Thank you to the publisher for allowing me to read and review this ARC. Full review to be found on Goodreads and on my website.

Why does one read a book about narcissists? I think most of us can generally spot narcissists when we see them, but don't know what to do beyond that. We might recognize the need to give them a wide berth so as not to get sucked into their passive-aggressive neediness, or we might not. We might wonder if we have our own narcissistic tendencies. But naming the problem and handling it effectively are two very different things, as this book points out. And "handling it" is, at best, messy.

It's a grim but realistic prognosis, says author Dr. Helgoe. While she provides some advice for working with the narcissists in your life, that is not the focus of Fragile Bully. The focus is defining what makes a narcissist - a surprisingly in-depth "recipe"- and how the actions and reactions of people around them are surprisingly integral to the creation and maintenance of the narcissistic ego. In that respect, just understanding what makes a narcissist is self-help, in a way. If you're looking for a quick-and-dirty list of things to do to get rid of the narcissists in your life, you won't find it in this book, but that may not be what you need.

That being said, that "recipe" was a bit exhaustive, at least for me. Dr. Helgoe's definition is thorough and actually quite academic and broad. Examples provided from her life and research stretch from political--the current American president--to personal--her own father.

It is, in fact, that breadth that might be this book's weakness, if it has one. How one looks for and handles political narcissists, to the extent that that can be done, is quite different than how one handles a narcissistic family member.

The true genius of this book might therefore be gleaned from focusing on specific passages or sections. "If we agree that our society accepts and rewards problematic narcissism, and we know that we cannot diagnose a narcissistic disorder unless an individual noticeably deviates from what society expects, we have to conclude that pathological narcissism is underdiagnosed in our culture." In that context, we, as members of society, could have a role in the development of narcissism in those already so inclined. That thought alone is huge.

Another passage reads "When I talk to clients, friends, and family members who are trying to exit a destructive dance [around a narcissist], two consistent themes emerge: feelings of failure for being unable to fix the fragile bully, and feelings of shame for staying in the dance." Helgoe advises "naming the dance" for what it is as the most important step in exiting it.

So read this book if you're looking for a strong way to name the narcissist and/or the "dance" you're in with them. But also understand that getting out of it might not be as cut-and-dried as you'd hoped. I would guess, though, that you already know that.

An interesting look at psychology, narcissism, and bullying through the lens of our current political climate. Readers interested in psychology and politics will find this a fascinating read.

I received an advanced reader’s copy in exchange for an honest review

An interesting collection of facts in need of an editor. Doesn’t flow as a book but you pick up some interesting things here and there.