I’m usually not a huge reader of the self-improvement genre, but the offer of an ARC for this book hit right at the moment when the stay-at-home orders started to pour in, and things felt very disconnected. Much like Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up told us things we already knew (if you don’t need it, want it, or use it, get rid of it) in a friendly, more nuanced way, Rachel Wilkerson Miller captures what you have heard about what it means to be a friend and repackages it in a conversational, modern tone familiar to the new adult/millenial population. The first half of the book focuses on taking care of yourself, or as Miller puts it, showing up for yourself. The second half expands on those ideas to take care of your relationships and the people you care about. My big takeaways? Really listen, set and respect boundaries, and allow things to change, including yourself and other people. But Miller has phrased in a much more eloquent manner, while making the book feel like a conversation with a good friend.


I received a copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley for an honest review.

This book hits a lot of things that are at the core of healthy relationships. It spends the first portion delving into what your own needs/boundaries/likes/dislikes are, and the next portion getting into the dynamics of friendship. I thought it had a number of good suggestions, although the tone was a bit more casual than I was expecting, and there was quite a bit of language, which will be a turn-off for some readers (me included).

Not all parts of the book will be relatable for everyone, but every reader will probably find some points that resonate. I thought one of the most practical sections was on what to say and what not to say when a friend is going through a rough time or a big life change. It also makes good use of other source material, such as when it explains "ring theory," the idea that if you're not the central character in a trauma, then yes, you can still complain about how it makes you feel, but only to people less affected by said event. Or the shift vs. support responses. For instance, when a friend says they're exhausted, you could <b>shift</b> the conversation by saying, "Oh, I haven't been sleeping well either," or you can <b>support</b> by asking something like, "Why do you think that is?" The encouragement is to notice things. Notice yourself, notice your friend, and notice what subtle effect your words and actions are having within a situation. It's a point well made.

It also hit on some other behaviors that often feel natural but that actually need to be toned down, such as a barrage of fact-finding questions when you're at a loss for what else to say or do during a rough time, or the temptation to gloss over something when you are, in fact, rather insulted or hurt and need to say something.

The Art of Showing Up is a great guide full of practical and helpful ideas. The book is divided into two sections; one about showing up for yourself, and the other about showing up for others. The book offers great ideas and tips to living a full life by showing up as your best self.

This is an excellent book for young adults. I am going to have my son read it when he reaches his teen years. But it is also a great book for people of all ages. The book is divided into two sections. The first section is about showing up for yourself (an often neglected line of thought). The second is about showing up for other people (an increasingly neglected line of thought).

The author’s approach is simple and straight-forward, yet illuminating. I’ve covered much of the material in the book with clients and I appreciate the author’s simple, scaffolded approach. Four stars.

Pretty good self-help. My favorite parts were at the very beginning (workshopping a personal values statement) and the end (how to break up a friendship). Good nuggets here.