I fell in love with this book. It had me hooked and I read it over three or four evenings. I laughed out loud and silently cried.

The author certainly knows how to write a good book that can take you on a journey where you feel like you are the main character and the story is about you! This journey that you go on takes you all through her childhood in the 1970s, teenage years and into adulthood in Northern Ireland during the troubles.

Mary is a child living in a big catholic farming family with a strict mum she dreams of leaving the only community that she knows , the story is written chronologically and we follow her on her way through adulthood, becoming a wife and mother. We explore all the different relationships along the way and how Mary changes along the way and how they affect her and how she changes.

I enjoyed this a lot more than I thought I would, it was written exceptionally well as the reader follows the life of Mary Rattigan, a young Irish girl, desperate for love after years of cruelty from her mother.

When Tish Delaney introduces us to Mary, she is only 16 years old. I am delighted that it was written in chronicle order, as it allowed me to get to know Mary on a deeper level, which would have been lost had this written another way. From a young age, she experiences so much, that my actual heart broke for her. (No pun intended!)

A story of love, loss, grief, pain, and suffering, but with comical moments throughout that made me smile. A huge emotional rollercoaster of a story. The language used had me reading this in an Irish accent. I am looking forward to hearing more from this author! A highly recommended read!

Before My Actual Heart Breaks by Tish Delaney is a gorgeous, intimate and painful story of a young Northern Irish woman whose difficult and brutal childhood casts a long shadow over her future. Mary Rattigan lives with her parents and siblings in a farmhouse in a small town. Her mother, Sadie, is a cruel and brutal woman who both emotionally and physically abuses her children, causing them to flee home as soon as they can. Mary is the youngest and bears the brunt of the violence and turmoil and she dreams of a better life, hoping to leave home and to move abroad, far, far away from her cruel mother.

Set in the late 1970s and onwards, Mary is brought up in a strict Catholic household against the backdrop of the Troubles. She yearns to leave and dreams of having wings to fly away from the violence which surrounds her. But things don’t go according to plan, and she finds herself married off to a man she barely knows. John Johns lives in the farm next door with his mother in a house with neither running water nor electricity and Mary’s sadness and desperation at finding herself in such a situation is palpable. She falls into a well of self-pity, clipping the wings she has dreamt of and tethering herself to an insular and lonely life.

What follows is an examination of the life of a woman whose reticence to open herself up to love causes her burrow further into isolation. We meet her as a vibrant and and curious sixteen year old whose future lies ahead of her to a woman in middle age who is looking back at what she could have had. In the background the Troubles rumble on with fear, violence and unrest permeating every action, I was born in the early 80s so my childhood and teen years were filled with news reports of bombings both here and in Northern Ireland but being brought up in North East England meant that there was a definite distance to what was happening. This book more than brought it vividly to life with stories of the deaths of local young men and bombings encroaching closer and closer to the farm where Mary lives. It feels absolutely terrifying and Delaney builds a realistic depiction of life in Northern Ireland; road blocks, speed bumps to deter car bombs, the fear of being the mother of a son and constant unease.

This is as much a social history as it is a character study of one exceptional woman. Aside from the Troubles, there is also an examination of the church and the influence of religion and of the importance of behaving properly and not bringing shame on your family. I found this fascinating, and although it is set relatively recently there were moments where I thought it was set decades earlier. It is an immersive read, and the world building of 1980s Northern Ireland felt so authentic to me that I felt like I was there. The use of language and of humour – it is very funny at time with quick wit and dry wry humour – had me falling head first into the world that Delaney has created.

Mary is so beautifully written, there is real tenderness and compassion for her and even though at times I found her frustrating, I never stopped feeling a lot of love for her. It is, at times, a harrowing read but I finished it feeling curiously uplifted. It is one of my books of the year as I just adored it. I adored the language, the people, the things that were both said and unsaid and the story of one remarkable one woman who bore her way into my heart. This is an exquisite and beautiful book and comes highly recommended from me.

I loved this story. It had me hooked and I read it over two evenings. I laughed out loud and silently cried..

Trish Delaney took me on a journey where I felt Mary was a friend. The journey through her childhood in the 1970s, teenage years and into adulthood in Northern Ireland during the troubles.

We meet Mary as a child living in a big catholic farming family with a strict mother. Dreaming of leaving the farming community behind we follow Mary as she becomes a wife and mother. Exploring all the different relationships along the way., how they come to be and how they change with time, as Mary herself changes.

Thank you to NetGalley and Random House UK for the eARC of this book.

Set in Northern Island from the early 70s, Mary Rattigan tells her life story from childhood with an incredibly abusive (physically and verbally) mother, a wimpy father all in the shadow of the Catholic Church and the violence of the troubles. I found it an emotional read and also frustrating. The barriers that Mary puts between herself and the people who love her stunts her life in so many ways. But there’s joy and smiles along with the trauma and I found it an intense and enjoyable read.

Wow ….this book is amazing. I thought my own heart would break many times, as I followed Mary Rattigans story. A young girl growing up through the troubles in 70’s Northern Ireland, this is a heartbreaking tale. Living in a strict catholic household Mary dreams of better days ahead, but finding herself pregnant after a one night stand her dreams are over.. Reality kicks in pretty quickly as Mary is married to the first man who offers, her neighbour John Johns. What follows is the story of their life together. This is a beautiful story with lovely descriptive passages throughout, and a warm set of characters that make you feel like you’re there with them. I absolutely loved this book and I gave it 5 ⭐️. I look forward to the next book written by this author. Many thanks to #NetGalley for an ARC of this fabulous book .
#Beforemyactualheartbreaks #TishDelaney #

During her childhood and early teens Mary Rattigan longed to escape her life in rural Northern Ireland, but as a pregnant 16 year old she is married off to the neighbouring farmer John Johns and any dreams of leaving are gone. Set against the backdrop of the troubles we follow Mary from childhood to middle age and her relationships with her family, friend Lizzie, husband John and their children.

I absolutely loved this book - the time period it was set in, the relationships between the characters and the voice of Mary. I raced through it and rooted for Mary all the way! The female characters were done so well - monster Mammy, dotey Bridie, funny and fierce Lizzie. Some very important themes in the book and some really heartbreaking stuff, but also lots of humour. Can't wait to see what Tish Delaney does next! Very highly recommended!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC of this book.

A cradle to grave story set amongst the northern Irish troubles, times fraught with poverty and sadness and very little hope for Mary Rattigan, as we follow her ever shrinking world in the border town of Carcloon, in 1970s rural life.

Ostensibly an individual (love) story with the intricate details of the troubles making up the fabric of Mary’s life. It is laden with duty and the role of a good catholic woman. Mary is married young with no choice in the matter and by 25 is raising multiple children on farmland next door to own her childhood home, one that holds very few happy memories.

However, Delaney goes further in her motif of Mary as a symbol. As a woman who is tethered to place by moral virtue and martial duty. Nationalism runs deep in Northern Ireland and Mary’s family is no exception. There is an ever present us and them narrative instilled by Mary’s abusive mother, that she carries into her own adult and mothering too.

we move between Mary’s childhood and her present mothering of her own children, Delaney attempting to show us that those scars of the past are hard to heal, as is the desire to estrange from an abuser.

Sexual freedom and desire run throughout the novel, with Mary grappling with her catholic guilt and innate desires, there are multiple occasions of assault and abuse that are not named to the reader as such. It is understandable that Mary herself is unable to recognise the harm but tonally felt off, slightly gratuitous.

Perhaps misrepresented in its byline of ‘an unforgettable love story’ as Mary lacks autonomy or freedom in the start and throughout most of her marriage, subjected to emotional abuse she cannot recognise given the way she was raised. I saw little romance in her story, I sobbed for her, wanted her to get away, find freedom and get to know herself. I recoiled at her ‘husband’ ( if a non consensual martial partner can be called that) on nearly every page. Although by the end we are supposed to root for them both, I could not help but think, what more Mary could have been if it wasn’t for him.

I started this book with high hopes but sadly struggled to finish it, which is a shame really. I do want to add a positive that I liked the premise of the book.

Bought up in rural Northern Ireland in the 70's by a mother more likely to show her the rosary beads than compassion and a father who knew better than to speak his mind, young Mary 16 and pregnant didn't get a lot of choice in what happened to her and any dreams she had of escaping her rural existance soon faded as she found herself married off to a local farmer John Johns with haste.

I wanted to like this novel and it started out well, the scene setting of rural life against a backdrop of the troubles was well done but as the months turned into years and Mary lost her way getting caught up in self pity I found my attention wavering and sadly it never really recovered.

A great book with the underlying history of the troubles in Ireland; some of which I knew and a lot of which I didn't. A wonderful story of life in a Catholic family and the decisions that sometimes got made. It was a heartwarming ending. Lovely piece of work.

A book of two halves for me. I enjoyed the first part of the tale - the teen pregnancy, her shock at how her family treated her, her unexpected love for her child and the farming life. Although I grew up in England I have memories of the bombings and it was interesting to read the list of atrocities. It seems incredible that we were so accepting of yet another bomb, and lived with it so as a teenager I would go into London with my poor mother waiting at home hoping I was OK.

On the other hand I found Mary's later life deeply frustrating. Surely she could see some positives in her situation - she so deeply loved her children it must have taken a great deal of effort to hold a grudge that long. I did not really understand why she was so unable to visit her husband when he needed her. So for the second half of the book I wanted Mary to buck up and stop wallowing. At the final resolution I was not sure that she deserved it as she had been so wet beforehand!

Unfortunately I just could not get into this book. It may be one for other readers, but I was unable to finish it.

An absolutely stunning debut, A beautiful book that will stay with me forever. I loved the characterisation and storyline. Very personal and intimate. One that I have since bought in hardback because I loved it so much! Very touching.

Absolutely fantastic read. I have loved this and been completely unable and unwilling to put this one down.
This is a great read which I will be highly recommending.

It has struck me in recent years that, despite growing up in the 80's and 90's near London with bomb threats being not uncommon on our trips into the city, I am fairly ignorant about the Troubles in Ireland. It was watching Derry Girls that really hammered that home - seeing the nostalgia of my very similar younger years and the pant-pissingly funny comedy of the characters sharply juxtaposed with the presence of armed soldiers and road blocks. And so I've started to seek out books set during the Troubles.

That was what first drew me to this book. That, and the fact that this sounded like the story of a woman entering her mid-life and realising that life had not gone as she'd hoped it would when she was a teenager. I'm pulled to that sort of story too.

But this book isn't just about the Troubles. And it isn't just about reflecting on your life as you start a new chapter. The layers to this book are rich. We meet Mary as a teenager, with a cold and abusive home life thanks to a mother whose only real concern is to be seen as the most pious of them all. Navigating segregation and military occupation for the chance to snog her boyfriend at the bus stop, Mary dreams of flying away. But when she finds herself pregnant and unmarried, Mary's dreams come crashing down with a bump. Forced by her mother, the judgement of society and the crushing religious control of the time, she finds herself on a very different path. Over the next twenty five years, Mary settles with her lot, but has she missed the chance to live the life she really wants?

This book touched me deeply. I hardly ever cry at books, yet I can't count the number of times this one moved me to tears. Maybe I relate to Mary on a very raw level, or maybe I just deeply felt for the loss of her dreams, of the girl she was, and how different things could have been even in the life she found herself living. I really felt that sense of the passage of time and how it can't be snatched back, and it was like an ache. This book really delves in to the damage that can be caused when someone is made to feel small, how they can be caged in by their lack of self worth and put up walls to protect themselves from the possibility of rejection. How the negativity inside our heads can blinker us to the opportunities that lie right at our feet.

I loved Mary - although at times it was easy to want to shake her out of her self pity, I could also see that she was broken and unable to build herself back up. In fact, most of the women in this book were fabulously written, even Mary's monster of a mother. The sense of place in this book is incredibly strong too, I really felt as if I was sitting with the family in their little kitchen. But really, it was that Delaney was able to get to those core human emotions - even for the stoic, silent characters of John and Mary's father - that really did it for me.

This book truly is heart breaking, but in the most beautiful way.

This story wrapped itself around my heart and is yet to leave it. I loved it. It's funny at times but also very moving and incredibly interesting when it portrays what life was like during the Troubles. he writing is so vividly immersive, I really felt transported there every time I opened the book. A powerfully heartbreaking read that will definitely stay with me.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC.

Delaney writes such beautiful, lyrical prose, I was completely taken away into this story. She explores the strictures that were (and perhaps still are) placed on Irish girls, but also the mental limits we place on ourselves that prevent us from living our best lives. It might be the most heartbreaking love story I've ever read. Delaney is definitely one to watch.

This was a tough read, heavy in theme but also it felt sometimes like it was difficult to get through the pages. I did enjoy parts of the book but it felt that sometimes the writing was difficult to persevere with. I will probably re-read this in the future and perhaps I might like it more the second time around.

Heavy read, but worth it.

You definitely have to be in a certain mood to get through the book. It was really well written, but it was also not an easy read.

Set against the backdrop of NI in the 1970s, I would summarise this as a coming of age story that continues for most of her life. A young women TBH is treated horribly by everyone, but is probably a common story for the time in which it is set. She then starts a new life in a marriage she didn't particularly chose, however she does find some sanctuary.

Definitely one I would recommend.

Thanks to Net Galley for a free ARC in exchange for an honest review.