Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with a free e-arc.

While reading this novel I was diligently taking notes on my phone for the purposes of drafting this review; sadly, none of these notes reflect much praise or enjoyment on my part concerning this novel.

First off, I need to mention that I did not realise that the author, Eddy Boudel Tan, took heavy inspiration from the widely publicised tragedy of 2015, when the co-pilot of Germanwings flight 9525 intentionally crashed the plane in the French alps, killing hundreds of people, for reasons that will never be known to us.

A very sensitive, emotional, dramatic topic like this, even if only referenced to as ‘inspiration’, needs very careful and tactful handling, in my opinion. This is why I strongly disagree with the entire concept of this novel, which Boudel Tan has turned into, well, let’s call it a love story.

The thing is, I felt this book was lacking seriousness exactly where and when it mattered most. We encounter the protagonist, Coen, who learns his airline pilot fiancé Elias, who he was supposed to meet and marry in a matter of days on a dreamy Mexican island, crashed his plane. The media covering the tragedy instantly speculates whether Elias caused the accident on purpose, due to some audio recordings found on the Blackbox. What follows is … just weird.

Coen is a very irrational characters; his entire reaction to his fiancé’s unexpected death is cold, unfeeling, plainly unbelievable. I also could not understand how there were no authorities involved, at no point in this entire novel. It seems unlikely in any case that no-one would inform Coen of this tragedy (he only learns about the crash and its consequences through the news) and also that no investigators would search out Coen for information on Elias, etc.

In flashbacks, the love story of Coen and Elias is recounted, while in the ‘now’ Coen plans a ‘celebration of Elias’ life’ to take place on the island instead of the wedding. While the latter might just be granted to Coen, however strange it seems (even to the other characters in the book), let’s talk about the love story, which ... Is it really a love story? Not only were both characters supremely unlikable separately, they furthermore had no chemistry in union. At times I was actually wondering if this novel was culminating in the reveal of an abusive relationship, because that is how the story read. While this was, to my surprise, not the case, I honestly would not describe the relationship as healthy, happy and steady, although I felt that this was meant to be portrayed.

Coen, in dealing with the loss, ventures on several random quests that did not overly interest me, of course also in an attempt to figure out whether Elias intentionally crashed the plane, thus killing himself, his crew and passengers. (I was so disengaged from the story, plot and characters by the end of the book that now, weeks after reading, I don’t even remember whether Elias was guilty or not, oops.)

I have lots of points I disliked that I could build up on, but since I don’t have anything ‘nice’ to say, that does not feel right. I’m sure there are people out there who might find pleasure in this novel, but it certainly wasn’t me.

Elias and Coen are a gay male couple that had been together and they seemed happy for many years. They were both very excited to celebrate their destination wedding day in Mexico with family and friends. Their happiness was shattered when a tragic accident stopped the wedding.
As Coen tries to understand what happened and to handle his grief his close friends are there to support him. His family, not so much.
This is a love story that also proves that we can never really know another person completely. Sometimes secrets are just too devastating to discuss and to face.
This is a sad story but at the same time it is about life and carrying on in the face of tragedy and grief.

This story ended up being so much more than I expected. It is not meant to be your Happily Ever After romance story. While it is a work of fiction, the thoughts the author brings us are thoughts many of us might think after a tragedy such as this. What were the people on board thinking? What were the pilots thinking? Could it have been prevented? Was it on purpose? If so, what brought them to that point in their lives. Coen and Elias seem to be happy on the surface, even to Coen. But when he looks back through flashbacks in the story, he begins to sense that not all was as it was. Thus begins Coen's journey to find out the why of the accident if he can and to also find Elias' roots. Coen has a personal journey to go on as well with his own mental health and his connections to his family. Is it a depressing story? To some extent yes, but there is beauty in the sad and there is faith and fate and so much more.

This was a great read that will definitely leave you with a lot of feels. I was shocked by some of it and felt sadness for the characters at others. It is hard to believe that this is a debut with the skill the author has in writing a captivating story.

Thank you to Netgalley and Dundurn Press for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

"When the airplane piloted by Elias Santos crashes one week before their wedding day, Coen Caraway loses the man he loves and the illusion of happiness he has worked so hard to create. The only thing Elias leaves behind is a recording of his final words, and even Coen is baffled by the cryptic message"

After reading this synopsis I was excited. A tragically lost love? Count me in! While I did find elements of this, vague stories of Coen and Elias' past, an abandoned greenhouse, I overall was not invested in the people that made up the pair.

This book has time jumps in every chapter, which did not bother me at all because they were clearly labeled. Unfortunately, I felt the beginning of the book did not give us enough of a background on either Coen or Elias to really create a connection or sympathy with either one. Instead of being transported throughout time and being right there with Coen, I felt I didn't care about him since I hardly knew anything about him. This could have been solved with either staying in the past or the present for a longer chunk in the beginning of the book so we really got some background, instead of flipping back and forth from the present to the past and only giving us snippets of the characters.

I understand that a majority of this vague beginning was to create more suspense and drama around 60% of the book, but if you don't have me in the first 40% of the book, then why should I continue to wait and read, and see if something happens in the rest of the book? Although, I did, because I'm writing a review.

I did like the underlying theme of Mayan culture and I thought that brought an interesting je ne sais quoi to the book, but it could have been more present. I feel like more Mayan culture could have been used on the journey of Coen's healing. I also liked the urban legend of the yellow house and the green house, and while that was vaguely tied in, I found that story to be more interesting than the story that was actually taking place. I also like the idea of Gabriel, the wise counselling bartender, but I thought it was cliché and disappointing that he then became a romantic plot.

To me, this book was more about the grief process of a man with depressive tendencies and his coming to terms with it, starting the healing process and learning that people are around him who care. I just wish I was one of those people. While I didn't hate Coen, I just felt neutral on him. I just don't think I was given enough of a foothold to begin with to feel that heartache for Coen in the second half of the book.

I was excited to read a tragic LGBTQ+ representing book, but unfortunately, this one just didn't leave me with the heartbreak and teary eyes that other reviews have felt.

Thanks to NetGalley and DunDurn Press for the free e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

After Elias by Eddy Boudel Tan tells the story of Coen, well, before, during and after his relationship with Elias. Elias is a co-pilot who may or may not have intentionally crashed a plane just days before his wedding to Coen, with no survivors of the crash. As the book goes on, we learn more about Coen and Elias's relationship, as well as how Coen's life was before he met Elias.

Firstly, trigger warnings in this book for sexual assault, depression, loss of a loved one, and self-harm.

This book is very heavy, but I quite liked it. It was a good take on nonlinear storytelling and kept me interested in knowing more about Coen and Elias, as well as if Elias intentionally crashed the plane. As the book goes, it deals more with Coen's backstory, his issues with his family and events in his past that have led to his worsening mental health.

I see some other reviews talking about Coen being unlikeable or hard to relate to. I don't agree. I found Coen's grief process understandable, and while relating to a character is not a necessity for me to enjoy a book, I could see his reasoning for what he did throughout the book.

One of the themes of this book, to me, is that you never really know someone, even if they're someone you're engaged to or best friends with. And that really hit home for me.

After Elias by Eddy Boudel Tan is a heartbreaking novel about a man named Coen whose fiancé dies mere days before their wedding. The fiancé Elias, is a co-pilot who dies in a plane crash that also kills over 300 other people. The story is told in alternating chapters. The present moving forward after the crash and the past moving backwards as Coen examines his 8 year relationship with Elias and grapples with the fact that there was a lot he didn't know about Elias.

As you might expect, Coen is dealing with severe depression and that doesn't always make for a reliable narrator. I had very mixed feelings about this book. I liked the realistic portrayal of depression, his relationships with his friends, and the alternating timelines. Additionally, I felt the writing was beautiful without being overly flowery. Here's an example: "All they can do is try to make sense of what is in front of them. To be human is to be limited- to be hopelessly, desperately small." However, there were a few inconsistencies within the story that didn't make sense logistically and which felt placed there to artificially create an emotional moment. I gave the book 3.5 stars.

Trigger warnings for sexual assault, self-harm, attempted suicide, and death of a loved one.

This book will be published on October 6, 2020. Thanks to Netgalley for providing me with a free copy in exchange for my honest opinion.

I was really looking forward to reading After Elias, especially after reading the foreword. My expectations for this novel grew even higher after learning what inspired Eddy Boudel Tan to write this story. However, the outcome couldn’t meet my expectations.
Looking back, it’s difficult to say what those expectations were in detail. I was probably hoping for lots of heartbreak, drama, and devastating scenes. I didn’t get any of those which felt a little odd but everyone greaves and copes differently and that’s OK because there is no right or wrong way.
I also struggled to connect with Coen, the main character.

In the beginning, the story was very much about the plane crash, Elias’s possible involvement, and Coen coping. But then there was a subtle switch somewhere and the story turned. Now, the story was mainly about Coen’s current and past mental health issues. The plane crash, Elias, and everything else faded into the background. Mental health issues are important and I appreciate authors using their books for raising awareness to it but it simply felt not right here. The plane crash, its consequences, coping with death, all that were already major topics for this book. Adding mental health on top was too much. I really wanted to know more about the crash and especially about Elias.

Elias is a mystery to me—still, even after finishing the book. I have so many questions: about him as a person, about his past, his struggles, and his decisions. We learn a few things about him in the past chapters, but the information we got is not sufficient in my opinion. It was too vague. Every past chapter about Elias left me with even more questions that are never answered.
I got the feeling that Coen himself was left with one too many unanswered questions about Elias. Their relationship was definitely odd.

Another thing I struggled with was Tan’s writing. The story which alternated between past and present was written from Coen’s POV. However, a few sections from the past chapters were told from different characters but through Coen’s POV. It does not only sound confusing, it was confusing.
Overall the whole story felt like one big description to me. It was more of a retelling about events that happened long ago. Every action and feeling was told but not experienced. In the end, it turns out it was just like that: a retelling.

As fascinating and intriguing the topic of After Elias sounded, the story was not what I was hoping for. This novel was not the book for me.

I want to first thank NetGallery and Eddy Boudel Tan for allowing me to read this book!

Right from the beginning, I was hooked! We meet Coen who is in Mexico at one of the most beautiful hotels ever waiting for his fiance, Elias to join him after one last flight. Coen is shocked to find out that his soon to be husband is being accused of flying a commercial airliner carrying over 300 people into the Arctic Ocean. Friends and family beg Coen to come home so he can have support during this difficult time, but Coen insists everyone fly out as planned for the wedding turned into a memorial for Elias. While Coen is waiting for his guests he does his best to plan the perfect memorial to celebrate the man he loves. When Coen hears from the media Elias' last mysterious words he begins to think back on their relationship, and starts to wonder if he truly knew the man he loved.

I absolutely loved this story. It was emotional to watch Coen grieve and try to piece together the mystery of Elias' life. I really liked that this story had a lot of flashbacks, and loved how they painted a better picture of Elias and Coen. This was a quick read. I was able to read this in 2 days. I didn't want to put it down! I would give this book 4 1/2 stars.

Thank you again for sharing this book with me!

Over the 3 days that I read this book, it was pretty much all I could think about. This was so fascinating to me as a character study of Coen, and seeing how a person tries to cope with grief after such a traumatic experience happens. As the story unfolded and we learnt more about both Coen and Elias, I kept getting pulled further and further in. Tan’s writing style is great, and the way that he describes the setting truly makes you feel like you are at the resort in Mexico with Coen. This was a tough read, dealing with mental health and grief in a way that felt so honest, and featured some shocking moments that I truly did not expect. My favourite part of this book, however, was the ending. After feeling everything that Coen went through, the ending felt truly cathartic, and it was perfect.

Warning : this book will generate ugly snot cry. Have tissues waiting nearby when you are reading this. Its a tender heartbreaking story which may have you question how much you really know about the person you love.
I don't want to get into to many details of the book, just know that the characters are flawless and the book will generate so many emotions

Thank you so much to #netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read an arc of this book.

This needs to be on your TBR list!

* Disclaimer: I received a copy of this novel from the publisher in exchange for an honest review. *

After Elias is a flowing and beautiful narrative that captures the whirlwind of emotions that encompass the processing of grief. Coen's character is an enigma that slowly comes clear, his journey being one that is simply heartbreaking. Both Coen and Elias are complex characters with distinct flaws, making them very believable and their actions often relatable.

The book is written in such a way that the narration both reveals and obscures, pulling the reader through the plot as if they are at once an insider and an outsider to the occurrences. This is a unique approach, but so incredibly effective. The feelings of confusion, heartache, fear, anger, and so many more are encapsulated through these types of movements, both pulling the reader in and pushing them away. It's quite masterful and difficult to define. The result is a grand description of the process of healing and working through a very confusing and complex life event.

I felt many emotions throughout my read and it is hard to walk away from the story without some lingering effects. There are moments that caused me pause and reflection of pieces of my own life in the way the best of books do. The writing was highly impressive, especially for a debut novel. Eddy Boudel Tan has an undeniable talent and his upcoming works will be ones to watch.

This novel was simply not for me. I appreciated the writing, the concept of the story, the atmosphere, and geographic descriptions. But I had a lot of difficulty with the fact that, Coen, the main character was cured of his depression by meeting and falling in love with Elias. It's a trope that does not sit well with me. I also had trouble caring for him, as quite early own Coen appears to be quite insufferable. Even if tragedy hits, I had a hard time rooting for him whilst he was being so self-centered and unaware of the pain of other victims.

Going into this novel, I didn't really know what to expect. I knew it would be sad, and thoughtful, but I wasn't ready for it to tear me to shreds. The way the stages of grief were portrayed and made to be so devastatingly touching, shook me to my core. Every emotion our main character Coen felt resonated with me as a reader, even though I didn't experience his tragedy. It was an emotional rollercoaster, and I beg that anyone who sees this, to pick up this book. From the moment you start reading, to last thank you in the acknowledgments, "After Elias" is a harrowing story about the immobilizing stages of grief, and rekindling your happiness.

This book was a delight! I wasn't expecting to fall in love with it as much as I did because usually, I'm not the biggest fan of literary fiction but this broke my heart. A touching story about loss, dealing with grief and also touches deeply on mental health and the importance of relationship and communication. I loved how this story unfolded and how we only ever knew Elias through the eyes of Coen adding to the mystery. The ending was not what I expected but I loved it. There is so much heart in this book and I definitely recommend it!

The plane that Elias is flying crashes one week before Coen is supposed to marry him in Mexico. Coen doesn't know what to do, but he wants to stay on the Mexican island where he was supposed to have his wedding instead of going home. Slowly, Coen starts piecing everything together as secrets about Elias' life come to light. Did he really know who Elias truly was?

Wow! What a ride! The author wrote this book in alternating chapters between the past and the present. I was really interested to find out what had gone on in the past and what Coen was learning about Elias in the present. I felt like we really got to know both characters fairly well in such a short amount of time, so much that I honestly didn't even notice this book was under 300 pages.

I ended up reading this book in a day, because I couldn't put it down. I definitely recommend this one if you're looking for a fast-paced read, or if you're looking for an emotional ride that covers death, love, family, and friends. I also can't believe this is a debut novel! I will definitely be watching out for the next book this author comes out with because I really enjoyed this one!

“You look so happy. I want to believe it. I really do. But I know how good you are at pretending.”

A plane crashes into the ocean, and Coen Carraway loses the man he loves. He and Elias are due to get married just one week later on a paradisal Mexican island. Among rumours and suggestions in the news that the crash could have had a sinister cause, Coen decides to go ahead with the celebration planned for their wedding day, turning it into a celebration of Elias's life.

Friends and family of Coen share many of the same doubts and discomfort that the reader does, making much of this book an uncomfortable read. It is an ugly and honest exploration of grief and denial, and the author does an excellent job of creating doubts in the reader's mind.

I spent a lot of the first half of the book being made to feel uncomfortable by Coen, and also by Elias via flashbacks. I found that I could put little trust in either of them.

These doubts caused me to debate leaving a more critical review, however when part 2 is reached – over halfway through the book – there is a sudden dark turn, one which makes a lot of these doubts that have been cast suddenly make sense.

The second half of the story in particular is beautifully written – once the reader understands the perspective of the characters more, everything feels more fleshed out. Supporting characters, in particular Vivi, Decker, and Clark, coax the story along with conflict and resolve, and play a big part in making the story so relatable – several times they are there to show the reader that other people are questioning Coen's actions and motives.

For a debut novel in particular, this book is very impressive. I look forward to reading Eddy Boudel Tan's next work, due for release next year.

Content warnings for the book: a rape scene, self-harm, discussions of suicide.


(An ARC was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Thoughts are my own.)

Coen is staying at a lovely hotel and planning for a wedding when he hears the news that his partner's plane has crashed. In fact, Coen's partner - Elias - was the co-pilot. In a whirl of emotion and fear, Coen insists on family and friends coming down to the resort so they can turn what would have been their wedding into a celebration of life for Elias.

Through a mixture of the past and the present, Eddy Boudel Tan weaves a remarkable story. It's not often that I am completely surprised by a story but this one caught me off guard. I will endeavor to keep spoilers from my review while still being clear about what makes it such a great book.

As the news of the crash begins to filter onto the news Coen learns that Elias' last words were, "Pronto Dios." It translates loosely as "soon God" and sparks questions and controversy around the crash and Elias' involvement in it. And thus begins Coen's search for the truth. How well do we really know the people in our lives? What do we need to know about them? Can we trust our instincts about the people that we love?

"Do not be fooled by happiness. It can wilt and die, especially when kept in a house of glass." - Maria

The characters in this book are marvelous. Each one of them is significant and authentic, each of them contributing in some way to revealing little pieces of Elias' and Coen's lives. Decker and Vivi, Coen's best friends are exactly the kinds of people that we should all want as best friends. Family has been a challenge for Elias and there are some significant and harsh reasons for that. Trust that the author reveals all that you need to know at the exact moment you need to read it. It's quite a tale... and there are moments of joy and moments of pain woven together almost seamlessly.

From the very first moments of this novel, it's clear that there's something very important being revealed on the pages. This is not your average story; it will touch hearts and make people think. The events that happen in the past have a ripple-like effect on the future and things seem to come full circle for Coen by the end of the book. He begins on a journey to discover more about his partner's life and along the way comes to terms with the things that have happened to him.

If you enjoy engaging, unique fiction then you should definitely add this one to your to-read pile. It is beautiful, haunting and I feel certain it is a book that I will reread in the future.

"After Elias" caught my attention since the idea of the story is based on the horrific plane crash of the Germanwings few years back in the Alps. So the book imagines how the fiancé of Elias (one of the pilots) deals with the shocking news that the plane crashed in the Pacific Ocean and shortly after there are rumors that Elias did it on purpose! They were going to get married in Mexico and his fiancé Corn is already there and doesn't wanna cancel the ceremony and instead use it to celebrate Elias life. His close friends and family can't understand and want him back at home but support him anyways.

I have to say in the first two thirds of the book I wasn't exactly sure where this story is heading to but the last part ties the lose ends together quiet nicely.

Thanks netgalley and the publishers for giving me the chance to read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Oh God my tears haven't dried yet while I'm writing this review. What a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful story.. I had a good feeling that it will be at least a 4 stars read for me when I was just about one third in the book, and I was praying hard that the ending will not be a let down, and no it is not, it is a almost perfect way to end the story. This book is my new favourite and it will be my favourite of all time. Elias and Coen will live with me.