All the F*cking Mistakes

Pub Date:   |   Archive Date: 21 Jan 2020

Member Reviews

This book was not for me. I expected an empowering book about sex-positivity, self-esteem, and love. But instead I read an extremely opinionated and aggressive, preachy " sex handbook" that barely left any room to start a dialog, because the views expressed in the book were being shoved down my throat . The excessive explicit language used throughout the book was more tedious and annoying to read than edgy or refreshing. 
Admittedly, there were some helpful points scattered throughout this book, but they were marred by the frustratingly judgemental tone this book seemed to take.
Also there were moments where I felt that there were very close-minded, almost harmful messages being expressed, such as claiming that it is "absolutely impossible' to cheat on a person that you are in love with, and the relationship MUST end immediately if cheating has occurred. The notion that is possible for couple to work past infidelity and that some relationships are even stronger despite infidelity was (literally) laughed at. 
I believe that this book could have had the potential to be truly relatable, bold and uplifting, but instead across as alienating, overtly crass, and repressive instead.
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All the F*cking Mistakes is a childish and raunchy rant about all things sex. The book is touted as a guide to sex, love, and life in general. It is unapologetically anything goes and a down with patriarchy genital mooning.
This book is a clear example that blogging to book writing is not always a smooth transition. It comes across as a rant nearly all the way through and its oft-repeated mantra seems to be you do you and F anyone who doesn’t like it. 
I suppose the title is a reference to all the mistakes the author has made throughout her life in the sexual arena. It seems an attempt to try to convince herself that her choices were valid but she doesn’t seem to believe it herself. Engle comes across like she has to prove a point. 
But, look at all the knowledge she has gained through her myriad of sexual experiences. She now has much to teach, right? 
I am sure that she has something valuable to offer but nothing valuable is offered here. The book could have been used as an opportunity for real education done tastefully. It is disappointing that it was not. 
Instead, the author went for shock value with filthy language that is over the top ridiculous, too many personal stories with way too much personal information given. There was a neurotic jumping around quality that added to the book’s nonsensical nature. It was not well organized and lacking clear editorial strategy. It came across as a tacky and childish, a railing against the patriarchy that is keeping slutty women down. She vacillates between a bragging sense of pride over her self-proclaimed slutty-ness while at the same time trying to make a case to convince herself that her slutty-ness is perfectly OK. I don’t get the sense that she really believes this. 
I believe the book is meant to be about female empowerment and feminism but it comes across as the opposite, someone’s axe to grind. It is somewhat unsettling to think that the language used is actually appealing to anyone, millennials or otherwise. Her information about STD’s should never be taken at her word. She knows nothing about the HPV vaccine but seems to think she is in a position to recommend it. Also, if she did know more about it, she might have concluded that her hospitalization after the shot was likely due to the vaccine, not in spite of it. The problems she has had in this area are the result of lifestyle choices. The fact is, she did not have to have as many sexual encounters as she did to be knowledgeable in this area. Health is not something to be taken for granted and sexual health is vital. Though she states the importance of taking proper precautions, her message doesn’t translate in light of her own actions. 
Frank and open conversation is a good thing but it can happen with a sense of good taste. Check out Kim Anami’s and Esther Perel’s work if you want to experience open dialogue about sexual empowerment and information from a true researcher in sexual relationships. To Engle’s credit she does reference Perel several times in her book.
Engle is highly opinionated and her opinions are launched rather aggressively. For example, she believes that once cheaters can be reformed to never cheat again but also believes that cheating automatically means that the cheater does not love the cheated on. The fact is that people cheat for many reasons and a lack of love may not be part of it. Again, check out Perel’s research on this topic. 
She does openly advocate for honest communication, full-disclosure, and full consent in relationships. However, this is the author who published a beginner’s guide to anal sex in Teen Vogue, an article that the magazine stood by after the backlash. It was the wrong place for that article period. There are lines you simply do not cross. This is what occurs when someone lacks a moral compass and skin in the game. I would never want my daughter to seek out Engle’s advice on anything, not only because of her I don’t give an F attitude but because there are serious gaps in what she thinks she knows. 
This is not some anti slut-shaming manifesto. Nor is it a handbook for sexually empowered women. Women deserve better than this.
BRB Rating: Skip It.
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This title is an irreverent look at sex and dating in the post-2016 world.  At times funny and ribald, occasionally a little over the top, this is a fun read for a wine and book club that's heavy on the wine and trash talk. I enjoyed it and will recommend to select readers.
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This book is what sex education in school should be: blunt and real with a dose of humor.

Mentioned on Episode 88 of the Book Cougars 
https://www.bookcougars.com/blog-1/episode88
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I don't think I was the target audience for this. Age-wise I am but it was full of things I already knew. Might be better for someone who has relationship or sexual issues.
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Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for the eARC I received of this book in exchange for a fair and honest review.

There are things I loved about this book. Like truly loved. I loved the way the author worked so hard to be intersectional and to educate readers outside of their own perspectives. I loved that she was sex positive from the jump and wants to encourage others to have sex the way they want to have sex without shame. Those are all huge strengths.

It was just the style that put me off a bit. I think maybe I am getting old because it was the swearing that actually put me off. Not that it existed: I love to curse! It was the frequency of the f bomb. It felt like Engle was a teenager trying out cussing and using it too much because it's still forbidden. It just made the whole thing feel like it was trying to hard. Like instead of actually being authentic and accessible, she was working really, really hard to prove that she was accessible. Hot tip: the cool aunt is cool because she doesn't have to try to be. It's effortless.
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This wasn't for me. For one, I didn't like the author's casual, jokey way of including the word "slut" on a weirdly frequent basis. It felt like when someone keeps calling you "girl" and they've just met you, it was too much and made me feel differently about the advice in the book. Some of which was good. I think if this is your style or you relate more to the author, you might like this more, but this just didn't work for me personally. Thank you Netgalley!
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I've read a few of these manuals ala memoir ala humorous essay collections lately and I am overall happy with this type of genre crossover. This one got a little tedious through the middle, but ultimately was an enjoyable read on some female issues we all need to learn to talk about.
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Superspeed readers like me can read 150 - 200+ pages, so yes, I have read the book … and many more today. LOL			
			
I received a temporary digital Advance Reader Copy of this book from #NetGalley, the publisher and the author in exchange for an honest review.  			
			
From the publisher, as I do not repeat the contents or story of books in reviews, I let them do it as they do it better than I do 😸.			

Come As You Are meets How to Date Men When You Hate Men in this sex handbook for the millennial feminist on how to own your body and sexuality and use that confidence to take charge of your life

Stop Apologizing for Your Sexuality and Take Charge of Your Life

If you've ever wished you had a big sister or older cousin who could show you all the ropes of womanhood, look no further: Gigi Engle has done it all and is here to tell you all about it in All the F*cking Mistakes, a practical handbook for all the slutty and wanna-be-slutty women out there. It is the ultimate sex-talk book, demystifying female sexuality without any of the awkwardness of "the talk." From learning how to take back your confidence in a world full of slut-shaming to discovering and owning your sexual empowerment through masturbation, to demanding the love you really deserve, this book is an ode to the women of the world who deserve to be empowered, sexually and otherwise, without guilt.

Offering bite-sized lessons that incorporate Gigi's own special brand of no-nonsense advice to provide clarity and guidance on all things slutty, sexually normative and non-normative, and everything that falls between the cracks of these brackets, this book is your how-to guide to living your sexy AF, fabulous life.

This was an interesting book to read - I will admit that it took me a while to "get" the cover image: very clever by the way!  I am 52 years old and my mother never gave me the talk which was a nightmare when you get your period at age 10 and think you are dying.  With no female relatives within 200 miles, there was no one I could ask about these things - what I did learn was that sex and sexuality was dirty and shameful and wrong 

HOWEVER, I take issue with the description of the book being for  " for all the slutty and wanna-be-slutty women"!  Being sexual and in charge of your love life does NOT make you a SLUT which is a 180* turn from the book statements that it is ANTI-slut-shaming. That's like selling "cholesterol-free kale", "peanut-free peanut butter cookies" or "vegan eggs". 

Nonetheless, it was an interesting read and it would be a great book to give your teenager with whom you are going to discuss the book afterwards...don't ignore the subject of sex as it will not go away.  (And better to learn from this book than their friends or the internet!)
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