Thank you NetGalley for allowing me to have a copy of this book.

Sera is obsessed with true crime podcasts. One podcast in particular is hosted by Rachel, with whom Sera has become equally obsessed. She seems to know everything about Rachel without ever meeting her in person. When Rachel goes missing, Sera takes it upon herself to find out what happened to her. She goes to some very extreme lengths and puts herself in questionable situations all to find a podcast host who doesn't know she exists. However, when Sera discovers that Rachel's last case was going to be very close to home, things begin to take a dark turn. Are there more than one person missing from Rachel's family ranch? Is Rachel even alive? The truth is worthy of it's own dedicated podcast.

I really enjoyed If I Disappear; it had everything I love in a good mystery. I also love the new trend of including podcasts or true crime documentaries in mystery stories; however I may just be biased because I personally love those things in real life. My only complaint is about the ending. It seemed a bit too hard to follow in my opinion. All of the information you need to figure out what is happening is there, but the way it's conveyed is just a little too confusing.

I am a member of the American Library Association Reading List Award Committee. This title was suggested for the 2022 list. It was not nominated for the award. The complete list of winners and shortlisted titles is at <a href="https://rusaupdate.org/2022/01/readers-advisory-announce-2022-reading-list-years-best-in-genre-fiction-for-adult-readers/">

I am on the fence about this book. Though I finished it and found that the style of the writing kept me reading, I am not sure how much I liked the characters and the overall storyline. There wasn't the grit and tension I wanted.

If I Disappear was not like anything I've read. Sera is a true crime aficionado whose favorite podcaster, Rachel, suddenly stops posting new episodes and basically disappears. Sera isn't happy with her life and decides she has nothing to lose, so she sets out to find out what happened to Rachel. But she wasn't prepared for the isolation of Rachel's life and things for Sera seems to spiral out of her control.
This is a thriller that will keep you guessing until the very end.

Thank you so much to Berkley & NetGalley for the opportunity to read this book!

I absolutely loved this book! I was so engrossed by the characters right off the bat. Her writing is out of this world, if you've been in a reading slump this is a great place to start, it absolutely blew me away!

I love books that have anything to do with podcasts so after reading the description for "If I Disappear", I knew it was a novel I had to read.

This was an intriguing story though it took me a little while to get through it. I picked it up and put it down a few times. I had a hard time connecting with the characters and definitely had to suspend disbelief quite a bit. However, I'm still glad I stuck with it. There were plenty of good twists and turns and I was surprised by the ending. Overall, I thought this was a pretty good read.

I look forward to reading more from this author.

This was one of the best books I read in 2020. It was sharp, smart, insightful, and kept me guessing right until the last minute. I like the use of podcasting in the book, and unlike other books I've read that incorporate it, it was done right in If I Disappear. It was bizarre and macabre, and so so good.

Ended up DNFing this one but might give it a chance later. I do think some others would connect with this one so would still recomend for some

Although this book did not hook me from the get go, it eventually found its stride. Fans of true crime podcasts will love this read!

Book Review of If I Disappear by Nicole Harmon

Title: If I Disappear
Author: Eliza Jane Brazier
Publisher: Berkely, NY
Publish Date: January 2021

Rating: 5 Hearts 

Book Blurb: “This morning my psycho stalker showed up at my house as if she were in the neighborhood. I think she wants to kill me. If something happens to me, her name is Sera Fleece (pronounced Fleas).” Location-150.

Summary
Sera Fleece, a faithful listener of a murder podcast, decides that the woman Rachel, who voices it is in danger. She grew up with her brother and her parents at Happy Camp Farm. After Sera’s divorce, she became a total fan of the show due to not having much in her life to keep her occupied. Now driving towards Happy Camp with Rachel’s mother she decided to find out what happened to her daughter. Sera felt she owed it to Rachel to do so.

Sera met an interesting cast of characters including Jed-a horse wrangler, his wife Grace, and Rachel podcast host and the daughter of the owners of Happy Camp. Somehow Jed ended up helping Sera in her quest to find out what happened to Rachel despite his own misgivings. She confides in him her version of events leading to Rachel’s disappearance and possible death. Sera felt bad because he lost his wife in a divorce but slowly becomes convinced something shady was going on at Happy Camp and Grace his ex-wife was a victim of foul play.

Soon after she suggests this to him, Jed ends up dead. Fearing for his life and sure all the other people she has come across and spoken to were either in on it or in danger. Stumbling across Rachel’s brother who warns her away she later finds the parent (father) deceased.

Scared she attempts to go into town and is run off the road by none other than Rachel. However, all is not all it seems. Rachel appears to be her savior as well as Grace’s. Still feeling something amiss, Sera keeps searching and to her horror discovers Rachel’s secret. She is a murderer. Grace was her pregnant captive (even if Grace did not think so). Upon the birth of his child, she discovers the baby in the evidence room leaving her on the floor, miserable and crying-scared. Keeping the baby with her she manages to save the baby and put Rachel away.

Taking over the ranch, Sera makes it a safe haven for scared women who want a fresh start.

Analysis
I gave this book 5 hearts. However, it was a slow read for me. First, the characters were interesting, neurotic, sad, and just every day crazy people. I cannot say cliches though. They live in a small town that has seen its share of tragedy.

Happy Camp although family-owned is run down due to not enough help, little money, and sabotage. Yet, the family still makes a go of it. And even more, no one likes them.
Sera feels the desire to help even as she begins to feel suffocated. Sera just like the other is guilty of one-mindedness. Rachel is in danger or dead. Jed knows more than he is saying and may be responsible for his ex-wife’s death.

By the end, it is a relief to have it wrapped up and the question of what happened to Rachel answered. My shock is that Rachel is a serial killer, her mother protected her not knowing that but suspecting it and everyone knew she did SOMETHING! Plus, no one really liked her.

This book is not for the faint of heart but definitely a good contender for a puzzle of a read.

Disclosure: I received this book during the blitz before publication as a pre-publish copy. I am now just finished the book and am posting the review. I believe you will like it if you read it. Make sure to buy a copy.

This is a Suspense Mystery/Thriller. I have to say it took me awhile to get into this book. I have to say the middle was really good, and it keep me guessing/wanting more. The ending was a let down, and I have to say the ending was hard to follow. The characters was more to love, and I do not think the characters where really developed. I think the characters not being developed was done on purpose. I really think the ending needed to be better, and the middle was really good. I also think this is more of a Suspense Mystery then a thriller. I was kindly provided an e-copy of this book by the publisher (Berkley) or author (Eliza Jane Brazier) via NetGalley, so I can give honest review about how I feel about this book. I want to send a big Thank you to them for that.

Sera loves her true crime podcasts...to a point where it can be debilitating as her sole focus becomes the host of her favorite podcast, Rachel, to the point of losing her coffee cup, her job, and herself. When Rachel disappears/drops off the social media and podcast radar, Sera takes it upon herself to find Rachel using some of the tools she learned from the podcast. Sera makes her way to Rachel's hometown/homestead in Northern California and uncovers the small town's secrets...which can be deadly.

This was a meh from me. I enjoyed the first half of the book as a Murderino and huge true crime podcast fan; however, the second half where Sera begins investigating was so irksome. The beginning feels very much like a murder mystery--Nancy Drew without her sidekicks. There were a lot of twists throughout and I was definitely suspecting everyone Sera encounters...including Sera herself! This was a good read for folks who are interested in true crime/mystery.

The characters in the book are very flawed to the point where I liked approximately no one. Sera was literally the worst: making all the wrong choices, breaking all of the survival rules. One of the biggest common sense mistakes she makes: don't go on a road-trip ALONE without even giving anyone an itinerary. It only occurs to her to tell someone after the fact and with a phone that has no reception. Her actions throughout just get even more face-palmy.

I really liked this book! I related to the main character so much. Like her, I have my own podcast and blog, and I could investigate crime all day. I don't know if I'd go to the lengths that she did, but I'd like to think I would be that brave! This book had so many twists and turns, and I couldn't put it down!

I was initially drawn in because of the cover. This book was another take of incorporating a crime podcast. It was fine, but I didn't really care for any of the characters, so that lowered my overall feeling for it.

I love books about true crime podcasts so I was super excited to read this one. The beginning was slow but about halfway the book really takes off and I wasn’t able to put it down.

This is a psychological thriller that will really have you thinking. The ending was incredibly weird but also good? The book does have an ick feeling to it however it leaves you gasping.

DNF - did not finish. I could not connect with the writing style/plot so I decided to not pick this one up. Thank you, NetGalley and publisher for the early copy!

I love a good mystery centered around a true crime podcast, and boy did If I Disappear fit the bill. This story of a podcaster who goes missing after starting an investigation into a series of abducted women starts off with a bang and doesn’t stop until you learn the shocking truth. I absolutely loved it! 4.5 stars rounded up to 5.

Sera is divorced, childless, and has been listening to Rachel’s crime podcast, ‘Murder, She Spoke’ devotedly. Sera feels as if Rachel is speaking directly to her soul so when Rachel stops broadcasting without warning, Sera decides to investigate.

Sera, who never has finished anything she's started in her life (including her marriage too, it appears), gets a job working with the horses at Fountain Creek Ranch (owned by Rachel’s parents), where people come to stay in the summertime. She begins her investigation. Who can she trust? Everyone appears sketchy and has something to hide. Interestingly, the POV is Sera’s, but as if she is talking to Rachel.

More surreal than realistic like a murder mystery/thriller would be, sometimes, the story droves me crazy. Then again, there are parts when reality is there. It is a story that is not sure what it is, real or not. Again, with Sera acting the way she does and even talking to her hero who isn’t there, maybe it might work for many readers. Not too sure, it did for me.

TWO-CENT TUESDAY
Below are a few (somewhat) brief, $.02 opinions about books I've read or listened to recently but don't have the time, inclination, or opportunity to review in full. Their appearance in this recurring piece often has little to nothing to do with merit. Some I enjoyed as much or more than those that got the full court press. I hope you'll consider one or two for your own TBR stack if they strike your fancy whether they struck mine or not.

* * *

If I Disappear, by Eliza Jane Brazier


If you're a fan of mysteries based on true crime podcasts, this one may be for you. Sera is just such a fan and since her divorce she's spent most of her time listening to Murder, She Spoke. She's obsessed to the point that the "disappearance" of the podcast's host sends her off on her own hunt to figure out what happened to Rachel.

Enter creepy hometown in Northern California called Happy Camp, and Rachel's equally odd and strangely unworried family. While some of the plot involved in Sera's quest stretches the bounds of possibility, it's all in furtherance of the mystery I wanted to see unfold. On the whole an entertaining read that kept me turning pages and wondering who the most suspicious and least-trustworthy of all the characters would turn out to be.

The mystery surrounding Rachel intrigued me at first glance; however I was a unsure of Sera’s true motivations, while she is the main protagonist, for a solid portion of the novel she is also her own worst enemy. As a stranger in a new town and hesitant of who to trust, Sera tells lie after lie all the while pointing a finger at everyone she comes across (and not in the most settle way either). Abrupt, a poor liar, and shaking with nerves, Sera is far from a believable main character; while I had hopes that her development would improve as the story inched closer to the big reveal, sadly it did not. The clues, I felt, lacked realism unlike the snippets of podcast entries at the beginning of each chapter which are alarming, haunting, and gritty.

Brazier does a wonderful job with the use of her description and imagery to depict Sera’s enviroment on the ranch—poorly lit, too much open space, and people randomly popping up out of nowhere. I truly believed that the culprit was watching Sera from afar, just lying in wait for their chance to strike (in many ways this proved true). Although, just when I thought I was one the verge of having selected the villain and solved the mystery, Brazier throws another wrench in my hypothesis and I’m back to square one. But there are only so many twists and turns a writer can make before your audience becomes confused with the direction of the story. In one instance I believed Sera to be Rachel based on the treatment she received from those around her, like Rachel’s parents, brother, and ex-friends. They all mention that she had issues and would leave for a period of time and come back as ‘a new person’. Thus this explained Sera’s obsessive nature and paranoid mind, a split personality. Sadly, this theory lasted only a few chapters before I came to the realization that Sera couldn’t be Rachel and again, back to the drawing board I went.

There wasn’t a direct course of action for where the mystery was heading. Even though there is main streamline of how the missing women are connected, the pieces don’t fit well together, leaving probably the biggest plot hole of all (no spoilers, but if you get to the end you’ll know what I’m talking about). I can’t help but think that if this was a story of split personality or even if the clues flowed better and we are given a strong, well grounded motive, the novel in itself would have improved in terms of captivating my attention, instead of leaving me flat standing in the middle of nowhere.

If you like slow burn mysteries or suspense novels with a 50/50 chance of a sequel, this book maybe for you. Regardless of the rushed ending and hectic order of events, If I Disappear will definitely keep you up late at night wondering if it would be better to sleep with the lights on.

RATING ⭐️⭐️⭐️

I had the wonderful opportunity to join the Blog Blitz of If I Disappear debut launch. Huge thank you to Penguin Random House/Berkley Publishing for the chance to review an advance copy.

Be sure to checkout the Author Q&A on my blog at:
https://fallbetweenthepages.com/advanced-books/2021/1/24/if-i-disappear-author-qampa