All the F*cking Mistakes

Pub Date:   |   Archive Date: 21 Jan 2020

Member Reviews

I wanted to like this book but its like reading a tweet or blog. I'm also a sailor when it comes to dropping the F bomb and this was over the top even for me even when I'm the target audience. Also she was trying to use words to be "women power" but missed the mark.  It also had the wrong tone, it was all shoving down the throat and preachy not what you want with this type of book. There was so some good things in this and wish there was a book like this when I was younger but it needed way more editing and just different vibe. I'm sure people will love this but a lot of people will not make it pass page one.
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I didn't realize in the blurb I probably was not the intended age for this book, but with saying that I still found it quite informative. Gigi Engle brings the sex talk to a whole other level with total bluntness and attitude that is the norm these days. The writing style is a bit too much for me, but I definitely recommend this to millenials of the world and think it would be a good recommendation to my niece in college to read.
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Yes! Yes yes yes! I loved this! Everyone needs to read this. 

I absolutely loved reading this. It is the perfect balance of humor, personal anecdotes, and facts to make this a really enjoyable read. Gigi Engle is the big sister we all need. I loved everything about this book (the audio is fantastic too). As someone who did not get a sex talk by either my parents (I was too embarrassed to ask, and I'm sure my parents were to embarrassed to bring it up) or my school (only in the reproductive unit of biology), I really appreciated this. I've had to do a lot of research on my own and as we all know a lot of what is out there is all about the male enjoyment. I thoroughly believe that girls and women should be taught how to enjoy their own bodies. This book is a wonderful addition to the growing feminist sexual revolution. I also loved that this book did not shy away from the more uncommon forms of sexual exploration. I feel like I'm rambling a bit here! 

Overall, I absolutely recommend this book to everyone!
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All the F*cking Mistakes by Gigi Engle is a free NetGalley ebook that I read in late November.

Being upfront about your indelicacies and staving off ridicule in a crass, dirty South way with text/meme-style speech - most definitely not for everybody.
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All the F*cking Mistakes was just not for me or what I was in the mood to read. I felt a little bit like the author was yelling at me. However, I appreciate that the author took on a taboo subject and did not hold back.
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This book sounded so promising, and when I got an email from St. Martin’s asking if I’d like to review it, I was ready. This ended up being less of the feminist guidebook it claims to be and more like your drunk friend screaming at you that “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.” In short, not my kind of book. But it’s an ARC, so I read it anyway.

The book isn’t all bad. I’m going to start with some things that I liked and then I’ll move on to my rants.

First of all, I loved Gigi’s stance on cheating. She hates it. She thinks it’s a symptom of deeper problems in a relationship because you wouldn’t cheat on someone you truly loved and cared about. Like, the thought wouldn’t even occur to you. I agree. She also says that if someone cheats on you, you need to get out of that relationship, because it’s all you’ll ever think about. I agree with that too. Cheating is an active decision to sabotage a relationship. I love this quote:

The “I’m so sorry! It just happened!” excuse is not a fucking excuse. Don’t try to tell me that this was a mistake. A mistake is dropping your phone and cracking the screen. A mistake is the barista using whole milk instead of 2 percent. A mistake is wearing bright blue underwear with a thin heather-gray dress. A mistake is overcooking the chicken. Fucking someone is not a mistake.

I liked her stance on feminism. She’s very clear on what feminism is and is not, and I agree with her 100%. Here are some quotes from the book:

While scrolling through my feed, avoiding deadlines, per usual, I saw a photo on a feminist author’s Instagram; a repost from a father of he, his daughter, and her prom date. The father was holding a gun. The caption read, “I hope my beautiful daughter and her date have a great time at prom.” While this may be seen as a joke and warning to her date to be a “gentleman,” what it actually is is a reminder that this man perceives his daughter as his property.

Want is the key word here. If you’re doing something you want to do and feel in control, you are doing something feminist.

A man should not be able to touch a female coworker’s thigh and face zero repercussions. You shouldn’t be able to comment on someone’s body on the street without getting called out for your bullshit. Asking for shitty, aggressive, threatening behavior to be checked is not too much to ask for.

Unfortunately, this is about all that I liked in this book. There were a number of points she made that I took issue with.

Probably the most upsetting for me, because it’s just absolutely terrible advice, is her stance on sexually transmitted infections. Basically, Gigi’s whole thing is that STIs are not a big deal and you’re a terrible person if you break up with someone for having one. This isn’t like your partner getting a cold. They didn’t get food poisoning. They engaged in risky behavior with another person and ended up putting not only their health at risk, but also yours. If someone I’m dating comes to me and says, “Well, looks like I have chlamydia!” I’m not going to say, “Oh, cool! Let’s go get some antibiotics!” I’m going to be like, “Um, where did that come from because it certainly isn’t from me.” This doesn’t quite go along with her stance on cheating, which is confusing.

She goes on to say that if your partner can’t handle you having an STI, they’re not going to be able to handle it if you get seriously ill when you’re older. The example she gives is cancer. So, way to compare apples and… I don’t even know. Staplers? There is a huge difference between being upset that your partner has contracted a sexually transmitted infection from someone other than you and has now put your health at risk and your partner being diagnosed with a terrible illness that is, first of all, not contagious, and second of all, not caused by being irresponsible. Yes, you’re pretty terrible if you break up with someone because they get cancer. You are not terrible if you break up with someone for getting an STI while dating you.

Gigi also claims to be trying to write a really inclusive, sex-positive book. She mostly succeeds on the sex-positive part, although I think she’s forgotten that you don’t need to go out and have a ton of casual sex to be sex-positive. She mostly ignores that same sex relationships and asexual people exist, except when she’ll casually drop that she’s dated a couple girls or talks for 0.2 seconds about how asexual people can find the kind of sex they like having, too. My favorite part of this was when she basically said, “This is what you need to do when you have sex, and if you’re not doing it, you’re wrong.” Who even is she?

My number three issue with this book was her idea that you should allow yourself to text your ex as much as you want for six weeks after the breakup, then stop. Well, yes. Please stop. But as someone who was on the other end of a constant barrage of texts from their ex for literal months after the breakup, I can confirm that this is a terrible idea. Waking your ex up in the middle of the night on a Wednesday with a text that says, “I miss you all the time 😢” is not doing you any favors. Sending your ex a string of fifteen texts while they’re in the middle of a meeting about how you wish you could have another chance does not make your ex want to get back together. These kinds of texts don’t make your ex feel bad. They’re just annoying. It’s not doing anything to help the situation and constantly reminding yourself of the relationship is doing nothing to help you get over it, either.

The final thing I want to talk about is the way she demonized her ex for having emotions and acting like a grown up. The story is that Gigi writes about sex for a living. She writes about dildos and anal sex and BDSM. Because of this, she draws a lot of negative attention. It’s not right, but it happens. Her ex was initially okay with this, and then it started affecting him personally and professionally. He realized he wasn’t okay with it anymore, and rather than asking her to give up her chosen career for him, he broke up with her. She mentions that the constant attacks by internet trolls aggravated her ex’s anxiety and “were a source of panic for him.” Apparently this makes him “weak” and “a coward” in her eyes. A few chapters before this, Gigi talks about her anxiety and what triggers panic attacks for her. What I’m getting from this is that Gigi’s mental illness is valid, but she’s decided that her ex’s isn’t. To make matters even worse, she reveals near the end of the book that her ex “became obsessed with having a private life” and specifically asked to be left out of this book, but she included him anyway because it’s her life and her book. Then she just casually mentions that he broke up with her the next day, seemingly out of nowhere. Out of nowhere? Really? I would have broken up with her too if I’d told her that I didn’t want to be written about in her sex book and she did it anyway.

I think that we currently live in a society that professes that we’re the best, we’re amazing, we’re perfect, and anybody who doesn’t want us just exactly the way we are is an idiot, a coward, the worst person on the planet. This is such a toxic mentality. Sometimes relationships don’t work out. It sucks, but it is what it is. Wallowing in it, rehashing what happened with your ex years ago over and over and over again despite now being married to someone else, repeatedly calling your ex a coward and complaining that he didn’t deserve you — all of that is unhealthy. It’s bad for your mental health. You need to let it go. One person didn’t want to be with you. They couldn’t handle the way you live your life. That hurts, I get it. But you have to get past it. You have to move on.

Overall, you’ll either love or hate the very aggressive writing style. You’ll either love or hate Gigi’s very opinionated essays. For a better book on female health and sexuality, I’d recommend The Vagina Bible, written by an actual physician who actually has credentials to back up the claims she makes. For a better book on feminism in general, I’d recommend We Should All Be Feminists and Dear Ijeawele. If you have any recommendations of good books on feminism, sexuality, or women’s health, I’d love to hear about them.
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Yes! Awesome! Love a good self help book and this fits the bill! Learning to live a more shame free life and this book is perfect for that!
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I wanted to like this book more than I actually did. There were great pieces of advice in parts but also feel like maybe it should come with a trigger warning. As a sexual abuse survivor, it unsettled me how she would discuss traumas that happened to her. While the overall message may be okay, women shouldn't feel guilty about their sexuality when men can seemingly do whatever they want and no one bats an eye, the overdosing of swear/cuss/curse words (this coming from someone who cusses way too often for my own good) felt off. It was like they were put in after to replace it to make it seem more hardcore somehow?
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Gigi Engle is the brash, bold, bossy older sister you never know you needed. Her no-holds-barred approach to sex and dating has been living on the internet for the past few years - but she's compiled it all for you (or your favorite younger sister/cousin/daughter? if you're a really cool mom, maybe?) into a loud and unapologetic bible for the millennial in need. Sex toys? Reviewed. Sexting? Covered. From lube to sexual empowerment, this book has you covered.
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Gigi Engle is a fiery goddess that is here to slay. I mean stay. Well, I mean both. Honestly, this woman has life figured out, or at least like, really well outlined, because All The F*cking Mistakes is pure gold.

Engle has compiled a raging, feminist bible about what it means for a woman to claim her sexuality, her body, and her place in the world. In alternating heart-to-heart conversations, exuberant encouragement, heavy dosed sarcasm, and furious outcry, Engle lets her readers know that it's time to wake up and realize that women have the power to stand up and fight for their equality. It's time to demand safety, control over our bodies, and satisfaction in the bedroom!

Nothing is off limits for Engle- in proof of negating the stigma around sex- as she discusses topics like how to talk to your partner about STIs, how to move on from drunken shame, and how to explore your needs in the bedroom (or wherever, no judgement.) Her writing is conversational and brutally honest, which makes it read as if she were a friend, not a lecturer. Oh and speaking of lecture, she also points out how much of this book wouldn't have had to exist if our culture weren't so against proper sex education- you know, where they focus on abstinence more than anything. So, yes, in the spirit of correcting that, there are a few diagrams of anatomical parts because sadly, some women (and men) don't even know what's what down there.

Honestly, everyone needs to read this. The third wave of feminism is here, and it's time to educate yourselves on why we need to stand together and demand change, why we need men to support our efforts, and why we need to get rid of the stigma and double standards that surround sex.  So basically, move over Dear God, It's Me Margaret. Make room for All The F*cking Mistakes.

*This review will be posted on 1/2/2020 on www.thelexingtonbookie.com*
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DNFed due to the tone of Gigi Engle’s writing. I do not like the type of pseudo-empowerment girl boss language that was used throughout the book. Engle is trying very hard to be relatable and I don’t think she pulled it off. It was impossible for me to wade through her cursing and crude talk in order to get to any useful information.
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This book was not for me. I expected an empowering book about sex-positivity, self-esteem, and love. But instead I read an extremely opinionated and aggressive, preachy " sex handbook" that barely left any room to start a dialog, because the views expressed in the book were being shoved down my throat . The excessive explicit language used throughout the book was more tedious and annoying to read than edgy or refreshing. 
Admittedly, there were some helpful points scattered throughout this book, but they were marred by the frustratingly judgemental tone this book seemed to take.
Also there were moments where I felt that there were very close-minded, almost harmful messages being expressed, such as claiming that it is "absolutely impossible' to cheat on a person that you are in love with, and the relationship MUST end immediately if cheating has occurred. The notion that is possible for couple to work past infidelity and that some relationships are even stronger despite infidelity was (literally) laughed at. 
I believe that this book could have had the potential to be truly relatable, bold and uplifting, but instead across as alienating, overtly crass, and repressive instead.
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All the F*cking Mistakes is a childish and raunchy rant about all things sex. The book is touted as a guide to sex, love, and life in general. It is unapologetically anything goes and a down with patriarchy genital mooning.
This book is a clear example that blogging to book writing is not always a smooth transition. It comes across as a rant nearly all the way through and its oft-repeated mantra seems to be you do you and F anyone who doesn’t like it. 
I suppose the title is a reference to all the mistakes the author has made throughout her life in the sexual arena. It seems an attempt to try to convince herself that her choices were valid but she doesn’t seem to believe it herself. Engle comes across like she has to prove a point. 
But, look at all the knowledge she has gained through her myriad of sexual experiences. She now has much to teach, right? 
I am sure that she has something valuable to offer but nothing valuable is offered here. The book could have been used as an opportunity for real education done tastefully. It is disappointing that it was not. 
Instead, the author went for shock value with filthy language that is over the top ridiculous, too many personal stories with way too much personal information given. There was a neurotic jumping around quality that added to the book’s nonsensical nature. It was not well organized and lacking clear editorial strategy. It came across as a tacky and childish, a railing against the patriarchy that is keeping slutty women down. She vacillates between a bragging sense of pride over her self-proclaimed slutty-ness while at the same time trying to make a case to convince herself that her slutty-ness is perfectly OK. I don’t get the sense that she really believes this. 
I believe the book is meant to be about female empowerment and feminism but it comes across as the opposite, someone’s axe to grind. It is somewhat unsettling to think that the language used is actually appealing to anyone, millennials or otherwise. Her information about STD’s should never be taken at her word. She knows nothing about the HPV vaccine but seems to think she is in a position to recommend it. Also, if she did know more about it, she might have concluded that her hospitalization after the shot was likely due to the vaccine, not in spite of it. The problems she has had in this area are the result of lifestyle choices. The fact is, she did not have to have as many sexual encounters as she did to be knowledgeable in this area. Health is not something to be taken for granted and sexual health is vital. Though she states the importance of taking proper precautions, her message doesn’t translate in light of her own actions. 
Frank and open conversation is a good thing but it can happen with a sense of good taste. Check out Kim Anami’s and Esther Perel’s work if you want to experience open dialogue about sexual empowerment and information from a true researcher in sexual relationships. To Engle’s credit she does reference Perel several times in her book.
Engle is highly opinionated and her opinions are launched rather aggressively. For example, she believes that once cheaters can be reformed to never cheat again but also believes that cheating automatically means that the cheater does not love the cheated on. The fact is that people cheat for many reasons and a lack of love may not be part of it. Again, check out Perel’s research on this topic. 
She does openly advocate for honest communication, full-disclosure, and full consent in relationships. However, this is the author who published a beginner’s guide to anal sex in Teen Vogue, an article that the magazine stood by after the backlash. It was the wrong place for that article period. There are lines you simply do not cross. This is what occurs when someone lacks a moral compass and skin in the game. I would never want my daughter to seek out Engle’s advice on anything, not only because of her I don’t give an F attitude but because there are serious gaps in what she thinks she knows. 
This is not some anti slut-shaming manifesto. Nor is it a handbook for sexually empowered women. Women deserve better than this.
BRB Rating: Skip It.
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This title is an irreverent look at sex and dating in the post-2016 world.  At times funny and ribald, occasionally a little over the top, this is a fun read for a wine and book club that's heavy on the wine and trash talk. I enjoyed it and will recommend to select readers.
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This book is what sex education in school should be: blunt and real with a dose of humor.

Mentioned on Episode 88 of the Book Cougars 
https://www.bookcougars.com/blog-1/episode88
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I don't think I was the target audience for this. Age-wise I am but it was full of things I already knew. Might be better for someone who has relationship or sexual issues.
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Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for the eARC I received of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

There are things I loved about this book. Like truly loved. I loved the way the author worked so hard to be intersectional and to educate readers outside of their own perspectives. I loved that she was sex positive from the jump and wants to encourage others to have sex the way they want to have sex without shame. Those are all huge strengths.

It was just the style that put me off a bit. I think maybe I am getting old because it was the swearing that actually put me off. Not that it existed: I love to curse! It was the frequency of the f bomb. It felt like Engle was a teenager trying out cussing and using it too much because it's still forbidden. It just made the whole thing feel like it was trying to hard. Like instead of actually being authentic and accessible, she was working really, really hard to prove that she was accessible. Hot tip: the cool aunt is cool because she doesn't have to try to be. It's effortless.
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This wasn't for me. For one, I didn't like the author's casual, jokey way of including the word "slut" on a weirdly frequent basis. It felt like when someone keeps calling you "girl" and they've just met you, it was too much and made me feel differently about the advice in the book. Some of which was good. I think if this is your style or you relate more to the author, you might like this more, but this just didn't work for me personally. Thank you Netgalley!
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I've read a few of these manuals ala memoir ala humorous essay collections lately and I am overall happy with this type of genre crossover. This one got a little tedious through the middle, but ultimately was an enjoyable read on some female issues we all need to learn to talk about.
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Superspeed readers like me can read 150 - 200+ pages, so yes, I have read the book … and many more today. LOL			
			
I received a temporary digital Advance Reader Copy of this book from #NetGalley, the publisher and the author in exchange for an honest review.  			
			
From the publisher, as I do not repeat the contents or story of books in reviews, I let them do it as they do it better than I do 😸.			

Come As You Are meets How to Date Men When You Hate Men in this sex handbook for the millennial feminist on how to own your body and sexuality and use that confidence to take charge of your life

Stop Apologizing for Your Sexuality and Take Charge of Your Life

If you've ever wished you had a big sister or older cousin who could show you all the ropes of womanhood, look no further: Gigi Engle has done it all and is here to tell you all about it in All the F*cking Mistakes, a practical handbook for all the slutty and wanna-be-slutty women out there. It is the ultimate sex-talk book, demystifying female sexuality without any of the awkwardness of "the talk." From learning how to take back your confidence in a world full of slut-shaming to discovering and owning your sexual empowerment through masturbation, to demanding the love you really deserve, this book is an ode to the women of the world who deserve to be empowered, sexually and otherwise, without guilt.

Offering bite-sized lessons that incorporate Gigi's own special brand of no-nonsense advice to provide clarity and guidance on all things slutty, sexually normative and non-normative, and everything that falls between the cracks of these brackets, this book is your how-to guide to living your sexy AF, fabulous life.

This was an interesting book to read - I will admit that it took me a while to "get" the cover image: very clever by the way!  I am 52 years old and my mother never gave me the talk which was a nightmare when you get your period at age 10 and think you are dying.  With no female relatives within 200 miles, there was no one I could ask about these things - what I did learn was that sex and sexuality was dirty and shameful and wrong 

HOWEVER, I take issue with the description of the book being for  " for all the slutty and wanna-be-slutty women"!  Being sexual and in charge of your love life does NOT make you a SLUT which is a 180* turn from the book statements that it is ANTI-slut-shaming. That's like selling "cholesterol-free kale", "peanut-free peanut butter cookies" or "vegan eggs". 

Nonetheless, it was an interesting read and it would be a great book to give your teenager with whom you are going to discuss the book afterwards...don't ignore the subject of sex as it will not go away.  (And better to learn from this book than their friends or the internet!)
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