Thank you Grove Atlantic and NetGalley for gifting me with an ARC of Ruth Coker Burks memoir, All the Young Men. In exchange I offer my unbiased review.

Sometimes a simple act of kindness can alter a life, and in this case thousands of lives. One ordinary woman did something that was extraordinary. Ruth Coker Burks a single mother, barely able to support her young daughter became a beacon of hope, love and tenderness for a population of men who no one wanted to help. By random chance, Ruth found herself the lifeline for those alone, sick and suffering from the AIDS virus in the early days of the disease. This story is inspiring and heartbreaking. Simply written, Ruth shares her story on the fight to end ignorance and homophobia while also giving the readers a glimpse into her personal struggles as a single mom living in poverty. It’s an eye-opening read, and one that will stay with me for a very long time.

In my opinion, this book should be required reading for kids in high school. It is a powerful account of the early days of the AIDS crisis and the attitudes that people had towards the LGBTI community.

I have to tell you that I both laughed and cried throughout this book. I also cheered on Ruth Coker Burks, who is one heck of a woman!! Anything you want done, I reckon she would be your gal, truly. I loved the passages in the book where she puts on her best clothes and her highest heels and then goes and gets what she needs for "her guys". This lady truly deserves all the accolades that anyone could possibly get and I wish I could give her a hug. But I digress.

Ruth is a young, single mum living in Arkansas, and she is a woman of strong faith. She is supporting a friend in hospital when she comes across a poor guy who is being neglected by the nurses because he has AIDS. This is back in 1986 when AIDS was a death sentence. I remember the early days of the AIDS crisis too, and there was a LOT of fear in the community. For a time, we honestly didn't know how the virus spread and because everyone who got it, died, people were genuinely terrified for their lives. Of course, we all know better now, but it is something to keep in mind.

At the time the AIDS crisis was just beginning, I was a 17 year old girl who had just left home. I had gay friends and actually went to my first drag show when I was 17 (underage of course, but they let me in anyway). I agree with Ruth, after you have been to a drag show, a straight pageant is really a bit boring! I remember everyone talking about AIDS and how it was a gay disease. My gay friends were scared but I don't remember ever been scared of THEM and life just continued on as normal. There was a lot of fear mongering on the TV though, that I remember very well. Little kids who got the virus from blood transfusions and being kicked out of kindergarten, that sort of thing.

Anyway, this book is all about people's attitudes about others who were gay, or otherwise not living life the way they thought they should, and the way that Ruth became the "go-to girl" when you had a guy infected with the virus who didn't have anyone else. I can't even imagine how it was, to spend time with these young men, watching them fade away, and knowing that their families were living so close by but wanted nothing to do with them. It really was appalling. So much ignorance!! So much snobbery towards Ruth too. The attitudes of some of the Church members shocked me the most though, wow.

This book was not all doom and gloom though. One of the stand-out messages for me was that family can be anyone - blood or not. Ruth didn't have a lot of family, she had her daughter Allison and that was about it. She had a few good friends, but so many in the LGBTI community became her family and that was just so beautiful to read. I LOVED that Allison was such a fantastic, kind little girl who loved Ruth's guys just as much as Ruth did and I am sure that she gave them a lot of love and comfort too. And Paul - what a special man :) Ruth's friendship with Billy made my heart feel really full as well.

Big sigh. It has taken me a full 24 hours after finishing this book, to think about what to write and I still don't think I have done this book justice. My big hope is that people know better now and all those people who judged, rejected and were downright nasty back in the 80's and 90's, have gotten themselves educated and are better people now. Human nature being what it is though, that probably isn't the case :(

Just read it!!

5 stars from me.

Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Press.

Three nurses draw straws to see who must attend to the patient in the room with the red tarp covering the door. The patient, or whatever lies behind that door must pose a danger to the nurses because even after the loser has drawn the short straw they still argue, none of them wanting to cross the threshold.

Ruth, who is visiting her friend who has cancer, is curious when she comes across the nurses and the door. She must move closer to read the writing. While the nurses still argue about who must enter the room, Ruth slips past them. BIOHAZARD is written on the door in bold capital letters. Styrofoam food trays litter the floor around the door.

A desperate, weak cry of help goads Ruth into peering into the room behind the red tarp. This is Ruth’s first look at an AIDS patient, and the sickly emaciated body shocks her.

The year is 1986, not much is known about AIDS yet, and ignorance fuels fear. The courage that Ruth displays when she enters the young man’s room to console and wash his face is astounding considering that at this early stage, the medical community was still trying to find information on how the disease was transmitted, hence the nurses reluctance to enter.

It is an early indication, and testament, to just what type of woman Ruth is when she stays with him until he passes and then organizes his cremation. All this for somebody she just met, and who, in Ruth’s eyes at the time, could pass on a lethal disease.

This tragic meeting is the catalyst that starts off Ruth’s amazing life of helping the young men dying of AIDS. The men that nobody wanted anything to do with. I simply cannot believe the lengths she goes to, helping these strangers. At first just being there as a comfort for the dying men, organizing their cremations, with little to no help.

However, she does not stop there. She researches the disease, building her knowledge, looking for cures or preventative medicines, while pilfering drugs and paraphernalia to treat the patients. This is one incredible lady.

What makes her do this? There is no pay, no rewards, in fact the complete opposite. She is demonized, vilified, banned from medical establishments, and yet she keeps going, incredibly, increasing the help and support she provides with each day. She finds food, shelter, when money and food stamps run out, she looks for fund raising opportunities and donations. She goes through dumpsters getting food that is fresh and edible just thrown out from a wasteful society. Again, this is for people she does not know, dying of a deadly disease. She does it because she feels it is the right thing to do.

This memoir is not just about Ruth helping these men. It is about her own personal struggle being a single parent and raising a young daughter amongst her chaotic life. The effect that her decision to help these men and choose this path has on her daughter’s life. The father forever behind in child support payments, payments that are rarely paid at all.

Her own childhood, growing up without a father, and a clinically crazy mother who clinically destroys every chance of Ruth having a happy, normal childhood.

It is not an embellishment to say that people like Ruth played a vital role in the fight against AIDS. It may not have been so obvious at the time, and progress was painfully slow, but progress in almost all facets of the fight was slowly made. Awareness, treatment, myths dispelled. Ruth had the courage and the morals to help, when most of the world turned a blind eye.

While reading this memoir I was constantly reminded of “The Great Believers” by Rebecca Makkai. These recollections made this book, and what Ruth achieved even more impressive. Another book that restores my faith in humanity. 4.5 Stars!

I expected this book to be really good, but it was great. It was one of the saddest yet most hopeful books I've read. In the 80s in Arkansas, Ruth Coker Burks just happened to be at the hospital when she saw how a dying patient with AIDS was being treated, and felt she had no choice but to step in. She and her daughter gradually became community and church pariahs, yet Ruth never let anyone know they got to her and just carried on caring for "her guys" with AIDS. Ruth truly was able to change the world just through kindness. I laughed, I cried, and I love that this book is able to keep the memories of these wonderful guys like Billy, Tim, and Jim alive. A must-read!

This book is incredibly poignant and exactly what I needed during the Covid-19 Pandemic. It's a real testament to the power of compassion, yet it is told in a way that doesn't feel preachy, lofty or self-righteous. I felt like the book did a good of bringing to life what it was like to fight the AIDS crisis in the South. The book also has this interesting way of on one hand generating amazement about all Ruth did and yet at the same time make you think, how could she NOT do it. It was clear at the time that if she didn't, no one else would and it's fascinating to me to read about people who step up under those circumstances.

I will also say as someone who lost my father earlier in the year and was in the room when he passed, I found the scene where she details a dear friend's passing to be so moving. I am not sure if others who were there then someone they love passed will feel this way, but this is the first time I've read something that captured for me what that experience is like. I know for some people it might seem morbid, but I found it very, very comforting and reassuring.

For anyone who is feeling down about how things are being handled during the Covid-19 pandemic I found this book a great antidote to remind me of the power of compassion.

Ruth Coker Burks is the personification of a humanitarian and a hero.
When she witnessed nurses in a hospital she was visiting drawing straws to see who would care for the (AIDS) patient in the red doored room, Ruth stepped in and became an advocate, care giver and friend.. This was a time when AIDS patients carried a horrendous stigma and the compassion of the human touch was craved for and very rare. With her southern style and warmth of heart she learned about AIDS educating medical professionals, clergy and the general public. She fought for these young men, assisted them with insurance and all aspects of daily life. She handled funeral arrangements when others failed to. Her determination as a trailblazer in the early days of this epidemic also cost her personally with the loss of family, friends and jobs but she carried on with endless strength, determination and spirit.
This is a rewarding and inspirational memoir. Her honest, admirable character is one that I will never forget.
She is an angel that walks the earth.
Thank you NetGalley, Grove Press and last but not least Ruth Coker Burks for an ARC for an honest book review of this highly recommended read.

I have recommended this book to so many of my reader friends. I enjoyed it so much. I have a lot of admiration for Ruth who showed true Christian compassion when others thought it wa enough to turn up at church and sermonise.
We are now so much more enlightened regarding this disease but back then knowledge was sparse and hysteria and misinformation held sway. She and her daughter endured being ostracised but were prepared to fight for these young men when even their families were not. Challenging and sad yes, but with humour too, it made an impression on me.

I deeply appreciated the opportunity to read and review this book. I'll be using it's contents in my teaching and will make sure to keep an eye out for more works from this author/publisher.

I rarely read non-fiction so it says a lot that this called to me enough to request an early copy on Netgalley and I am so pleased I did. I was born in 1983 in the UK so the AIDS crisis didn't entirely register with me when I was a child but due to my work in my twenties within sexual health and identifying as part of the LGBTQ+ community it is an area which I wanted to learn more about.

There is no doubt in my mind that Ruth Coker Burks is an outstanding woman. She showed so much strength and compassion for people who were facing awful circumstances completely alone. The way the hospital staff treated these poor young people was disgraceful and while things have improved now I know we are still a long way from eliminating the stigma attached to a HIV/AIDS diagnosis. But Ruth is a tremendous woman and I found her story incredibly moving. It had me laughing and crying in equal measure and there were moments I was full of rage that she had to go to such lengths to help people who needed love and empathy at the most difficult time of their young lives.

I am incredibly grateful to Netgalley for sending me this book in exhange for an honest review and I urge people to read it and gain greater understanding and hopefully feel changed for the better.

All the Young Men is a beautifully written memoir about a subject I didn’t know a huge amount about prior to reading it, however it taught me so much in 300 pages and I’ll be eternally grateful it came into my life. I am now aware of the horrific stigma around AIDS patients which Ruth raised awareness of, showing the great self-sacrifice of herself and her daughter, even if she wasn’t aware of this at the time. There were many especially poignant scenes with the patients’ families at the beginning, not even wanting to know them which were immediately heartbreaking to read.

I loved the scenes in Our House with the drag queens and this demonstration of the importance of a safe space to express yourself when you are facing so much aversion. The drag queens generally because such an important element of the book and I loved each one of them, especially when hearing about their shows.

I’m not particularly religious myself, however I did really enjoy the religious elements of the book with Ruth going and burying each man who died in a spiritual, respectful manner. The way the church interacted with and treated Ruth was shocking and like she mentions herself, against the basic teachings of the bible, however it was wonderful that she still managed to keep her faith throughout and how this helped her

I found it so upsetting and unfair how much hurt and loss Ruth went through in her life, from her parents very young to her ex-husband, yet amazing and surprising to see her pull through this to help thousands more people either directly or just by raising more awareness. Ruth sounds like an incredible and inspirational woman who just puts people first regardless of the situation, which is especially admirable.

The deaths of Tim and Jim really affected me when reading the book. It was heartbreaking knowing how close not only Ruth, but also Allison had grown to them, and how there was a huge amount of family so close by but Ruth was the only one around to help. The end of the chapter where they were buried was one of my favourites to read as it was so poignant, and really showed how attitudes weren’t the same among everyone and how their neighbours really cared so much and gave as much as they could at the burial despite not having anything themselves.

I also really fell in love with Billy and Paul’s relationship and felt heartbroken yet again when Billy’s health began really declining but so much happiness at the amount of people who loved him and were willing to help out. The scene where he did his final drag performance was wonderful and I liked how there was a sense of finality to really show appreciation for him.

One thing that stuck out to me throughout, even to the very end, was the stigma surrounding patients in hospital, apart from the one or two doctors and nurses mentioned. This is the one place that may actually be able to provide real medical help but they were unwilling to even make patients comfortable when they were in their last few days or hours. It made me all the more glad for Ruth and others’ work raising awareness to help reduce this stigma and horrible treatment.

I felt such a bittersweet nostalgia, in the epilogue as Ruth recalled her past and the people she had lost, especially Billy. If nothing else, this proves to me how wonderful a writer Ruth is, and her incredible ability to recount the people she met in such detail that you grow to love them like she did. This was such an amazing book and I feel that everyone should read it if they get a chance. A solid 5 stars.

Thank you to NetGalley for very kindly sending me an advance copy of the book in exchange for an honest review.

This is a story you will not soon forget.

The book, and the story of Ruth Coker Burks, begins in a hospital where she is helping to care for a friend going through treatment for cancer. When Ruth notices a “marked” door to a patient’s room, and sees a group of nurses squabbling over who has to care for this “dangerous” patient, she goes in herself. The patient she finds is alone, fragile and dying of AIDS.

While I have lived a very sheltered life, so many things about this book rang true for me: the value of simply holding someone’s hand, how to stand up to bullies and fear and ignorance and hate, acting on the desire to love someone that everyone else sees as unloveable, and the incredible power of tenacity and courage. I tucked away a precious little notion, so that someday, if I find myself in a similar situation, I can be more like Ruth.

Coker Burks gives a first-person account of being on the front lines of the AIDS crisis in Arkansas from during the 1980’s and ‘90’s. The story is accessible and understandable, and reads like a conversation with Ruth over coffee.

It has taken me years to shed some of the learned ignorance and disapproval I personally felt for people who were different from me, and particularly those in the LGBTQ community. I don’t say that proudly, and I hope I am setting a better example for my children. There was no real reasoning behind those feelings or attitudes, other than the example set for me by other adults in my life, and it pains me. I so appreciate this book for giving me another opportunity to examine some of my own biases, and “meet” the friends of Coker Burks, who were just humans wanting to be loved, and in that way, just like me.

The fifth star of my reviews only go to books where I have to stop more than once and research something mentioned in the story — and for All the Young Men, it happened frequently! I read an advanced copy, but I hope the book that comes out in December will include pictures (I really want to see the dress Ruth wears to the Inaugural Ball!). For all of its faults, Hot Springs, Arkansas sounds like a beautiful place, and I have already been looking up places to stay! In other arenas, I have heard gay men of a certain age mention that all of their friends are gone due to AIDS, but it took this book to really give me insight to the horror that people really experienced.

Bravo! Bravo, Ruth!

From the first chapter to the last chapter, this authors' story held me spellbound. Her compassion, resourcefulness, and wonderful manner in which she treated people is an amazing journey.
I was hooked from the first chapter with Jimmy and I cried my fool head off when he just wanted his momma. TO the last chapter with Billy.
MS. Burks sacrificed friends, church relations, jobs, and more to help young men who had AIDS in the very beginning of the epidemic. She was ostracized time and time again...yet she continued to help and to care for the young men in Arkansas.

I loved just about everything about the book.....except the dying. But I loved the way Ms. Burks stepped up to be a caregiver to those who had no one.
I also loved that she taught her daughter to love people too.

The only distraction I had in the book was the times when Bill Clinton would pop up. I felt that it detracted from the overall flow.

OVerall this is a wonderful, caring book that needs to be told and read.

Thank you to netgalley for the ARC in exchange for this honest review.
Thank you to the author for everything you have done and continue to do for people on the margins.

Sometimes when you browse around on NetGalley, you find a book that calls out to you and that you know you have to read, whether you get approved for it or not, and fortunately, I was lucky enough to be approved for All the Young Men: A Memoir of Love, AIDS, and Chosen Family in the American South by Ruth Coker Burks with Kevin Carr O'Leary (Grove Press, 2020). I was born in 1980; AIDS and HIV were fully on my radar by the time I turned 10. Even in the Catholic school I attended, we watched videos and learned about the virus and the devastating effects it had on the human body and the gay community. In eighth grade, my class watched And the Band Played On. I remember our teachers being very emphatic about the ways you couldn't catch the virus, and that it was okay to hug people who had it, touch them, take care of them. I'm part of the first generation for whom AIDS has always been a concern, for whom these stories have always been in the news, and, having heard the name Ruth Coker Burks before, I knew this was an important book that I needed to read.

Ruth Coker Burks was visiting a friend in the hospital in her home state of Arkansas on day in the early 80's when she became intrigued as to why a door was covered in red and the nurses seemed afraid to go in. Upon learning that the patient had AIDS, Ruth went in anyway and proceed to sit with the man, holding his hand and staying with him until he died. Afterwards, she buried the man's ashes in her family's cemetary; his own family refused to take custody of his cremains. This event set Ruth down a path that would define her entire life, taking care of sick AIDS patients and being with them when they died, feeding the ones who were still alive, advocating for them to receive medical care, housing assistance, and disability. As they grew sicker, she upped her level of care, and she began a course of education, aiming to prevent the spread of the disease in the gay community around her hometown. In a time where no one else stepped up to the plate, Ruth Coker Burns recognized a need and saw her responsibility to be the solution.

Her life wasn't an easy one. Her community, including her church, ostracized her. Work wasn't easy to come by. Her former in-laws offered no help with or for their grandchild. Friends expressed disgust at what she was doing and dropped her. Displaying acts of courage that are rare these days, Ruth never gave up, creating a family and a loving community out of the men she was helping to live and die with dignity.

All the Young Men is a necessary story for any reading list. This is a gut-punch of a book that will introduce younger readers into the perversion of humanity that was the AIDS epidemic, where parents refused to have contact with their children, where patients were starved for human touch, where the friends that nursed a person through his last days were thrown out or barred from attending funerals by the family who had previously cast the ill person out. There are numerous painful moments throughout this book, for Ruth, for her guys, as she called them, for their friends. She bears so much pain with courage and grace, never once giving in to despair or turning someone away because it's too much. If you need to restore your faith in humanity and in the idea that one person can indeed make a difference, Ruth Coker Burks's story is one to read.

The writing style of All the Young Men is more 'down home Arkansas' than it is Shakespeare, but this doesn't detract from the importance of the story at all. What Ruth Coker Burks has penned here is a stunning narrative of her own human decency, about which she never brags or boasts, in a time when the world was starved for it. She showed up when others refused. She held the hands of the dying when others wouldn't even enter the room. There's a quote from Frederick Douglass that says, "Praying for freedom never did me any good 'til I started praying with my feet." While others sat in the pews on Sunday, listening to and agreeing with a pastor who condemned her, Ruth was praying with her feet.

All the Young Men is easy to read in style, but tough on emotions, as it should be. This isn't a particularly fun time of history to revisit, but it's important. Especially these days, when we're seeing record numbers of people disavow the humanity in others by refusing to protect them from Covid-19 (full disclosure: I'm writing this at the end of June 2020); it's difficult to be confronted with the fact that we really haven't come that far. But what makes the difference is that people like Ruth Coker Burks exist and are out there praying with their feet, caring, helping. 'Look for the helpers,' Mister Rogers taught us. Ruth Coker Burks is one of the best helpers, and this book, and her life, is a testament to that. Would that more people had her sense of compassion and duty.

Huge thanks to NetGalley and Grove Press for allowing me an early copy of All the Young Men to read and review.

(This will be posted on my blog on the book's release date; this review will be updated with a link..)

This is the story of Ruth Coker Burks, one of the first AIDS caretakers in the South. In the late 80s, when little was known about HIV/AIDS and medical professionals refused to treat those infected without first donning hazmat suits, Ms. Burks instinctively offered to console and advocate for those patients.

This is her biography, how she became involved in this work, and what sustained her. It is also her own personal history, including her several marriages to abusive men and her fierce love of her daughter Allison.

Although the writing is not linear, the story is engrossing and a welcome addition to the canon of literature from that era.

I first heard about Ruth Coker Burks, the author of All the Young Men, on television.. This book expands on what I watched and listened to and what a tremendous read it was. Not only was the book excellent, but getting to know Burks, her personality, her life, and her work and mission, was a true honor for me.

Ruth Burks is a hero, a humanitarian and a saint. She writes about her life's work helping AIDS patients while also educating doctors, nurses, clergy and the general public at a time in history when little was known about the disease. The men under her care were often treated with disdain, even by healthcare workers and their own families. Not trained as a doctor, Burks tested, treated and even, buried the ill men she cared for, as they often had no one else to rely on.

Burks is a southerner who had the personality needed to confront and stand up to the prejudices and insults often displayed toward men sick with AIDS. She also had just the right touch of humor (I couldn't help but laugh out loud a couple of times), which helped to make a book about the sadness and pain of such a difficult subject bearable, and even enjoyable.

All the Young Men is powerful, emotional and heartfelt. A must read. I am so thankful I got to read this important story and will be forever changed, as a result.

I have thought long and hard about what to say about this book, and whatever I come up with doesn’t seem to do it justice.

This is a book that will shake you to your very core, restore your faith in humanity, and leave you forever changed. This book is a beautiful testament to the power of human compassion and the impact that one person can make in the life of another person, community, city, state, and country. I have longed believed that angels walk among us, and Ruth Coker Burke is proof of that.

At 26 years old Ruth, a single mom, is visiting a friend in the hospital when she steps out into the hallway and notices three nurses drawing straws and arguing over who will have to enter the door at the end of hall; the door covered in red biohazard plastic. As curiosity gets the best of her Ruth slips down the hall to peak inside, when she hears a muted, “help.” As she walks inside she sees the skeletal frame of Jimmy, calling for his mother. As she walks up to the nurses they stare in shock, asking in disbelief if she had just come from the room at the end of the hall. She tells them she has, and tell her he has AIDS. She tells the nurses he is asking for his mother and they tell her she will not come; that she wants nothing to do with him due to his AIDS status and the fact he’s gay.

Saddened Ruth walks back into Jimmy’s room and sits beside him, holding his hand, until hours later he passes from this life to the next. Little did she know this was only the first of many young men she would watch die, and would be the beginning of her fight for rights of persons with HIV and AIDS. Over the years she created her own network, taking her guys to doctor’s appointments, helping them get social security benefits, cooking and delivering meals for them, holding their hands in their final moments, and most of the time arranging for their cremation, and the burying them herself under cover of darkness; as many were afraid that AIDS would infect the cemetery.

Ruth also monitored symptoms, recorded therapies and their effects, helped her patients get medicine, and visited strip clubs and bars to provide safe sex education and condoms as measures of prevention.

While reading this book I cried, I laughed, I cheered for Ruth and her guys, I became angry with the medical staff who chose to remain ignorant and treat their HIV/AIDS patients as lesser beings. I felt fear when Ruth received threats; and disgust when one family showed up only after a death to claim his belongings.

This is a must read for everyone!! I would like to thank Netgalley and the publisher for giving me the opportunity to review this book. And I would like to thank Ruth Coker Burks for stepping in where so many failed.