Cover Image: If I Disappear

If I Disappear

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Member Reviews

I'm always a huge fan of fiction involving modern technology, especially when it's as relevant to today's media as podcasts are. Everyone has a podcast these days, and that's something more authors should capitalize on - lots of shenanigans can happen! This story is a great example of that, although I did feel that the ending lacked a bit of punch in comparison to the start / build up. Still, a thoroughly enjoyable ride - and what a cover! Gorgeous!

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I found this book to be just okay.
Hated the ending I feel like we didn’t get any answers.

My biggest issue is how much this book reminds me of a criminal minds episode. I mean the whole thing about young women staying with an old couple, and them being missing for years. It almost seems like they took that episode and changed a few things. Weird.

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After reading The Night Swim about podcasts, I was really intrigued by the synopsis of If I Disappear, which is also based on a woman who loves true crime podcasts trying to solve a mystery based on her favourite podcast. I listened to this on audio, but I typically enjoy thrillers on audio, this one was a little all over the place for me. I didn't find myself dragged in or connecting to the story at all, which only got worse as more and more characters were introduced. There were so many characters I got really confused, which made me zone out a big while I listened. The entire book I just questioned if Sera was extremely unstable, then the big twist made me rewind and listen again because I was so confused what was actually happening.

Even though it wasn't a huge hit for me, there were some great parts to it. The podcast part was interesting, which I clearly enjoy in a book. It was interesting to watch the unraveling of who did what and how it all unfolded. I don't love open ended endings, especially in epilogues, but that might really work for readers who love endings that leave them thinking.

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This book was very different. It wasn’t what i was expecting at all. I was curious about the main characters obsession with Rachel. I didn’t really get why she was so drawn to figure out what happened to Rachel. I think it was a great premise. There was a lot of suspense. I suspected everyone. I didn’t fully understand why people behaved the way they did until the end. And i was not expecting the ending! That was something else. I liked this book. I ended up enjoying it but it wasn’t my favorite either. The suspense and mystery of it all was my fav part

Negatives i would say, i wanted a little more things to happen. Maybe a little less repetitive. But overall a good read

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Can I just start with this cover is EVERYTHING. I adore it. Then the synopsis: true crime podcast element (CHECK), mysterious disappearance, a potentially unhealthily invested MC, and then a creepy ranch in the middle of nowhere? This is everything my little thriller-loving heart could ask for.

If I Disappeared grabbed me from the start and I read it over two days because I HAD TO KNOW what was up! I am not typically a can of first-person narratives but I think Brazier did such a good job and I really loved her writing style that it worked well for me. Sera was also just a really compelling, flawed, interesting main character.

I'd say the first 80% of the book earned a 4.5 stars from me, but the ending (which I do consider a make it or break it with thrillers) was.... confusing? rushed? abrupt? fast-paced? I'm not terribly sure what happened and I didn't feel like it was explained or foreshadowed enough to work for me.

IG: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKg-8TNgK7a/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

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Thank you for giving me the opportunity to read If I Disappear. The premise and cover are amazing, however, I just couldn't get into it, so it's a DNF for me. I didn't care for the writing style and found it to be too slow.

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If one enjoys podcasts, this was an interesting and gritty mystery. This story was too much of a slow burn for me, however I did appreciate the podcast sections. One of my favorite covers of the year.

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I had difficulty finishing this one, unfortunately. I enjoyed the writing, but I had a difficult time getting into the story.

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I unfortunately just couldn’t get into this book. I thought the concept was interesting but had a really hard time staying focused.

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I feel like this was more of a suspense/mystery than thriller so didn't love the genre tags. This was a weird book. I really wish I had done a buddy read on it because I finished it with more questions than answers. Ultimately, I’m not really sure how I feel about it - at times I was engaged and intrigued, but at other times, I was confused and downright irritated. It also was a slowburn. This did take me a while to get into.

Thank you very much for a copy of this novel!

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**Thank you Netgalley, Eliza Jane Brazier, and Berkley Publishing Group for an advanced reader copy of this book.**

Sera is a recent divorcee who listens to a true crime podcast religiously. But when the podcaster abruptly stops posting, Sera begins to worry. She becomes a detective, trying to find out what happened to her favorite podcaster, Rachel. Sera travels all over to find leads and track down Rachel.

I just couldn't get into this one. Sera's behavior was troublesome for me and I wasn't able to connect with her obsessive nature. The pace of the story was nice and it was a quick read, but I just couldn't get into the story line. I think that Sera's obsessive behavior could have built up throughout the story rather than being shown all at once in the beginning.

The narrative was a bit confusing at times as well. It took me a while to be able to comprehend. I believe this was done to show that the narrator (Sera) was unreliable, but I wasn't a huge fan of the first person point of view.

The ending left a lot to be desired. It wasn't what I was expecting, but I also didn't feel that it did the story justice.

This is a 2.5 stars rounded up to 3 because the premise of the book is intriguing and I enjoyed the story but was left with a lot of questions at the end.

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I struggled with the main character’s need to find Rachel based on she followed her podcast, seemed too far fetched that anyone would drop everything and move into her home with her family. This ended up being a DNF as I just didn’t find the plot that interesting.

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This was a really strange book, and all the more fascinating for it.

For starters, it's told in second person (I think there might be a different name for this POV but the terminology escapes me at the moment), which makes the entire reading experience quite jarring. However, by the end, it all makes sense why it's told this way.

As for the mystery itself, this isn't one that's really conducive to guessing. I mean, sure, you can guess? But it seemed to me to be less about solving the mystery (because a lot of the book doesn't really give you any solid clues) and more about stepping back and watching where the story goes.

The end to this one left me thinking, and while I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the story, I am impressed by the risks the author took in the way this story was told -- especially in a genre saturated with familiar plotlines and straightforward storytelling. I'd read more by this author.

Thank you Berkley Pub for an advanced e-galley in exchange for an honest review.

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F-ed up. That's how I would describe myself after finishing If I Disappear. The whole time I was reading it, it was like watching a movie and you know the bad guy is JUST. RIGHT. THERE. I felt dirty, and gross, and scared. And like a trapped animal. And it's damn amazing.


Brazier makes you feel so uncomfortable while reading and that's how you know she's a good writer. The story is compelling and eerie and you have to know what's going to happen next. I became addicted to this book in a matter of pages. I felt sick at the idea of everything ending. Even thought eventually it does, and somehow I made it through.


There are trigger warnings, so be prepared. And the emotions you'll feel won't come lightly. If I Disappear surprised the hell out of me. I picked it because it sounded good. But it ended up being one of the best books I've read this year.


5/5 Stars

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Sera needs to find Rachel because she is the only one that can. Rachel hosts a missing person podcast and Sera is obsessed. Brazier takes the traditional mystery genre and transforms it into something new and disturbing. The second person narrative brought a different feel to the book and made Sear seem off center. This added to the depth of Sera's character but it seemed to stop there. Over the course of the book the reader does learn more about her past but it felt very shallow and did not add to the content or character of her. For most of the book, Sear seemed detached while obsessing over a woman she did not even know, all because she thought she had disappeared. Rachel's podcast did make appearances throughout the book but they were in segments and didn't really give enough to fully textualize what the podcast was like. I would have enjoyed hearing at least a couple of episodes to know how Rachel saw the world and the people in it. The plot felt unsteady, in places fast then slowing down to a weird transitional pace. Giving the reader a sense of urgency that may propel them to read more or wonder what the heck is going on. Over all the book was sort of enjoyable, readers will walk away with a shock at the end but was the journey worth the ending.... it may not have been

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This copy was kindly provided to me by Netgalley and the publisher for review: all opinions are my own. '

This is a book I walked away from and have no idea how to rate it. I finished a month ago as I am writing this review and am still unsure if it a 3.75-4. I really enjoyed it, actually couldn't put it down but it was also uncomfortable to read. I think the best way to describe how I felt was overall disturbed. I'm still feel disturbed when thinking about this book. It is atmospheric, spooky and weird (but not in a bad way- know what I mean?) and just left me feeling OFF.

The part that made the book feel so weird is that the narrator speaks in second person but by talking to the missing true crime podcast host, Rachel, she is searching for. Its like shes trying to connect more, make it feel like shes written a chronology of all she wants Rachel to know of what she is doing and how Rachel influences her actions even though they've never met. There is an overwhelming knowing that something is off about our narrator Sera. That maybe not all is well with her mentally, that she verges into points of obsessive and stalker-ish, yet we don't have a clear sense of what it is. It made her feel unreliable (in a good way). was she telling us what was really happening? Or just what she wanted Rachel to know?

The plot twist at the end of the book, and I do mean the END, will surprise many. I saw it coming but I normally do with mystery thrillers. The hints that not all is as it seems, not quite right with the whole situation are the clues to what to expect. Putting it in the last chapter had me gasping though, that feeling of 'AHAAA, I was right! but holy shit what happens next?' and we never know what comes after!! What will Sera do? Will she do what is right or follow her obsession? WE DON'T KNOW

I loved that the chapters began with information (I am assuming from Rachel's podcast) of different murder cases. And that even as Sera was battling inner demons, the ranch she felt watched always at and a town for answers on what happened to Rachel, that she was also fighting for the woman who were missing, murdered and lost to the cruelty of people.

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Unfortunately this was a DNF for me. It just didn't draw me in and I did not want to get bogged down trying to continue reading it.

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I wanted this to be better than it was, and I can't even really explain what it was missing? I think we've had a lot of podcast thrillers lately

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Eliza Jane Brazier's debut novel tells the story of an avid true crime podcast listener who upends her life to search for her favorite podcast host when she goes missing. This book is perfect for lovers of true crime podcasts and will definitely get you interested in listening if you don't already. IF I DISAPPEAR is extremely eerie, entertaining, and will keep you hooked until the shocking final reveal.

This is an extremely unique thriller that had me invested in the story from the first page. The first thing that intrigued me about IF I DISAPPEAR was the writing style. Many people would incorrectly label this book as being written in second person because of the use of "you" throughout, but this book is actually written in what's called "direct address," where the main character is talking to another person the whole time. A huge part of the creepy factor in this story is the way Sera, the main character, talks to Rachel, her favorite podcast host, the whole book.

At first, this will be very off-putting because Sera reveals very little about herself when the reader is first introduced to her. The beginning of the story leading up to when Sera inserts herself into Rachel's old life and starts investigating her disappearance feels very detached, but as you continue reading, you realize this was done in an intentional and masterful way. The title of this book is right on the nose, because disappearing, both literally and figuratively, is a the main theme of this book. Sera herself has felt like she has been disappearing for the past few years of her life since getting married, getting pregnant, having a miscarriage, and getting divorced. After these events, Sera suffers a deep depression in which she can't work or get out of bed, and spends all her time listening to Rachel's podcast, which is where her obsession with Rachel comes in.

It is easy to see why Sera relates to and latches on to Rachel as the story develops: Sera listens to Rachel's podcast episodes about women who go missing, and she feels Rachel gives their stories a voice. When Rachel herself goes missing, Sera feels compelled by her own feelings of losing herself to find a fellow lost woman. One thing I didn't like so much was the repetition of the phrase "if I disappear," as I feel the message of the book would have been just as strong without the literal use of the phrase, because this book covers so many aspects of how women can disappear throughout their lives.

Another standout element of this story was the setting. The descriptions of the ranch where Rachel lived and the surrounding area were so vivid and detailed and really contributed to the feelings of isolation and atmosphere of the whole story. Every piece of the setting added some layer of creepiness to the plot, from the deformed pack of dogs that follows Rachel's mother around the ranch to the horse herd that bullies one of the horses. Everything about the way the setting was written echoed Sera's own feelings of being isolated from other people and from her own life.

As it should with any good thriller/mystery, the sense of dread builds as we get to know more about both Rachel and Sera's lives and gets stronger and stronger until what you think is the climax and big reveal. I will admit that I thought I had the reveal figured out based on some of the clues given around 80% of the way through, but ended up being totally wrong in the end. Some readers won't like the open-ended conclusion, but for me it really worked and spoke to the message of the story in an exciting way.

This book provided exactly the escape I've been craving from literature lately with its amazing setting and thrilling plot. IF I DISAPPEAR completely distracted me from my own life and took me on a wild, unsettling adventure that has definitely made me want to pick up more thrillers and give some true crime podcasts a try. If you're looking for a total diversion from the world around you, I highly recommend picking up this unique book (and keeping the lights on when you go to sleep after you finish).

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Thank you Berkley Publishing & NetGalley for the review copy!

For fans of True crime podcasts, this book was definitely intriguing! It’s decently twisty and has an incredibly eerie setting of a highly secluded ranch in a small town.

It started as an extremely slow burn for me and I felt it only really picked up at the end once everything really started to unravel. This is when I finally got hooked, I just wish it was for a little longer!

Sera as a protagonist was a bit of a roller coaster for me. Some times I was rooting for her and others I found myself truly irritated and screaming at my kindle for all the foolish decisions that I thought she was making!

I throughly enjoyed how each chapter started with an excerpt from one of Rachel’s past podcast episodes but ultimately I felt that the book just had so much more potential with this aspect!

Bonus points for a beautiful & mesmerizing cover!

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