Laura Kate Dale’s Uncomfortable Labels: My life as a Gay Autistic Trans Woman summarizes her life as a child through an adult, covering both her transition, diagnosis of being on the Autism Spectrum and her discovery of being gay. She talks about no only everyday things that are involved that are being part of these groups but also the long term effects on her and others that are involved in these groups.
Dale writes about how there is an overlap between being Autistic and Transgender, unfortunately, she only sources one article. While this is not my area of expertise, one article is not enough to prove that it is common. I was frustrated through the book when she stated things as facts but didn't give the evidence to prove them to be so. All of the things that are presented as facts are not and that makes a lot of the attempted academical writing in this book to be moot.
I applaud her for talking about how things are when you’re transgender. The most striking thing that she brought up was “passing.” Where you have to pass as “looking female” or “looking male” to be considered the correct gender and avoid being misgendered. Bringing this up here made me realise the need to stopping thinking of people as the gender that they look but as the gender that they wish to be called, regardless of my perceptions. Not everyone is going to look “traditionally” male or female.
Unfortunately a lot of things in this book were constantly repeated or she started to ramble. She at one point makes a statement about how her autism allowed her to focus and write four chapters in one train ride. Boy does that show. Dale meant to point out a good part of having autism but this statement is not a good one. Honestly, parts of this book remind me of unedited papers were things become muddled and unfocused. Of course there are good things about autism and hyperfocus can be one of them but that doesn’t mean that those 4 chapters should never be revisited. It progressively gets worse as the book goes on.
Dale has good intentions with this book but she falls short on the execution. I hope that before this book is fully published that she is able to add more resources, other than her personal experiences, and and remember that longer does not alway mean better.

There are two titles that I have read recently that I thought might be worth highlighting because they are a little bit outside of those boxes. Although Uncomfortable Labels by Laura Kate Dale is a memoir, it’s the first that I’ve seen that tackles the exploration of multiple identity labels in such a thorough way. The title alone, for anyone who’s familiar with sensory sensitivity, was a great nod to the content of the book.

I received an ARC of Uncomfortable Labels through NetGalley. This book piqued my interest because one of my partners is a queer, autistic, and transfeminine. I, too, am queer, have some neurodivergences that resemble autism spectrum experiences, and am trans. The same partner also has experiences with MDMA, and introduced me to roller derby… eerily, these are also topics that Dale dedicates chapters to.

Here’s the thing: this is a great book! The downside of it being so relevant in my life is… I basically didn’t get anything novel out of it. The upside of it being so relevant in my life is, I’m so glad that someone wrote this book. If you look at the reviews that already exist on Goodreads, you’ll see that lots of people are learning a lot from it.

I’ve accepted that this one just wasn’t written for me. I’ve learned a lot about the identity experiences explored in this book from years of living alongside my partner and learning from zir, and from parallel experiences in my own life. But for cis readers, or neurotypical trans readers, this book is a gem. It’s clear, it’s thorough, and it’s extremely vulnerable. There is so much that makes this a memoir worth reading. Uncomfortable Labels comes out in July, and is available for pre-order now.

This review will be included in a blog post that will be released in May 2019.

I got this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Where should I start reviewing this book? "Uncomfortable Labels" narrates the story of Laura, who is a Gay Autistic Trans Woman. I know, it is a lot to take into account, but I promise you will not regret reading it.

Being gay, autistic, or trans is not easy, so imagine being Gay, autistic and trans at the same time. Laura's life has not been easy, although in some moments she thought she could not handle it, she fought and had people around her to support her. Thanks to that, she had the courage to write the book and help those who may feel similar to her.

I liked this, a memoir of Laura's early life designated as male, her painful teen years, coming out as a woman, and how being trans intersects with being autistic.

Uncomfortable Labels : My Life As A Gay Autistic Trans Woman
by Laura Kate Dale
due 7-1-2019
Jessica Kingsley Publishing, UK
5.0 / 5.0

I was so deeply touched by this memoir of growing up as a trans, autistic and gay person in the UK. I was completely blown away by Laura´s honesty and integrity, by her memories and experiences, some so emotionally and psychically hurtful. Many times intentionally hurtful. To get beyond it and to have become the beautiful and inspiring woman and soul she is, is beyond inspiration for me. There are no words.
Laura Kate Dale is proof that we do not have to wear the labels people/family/religion/society give us. We can get beyond the veneer of others stereotypes and become comfortable with ourselves-our own brand. We can become comfortable, functioning and successful beyond branding.
Laura shares her very personal life experiences, conflicts and growth:
*From ignoring the early signs of Aspergers, to fully embracing and learning to live with the super sensitivity she has for light, sound, noise, texture and touch.
*Being the weird kid everyone bullied and took advantage of; being sexually abused with few people to talk to or share her feelings of loneliness and rejection; feelings of depression and suicide from a society quick to marginalize anything different, marginalize them with stereotypes and treat them as less worthy, to becoming a successful author and advocate for those that were also disrespected for daring to be who they are. 50% of Trans and 35% of people with Aspergers commit suicide.
*Transitioning into Laura- and being able to live and work under the name Laura, having a successful career and finding love. She always felt trapped between 2 choices:live with the pain of not ever transitioning.....or, transition and live a miserable life. Now in her late 20ś, she has not attempted suicide in 5 years, is engaged to a loving partner and able to support herself. Life is not miserable, in fact, it got better!

This is a wonderful and very personal memoir, shedding much information and passion on the conflicts of transitioning from a male to a female. It is also one of the best and most intimate sharings of learning to live with Autism Spectrum I have read. Its influence on her childhood- her teen years-adult relationships and day to day life are told with openness and candor; I felt involved in her life and this book helped me to understand so much more about living with Autism Spectrum. Things many of us think nothing of or take for granted....like going to see a movie at a theatre.....going out to eat....hanging out in public places or crowds....even clothes shopping......these all took meticulous and careful planning for Laura to do, as she learned to deal with her stimming and sensitivities. They are trying something new in the UK to help those with anxiety or autism. In public shopping areas, they are putting rooms of respite, that are subdued, quiet and a comfortable space that anyone can use to help calm and de-escalate, if needed. What a wonderful idea. I hope it is something the US will notice and incorporate.

This memoir will take you inside the emotions, spirit and life of a Trans person- a gay person- people on the autism spectrum, with intelligence, grace, respect and complete honesty. I learned so much and felt so much. Learning how others live and feel is the first step toward a more respectful and inclusive world, where there is no division, just differences. It taught me that how we approach things, either to judge them, or to learn from them importance of respect and dignity, is telling about all of us.It also taught me the importance of reaching beyond yourself to realize just how human we all are.
Enriching, important life lessons. Essential reading.
Thank you to Jessica Kingsley and Laura Kate Dean for this e-book ARC for an honest and fair review.
#netgalley #UncomfortableLabels

This was a fascinating memoir. I had no idea that the population of trans people who are on the autism spectrum (or vice versa) was higher than would statistically be expected. I also enjoyed how the author neatly debunked a number of the prevailing theories as to why.

But back to basics. This is a memoir written by Laura Kate Dale, a woman who was diagnosed with autism in her late teens, and came out as trans soon after. Her clear portrayals of how she experiences the world and the people in it, and the added complications she's had in transitioning because of her autism, and complications in her autism that were brought about by transitioning, were a window into a world that I wouldn't have otherwise been able to experience or know about. She addressed a number of issues, prejudices, presumptions, and other beliefs that she frequently encounters, and one of the threads running through all of these topics is that one-size-fits-all solutions are... not a thing. I truly enjoyed how she patiently and logically explains why no one should expect that X should work for her because she's on the autism spectrum, or that Y should work for her because she is trans, and that perhaps people should stop jubilantly offering solutions as if she's never heard of them before (the last part about stopping offering might have been in my own interpretation instead of in the actual text).

In any case, above being completely needed (are their any other #ownvoices works about being trans and on the spectrum?), this was a very informative, interesting, insightful read.

This is from an advance review copy for which I thank the publisher.

Erratum:
“The more I learnt into trying to hide it, the more it hurt.”
I'm not sure what she was trying to convey with that! I wonder if the 'R' in 'learnt' ought to have been omitted so that it read 'leant' which is Brit-speak for 'leaned'. Or maybe I'm misunderstanding what’s being said there.

This made for a difficult read because of what that author went through, but it was a worthwhile read, and I commend it for that. It was well-written, informative, educational, and important. It felt like a sick joke how much was piled onto this author's plate: mtf transgendered woman who is queer and on the autism spectrum which poor understanding by those closest to her and a late diagnosis of both the ASD and the transgender circumstances did nothing to help. This is precisely why we need understanding and education, so that this doesn’t happen to other people undergoing these same realizations and discoveries.

If either experience (the transgender or the autism) had been the only one this writer endured, it still would have been difficult, but it might also have made for a better outcome. Having both of these to deal with together not only served to confuse things, but also seemed that one would sometimes to feed off the other, obscuring what ideally ought to have been early recognition and a smooth treatment to help both the ASD and the transition to what was to become, if unfortunately belatedly, her natural gender.

The book is divided into three sections: before, during, and after, and each has its own story to tell and difficulties to relate, particularly the last section. For me, who didn't have to go through this, that last one sounded the most painful, but the middle one gave it a close run for its money. The first section as sad, but in some ways very cute and endearing. The whole is a heart-warming story with a happy ending, and a useful tool for others in similar circumstances. I highly commend this as a worthy read, and an essential one for anyone who wishes to understand and learn.

I think it was the title of this book that drew me to it.
We live in a world that increasingly encourages us to reveal our true self to families, work colleagues, and wear our heart on our sleeves. The unfortunate consequence for many people of all this personal authenticity is that we give other people the ammunition to attack us.

There are people who subscribe to the view that words don’t hurt, but the reality is that the pain they cause is more difficult to see than the cuts and bruises of physical injuries. The big difference is that physical injuries heal much quicker than the emotional variety.

Whilst the world is supposed to be more accepting of difference, the names we call other people and the uncomfortable labels we attribute to them always seem to focus on the negative aspects of their difference and limit both our expectations of them and the opportunities that we give them access to.

Reading Uncomfortable Labels did prompt some uncomfortable memories that demonstrate how close we are, despite our own live and let live attitudes, to someone who is less accepting.

When a work colleague from Eastern Europe who told me that they could not understand anyone who was not heterosexual. I found myself telling them that they did not have to understand how other people live their lives, but that it is important to allow people the freedom to live their lives.

In Uncomfortable Labels, Laura Kate Dale explores consequences for her not of the labels that result from name calling, but the official names, and labels that she is given as a gay autistic trans woman, and how they impact her life.

In many ways this is a simple tale of everyday life, which provides an insight into a life that is quite different to my own.

At times you feel the injustice of the human condition and how other humans create those limitations, and then there are others where it is the human spirit that comes to the fore.

The end result for this reader at least is an increased understanding of not just what these uncomfortable labels mean for one woman but what they mean to me and just how much I still have to learn.

I don’t read much non-fiction these days, but I’m glad I made an exception for this book. If you want an in-depth, unflinching look at the many ways bearing a minority labels intersect and create unique challenges, read this book.
I love the cover art. Such a simple, yet eloquent metaphor with an aesthetically pleasing execution; it really is a great example of the simple, skilful storytelling to come. Uncomfortable Labels is filled with statistics, data and clear explanations of the occurrence rates and results of being LGBTQ+ or autistic, usually backed up with anecdotes from the author’s own life. Laura Kate Dale covers so many issues that I could fill the rest of this review just listing the topics covered. She looks at the largely unmentioned, statistically significant overlap of autism and transgender identities, and the various explanations that have been put forward to explain this. She considers the need for greater variance in autism-friendly events and spaces, and autistic and transgender representation. She looks at the way society is slowly becoming more accepting, and sheds light on the many ways we are still falling short.
At one point, and in one line, Laura Kate Dale summarises the experience of being a misunderstood minority (or in her case, several minorities, each working to compound and complicate the challenges such differences cause), and the message society repeatedly and unconsciously sends, even when trying to be inclusive: “—have superpowers or be invisible”
That being said, the book is not an attempt to seek pity or magnify the difficulties the author has faced in her time. Laura Kate Dale acknowledges her privileges and speaks only on the issues she has the authority and personal experience to speak about. At times experiences were described as being a risk due to the author’s status as a transgender and/or autistic woman that seemed to apply to women in general, though I think the increased risk posed due to the marginalisation of such groups of women is all that was being conveyed.
Despite covering some truly dark topics, Uncomfortable Labels is not a gloomy, depressing read. Laura's life story thus far is actually an inspiring tale of the ways you can (with sufficient support, effort and motivation) achieve the life you've always wanted. While she's certainly dealt with far more grief and discrimination than anyone should have to, the author doesn't dwell on the negatives, choosing to focus instead on the ways she has overcome her low points, and how other people in similar situations can do the same.
There were some areas that seemed repetitive—with each chapter ending in a summary that at times seemed very similar to the earlier explanation of the issue at hand, but this seemed more like a reiteration than a true failure in editing. The only thing I didn’t like about this book was the almost positive way in which the book covered Laura’s ecstasy (MDMA) usage. The author acknowledges that it isn’t healthy or good to rely on such substances, that usage is illegal and that it can have long-term harmful effects; but she also attributes several positive effects on her life to the drug usage, which I felt was a little irresponsible. That being said, the book is an honest recounting in the author’s own words of her life story. If she believes MDMA had a positive influence on her experiences with the world, saying otherwise would dilute the honesty that makes Uncomfortable Labels so compelling, but I was uncomfortable with the message that section of the book seemed to send.
All in all, this book is a masterpiece that tells an uplifting tale of victory in the face of hardships, and the battle it often takes to be uncompromisingly true to yourself. Uncomfortable Labels is a must-read for anyone on the autism spectrum, any member of the LGBTAIQ+ community, anyone who knows someone in either group, or anyone who wants greater insight into the myriad of ways minority labels (especially working in conjunction) effect those who bear them.

In this memoir, Laura Kate Dale discusses her life as a gay trans autistic woman. She does a fantastic job explaining to the reader how each of her identities has affected her life, and how the identities intersect and affect each other. It was an effective way to gain some insight into the thoughts and feelings of a person dealing with so many challenges presented to them by a society that often lacks care and understanding. Highly recommend.

Powerful, brutally honest, brave, authentic.
Dale has written an extremely important book that should be:
a) compulsory reading to everyone who would like to bring a little more humanity and compassion into the world; and
b) treated with the respect that its author deserves.

Thank you so much to Laura and NetGalley for sharing this book with us.

I'd like to start with the agknowlegment that because this book is a memoir, it is automatically #OwnVoices. The book overall is good. I like how Laura makes connections between being autistic and being trans. Her audience is most likely less informed(?). IDK how to word it so that it's not ableist, but basically, she wrote it with informing and teaching people both about autism and about what it means to be trans. Also, I totally understand that language and labels are a personal choice, and I know I shouldn't be, but Laura's use of person first language ("person with autism" vs "autistic person") sort of annoyed me. Side note for people in school reading this: always use identity first language unless an actual disabled person (or a #ActuallyAutistic person) tells you otherwise. She also uses "ASD" and "autism spectrum disorder" which also feels weird because autism isn't really a disorder, it's a neurodivergence. Also, towards the beginning, she discusses "male" and "female" presenting autism, which LITERALLY DOES NOT EXIST.

Laura tackles a variety of issues while also teaching the reader. Many of the issues are listed in the Trigger Warning section as they are common triggers, but the gist of those can be assumed. She also talks about common stereotypes and representation issues. I'm really glad that she actually talks about how some people will NEVER pass. She talks about the lack of accessibility in queer spaces (which hurts both disabled people and teens). Laura's discussion on stimming is really important. It made me feel seen. Her mention of happy flapping made me so happy because it's so discouraged by society.

It's interesting to learn about the medical system in the UK. I know about the US system, and a bit about Canada and Australia, but I had no idea how the NHS (National Health System) works in the UK.

Although slow and intense in the beginning, the ending made up for it. I LOVED the section on roller derby because its something I sort of want to try. I could basically hear how much Laura loves it and I'm so happy for her. Despite the rocky start, the book worked it's way up to a 4 star rating. I really need to start reading more trans memoirs. Comment below if you have recommendations.

I wanted so badly to love this. I appreciate the authenticity with which the author writes, but her style made wading through this book more of an effort than a pleasure. I constantly felt like I was being told, but not shown. As an example, there are references to journal entries written by the authors mother, about what it was like raising an autistic child. But these entries were only described with an adult hindsight for the sake of the story, rather than letting the reader connect the dots. I commend the author on overcoming so much, I just did not love the way this story was told.

“Still, nobody tells me anymore that my eyelashes should belong to somebody else. I like that I’m now allowed to enjoy my eyelashes”

In this book, Laura explores the labels she has been assigned by birth, by others and those she chose herself. It’s a powerful, soul-baring book by a trans autistic woman who has struggled with a lack of belonging (of “fitting in”) for as long as she can remember. It’s deep, it’s moving, and actually I learned a lot from reading this book. I’m sure that hers is a story I will reflect on for some time to come.

However... For me, the book fell down in its structure. It started in a typical university essay way, interestingly enough. I kind of geekily like that style of writing so I was hooked. She explains her structure and how she will tell us her story chronologically from birth to current day. However, the story jumps. A lot. One minute we’re in the past, then in present day, then back in the past again, and then there are facts, and then back to the past again. At times this made it hard to follow and I would have preferred the straightforward chronology. This did improve as the book went on but it was still quite jumpy throughout.

All in all, a story worth hearing regardless of how it’s written.
⭐️⭐️⭐️/5


Thank you to @netgalley #jessicakingsleypublishers and for giving me access to this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This book is for anyone struggling with their identity with gender rules placed at birth by society. Young people who are most vulnerable to commit suicide because of feeling isolated this book will help you through those times. Clinicians who need a first person perspective of being transgender and having autism this book is a great read. This book is for parents who are trying to understand their autistic children the struggles they may face to be better prepared to assist them when your children are being bullied or feeling isolated.
I found myself thinking about my own life and my own struggles being part of the LGBT community. I would of liked to have read a book like this to help me feel like I was not alone when I was younger and coming out. Gender rules and roles are forced upon us at birth it limits us in growth and potential. We are taught early on that girls act a certain way and boys another. Boys are better at certain things then girls and vice versa. It kills potential and makes young children feel inadequate when they do not conform to roles as laid out by society. The harms placed on individuals wanting to be who they feel they need to be.
Laura shared her story it was sad at times but it was also filled with a lot of inspiration and strength to fight for change and the opportunity to be the best Laura can be. I truly appreciate your candid honesty of your worst times of your life. The social worker in me felt sad by the struggles and bullying you suffered. I agree the world would be so much better if we removed binary roles and allow people to express themselves without being labeled a monster. I have always felt that labels do more harm then good because once you are label right or wrong it sticks with you. I agree with the hopes of the future for positive change for more acceptance.
Thank you Laura for opening my eyes to the connection between autism and LGBT issues. More studies need to be done to help develop programs to ensure that children who need the assistance get it in a safe and accepting environment. We need to also understand better the connection between the two to ensure that treatments are available and to assist clinicians with the right tools to assist clients more effectively.
Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for the opportunity to read this book for free for an honest review.

Clear, direct, and with an uncommon precision of language, Laura Kate Dale writes about her experience as a transgender autistic woman. She takes us from childhood through puberty and into adulthood, carefully explaining how it felt to wear both labels. Her willingness to share her struggles helped me deepen my understanding of friends and family members, and her citing of research will allow me to be a stronger advocate.

This book should be required reading for anyone who feels that they can't relate to people on the autism spectrum or to people who are transgender. Laura Dale's writing cuts to the core of the human experience and makes it easy for the reader to relate.

“Every day, I had to choose between acknowledging the deep discomfort I was feeling, or hiding it and suffering alone. For years, I choose suffering.”

But first and foremost it will be a beacon of hope to other transgender people and the people who love them. It is a story of self-acceptance and a call for us to fight harder for universal acceptance for all. Laura's frank descriptions of the challenges she faces are balanced with the joy and success she has found. Written with detailed descriptions of the past tempered with the adult reflection, Uncomfortable Labels is a testimony of strength and courage.

She writes, “I honestly think the world needs more trans people who are open about their transitions. Who don’t try to pass. Who insist that beautiful can mean a lot of different things. The same goes for autism and how it is seen in the world.” I wholeheartedly agree.

Thanks, Net Galley for providing a free digital copy in exchange for an honest review.

I really enjoyed this book, so much so that I read it in a couple of hours in one sitting!

The book is an account of Laura's life as a lesbian, trans woman with autism that is broken down in to three sections. I have never read anything that discusses the intersectionality of these three together and found it both incredibly interesting and informative.

Laura's writing style is wonderful, you feel as though you are having a lovely long open and honest conversation with a friend and I think that style lent itself perfectly to the subject matter.

Two things I will note:
1 - There were a parts that get repeated a few times, as this is an ARC I assume these will be edited before the final release (and could be because I read it very quickly and in one sitting).
2 - Trigger warnings for both suicide and addition/substance abuse - didn't impair my reading experience but worth knowing before reading.

I'm glad I read this and look forward to reading more regarding this topic and anything Laura writes in the future!

Heartening, informative memoir about being both autistic and trans. Some trigger warnings for suicidal ideation, but highly recommend for anyone looking to be a better ally.

This is an interesting story. I wish no one had to go through the bullying. But I would like to read more by this author.

I found Uncomfortable Labels difficult to follow in parts, but I don’t think that is surprising giving I’m a neurotypical cis woman!
I thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to read about Laura’s experiences as an autistic trans woman, though.