At first, I found much of the content in this book very relatable and I felt “seen” reading it (even though I am technically an old millenial rather than a gen x). However it seemed to repeat the same themes over and over again without a real sense of purpose after awhile and then seemed to be throwing a lot of blame around. I also think it needed to do more to address the problems that minority women face (it’s mentioned but not focused on).

Even though I fall into the age of Gen x who this book is geared toward, I had a really hard time connecting with the writing style and much of the info felt rehashed from other outlets. The author touched on many reasons why women today can't sleep but overall I didn't feel she let us in on anything all that new. Most of the information I had read before and often the writing style felt too research focused rather than conversational.

Being a midlife woman, I am always on the hunt for books that tackle this complicated topic.  After reading the excerpt, I knew I needed to read this.  Ada in the middle of her own midlife crisis set out to see if other women felt the same way she did (there are way more than you know). She talked to several women about everything from jobs, unemployment, finances, personal relationships, and divorce rates.  Ada started to see a trend for those of us in middle age.  I could relate to pretty much all the topics that were covered.  If you are looking for a book that will give you a definite solution to your problems this isn’t it.  The author uses the pages to bring these problems to light and outlines the differences between us and the Gen Xers. I enjoyed reading the stories of other women and it made me realize that both my fears and hopes aren’t dumbfounded.

I am a middle-aged Gen X woman raised in the 70s and 80s in the heartland of America. This book described my life so closely, it was a walk down memory lane. In addition, it helped me understand some of the changes in my life I am currently going through. Ada Calhoun is conversational, one of us, and smart enough to do her research and cite her sources. She reminds us that we are not alone, even though that seems to be our current reality at any given time. I would recommend this as a must-read for any Gen X woman.

Why We Can't Sleep
The book goes into detail describing what women in midlife go thru. It doesn't disappoint or short-change any topic.

I'm pushing 40 so I really thought this book would resonate with me well. I typically don't *love* non-fiction, and this was certainly true of this book as well. I didn't love it, but I found it incredibly fascinating.I could see a lot of my friends really enjoying this though and I have recommended it to quite a few people.

Why We Can’t Sleep
Ada Calhoun

Ada Calhoun deserves a fleet of planes with aerial banners declaring that she truly gets it! And advertising her book, of course! Covering the legitimate and often disregarded concerns of women of every age – millennial, Gen X, GenY, Mid-Life, Senior – all of us! Relationships, family, careers, lack of work, health, the challenges of having a female body, (which has been and too often still is misunderstood by medical practitioners,) money, anxiety, insomnia, expectations of our own and expectations placed on us, and the ensuing shame of our perceived failures.
And don’t send yourself or someone else to the self-help shelf or a drink. 
Excerpt: “Short-term perks like spa days or facials are like putting a Band-Aid on a bone break. Our problems are beyond the reach of ‘me-time.’ The last thing we need at this stage of life is self-help. Everyone keeps telling us what to do, as if there is a  quick fix for the human condition. What we need at this stage isn’t more advice, but solace.”
This is only a tiny bit of the understanding, revelations, comfort, clarity and strength to be found in Why We Can’t Sleep and will likely help most of us get some sleep! Thank you, Ada Calhoun!

Even though not everything was yet applicable to my life, it was a revelation to learn some of the things that Calhoun had researched.

This book really resonated with me.  I am so glad it is not a fluffy self help book.  The statistics and real life stories made me pay attention.  Science vs opinion.   I have recommended this to a few friends and everyone has loved it.  Do yourself a favour, and read this book.  This one will be around for a long time.

This was an interesting book, and as a woman, felt like it gave me a lot of "aha" moments. I think we're programmed in this day and age to frequently berate ourselves for our failings, and parts of this book felt like someone was telling us it's okay to stop blaming ourselves.

Although I was unable to finish this book, I throughly enjoyed what I read. The author seems very insightful and knowledgeable.

Why We Can't Sleep is a compassionate look at why Gen X women struggle to make peace with all of the things they've been led to believe they could and should be. If you have felt alone in your inability to find "balance," and to constantly and consistently succeed in every realm, this book will bring you comfort. Although I am technically a Millennial, I appreciated these stories, and I'm sure women of all ages will see pieces of themselves in this book, too. 

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC.

I think this does a good job exploring what a modern midlife crisis can look like and why. It's not perfect, but I think it could help women not feel so alone and instead more normal. The author presents the information in an easy to read format and spent a lot of time researching and interviewing. I could have done without the constant narrative of how much worse Generation X has it and the sometimes shallowness of the women she interviewed. Still something I'd recommend to female readers in their late 30s or 40s. Thank you to Grove Atlantic for the ARC!

I wasn't sure what to expect when I opened this book but it was a quick read that really resonated with me as a Gen X woman. It touches on relationships, parenting, personal health and more in a relatable and funny way.  I really enjoyed hearing from women like me with similar problems - it helped me feel less alone in my feelings and situations, especially in this quarantine. Having it all has always been our goal but no one told us how big of a toll the pursuit of that would take.

Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Atlantic for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

This book was a quick read, and was very relatable. Overall, enjoyable read, but it is not a book that will "solve your problems," but rather feel like they may be valid. It looks at anxiety in women through a generational cross-section (Gen X vs. Boomers), and explains why the current "middle-aged" woman might feel the weight of the world is on her shoulders. I don't think this book is extremely relatable from all angles, but it makes some valid points. I don't think I would recommend it to everyone I know, but if I knew a particularly angsty individual, maybe they would find some solace in this book.

I'm younger than the target audience for this book, but I still saw so much of myself within it, as I'm sure other women of all ages did. In times like these, this book made me feel less alone.

Acknowledging the Hidden Beasts

As a female who has identified as a GenXer for a long time, this book certainly resonated with me. In it, the author explores the particular problems that GenX women have had throughout their lives and currently. She looks at cultural reasons why this may be so, supplying a lot of facts and figures. She doesn't really offer a cure or solution but puts a magnifying glass on the multi-faceted problems. Even though there is no ultimate one-size-fits-all cure, it still was nice to have what I now understand are common struggles acknowledged. Sometimes, naming a thing all by itself or understanding that you are not alone helps, something I don’t think the men who have given this a negative review understand. If you are a woman of a certain age, you may want to pick up this book so you understand that you are not alone in the struggles, as they are mirrored by your generation.

So depressing. I was hoping for more narrative but it‘s just a litany of statistics and “my friend says...”-type of anecdotes. Then, she tried to wrap it up neatly by advising gen x women to practice “self-care” and just let it go. Pretty lazy book, if you ask me,

A must read for those born in the 70s and 80s. Why we can't sleep is absolutely hilarious and covers the topics that you can relate to including health, marriage, parenting, how you feel etc. The best part is its not just the authors opinion but based on real statistics.

Thank you to Grove Atlantic for providing me with a copy of Ada Calhoun’s Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis, in exchange for an honest review.

In Why We Can’t Sleep: Women’s New Midlife Crisis, Ada Calhoun explores the unique challenges facing Generation X women, who are now middle-age. 

Spanning from the early 60’s to the early 80’s (there is some disagreement on the dates), Calhoun explains that many women born during this time had a challenging childhood. We ( I am a Gen-X woman) were raised by mother’s who fought for equality and told us that we could do anything. This created an immense pressure to “have it all,” even when “having it all” is an impossible goal and reaching for the brass ring has made us deeply dissatisfied. The caustic divorces that we experienced with our parents, created a drive to maintain the semblance of a perfect life for our children, to hide any cracks in the co-parenting relationship. Growing up latch-key kids and experiencing a free-roaming childhood, has turned Gen-xers into overprotective, helicopter parents. We are drowning as we fail to keep up with our self-imposed expectations.

Calhoun argues that previous generations did not put such a big emphasis on perfection. Our mothers didn’t have social media to constantly compare themselves to their friends and celebrities. They didn’t post pictures of their gluten-free cupcakes or their latest beach vacation. They didn’t feel a constant pressure to keep looking youthful. Societal pressure to go vegan or to believe in a certain movement didn’t plague them every time they looked at their phone, because cell phones didn’t exist. Social media didn’t exist. 

Interestingly, Calhoun explains that the pressure to compare and to be perfect seems to be felt more strongly with Gen X. Younger generations don’t seem as worried about what people think. Perhaps it is because Gen Xer’s were older when social media became common place. I was born at the end of Gen X and Facebook wasn’t popular until I was in my 30’s. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to have my teen years and 20’s recorded on social media. Calhoun notes that younger generations seem to post on social media with less worry of how it will be perceived, where as Gen X is more careful regarding what they post. We are a generation that has quickly adapted to technology, yet we have not had it in our lives the same way that the generations after us have experienced.

Why We Can’t Sleep made me feel stressed. I can attest to the feelings of perfectionism and failure. I’ve entered my 40’s happy with my life. I don’t have children ( two wonderful step-children, but they are only with us for holidays), so perhaps that lessens the intensity of needing to prove something or create a certain life. I think it gives me freedom. Still, I had a mom who drove home the idea that “anything is possible,” which, as I reflect, doesn't feel true. I entered the work force and experienced inequality. My mom gave me a clear message that men should not be fully trusted, yet she also pushed a traditional marriage. I was told to be both independent and dependent. It was confusing. 

Additionally, Calhoun pointed out something that I didn’t realize I was resentful over, until I read it. She mentions that there is now a backlash for the freedom that we experienced in childhood. I was a latchkey child starting in third grade and although there were adult neighbors, I was basically left home summers/holidays/after school, from the age of eight. That would be unheard of now, but my mom was a working, single-mom and we had no choice. Besides that, I don’t really remember my mom being engaged with me. When we were home together, I was told to play outside or in my room. Maybe it’s because my mom had me later in life, but she continued the, “children should be seen and not heard” motto from her generation. There were times that my mom did things with me, like take me to museums or to the movies, but on a whole, I was on my own. Calhoun says that this was common for Gen X childhoods and this has prompted many Gen X parents to become uber engaged with their children. I see this in my friends with their parenting styles. I realize that my mom had to work and things were hard, but I do feel that I was disconnected with her as a child and did not become close to her until I became an adult. 

Calhoun tackles perimenopause and the options that women have to ease this transition. She states that this is an important life change that is simply not discussed. I agree, I’ve never discussed this with anyone, including my doctors. I’m 42 and I haven’t noticed much of a change yet, but I appreciate that Calhoun speaks to this topic.

With everything going on in the world with corona virus, I’m not sure that it was good timing to read Why We Can’t Sleep. I made me feel more anxiety. That said, I think Calhoun has written an important book that is worth a read. I will definitely recommend it to friends of my generation.