Cover Image: Try Softer

Try Softer

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Member Reviews

What a practical and insightful book. I love the idea of being gentle with ourselves and others. It is a way to bring grace into daily life. I also love that this came from psychology, as a pastoral counseling student.

Thank you Net Galley for the opportunity to read this book in exchange for my opinion.

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Try Softer by Aundi Kolber is such an important books for Christians and everyone to read. The author is a psychologist and this comes out in her explanation of the theories behind her book. But put that aside, because the concepts of this book are so important. A softer approach with ourselves and others is so important, and research supports this. I think this is a very important read. I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher with no obligations. These opinions are entirely my own.

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This one has officially become my favorite book of the year so far!!

I have heard so much hype about this book, mostly from all of the podcasts I listened to towards the beginning of the year. I heard Aundi tell her story of family-based trauma she endured throughout her life and her heart behind writing this book, and I was sold instantly.

Aundi has created an entirely new genre of books, in my opinion. Our culture is obsessed with self-help books, and many would categorize this as such, but I think it is entirely something else: self-compassion. ‘Try Softer’ gives you the safe space to analyze any big-t or little-t trauma you may have experienced in your childhood and how that has impacted how you process emotions as an adult. Notice how I didn’t say “how that has impacted who you are”. Aundi makes it clear our trauma, no matter how big or small, does not impact who God says we are as His children. And I really needed to hear this message.

The second half of the book urges you to ‘try softer’ with yourself by validating your feelings and thought processes and finding ways to move forward in a slow but steady pace. This book has so much science behind the brain in it and I soaked it all up.

This is the book our society needs. We need less self-help and more set-compassion because we need to learn to love ourselves before we can help ourselves.

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It's a heartfelt therapy intensive wrapped in a beautiful cover. "Try Softer" is a book I'd recommend to absolutely anyone. Aundi equips readers with approachable, practical ways to address stress, fear, and anxiety, and how to move forward with life. Rooted in the gospel, saturated in science, and brimming with adaptable tools, "Try Softer" is a must for your bookshelf and for your overall health.

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Even after 6 years in therapy, I still learned new things from this book, and grew in appreciation for the things I have already learned and am trying softly to put into practice. I am so grateful for this book, and of course for Aundi’s presence in the world. I would absolutely recommend this to friends and family members who perhaps aren't as open to attending therapy, or perhaps are not in a place where they can afford it. My only critique would be that I wish the language and examples in some places wasn't so clearly geared toward women. I really believe that Christian men need the message of Try Softer as well, but they would have to be willing to read around some of the more feminine language and examples to receive it.

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I love the concept and the overall message of this book, but I felt the attempt to mesh pyschology, theology, and personal narrative was not always successful. It seems to be trying to be too many things at once, which makes the audience too narrow for my public library to purchase this title.

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In Try Softer, Aundi Kolber comes alongside her reader, like a kind and gentle friend, saying, "Hey, this white-knuckling through life thing that we've all been doing? It isn't working. I know, because I've been doing it, too." Then she proceeds to not only explain why it's not working - we're fighting against our physiology - but also how to recognize when we're white-knuckling without realizing it. Finally, she shows us a better way - a way to work with our minds, hearts, and bodies as they've been created, a way to move towards greater health and wholeness. And she does all of this while acknowledging that it's hard, non-linear, and (sometimes) painful work. This is an insightful, helpful, and above all hugely practical book. I'm so thankful for it and for Aundi.

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A just-right combination of story, science and application. If they'll do the work, readers can begin the healing process with this book. The exercises alone are worth the price of the book.

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“Dear reader, there are truly times when the best, healthiest, most productive thing we can do is not to try harder, but rather to try softer: to compassionately listen to our needs so we can move through pain—and ultimately life—with more gentleness and resilience.” – From “Try Softer” by Aundi Kolber

In “Try Softer”, Aundi Kolber challenges us to change the rhythms of our lives from hustle and rush to a gentler pace, one of mindfulness and compassion.

It is broken into two parts, the first is called “The Process of Becoming” in which Aundi breaks down how we form our relationships. She explains the brain science behind attachment theory and how our early relationships affect our ability to connect with God and with each other. She then goes on to explain how to self-monitor and discover when we are beyond our “window of tolerance” which she defines as “the space between hyper-and hypoarousal, what might be thought of as the “just right” amount of intensity…the range in which we can experience emotions, sensations, and experiences without feeling physiologically overwhelmed.” She describes practices on how to expand our window of tolerance and process past hurts. I particularly enjoyed her chapter on the importance of boundaries.

“…an important truth about boundaries: If we don’t feel safe, we will struggle to set good limits.” – From Try Softer by Aundi Kolber

In part 2 “Practices to Try Softer”, Aundi gives practical, easy to follow, exercises to put the theory in action. She tackles our attention, our bodies, our emotions and our internal critic. She close the book with building resilience. Her instructions are easy to follow and these practices have a huge impact when done regularly!

“Research shows that taking longer to exhale than to inhale signals to our nervous systems that we are safe, stimulating the vagus nerve.” – From Try Softer by Aundi Kolber

In every element of the book, Aundi has included biblical wisdom and truth and the practices are rooted in Christianity. If you are looking for a book to guide you on deepening your relationship with God and developing a gentler rhythm, this is for you! I thoroughly enjoyed it, it’s a five out of five on the enJOYment scale and highly recommended!

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