Named a Best Jewish Young Adult Book of 2020 by me at Tablet Magazine (and also by me as a member of the Sydney Taylor Committee) :)

Dancing at the Pity Party by Tyler Feder is a memoir told in graphic novel form that made me want to hug its author. (Hey, I wonder if we’ll ever get to hug people who don’t live with us ever again?) Not just because she lost her mom to cancer far too young, but because she’s so freaking funny and talented. Dancing at the Pity Party is a love letter to Feder’s clearly awesome mother and a helpful guide to Jewish mourning practices. It will be a comfort to any kid who’s grieving, but especially to anyone who’s lost a parent. I’ll give it to grown-ups, too. Judaism is clearly a source of solace for Feder, which is especially nice to read about because Jewish kidlit all too often focuses on Judaism solely as a locus of discrimination. I adore Feder’s illustrations, especially the teeny little listicle-y ones that remind me of Lynda Barry’s work.

This review won't have any spoilers since the summary of the plot is outlined clearly in the description: it is a book about a daughter dealing with the grief of her mother's death from cancer at an early age. Yet this book is so much more. This book is important, and there is comfort in the telling of this story. For anyone who has found herself/himself in this situation, this novel is permission to handle it in whichever healthy way is needed. The family's journey through grief shows readers that there isn't a wrong way to grieve. For those readers who have experienced a loved one's loss from disease or illness, this book is like looking in a (not so) funhouse mirror, where the reflections of your life are distorted, dim or exaggerated due to loss, both of the loved one and the time you didn't have with them. The ups and downs of handling grief can bring about its own awkwardness and social stigma, and this topic often goes untended. Feder handles this gently, too, with suggestions for handling those well-meaning platitudes. For anyone who has had cancer, you'll appreciate that the side effects, treatments, and routines are not sugarcoated. The graphic element, however, lends a description that makes it easier for others to understand, such as the sharp pain of neuropathy and the changes in appearance and energy that chemo and steroids bring about. The panels become sustenance that words alone would not provide. In the end, Dancing at the Pity Party is part self-care, part group therapy, and all tribute to a cherished mom who will never be forgotten.