War language about kindness and empathy seem to be on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to humanity. War is not kind, except when we need to fight for our humanity. Jamil Zaki removes these barriers and tells us how important kindness is for our collective soul- and why it's worth fighting for.

THE WAR FOR KINDNESS is written by Jamil Zaki, a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab. He explores "building empathy in a fractured world," as also described in his interview with The Washington Post. In THE WAR FOR KINDNESS Zaki begins by discussing his own parents' divorce and says, "that two people's experiences could differ so drastically, yet both be true and deep, is maybe the most important lesson I've ever learned." He then describes the different ways we respond with empathy, given that the "diameter of our concern ... [now] encompasses the planet." I was struck by his comments about the recent shift to a majority of people living in cities and in shrinking households so that "we see more people than ever before, but know fewer of them." Employing a conversational tone and using many examples (ranging from convicts participating in a program called Changing Lives Through Literature to hospital employees avoiding burnout), Zaki continues with some of his subsequent chapters discussing The Stories We Tell, Caring Too Much and The Future of Empathy. There is an extensive website which accompanies THE WAR FOR KINDNESS. Videos there address five challenges: reverse the golden rule; spend kindly; disagree better; employ kind tech; and be a culture builder.

Just under a third of the text is devoted to appendices, notes and index. It is worth mentioning that one appendix deals with "Evaluating the Evidence" and includes a summary of each of the over four dozen claims made in the book, plus a rating on the claim's strength and (for those with weaker ratings) a brief description of that reasoning. I found this section - also available online - to be an extremely helpful summary; our Psych teachers and students will no doubt find it fascinating and inspirational to their research. In fact, I would suggest considering this title as a One School/One Book selection at the high school or college level with the option of including lesson plans like the related one posted by The New York Times or from Teaching Tolerance. THE WAR FOR KINDNESS is excerpted in NPR's recent review which praises Zaki's compilation of research, and concludes: "To build empathy, one must have courage, engage in self-reflection, and harness the will to venture beyond isolation to the great unknown that is others." Huge, but worthwhile, tasks for adolescents - and the rest of us.

This is a book that everyone should read, as we need a lot more kindness in the world. The author laid out how to live a life of being more kind and the importance of it.

The War For Kindness is out in the world today, and it is a war. The subtitle: Building Empathy in a Fractured World is what got me. We all know we should be kinder, we know that as a society, we are often impatient at best and cruel at our worst- primarily online.

Zaki has provided a primer of how all of us can grow in kindness, and he doesn't just say what he thinks. The Appendix contains a proof of validity to every claim that he makes in the book. The footnotes are extensive, and inside each chapter, you'll find the narrative highly exciting and easily readable.

This isn't a boring thesis on the subject it shows example after example of how we as humans rarely hate what we know. It isn't just a book that says don't hate- study after study shows that building empathy is a key to kindness
I especially enjoyed reading about the Changing Lives program where convicted felons are introduced to classic literature like The Old Man and the Sea in a discussion setting with the judge who sentenced them and the DA. The discussions include an English professor, and upon successful completion, their sentences were shortened. No one shared personal stories, but through the study of the circumstances and actions of the characters, the convicted men soon began to draw parallels to their own lives and times. They gained empathy into fictional characters, and even that helped them as they struggled through their challenges. At the end of the first year, 45% had not re-offended. There are dozens of other examples in the book ranging from ancient times to the present. It is just excellent.

I think this book would be great for a book club, or assigned high school, college reading. It is my current go-to recommendation for a nonfiction Summer read.

First, thank you to Netgalley for providing me with an advanced copy of this book.

I had recently finished reading Sally Kohn’s book “The Opposite of Hate” so I couldn’t help but noticed the similarities between the two works. Jamil Zaki is a psychologist and the tone of this book echoes that fact strongly. While Kohn’s book was many times conversational in tone, Zaki’s book took on an academic tone from the start. He references many empirical studies on empathy (which can lead to kindness) throughout the book. While Kohn focused on combating hate within others and ourselves, Zaki focused on empathy and how we can influence it within ourselves and others and how it influences our behaviors. Zaki’s department studies empathy a lot so it’s not shocking that the book revolves around this topic. As the book progressed, Zaki divulged more personal experiences into the narrative and I felt that added a more pleasant reading experience when I can connect with the author. My favorite part of this work was in the Appendices. He went through every claim that he made in each chapter, including the introduction and epilogue, and rated the claim on the evidentiary proof or validity of the claim. Most or all of books in the social sciences have a list of references or footnotes containing where information cited is found. Zaki has this as well, but rarely do I read a book that provides this type of breakdown of his claims. I wish all books did this to be honest. I went in expecting this book to be uplifting and hopeful for the future of our society and it was in a way, but it is clear that it requires us to put more effort into making our future better. I would recommend this book to fans of Kohn’s book “The Opposite of Hate” and other books on the topic of kindness, empathy, combating hate, changing the combative discourse of the media and society as a whole and self-improvement books.

This review is also posted on my personal blog and my Goodreads page.

If you are wondering if this read is worth your time, the answer is an enthusiastic yes! If you are already fairly empathic, this will help you embrace and gain a better understanding of your empathy. If you are lacking in empathy, perhaps this will help you become more empathetic. Zaki provides numerous examples and resources for all levels of empaths as well as suggestions for ways to direct your empathy. This book would also be beneficial for high school/college students preparing to enter a world they may not be entirely prepared or excited to join. Examples span ancient civilizations to the present to future generations and the language is easy to follow, making this a great pick for a wide audience. I plan to share this with family, friends, book club gatherings, etc.

Thank you to NetGalley and Crown Publishing for providing me with an ARC.

The War for Kindness is a interesting take on empathy. It is hard to have empathy in this world and we could all use more kindness. A good book.