Thank you Berkley Publishing & NetGalley for the review copy!

For fans of True crime podcasts, this book was definitely intriguing! It’s decently twisty and has an incredibly eerie setting of a highly secluded ranch in a small town.

It started as an extremely slow burn for me and I felt it only really picked up at the end once everything really started to unravel. This is when I finally got hooked, I just wish it was for a little longer!

Sera as a protagonist was a bit of a roller coaster for me. Some times I was rooting for her and others I found myself truly irritated and screaming at my kindle for all the foolish decisions that I thought she was making!

I throughly enjoyed how each chapter started with an excerpt from one of Rachel’s past podcast episodes but ultimately I felt that the book just had so much more potential with this aspect!

Bonus points for a beautiful & mesmerizing cover!

What a wild ride of a story! This book truly had me second guessing and questioning everything as I continued to read, but also had me so confused with what was going on! Sera is obsessed with Rachel’s true crime podcast, and after losing her job, marriage, and everything else in her life it seems that this podcast and the host are the only things she’s holding onto. But when Rachel stops posting and uploading, Sera becomes obsessed with what happened and what’s going on and decides to take matters into her own hands and travels to Rachel’s town to get answers for herself and uses past podcast episodes as clues to help her get answers. Upon arrival, Sera meets Rachel’s mother Addy and secures a job and housing on the family farm, further solidifying herself into Rachel’s life, and works to investigate and get answers in a town that isn’t concerned at all. I was on the edge of my seat while reading trying to figure out where Rachel was and if something really happened to her, but in the end, I felt the ending was a little rushed and confusing. Overall, the storyline was great but the back and forth of the writing had me going back to re-read because I was a little confused.
I voluntarily read and reviewed an Advance Reader Copy of this book.

Thank you for the opportunity to read this book. I could not connect with the characters and was not able to finish. So I won't be leaving a full review.

Do you ever read a book and you don’t know where it’s going? Then the pieces start to come together and you’re like wow this is really clicking. Then the end leaves you like WTF? Well, that is this book!

I like books to be wrapped up neatly at the end. I don’t like any pieces floating out there for me to figure out and this one did just that. It's s good suspense novel that keeps me guessing. If you're not bothered by an ending that leaves something to the imagination, this may be a great title for you!

This was one book I’ve been wanting to read since I first saw it. I’m a thriller/ true crime lover and so I ate this one up in on swift bite.

When her favorite true crime podcast host goes missing, an adrift young woman sets out to investigate and plunges headfirst into the wild backcountry of Northern California and her own dangerous obsession.

The interesting premise drew me in, a true crime podcaster goes missing and a consumed fan sets out to search for her. Once on the isolated ranch where the podcaster lived Sera is surrounded by creepy, suspicious characters and her obsession with Rachael ( the missing podcaster) is unsettling. The story unravels with disturbing twists and foreboding suspense. However, I failed to connect with any of the characters and what started for me as an intriguing unconventional narrative fell short.

Rachel is a true crime podcaster and when she suddenly disappears her biggest fan, Sera, wants to be the one to help find her. Sera decides to travel to Rachel’s home and pretend she is looking for a job on the family ranch. While posing as a worker she is secretly investigating Rachel’s disappearance. Sera definitely can tell things are not what they seem but she’s determined to find Rachel.
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This story was a roller coaster for me. I found the first third of the book to be a little slow and I had trouble getting use to Sera as narrator. The story is told as if she speaking to Rachel. I thought the second half really picked up and I flew through it but then the ending was a little clunky to me. Overall, the premise of the story was interesting and it had some entertaining parts that are worth reading.

Special thanks to NetGalley and Berkeley Publishing Group for the ARC in exchange for my honest opinion.

Going in to this book, I have to say I was a little hesitant. After reading the excerpt it reminded me of another book with a podcast on crime and a Rachel in the story. I will tell you what book it reminded me of, if you're curious, pm me.

Anyway, I was oh so wrong! This book pulled me into a completely different way of thinking. No similarities between the books at all! Sera, whose favorite part of her day is listening to a podcast, about crimes. Rachel who is the podcaster always has great podcasts on crime and the evil that's out there and tells her listeners to be careful and has tips on not being a victim. Until, one day, Rachel goes missing. Sera, cannot have this. This podcast was her everyday treat and she cares about Rachel, feels she knows her from hearing her voice everyday.I

so Sera she goes on the hunt for Rachel. As she gets closer and closer to the truth, she finds out there is something creepy and strange going on and Rachel is definitely not the only girl missing here.

This book has a big twist, so crime lovers and podcast listeners line up, because this book is for you. Rounded up to a 4 from a 3.5.

3.5 stars

"If you want to be led down a rabbit hole and gaslighted (AND I DID,) then this book is for you."

Review to come on FreshFiction.com. I will post the link once it goes live.

If I Disappear is an intriguing book that follows one woman's obsession with a podcaster that goes missing. As we follow Sera on her investigation we watch her make one bad decision followed by another. This novel made me uncomfortable and although it was well written I truly disliked many of the characters. Maybe that means it was successful in it's intent. I think you should judge for yourself.

** I received an electronic ARC from NetGalley in exchange for a fair and unbiased review of this book.

If I Disappear is told in second person, and I could not get into this style of writing for this particularly book. In fact, it took away from the overall narrative for me, and I didn’t quite enjoy this book while I found the plot initially interesting

IF I DISAPPEAR BOOK REVIEW

Rating: ⭐️⭐️💫
Drink rec: Blackberry Whiskey Lemonade

The premise of this book totally drew me in—our main character, Sera, is a crime podcast junkie. When the host of her fav podcast, Rachel, goes missing, she takes it upon herself to go to Rachel’s hometown and investigate.

I was hoping for a fast-paced investigation similar to A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, but this one was much more of a slow-burn mystery. A lot of the story centered around Sera investigating Rachel’s family ranch and uncovering clues. There was overall such a creepy vibe to this one, but I was left feeling underwhelmed by the mystery and ending.

If you like eerie, slow burn mysteries with lots of unreliable and untrustworthy characters, you’ll enjoy this one!

Thank you to @berkleypub for sending me this free copy!

TW: death of an animal

As a fan of true crime podcasts, I identified a little bit with the main character of this book, Sera. A little bit is the key phrase....Sera is obsessed with one podcaster. Rachel, who has a podcast about missing women called Murder, She Spoke. When the host goes silent on social media and no new episodes of Murder, She Spoke are appearing, Sera goes in search of her favorite podcaster....

I liked how snippets of the podcast were worked into the chapters of this story. The point of view was an interesting effect as well. Sera speaks as if the reader were Rachel. The story is intense....this isn't a comfortable read. Bizarre events. Strange people. A main character who seems strong and intelligent...but so close to a breakdown. An odd and unsettling story told in an odd and unsettling way.....but a compelling one. I binge read this book in one night because I couldn't put it down.

The ending was a bit strange....but I had no problem with that as the entire story just pretty much lends itself to strange. Very entertaining book! It kept me on the edge of my seat with a strong case of the heebies from start to finish!

**I voluntarily read a review copy of this book from Berkley Publishing. All opinions expressed are entirely my own. **

I really enjoyed this one, especially the podcast aspect of it. I did feel at times that it got a bit off track, and the ending was a little bit muddled and unclear. Overall though, it had some great twists and turns, and the creep factor given off by some of the characters is excellent.

4-5 stars, while I did enjoy this captivating read, I think something was lacking from it being a totally mind blowing read! Maybe because this type of setting, an amateur investigator type, has been done a few times, but could just be my mood. I think while it is something seen in past thrillers, this was still quite unique and well written. Pretty gripping throughout the entirety. Excellent character development, which made me invested in the story! Lots of great twist and turns, thrills, chills, and shocks! Definitely highly recommend!

From the moment I began reading this thriller, I knew it was going to suck me in and I wouldn't be able to put it down. The crazy thing is, the concept of amateur investigators isn't new and we've been told that curiosity killed the cat. So when Sera goes "off script" to investigate/search for her favorite podcast host, she's quick to discover danger.

And... I loved every bit of it. I'm afraid to really discuss my thoughts in depth as I might give it all away.

I’m sorry but this didn’t work for me.

What a frustrating story and character!

After a divorce, grieving the loss of her baby, and a series of bad romantic relationships, Sera doesn't have the desire to pick herself up and find a new job. Her sole obsession is to listen to a podcast by a woman named Rachel. Her podcasts are all about women who have disappeared.

Sera has learned everything about Rachel from her social media and from the episodes of her podcast. So when Rachel disappears, no new podcasts are coming out and her social media goes silent, Sera decides to go looking for her.

When Sera arrives at Rachel's parents' ranch in California, she immediately asks about Rachel. Rachel's mother tells her she thinks Rachel is dead. The townspeople think she has finally left the ranch but Sera is sure she can help find her. She has a list of suspects and she wants to follow the few leads she has.

I couldn’t get into this one. Sera sounded unstable. Her incessant obsession with the podcast and Rachel was borderline psychotic. The ending was so out there that I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes.

I’m in the minority, most other reviewers seem to love it so take my input as what it is, a personal preference.

Cliffhanger: No

2/5 Fangs

A complimentary copy was provided by Berkley via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Sadly, I DNF this book at 50%. I tried and tried, but the pace was slow, the character development was lacking, and the conflict build up wasn't there.

I give this book an A+ for cover art because the cover is stunning. It might even be my favorite cover of 2021, but sadly the content didn't live up. I was expecting it to compare to Sadie, with the podcast aspect of the story, but that part felt poorly executed.

I wanted to like this one more.

“I’m destined to disappear,” Rachael Bard tells the listeners of her true crime podcasts.

For Sera Fleece, whose life is tumbling down around her as she dwells upon each of her many perceived failures and seldom leaves her home, her time is totally focused on every episode — each one dedicated to a missing or murdered woman. She thinks in terms of the episodes and absorbs the details Rachel reveals about her personal life. Sera knows she lives on Fountain Creek Ranch in the yellow house somewhat distant from her parents’ home and the barns, stables and quarters for the campers who fill the ranch in the summer.

And then, one day it happens. There are no more podcasts and no more social media posts. Rachel has disappeared.

“I know, the first 48 hours are crucial,” Sera tells herself. (After all, she doesn’t talk to anyone else — not her ex-husband who still cares, or her parents, or even the clerks she interacts with when she finally is able to get herself out of the house to buy tea.) “And every hour you don’t update, I think, 'Something is wrong.' I think, 'The case is going cold.'”

So begins “If I Disappear" (Berkley Hardcover 2020) by Eliza Jane Brazier, which follows Sera as she drives to northern California in search of Fountain Creek Ranch.

“I will use the things you told me,” she says to Rachel, promising to find her.


But it doesn’t look promising. Somehow she missed the turn for the ranch, and stopping in the little town where Rachel went to school and where her best friend disappeared when they were high school students, she finds that no one will even mention its existence.

Turning back, she finds the ranch’s entrance, noticeable because what is supposed to be a tourist attraction has signs reading “No Trespassing” and “Beware of Dog” posted on the drive.

“The setting came from a job I took in northern California that got weird at an isolated dude ranch. I won’t go into details, but the truth is very nearly stranger than fiction,” Brazier said when I ask about the eerie setting she created. “The emotion came from finding myself single again after my husband died. And the hook came from my love of true crime.”

Like Sera, Brazier says she was looking for answers but in a different way than most.

“After my husband died, I found that the grieving process really replicated true crime podcasts: you are searching for answers,” she said. “I found a lot of comfort in them and still do to this day. For me it’s about facing your fears, making order out of chaos and also about control. In true crime, you know the bad thing is coming. It can be a way to address trauma and feel less alone in it.”

Playing detective, Sera is hired by the Bards to work with the horses, a job that allows her to search for clues to Rachel’s disappearance. Her searching arouses suspicions but startlingly, she realizes that no one seems concerned about Rachel’s disappearance besides Sera. Rachel, she learns, has disappeared before and will do so again. At the ranch, Sera finds meaning not only in her investigation but in working with the horses and her developing romance with the ranch manager.

Yet that doesn’t stop her search for Rachel, or the overwhelming feelings that there are many dangerous unknowns surrounding her. Was Rachel involved with the ranch manager and what happened to his wife? Did she really go back to Texas like he says. Is it possible he’s a murderer?

Brazier, a screenwriter and journalist who lives in Los Angeles, is currently developing “If I Disappear” for television and writing another mystery.

“It’s a brutally funny thriller about very bad rich people,” she said.

The synopsis had me all in for this one because on top of having a love for reading, I also enjoy listening to true crime podcasts.

Sera has been obsessing over her favorite True Crime podcast, Murder, She Spoke. So when the podcast's host, Rachel Bard, suddenly stops posting, Sera doesn't take it well and takes it upon herself to figure out what happened to Rachel. She believes that Rachel left clues throughout her podcast and sets out to Rachel's hometown geared with this information.

Sera comes upon Rachel's family farm and lies about her intentions so she can get a job on the farm giving her the inside view on Rachel's life. No way even seemed to be bothered by Rachel's disappearance either.

Okay at this point I felt like I was already on a seesaw. What I mean by that is, I was intrigued by the premise but the writing style fell flat for me. Nonetheless, I kept powering through because I needed to know what really happened to Rachel. Overall it was an enjoyable read.