to mean. However, as Laura details, typical expressions of femininity can be hard due to her touch-based oversensitivity and coordination issues when it comes to things like applying make-up and finding the balance between autism-friendly and female-coded clothes. Laura explains how society tries to regulate trans bodies about how feminine and masculine transgender people are allowed to present, and the catch-22 society throws them in:

“Where mainstream feminism has spent the past few decades fighting for the right of cis women to wear anything they like and not be seen as less female for it, with regards to trans women, if we’re not wearing a dress we’re not trying hard enough to be female, or we don’t want it enough, and it’s seen as carte blanche for harassment and hassle. Equally, if we do wear dresses and skirts, we’re accused of performative femininity, of believing female identity is nothing more than the dress or skirt being worn”.

The book’s most powerful messages are about the importance for trans and autistic people to not have to hide aspects of who they are, and of also having the ability to powerfully embrace “not giving a shit” when you are safe to do so. The book reminds you that you are never ‘too much’.

I hesitate the throw the word ‘important’ around too much in this review, as this should be self-evident from the book’s title, but the fact remains that Laura voices urgent concerns which need to be listened to. Some of these include the need for a proper conversation about addiction rates in people with autism spectrum conditions and the unsuitability of LGBTQ+ spaces for autistic adults. However, I fear in this review that I am just quoting Laura and recapping some of the issues she speaks about in her memoir: while this is a testament to how I was deeply moved by her memoir and eager to talk about the issues she raises, it is better for you to purchase and read the book yourself when it comes out on July 1st 2019.

As well as being incredibly informative, the book was a joy to read, due to Laura’s unique voice. Laura’s prose is clear and accessible, the linearity of the memoir worked particularly well as a structure to examine first her personal experiences and then wider issues facing the autistic and trans community. The book is overall an inspiring, celebratory read, and marks Laura’s talent of being able to balance the uplifting drive of the book with the harder struggles and serious topics she writes honestly about.

Uncomfortable Labels is an unusual book, and one I'm glad I read although not enjoyable in the usual sense of the word. Here we are presented with Laura's story focusing on her challenges with gender identity and transitioning while also dealing with the complications of an autism spectrum disorder.
Laura identifies as a lesbian, and here she shows bravery and strength, and honestly shows the challenges that come with a post-puberty transition.
More than the depiction of ASD, this book will be a great read for anyone interested in learning and understanding more about transgender issues and challenges. It is an important story. I also hope it might provoke some thoughtful reflection from the more exclusionary cisgender lesbians out there.
Thank you for this ARC.

Actual rating: 4.5

As a queer and autistic reader, I was very excited to be able to review this title. Since autistic people are statistically more likely to be part of the LGBTQ+ community, it was very interesting to see this intersection of identities highlighted and explored.

Of course, Dale's experience is different from my own in a lot of ways, because every autistic person will have a different experience, and I'm not transgender myself. But we are the same age, and her experience with autism is rather similar to mine. So her book was hugely relatable to me personally. And because she compares her experience of being trans with her experience with autism, I've also gotten a more thorough understanding of what it's like to be a trans woman. In that sense, this book was a win-win for me, and I think it will be a very insightful read regardless of whether or not you're autistic and/or trans yourself. However, I hope and, honestly, expect that this book will be quite relatable for anyone who's autistic and/or transgender!
When it comes to the descriptions of autism, there were so many small details that were genuine light-bulb moments for me, as I still become (more) aware of aspects of my own autism every single day. I really saw myself in the way Dale explained how she experiences and processes the world around her.

This was such a valuable reading experience for me, and I will definitely be buying a physical copy so I can reread it and mark the most relatable passages.

CWs: transphobia, ableism, attempted suicide, discussion of suicidal ideations, depression, bullying, addiction, assault/harrassment, misgendering.

Thank you to Laura and NetGalley for providing a copy of the ebook in exchange for an honest review.

This is a tough one for me to review. Laura's memoir covers some incredibly important topics for today, even if some readers are not necessarily sharing some of her experiences themselves. It is written with such honesty and candour that at times the subjects discussed can be a bit difficult to process.

Unfortunately, I found myself unable to commit and immerse myself in Laura's writing due to the chaotic flow and structure.of the book, which jumped around quite a lot and repeated a lot. Additionally, I found the way that Laura's accounts were written were very factual, as if her experiences of being queer and being autistic were the experiences that all members of those communities experience, which most certainly is not the case.

As much as I wanted to love this, I couldn't get past the writing style - which for me personally, is a big factor for me to emotionally and mentally engage myself

This book was super informative - as someone who knows the ins and outs of most trans issues, but bare minimum (outside of the regular misleading stereotypes) about autistic issues, it brought me up on how little I knew. And just as importantly, the intersection of trans identity and autism.

A lot of the book focuses around childhood; how the author came to realise she had autism and was transgender, and the isolation she felt due to peer responses to both. There's a lot about bullying, self-discovery and acceptance (as well as aspects of, if not rejection, then denial) from family and friends. The struggles of the whole memoir culminate in finding places of acceptance, as she discovers communities - not inherently trans/autism related - that hold a welcoming place for her.

This was a wonderful autobiography that i would recommend to anyone who needs an insight to being trans!
plus it has a wonderful front cover which is a real eyegrabber