This book started a little shakey for me but I persevered with it because of the prologue. The prologue pulled me in fast. It,l is mysterious but current, I needed to know more. However the theme of the story needs to be heard. It is quite raw at times and I felt all the emotions with the protagonist. A well written book and I'm glad I persisted and read it.

A fantastic, honest and at times heart breaking memoir about William Dameron’s struggle to come out. After being married with children for many years Dameron’s wife surprises him with a question: ‘are you gay?’. What follows is a beautifully honest story of Dameron’s learning to accept himself and find a new path forward through the lie that he has told both himself and his family to ultimately triumph.

Don't understand all the high praise and strong ratings. I found it slow, boring and a lot of work to finish.

I wished I had liked this book more than I did. I think some of my disappointment was that it didn't quite tell the story it said it would. It was a brief story about catfishing and then became a coming out story and the struggle that happens when coming out happens in the middle of a marriage and fatherhood. I have read many coming out memoirs and while this one was solid I didn't feel that it was something I hadn't read before.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41954476

This was a beautifully written memoir of a man becoming who he was meant to be. I felt all the emotions with Bill, the main character, as they were happening. It sucks you in and you just can’t stop reading. There was heartache, happiness, with some anger throughout. I’m still impressed Bill was able to portray the emotions of his family members in such a raw way. He didn’t sugarcoat anything. Everything felt truly authentic. This will take you on a journey of a lifetime.

This would be a great book to read for those that may struggle to relate to someone they know going through something similar, or are struggling to be who they are! It brings hope.

While catfishing wasn’t mentioned more than a time or two throughout, the rest of the memoir was so strong it wasn’t missed.

Thanks to NetGalley and William for providing me a space for a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

To let the reader see your personal life so intimately is a gift given by the writer. Dameron’s memoir leaves nothing in his life unexamined. He was married for twenty years and had two daughters before he came out as gay. He then had to face their pain as well as his own. Forgiveness is a process to seek as well as to give. #netgalley #The Lie #WilliamDameron

This book explores William Dameron’s struggle to come out as gay—both to himself and his wife and children—and his attempt to wade through the wreckage created by his decades-long lie and find a clear path forward as a father, son, and husband once again. There are so many words I could use to describe this memoir (exquisite, heartbreaking, heartwarming, funny, inspiring, gorgeous, riveting), but none of them do it justice. Even if you can’t identify with Dameron’s exact struggle, his story is deeply human, and I felt it deep in my bones. It’s a story of love and heartbreak, betrayal and forgiveness, deception and truth, self-hatred and self-acceptance—and it’s a story that will resonate, on some level, with every person who reads it. There were so many stunning passages, but this is one of my favorites: “We are not the first generation of queer people who have found ourselves trapped in a straight marriage, but please God, let us be the last. In a world filled with hate and lies propagated by the Trump administration, living the truth is a form of resistance and persistence.” In sharing his truth with us, a truth he fought so hard with himself to bring into the light, William Dameron has given us all an immensely beautiful gift

This book was mainly about forgiveness, acceptance and pain. I thoroughly liked it
I would recommend this book.
Thanks to the publisher and Net Galley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review

A telling glimpse into the life of an LGBT man whose past made it impossible for him to live his true life.

Although at times the writing could be amateurish, it is clear that the novel was written with a level of care not often seen in memoirs today. This is a story of two lives lived by the same man. And how his past still affects him and his family to this day.

I was sent this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Interesting story and moving insight into changing social understandings of sexuality and marriage. The writing jumped around a bit and I felt like much of the steroid use story was glossed over, as was some deeper consideration for the perspectives of others.

A candid memoir indeed! I don't know if I would want the world to know all of this about me! The man basically lived a lie his whole life, dragging a ton of people into it. I feel bad for his wife and family but I do see how it was difficult for him as well. It was very well written.

This emotional and inspiring story is of one man's quest to live a true life. Married for 20 years, with two children, William is confronted by this wife. "Are you gay?" "I don't want to be." - How powerful that statement is.

Bill/William's crush on a gymrat co-worker led to suspicion from his wife and jokes from his kids. It also led to drugs in order to keep up with the crush in the gym.

Suppressing his desires for almost his entire life, The Lie is a honest look at one man and his truth. It's powerful writing about honesty and love.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review this book.

William Dameron begins his memoir with a prologue where it's revealed his identity has been stolen many times, by people around the world. He is contacted by women who believed they were in a relationship with him. Considering why people choose to catfish then leads into the real start of his story where hints are revealed that he has himself been living a lie. He is married to Katherine, and they have two daughters. But as their marriage fractures William reveals to us the roots of his shame in being himself.

Brought up by a Southern conservative mother, in a narrow-minded and intolerant society, he was taught that to be gay is disgusting. He was taught that he could never be loved for himself:

'Because my mother f**ked me over every single day by saying being gay was disgusting and that I would never be happy. Because I thought being gay was disgusting, and if I was gay, then I was disgusting. Because I thought I would go to hell. Because religion f**ked me over by telling me my feelings were sinful. Because I was broken'.

Tortured by guilt, he tries to be the man he thinks he should be. One day his wife, no longer able to hide between the cracks of their disintegrating relationship, asks him, "Are you gay?"

With his truthful answer, Dameron begins his journey into finding his authentic self. He faces the fear of being rejected by his children, his friends, his family. When asked by his daughter why he waited so long to admit the truth he thinks, but isn't able to say:

'Because I couldn't look at your sweet faces and say, "Sorry, Daddy can't live with you anymore because he wants to have sex with men". Because I thought your mother would kill herself. I lied for so long that I didn't know how to stop. I created an entire world, and how could I stop that from spinning?'

William (Bill) has to inhabit a whole new world, and navigate his life as a single, gay father separated by hundreds of miles from his children. He longs for the love he has always sought, and he finds it in the shape of an amazing man, Paul, who he meets online. Their relationship is so beautiful and gives hope that the right one is out there - 'After decades of a relationship fraught with turmoil and the weight of secrets, I would have to learn how to accept one that was not, to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop'. Love, after all, makes us vulnerable, it takes time to trust another with our deepest fears, and biggest hopes. In the relationship Bill and Paul develop, which leads eventually to marriage, there is a sense of unconditional love, of immense like and a feeling that they have both found home.

Dameron concludes his memoir with a reflection of his life and the lies that were fed him:

'The biggest lie of all, was that a gay boy could not be loved. It was planted inside me as a child, and it was fruitful and multiplied. This was where the limb of lies that twisted throughout my marriage - and within myself - began. But finally, the gnarled roots were unearthed and exposed to the light. Here was where the lit withered, the roots upended, and truth bloomed'.

"When our supposed truths are unmasked for lies, What do we do with all of that pain and lost hope?"

There is so much to digest with this book. William takes you on a journey with him through his life. All the highs. All of the lowest of lows. He is so honest it makes you root for him even when you question what he is doing to himself as well as his family.

Well written, quick read. I recommend it for anyone that enjoys an interesting memoir.

I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Fortysomething William Dameron (Bill) had been married to his wife Katherine for twenty years when she confronted him in a Walmart parking lot. "Just park the car now Bill," she said. "I have to ask you this, or I'm afraid I never will. Are you gay?"

"I don't want to be", Bill replied. And his deeply held secret was finally out in the open.

In this memoir, Dameron shares the experience of coming out as a married father of two, a man who was devoted to his family, but unable to go on living a lie.

*****

Katherine probably 'had a feeling' Bill was gay for years. During a rocky time in their relationship, when the couple went to a marriage counselor, Katherine mentioned, "Sex has been a semiannual event for years, Bill. You know I need you to initiate it." In response, Bill said "Remember that night, two weeks ago when I asked you", though Bill knew he had purposely chosen a night when Katherine was too tired.

Bill's sexual preference became more obvious shortly before he came out, when he developed a 'man crush' on a handsome, heterosexual, married co-worker named Enzo. Bill recalls that he and Enzo would go out for drinks and tell jokes and "Enzo offered up his friendship readily, in a way I had never experienced with a man before." When Bill made one too many comments about Enzo to Katherine, she shrewdly observed, "Another story about Enzo. You're so infatuated with him."

The couple's daughters, Sophie and Marisa, may have sensed something as well. Bill was trying on shirt after shirt for a boys night out with Enzo, when Marisa noted, "Aw, Dad's got a bromance going on".....an observation Bill hotly denied.

After becoming friends with Enzo Bill also became a gym rat, adding muscles and pounds to his previously slim frame - in hopes his pal would notice. To assist his bulking up Bill used illegal steroids, secretly injecting himself in the basement.

Katherine's discovery of Bill's hidden stash of drugs led to an ugly scene in which Katherine, Sophie, and Marisa ALL confronted him, horrified and disappointed.

All this may have led to Katherine's 'gay' question in the Walmart parking lot, and Bill's admission - after which the couple separated and divorced.

This was hard on Bill, who felt ashamed about the fraud he'd perpetrated on his family, especially Katherine - who was unmoored and deeply hurt.

*****

Bill knew he was gay from an early age, but growing up in conservative North Carolina - with a Catholic mother who disdained homosexuals - made him deny his essential self.

Bill's mother sensed his leanings, and would say things like, "Don't put your hands on your hips like that. It look effeminate; Those flip-flops make you look effeminate." Eventually, when Bill's mom feared her teenage son might come out as gay, she said: "It's disgusting is what it is. There is nothing natural about it. Let's pray." And Bill's mother repeated this sort of thing on a regular basis.

Bill was well and truly scared. He writes: "Fear of eternal damnation, the fear of ridicule, the fear of being labeled a faggot and being beaten to a bloody pulp as I had seen happen to classmates....had created a fear and internal homophobia so great that it eclipsed all others."

Seeing his brothers happy with their girlfriends, Bill saw redemption, a way forward. So, after a few aborted experiences with boys, Bill started seeing Katherine, and when Bill was 23 and Katherine was 22 they married.

The union wasn't always easy, however, in part because Katherine had issues of her own: she was an adoptee, and fretted about being given up by her birth mother; she couldn't bear Bill coming home a few minutes late, let alone going away for a business trip or training; she thought their house was haunted by spirits; she developed a mysterious illness - with pains in her joints and shortness of breath - that required a hospital stay; and more.

Was any of this related to a subconscious inkling of Bill's secret? Who knows. But Katherine's referring to a gay male nurse as a faggot may have been a hint.

When Bill and Katherine separated, Katherine moved to Virginia with Sophie and Marisa, and Bill remained in Massachusetts, where the family had been living. Bill's coming out was a step by step process. He came out to family and friends; made new gay friends; went for counseling; got professional therapy; attended support groups; began dating; etc.

Bill feared he'd never find love, and had some hiccups on the way to this hoped for goal. At length Bill met a dreamboat named Paul, and their courtship was touching and a bit fraught....like a teenage romance. 😊

Meanwhile, Bill felt guilty about the suffering he'd inflicted on Katherine. He admits, "I took what was not mine. Katherine's love, trust, and hope were her most valuable assets, and I squandered them." This is perhaps the most unfair thing about a 'beard marriage', the damage it inflicts on the unknowing partner.

Though the marriage was over, Bill wanted to remain close to Sophie and Marisa. Thus he traveled south for holidays and flew down once or twice a month to spend time with the girls. He remembers, "I tried to cram hundreds of hours into a precious forty-eight-hour window."

Bill writes a great deal about his family: his philandering father who ran off with another woman; his affection for Katherine, and their troubled marriage; raising his daughters Marisa and Sophie through the years; the family's beloved dog Maggie; his three brothers - one of whom never came to terms with Bill's homosexuality; his mother's eventual acceptance of his sexual preference; and more.

In the end, Bill's mother told him: "I was wrong. Being gay is normal, a part of your genetic legacy. Bill, can you ever forgive me?" Bill takes this opportunity to discuss forgiveness, and how his entire family "was learning to walk the long, rocky road of forgiveness."

Though much has changed for gay people over the years, Bill acknowledges that he still sometimes lies, "to strangers, acquaintances, and people I've just met, because the world is a brutal place for queer people. There are times when safety trumps honesty."

This is an inspirational story with a happily ever after. Still, Bill pleads, "We are not the first generation of queer people who have found themselves trapped in a straight marriage, but please God, let us be the last." Fingers crossed.

All people - both LGBTQ and straight - can learn something from Bill's story.

Thanks to Netgalley, the author (William Dameron), and the publisher (Little A) for a copy of the book.

A grate tale laced with compassion, grace and honesty about coming out late in life. This book was amazing.

This is a beautifully written and introspective memoir about Bill’s life and how he eventually comes out as gay. After college Bill followed a traditional path of getting a job, getting married and eventually having two kids. He lied to himself and everyone around him about his truth. Eventually he can’t live the lie anymore and he starts the difficult process is coming out. His marriage ends and he makes big changes in his life, hoping that by living his truth he will be happy.

Bill’s honesty is inspiring and refreshing. Even though he made some bad choices and wasn’t always a great husband, I was rooting for him the whole time and really wanted him to find true happiness. If you enjoy memoirs, you’ll love this book.

The Lie is a book that will stay with you for a long time. A beautifully written, heartfelt memoir of a family man who finally finds & accepts his sexuality. Brutally honest and heartbreaking at times as William struggles through his journey of self discovery and reveals he is a gay man to his family. It’s a very emotional read and you can feel the pain for all of those involved. Some parts you think he’s an absolute b*****d for living a lie with his family and think how could he do that to them? But it would be worse if he carried on living a fake life as a happily married straight man. It’s not written in a “woe is me” way, the author is very frank and honest. He knows he hurt his family but he’s got to be happy himself. A fantastic book and one that a lot of people could learn from. Thank you to NetGalley and Little A for my ARC

A raw, honest memoir of a man coming to term with his sexuality. You feel his pain as a child, as a young man and husband, and later as a Father. Reading this as a Mother, my heart breaks for that young boy who wasn’t good enough in his own eyes. An eye-opening read for sure. The author doesn’t hold back, doesn’t make excuses. You feel his pain, also his families turmoil. We have come a long way, but there is still a long way to go. I hope this book helps anyone dealing with the pressure of pretending and helps them to accept and love themselves.

I expected more of a storyline about the cat fishing, especially since it was listed on the cover, but it was more of an after thought.

Thanks to NetGalley and Little A for this ARC. Opinion is mine alone.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I enjoyed this book so much. It is a tragedy that people can still impose their values on others and ruin so many lives. William and his family were all victims of this and I am sure many families are still suffering so unnecessarily.

Thank you for a beautifully written story of love, friendship and forgiveness.