Cover Image: Permission to Feel

Permission to Feel

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Member Reviews

Thank you, Netgalley and the author/publisher, for the opportunity to read and review an advanced reader's copy of this book. This in no way affects my review, all opinions are my own.

It took me quite a while to read and write a review for this one. I had so many other ARCs since that I'm just now getting around to working on my ARC backlog from waaaay back when I started receiving ARCs on Netgalley. But anyway, here is finally my review:

I liked a lot of things about this book but also felt that I was not the right audience for it. I love books that dig deep into our mental health and how humans tick. However, as someone who struggles with (diagnosed) mental health issues, I felt that I knew a lot of the things the author describes. I believe a good target group for the book would be those who live/work/have closer relationships with those struggling with mental health. It can help them to understand the struggles somewhat. What I didn't like about it was that the author basically throws all mental health issues in the pot of "how to regulate your emotions," and that is something that totally neglects the fact that some mental health issues are based on a chemical imbalance in the brain. While regulating emotions is helpful for everyone even for those with a chemical imbalance, it must first be established whether you do have that imbalance and need medication. Once your physical/chemical processes are regulated properly, you can work on regulating any emotions properly.
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This book was amazing. I took so many notes. I’ve given this book to coworkers. I’ve recommended it to many. He is a fantastic author. I think anyone working with children or in a school should read this book.

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This book was archived before I was able to download it. I appreciate the opportunity to review though!

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Thank you to NetGalley and Celadon Books for this reader's copy. In exchange, I am providing an honest review.

I know a man who mocks people who have "feelings" (insert a mocking, slightly whiny voice) and he calls anyone who has "feelings" a liberal. I can't even. Feelings aren't a political platform. Feelings aren't a political statement. Feelings are feelings and we ALL have them. Surprisingly, when this man made his comment his partner, who agrees with him in *all* things, spoke up and corrected him saying that feelings weren't liberal or conservative, feelings were a human experience. The conversation shut down after that.

I know where this man is coming from because I know enough of his background to know that he was raised that boys who have feelings outside of being macho and misogynist are weak and effeminate. This, of course, is pure bullshit and a pack of lies that a good majority of our men have been told and subsequently believe. I mean, can you imagine being in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe feelings are real or have validity? No thank you.

Okay, I'm stepping down off my soapbox. :)

Marc Brackett, along with his Uncle Marvin, has spent years researching emotional intelligence. They have created programs that are in schools and businesses because, spoiler alert, emotions play a fairly large part in people being successful human beings and successful at the things they work at. I'm not shocked by this revelation but some people most definitely are. A couple of years ago my nephew and niece were at a school in NYC that had implemented Brackett's SEL program into their curriculum. It is, in my most basic explanation, an emotional intelligence curriculum that integrates into all subjects and events of the school - yes, even into math! I always wonder about how much better I could have done in math with the different methods of teaching it available these days AND I think with some emotional intelligence built into learning it as well. Anyway.

Brackett was bullied as a child and the only person, adult, in his life to help him understand his feelings about it and begin to process them was his Uncle Marvin. Through that introduction, of sorts, into emotional intelligence Brackett found his life's work.

I'm a huge believer, and fan, of EQ (emotional intelligence) so this book is right up my alley so to speak. Brackett developed a system to help people of all ages learn EQ. It is called the RULER and a good 1/3 of the book is devoted to breaking down each letter and its meaning and function. Another 1/3 of the book is devoted to explaining why EQ is vital. And a final 1/3 is spent highlighting how EQ plays a role in education and the workplace. I confess that I got through the RULER part of the book and almost abandoned it, feeling like I didn't need to finish it because it seemed obvious to me what Brackett's work and the mission was. However, I'm such a fan of EQ that even though I wanted to abandon it, I also wanted to see it through. So I did, and I'm glad I did. It was worth reading all the way through. And while most, if not all, of what I read wasn't new information to me or even that revolutionary - because I'm already a believer and practicer of EQ - it was affirming and validating of past experiences.

Brackett's writing isn't dry but it's not like reading a fiction book either. It takes a bit of concentration and dedication but I believe it is worth every minute spent and every word written to be read. If you are someone who dismisses or brushes off EQ then this book is a must read. EQ is vital in your everyday life and interactions, whether you personally believe that or not. If you are a fan and believer of EQ this book is a great read (I hesitate to say must but I kind of feel like it is a must) because it supports the necessity of EQ and may even impart new information.

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This book had moments of solid writing and advice about emotional intelligence. For people who are unfamiliar with this concept it is a solid starting point. It’s written with real life examples that highlight the importance of emotional education. The part that missed for me was that it felt more like a sales pitch for the authors’ RULER program than an actual call to action. There were not concrete action steps (other than the frequently cited stop and think method) given to the reader on how to become an emotion scientist, just chapter after chapter of arguments as to why one should be. I think some people in positions of power reading this book might think, “I will purchase RULER for my work/business/school after reading this, which is great. As an educator well versed in emotional education, that’s not what I was looking for. I’ve worked at ruler schools and know the program. I was hoping for something that built upon that instead of regurgitating why emotional education is important in the first place. Thanks to netgalley for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

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How are you? Is your instinct to quickly answer “fine, how are you?” without giving it any actual thought? Many of us are really lacking in skills to recognize our own emotions which also makes it hard for us to recognize emotions in others.

I loved listening to Marc Brackett on Brene Brown’s podcast and getting to learn more about emotional intelligence in Permission to Feel. While a lot of this book is aimed at parents and teachers helping kids learn about managing emotions - it can really apply to all of us. I would love to have a training at work on this information.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the advance copy to review.

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Important concept as the foundation for this book. Trying to think about what parts I'd use and how I'd use it...
I think more than anything a few good quotes would be good for a social emotional slide in a lesson plan?
I'll keep thinking.

Thanks to the publishers and the author for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

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Permission To Feel is an easy to use, compelling and life changing methodology of identifying, processing and managing one's emotions. It is an essential read for every thinking and feeling human being. I have followed Marc for the last 4 years since I met him at a Yale Alumni Reunion. While I knew about RULER and what the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence had done in promoting it in schools across the nation and world, I never truly understood the underlying rationale, mythology, and idea behind identifying and managing emotions until I read Marc's very well put together and easy to read book. It's a must read. I've already used portions of it in work, in family, and yes, in love. The research tested mythology works. For sure.

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Emotional intelligence is so important and not talked about enough. I feel this book does a great job talking about the importance of emotional intelligence, and why it is important we feel our emotions rather than suppress them. This book would be great for parents, teachers, psychology majors, or anyone who is interested in the topic of children and psychology.

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"Permission to Feel" should be required reading for all teachers, administrators, supervisors, business owners, or others in leadership positions. The author was bullied and misunderstood as a child, with parents who loved him and wanted the best for him, but lacked the vocabulary and techniques to help him cope emotionally and to enable him to effectively communicate his emotions. Luckily for him, his Uncle Marvin, who was a school teacher, had thought about and developed skills that fostered the necessary dialogue for the author to learn how to better communicate and control his emotions. I think most readers would agree with the author's statement: "If we don't understand emotions and find strategies to deal with them, they will take over our lives."

The author has spent his career studying emotions and coming up with strategies to teach emotional intelligence to others, with a focus on schoolchildren. He and his uncle devised five essential skills which are encapsulated in the acronym RULER -- (1) recognize our own emotions and those of others; (2) understand those feelings and determine their source and then see how they've influenced our behaviors; (3) label our emotions with a nuanced vocabulary; (4) express our feelings in accordance with cultural norms and social contexts in a way that tries to inform and invites empathy from the listener; and (5) regulate our emotions, rather than let them regulate us, by finding practical strategies for dealing with what we feel and why.

The book explains these five skills in more detail, discusses the efforts of the author to teach these skills in schools and businesses, the resistance he faced (and still faces) from school officials or business leaders, and examples of the benefits that can be demonstrated when, in a school setting, teachers, other school staff, and students, and in a work setting, employers and employees, have the necessary emotional skills to effectively communicate and regulate their emotions in a healthy manner and to help others do the same. He cites to his own experiences and observations, as well as various studies involving emotional health and how it impacts learning, future success, physical and mental health, job satisfaction and performance, and family relations. One of the best examples was when he told a group of students about failing a karate test and how horrible he felt about himself as a result and then asked them for suggestions of emotional regulation activities they could have offered if they had been his friend at the time. The students offered a variety of different ideas and they discussed why or why not each suggestion might be effective. The teachers were amazed at the dialogue between the students and the author and they realized that teaching emotion skills was something they could integrate into their existing practices and lesson plans. The author discusses the importance of implementing social and emotional learning throughout schooling, with the focus on the skills most appropriate for the ages of the children and their stages in life. He emphasizes the importance of implementing these skills in the college setting as well, acknowledging that it is a harder task because of how colleges are structured, but that graduates who are lacking in social emotional skills will likely suffer in the workplace. The author focuses on the importance of utilizing these skills effectively in the work setting as way to create greater job satisfaction and productivity and reduce the risk of burnout.

There is a lot that can be learned from this book and I think that as individuals and as a society, we would mentally healthier, more understanding, more empathetic, and more productive if we felt able to effectively and safely share our emotions with others and that others would seek to be understanding and accepting of what we are sharing. I wish methods to teach these skills had been readily available when I was growing up.

I received a review copy from NetGalley.

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I'd recommend this book to any new teachers out there, since it allows you to reflect on the real needs the students you will find along your educator journey. Teaching content is important, but you will not be able to do that if the child is emotionally/mentally/physically unavailable to respond to what it is needed for them to be able to learn within the classroom.

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Permission to Feel by Marc Bracket, Ph.D.

Brief Summary: This book is based on the premise that emotional well-being is hindered by suppressing emotions rather than feeling them. The book is based on extensive research and community presentations and workshops. I am a psychologist who has worked with many patients who do this.

Highlights: With my own background in psychology, this was too basic for my liking. Even with a keen interest the science and background research was boring. The stories and examples were the most interesting and more would have been helpful. I can definitely see utilizing his RULER technique easily.

Explanation of Rating: 3/5 as a self or patient help read it was hard to get into and hold my interest.

Thank you to Net Galley and Celadon for an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review

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Permission To Feel by Marc Brackett is an interesting look at emotions and how to communicate your emotions better with others. Better communication of your emotions can could have the ability to change your relationships with others. I enjoyed the book, there is just a lot that I'm letting sink in. I think that this book would be helpful for educators & parents too. I know I will use this to help me in my role as an educator. Lots of really important information that can be applied in this book. I would recommend this book AND I would recommend rereading this book! Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for sending me a complimentary copy of this book for an honest review.

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A guide to help the reader understand and manage their emotions. The book presents research in a conversational way that is clear and concise. A clear guide to help with understanding how to improve your emotional intelligence.

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I found this book incredibly beneficial during the current transition we are facing in education as we realize how important social-emotional learning is to student and how much their lack of this knowledge is impacting their lives.

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“Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive,” by Marc Brackett, is a blueprint for helping our children—and ourselves deal with our emotions by feeling them rather than being ashamed of them and hiding them. So often we stuff our emotions by overeating, having angry outbursts, or developing addictions.

Marc Brackett, the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence recommends that we become emotion scientists. We should ask questions about why we do what we do and feel what we feel and figure out what our feelings really feel like, rather than try to ignore them. Most of all, we should give ourselves and others permission to feel those feelings.

Dr. Brackett gives countless examples of why this permission to feel is so important. They come from his own childhood, his day to day life and his time working with schools to help students and teachers learn the importance of giving each other permission to feel their feelings. This results in a healthier outlook on the world as well as better self-esteem.

I learned a lot from “Permission to Feel.” I did feel like it could have been shorter and still gotten the same valuable information across. Still, if you have a child in your life, I recommend reading “Permission to Feel.”
Thank you to NetGalley and Celadon Books for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

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<i>...</i>When we deny ourselves the permission to feel, a long list of unwanted outcomes ensues.<i>...</i>-Mark Brackett

Mark Brackett is a professor at Yale and also director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. Brackett starts with giving us a a glimpse inside of his life and what prompted him to begin his study on emotions. As a kid his mother was anxious and depressed. His father a raging lunatic. He used to get bullied in school and his parents never had the slightest idea because they didn't know how to communicate with him. They didn't ask him how he was feeling. He basically kept his feelings to himself. He was also sexually abused by a neighbor who was a friend of the family, suffered from bulimia, and had bad grades in school. Thanks to his uncle Marvin, he was given permission to feel; the only adult that cared about his feelings. How can a parent not see he suffering their kids are going through? Sadly that's common. I too came from a family that really didn't know how to communicate. Stating my feelings such as my depression was always pushed to the side because I was a kid.
Brackett came up with a system called: "RULER", which is an effective approach to understanding emotions. It's proven to reduce stress and enhance academic achievement. I'm glad that the author came up with this concept and focused on emotions especially in children because it's so hard for them to express themselves.The book was very informative and helpful.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with a copy in an exchange for an honest review.

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An excellent book to read if you want to learn more about emotional intelligence and how this ability affects your daily life. Marc Bracket explains his RULER method of emotions and how it's been adopted in schools across the country.
An easy to understand book filled with ways to lead a happier life both at school and in the workplace. This is the perfect book to read if you're looking to learn more about emotional intelligence as it explains real-world examples of how emotions work and what to do with them.

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I love that Marc Brackett is attempting to teach the value of expressing and understanding emotions, but, for me, this book fell short of its goal.

The content is geared much more toward educators, which is where his RULER system excels. Also, if you're the parent of a young child or a soon-to-be parent, then there are some important lessons here.

I couldn't make the stretch with Brackett's discussion about implementing his RULER system in the workplace. Here's the thing: I can't imagine a scenario in which my boss or coworkers would care to listen to me express my feelings, nor do I think they should be expected to. Honestly, I think we (society) are becoming far too entitled with our emotional sensitivities. Even the author complains about being "triggered" (his word) by his student's snarky but otherwise innocuous comments. We're suddenly demanding "trigger warnings" on novels, and coworkers are complaining about being offended by the way a request is worded. I was hoping this book would be a discussion about how to get our own emotions and sensitivities under control so we don't feel the need to walk on eggshells around each other, but instead it's more about enabling those sensitivities.

Brackett shares a lot of information about his childhood, during which he was abused and bullied. This is at the heart of it all. If he'd been able to express his feelings to his parents, and if they'd been better equipped to listen, then the bullying wouldn't have gone as far as it did. His perspective on this offers tremendous insight. I think that's the book he should write.

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Well written and fascinating topic. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and had some takeaways for when discussing feelings with my kids.

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