If there is one topic that is a hard one to tackle, it's sex. Today's society is heavily influenced by sex. The culture seeks to normalize things such as porn, casual sex, and same-sex attraction. It pressures women of all ages and marital statutes to conform. So for the Christian woman, embracing God's design for sex and purity can be challenging and even confusing.

We wrestle with whether God's design for sex is truly good or what purity even means. We wrestle with our questions about our own sexuality and the purpose of it. On the other hand, as sex is a hard topic to discuss in Christian circles, sex often comes off as something dirty and bad. Which, then, leads us even further into confusion.

In their book, Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl's Heart, Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal share honestly about their own struggles and victories related to sex and purity. They take on the hard, often unspoken topics that everyone wants to talk about: sex, purity, masturbation, porn... And they talk about it honestly. Kristen and Bethany help women understand why God's design for sexuality is good and leads to true hope.

I was thankful when I got a copy of the book to read and review. Mostly because this is a topic that I think needs to be talked about, in a good and biblical way. The authors do a good job of covering this topic and the questions that often rise up.

As for the writing, I found it a bit hard to read the book at times. As I'm not familiar with Kristen Clark or Bethany Beal from Girl Defined, for me it was confusing as the text jumped from one to another talking. Because of the two authors, I also found the text often didn't go that deep. It covered the basics, yes, in a good way. But it was just that, and not more. So while it can answer some questions, I felt at times it didn't quite do that.

As a pastor who has worked with youth in middle school and high school for over 20 years, dealing with the subject of sex has been integral to a balanced approach of helping young people mature. And as a human being, I haven’t always been the greatest at communicating on the subject. I am always on the lookout for new material about youth and sexuality to expand my ability to guide young people.

Baker Books provided this review copy in exchange for a fair review. The focus of the book is fairly apparent. This book deals with sexuality and young females. I appreciate the forwardness of the authors in dealing with this area of sexuality. Many people find it difficult to be upfront about their sexuality, but it seems that the cultural history of “only naughty girls talk about sex” has limited the frank conversations that young women need.

The authors approach this subject from an evangelical worldview. There are many scriptural tie-ins. The discussion of sin and restoration through Jesus Christ is prominent. Many of the points are supported by a verse that directly relates to the subject. For those who share the evangelical worldview, this book will affirm dealing with young women from that point of view. For those who do not share the evangelical worldview, this book will not be as meaningful or helpful.

I found some solid points of agreement with the authors. They make the comment that lust is a human problem. I think this is something that we don’t deal with enough in talking with young people. It isn’t a male problem. It isn’t a Christian problem. It isn’t a teenage problem. Lust is something that is dealt with, usually poorly, by almost every person. Where the subject falls short is it does not deal with the reality that lust is a natural response. Lust is the emotional expression of our sexual drive. It is hormonal. It ties directly into our imaginations and our emotions. The authors emphasize lust as a problem. Lust is a problem when we allow the corrupting influence of sin (breaking a relationship with God and others) to corrupt our imagination and emotions.

I affirm their statement that intimacy is a deep need for all human beings. Intimacy is not a sexual need. Intimacy is a psychological, mental, emotional, and communal need. We are created for relationship with others. We have different levels of relational needs. Each person is different in the depth and breadth of those needs. Some people need a few people who know them very well. Others need a lot of people to know them well. All people have the need to be known and to know others deeply.

I also respect their emphasis on purity. This is an issue that has been abused in churches and religious communities and families. Purity has been used to teach that sex is a bad thing. Purity has been weaponized to enforce the mentality that a girl's worth is gauged by her purity. And purity has been aimed at a lifestyle of singleness. An authentically biblical understanding of purity is that it is the state of relationship that we have with God when we seek to do God’s will in our lives. Purity is gauged by God, not by standards established in a checklist.

I appreciate that the authors are dealing with a sensitive subject. They do not rely on graphic illustrations. They, instead, try to use illustrations that emphasize the struggles, pain, and brokenness that a faulty approach to sexuality have caused. They take this message into communities and deal frankly with the subject. This book is an extension of that ministry.

I will admit that I found some significant issues that I disagree with through the book. The first has to do with the four cultural lies they enumerate. They focus on identity, marriage, embracing open sexuality, and femininity. I agree with their cultural misunderstanding of femininity, but I feel that they misrepresent it when they do not deal with the empowerment of females. Femininity is not about exploiting the sexuality of a woman. It is about seeing the inherent value, strength, ability, and uniqueness of each woman and allowing a woman to be all that she can be in those.

The other lies that they focus on are minor issues of sexuality and purity. I felt that what was being presented is a less dynamic reinforcing of evangelical platform issues. Instead of sexual identity being Lie number one, there is no discussion of the separation of sex from the sense of wholeness of self. Sex is now considered a physical operation of the body. Women and men have learned that they can divide sex from emotional and connected relationships. The “one-night stand” is not a new thing. It has been cast in a new light thanks to hook-ups, friends with benefits, and social media apps such as Tinder.

When they deal with the subject of marriage, they say that it is a covenant between a man and a woman. The authors do not deal with what a successful sexual marriage looks like. When I teach about sex, I refer back to the three revealed purposes of sex: procreation, recreation, and reconnection. Within the boundaries of marriage, all three purposes of sex are fulfilled. When we remove sex from marriage, the purposes are not as fulfilling. And when the three purposes are not fulfilled in marriage, there are issues that arise within the relationship. Instead of focusing on the gender of the marriage partners, perhaps sex and purity should focus on how it is to be fulfilled in a marriage.

Finally, the authors emphasize how culture has emphasized, “if it feels right, do it”. In light of the MeToo movement, the breaking of silence on decades of sexual harassment, and the use of sex as a tool for power imbalance, it may have been more useful to talk about how sex is a matter of “if it doesn’t feel right, stop it”.

My biggest concern about the book, though, is one that I have found in many evangelical “self-help” approaches. Consistently throughout the book, there is a strong conviction that through Jesus Christ, all things can be dealt with in right ways. What isn’t touched on in any convincing way is the necessity of community. This is a very “Jesus and me” focused approach to understanding sexuality and purity. Nowhere do the authors speak with any clear instruction of involvement with a strong group of people to help them in the walk with Christ. Occasionally they point the reader to find a “wise Christian woman” to talk to. Christ built a community of disciples to train and mentor. He sent them out in mission with partners. He reminded them of the need for two or more to be gathered to know his presence. There is no clear encouragement to be involved in any meaningful way in a youth or young adult or peer group, as well as deep involvement in a community of believers.

This really becomes an issue when dealing with the subject of temptation. The authors provide steps to avoid temptation. One of the most glaring things left off of this list is an accountability partner or group. There is no mention of finding a connection with someone who knows them intimately, including their struggles, and allowing that person or group to check in to see how they are doing with their maturity in their struggles. Accountability has long been a part of counseling males in this area of struggle. It is just as important for females.

Finally, I feel that there is a significant area of harm being done by not addressing the need to seek professional counseling in areas of addiction or sexual abuse. The subject of abuse was briefly touched on a couple of places. The final counsel is to, again, find a “wise Christian woman” to talk to about this. There is hope that weakly offered. There is not, however, a counsel to seek out someone who has helped others through the struggles of healing from sexual abuse. Due to issues that are now being identified as post-traumatic stress disorder, there is a clear need to seek out someone who can help navigate those wounds and paths to healing.

The authors do not deal with addiction in any meaningful way. Pornography has been shown to have the same biochemical markers in a body as narcotics or nicotine. Prolonged exposure to pornography has been linked with relational maturity. Sexual abuse has been connected to alcohol, drug, and other forms of physical harm addictions (cutting, eating disorders, body dysmorphic disorder, suicide attempts). Addiction is a serious subject that needs to be addressed with young people.

I feel that the authors are trying to do good work. I feel that this book represents a fair attempt at trying to deal with a sensitive subject with an overlooked demographic. I feel that it doesn’t go deep enough to provide the full extent of help that young women need to be healthy sexual beings in a Christian world.

I received this arc on netgalley in exchange for a honest review.

I think this book tackles the hard subjects very well, and it can and will be very helpful, as it gives you suggestions and Bible verses to meditate on.

Overall, very good.

I have been looking forward to reading this book for quite some time now. So when I finally got my hands on it, I read it cover to cover in one single day!

Ladies, this is a much needed book that you need to get your hands on! It's raw, it's honest and real. Kristen and Bethany are very open and direct about the problems girls struggle with in terms of sexuality and purity. They do not shy away from talking about masturbation, pornography and lust. With this book, they counter the lie that "girls don't struggle with these things" and offer practical help and show what sexuality defined by God looks like. The book was easy to read and understand with many examples and personal stories to illustrate their points. All throughout the book, what they say is based on Scripture and they refer to it. There's also a study guide and an appendix on healing from sexual abuse at the end of the book.

This book did not focus on biblical womanhood or God's design for relationships, because these topics have already been the focus in their first two books. One might therefore want to read Girl Defined and Love Defined to see how it fits into the whole picture :)

I can only recommend this book to any young Christian woman trying to figure out sexuality and fight temptation. I think this is Kristen and Bethany's best book so far! However, please note that if you grew up very sheltered or have not been confronted with these issues so far, you might want to read this with your mom or a mentor.

Disclaimer: I received a free copy in exchange for a review via Netgalley.

I am amazed how honest the authors are. They are sharing openly their struggling in the sexual area and trough this breaking the taboo topic.

I love how they are giving the practical advices how to break the cycle of the sexual sins – like for example masturbation – and how to battle temptations.

I love how the authors are explaining the point of sexuality – good gift from God with deep meaning, directing us to show the level of intimacy between people and God.

So good, that Kristen and Bethany are breaking the cultural lies about sexual design and underlining the Biblical truths. Sure, for some of us this lies are so obvious, but for many young people they are not so obvious anymore.

They are writing: “If we, as Christian women, are not vigilant to discern the lies from the truths, we will end up listening to whichever voice is shouting the loudest” and “just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we should give up on truth”.

I like to idea, that authors used a lot of real questions from the girls around the word as a base to this book, including the really hard questions, which they are answering from the Biblical perspective.

I love how they are writing about the purity and all the narratives – wrong and good: “Sexual purity is not just about saying no to sex before marriage; it’s about taking every thought captive and living in a way that reflects the perfect holiness of your Father. It’s ultimately about embracing your identity as a daughter of God and striving every day to become more like Him. That’s true purity.”

I recommend this book from all of my heart. It’s so needed for our generation today.

I absolutely LOVE this book! These are hush hush topics that aren’t discussed in the church today. As women, we should be open to share about these topics & what Christ asks of us. Purity is something that runs deeper than just saving sex for marriage. Purity is something we should pursue daily whether we are single or married. We are created for a deep relationship with Jesus that our spouses or future spouses will never satisfy.