I loved the premise of this one. It felt very original to me and I was ready to jump in. I did enjoy the story line and the mystery but the way the story was told just wasn't for me. I didn't like the writing style and the main character bothered me. I just couldn't settle into this story. I do think the author has promise as there were a few great elements there. Overall though, this one just wasn't for me.

As a lover of true crime and podcasts, I was prepared to love If I Disappear, and I definitely was not disappointed. It’s full of twists and turns that left me guessing, racing through the pages to get the next “clue”.

I also love a great debut novel, and I’m quite sure that Eliza Jane Brazier’s debut will go down as one of my 2021 favorites! Her portrayal of Sera as the quintessential lost soul will strike a chord with anyone who has ever struggled to belong. Thanks so much to NetGalley and Berkley for the chance to read this amazing debut!

Sera is obsessed with a true crime podcast. When the host of the podcast, Rachel, goes missing, Sera goes to the ranch where Rachel lives to find her. Once she arrives at the ranch, she discovers that nothing is what she imagined. The town is deserted and everyone she meets tries to get her to leave. Sera has to use the clues from Rachel’s podcast to find out what happened to her.

This story is written in a second-person point of view. Sera is the narrator, and she’s speaking directly to Rachel, who she refers to as “you.” This made it very creepy, because she was speaking to the reader as if you are the one who went missing.

There were many chilling scenes in this story. Some were quite graphic. There were a lot of twists that I didn’t see coming. I found the ending complicated and confusing to follow which unfortunately made it less suspenseful at the end.

I did enjoy the journey of Sera’s search for Rachel, but I wish it had a more impactful ending.

Thank you Berkley for providing a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I love reading books about podcasts, so when I was offered the chance to review this book I was thrilled.
This story follows Sera, a lonely woman who is obsessed with true crime. When her favorite true crime podcast host goes missing, Sera embarks on a mission to figure out what happened to her. Sera makes the drive to the town where Rachel (the podcast host) grew up, and manages to get a job at a ranch that is run by Rachel's parents. Soon she starts uncovering the mystery that surrounds Rachel's disappearance, while also putting herself in grave danger.
This book did not disappoint; it had me intrigued and engaged from start to finish. I loved the setting, the shady characters that you cannot trust (even Sera at times), and the discussion around women often being deemed "crazy" by society. The last plot twist took my by surprise and was much appreciated. I would highly recommend this to readers who love mystery, suspense and true crime podcasts.

I know you. I know you better than anyone else. I have listened to all of your true crime podcast episodes multiple times and I know the things to look for. So when you go missing, I know you are in trouble, and I know its up to me so save you…

This was a different take on the podcaster idea that I feel has been popular recently. I really liked that the podcaster was the missing person, and a fan was the one doing the investigating this time. While I did have a pretty good idea of who the “bad guy” was, this book still kept me guessing as to what was going to happen next.

Today I want to share 5 reasons to read If I Disappear by @elizajanebrazier

1. If you love true crime and podcasts-100% must read it
2. If you like a creepy, cold wilderness atmospheres.....yep read it (with a snuggly blanket)
3. Enjoy a missing person case? Read it, with a notebook to keep up with all the clues
4. Very suspish characters and an unreliable narrator....you got it, read the book.
5. If you enjoy a taut and tense plot that ends in a way that is completely unexpected and a terrifying, PLEASE GO READ the book.

Thank you to @berkleypub and @netgalley for my #gifted digital copy of the book.

I would buy this book for the cover, don’t you love it?

This was a twisty little thriller that kept me guessing until the very end. I loved the podcast / true crime aspect of it, and it was overall a great concept - a fan’s (Sera) favorite true crime podcaster (Rachel) goes missing, so Sera sets out to find out what happened, as one does, and looks to old episodes for clues. I loved how Sera kept analyzing all situations against what she learned from Rachel’s podcasts - trust no one, question everything, trust your instincts. I was right there with Sera trying to figure out what had happened, except I was unsuccessful. I could not figure this out until the very end, but by then it was pretty much over. It was a lot of fun to see where this was going to go, and a lot of awkward cringing for Sera as you did have to take a step back and wonder, who even does this? But then I thought, probably the die hard true crime podcast listeners, that’s who.

This is a debut and it is excellent. There were moments I chuckled, and I absolutely loved the name of the podcast, Murder She Spoke, which would be great for real life. The pacing was well done, and the atmosphere was definitely creepy. The description of the ranch that Rachel grew up on and Sera ingrained herself in so that she could get more info on Rachel was one that I would have immediately hard passed and turned around on, but not our girl Sera, she had a task to do and wasn’t stopping until she found out what happened to Rachel. I can admire that.

If you can’t tell, I thoroughly enjoyed this one, and absolutely recommend it for your next thriller read, especially if you like true crime podcasts. Even if you don’t I think you will like this one because it is creepy and twisted and entertaining.

Thank you to NetGalley and Berkley for the advanced copy to review.

What starts as an obsession story, it grows into something else.

A fan of podcaster Rachel, Sera goes on an investigation to find her when she goes missing. Now missing isn't the right word, per-se. As noone, including her family has filed a missing person's report. And no one else is worried, except for Sera. She goes to the family ranch, and gets herself hired as a farm hand to help with the horses, and find out more about Rachel's family as well as the missing woman herself.

This book weaves the reality of this lost woman, Sera in real world, with the idea of what she knows about Rachel and her world, and it becomes like a mind game. There are things where you cannot decipher who is who, and what is real, what Sera is reflecting of herself, and what is assumed or imagined.

What did bother me how trusty and naive Sera might have seen at times. You know when you watch a scary movie and you have that feeling that something bad is about to happen to the character.. Well for a true crime podcast obsessed, Sera didn't seem to be listening to her own senses, or having any fear at that.

The end! I had all these theories about where this story is going. And because I love a good obsession narrative, I was hoping I was right- but nope, missed it. Even though the clues are there! (they were just leading me the wrong direction).

Overall, a refreshing take. Smart, and engrossing. I loved the whole theme of disappearance, especially when it comes to the narratives, and how women are always painted.

Holy. Butternut. Squash.

This book had me feeling nauseous from the start - in that good thriller type of way. I didn't want my lunch breaks at work to end because all I wanted to do was keep reading. When I was reading it on the treadmill at the gym, I felt the urge to crank up the speed and run. If I Disappear made my heart rate climb as though I was riding a rollercoaster and it was so freakin' awesome.

This is Eliza Jane Brazier's debut novel and she came in with guns blazing. I couldn't connect much to the main character, Sera, but I couldn't get enough of the predicament she got herself tangled in. The crime podcast concept was unique and set this novel apart from others I've read. I got a lot of A Simple Favor/The Girl on the Train vibes from this story, so if you're a fan of Hawkins or Bell you will quickly become a fan of Brazier. I, for one, can't wait to read what she releases next.

If you want an intense read that is guaranteed to give you goosebumps, If I Disappear is the book for you. For that reason, I give it 5 leaves!

I love me a good psychological thriller. The twisty, the better.
Right off the bat, this books gave me some dark haunting vibes. Excellent. It also felt like I was jumping into a story that had already started. No matter, on we go. Sera is on a mission. Her favorite true crime podcaster Rachel has disappeared. Sera knows she’s the only one who can find her. What happened to Rachel?

Ah I had such high hopes for this book. It started out pretty good. Some questionable characters. Check. The haunting vibe. Check. Trust no one vibe. Check. The pacing is slow. I started to feel like the story was going no where. By the time the ending came, I really didn’t care who did what. I struggled to connect with Sera. The twists fell flat as did the ending.

All in all, this was an okay read. It wasn’t for me but others may enjoy it and I encourage you to read it and make up your own mind. Despite my issues with the book, I will not let it deter me from checking out the author’s next book. I give this 2 stars.

Captivating and creepy. Atmospheric and tense. Uncomfortable and unsettling. Eliza Jane Brazier’s debut had my pulse pounding from first minute to last. Sarah is a lonely and lost 30 something with an obsession with true crime podcasts, the “Murder She Spoke“ podcast being her favorite. When Rachel the host of the MSS podcast goes missing Sarah is compelled to find her. Sarah‘s search for Rachel takes her to small town Northern California and Rachel‘s family ranch. When Sarah arrives in the small town she is surprised to find that nobody seems to be worried about where Rachel has gone. Not her family, not her friends, not the police, but Sarah is certain there are sinister things going on and she is determined to find her favorite podcaster.

The story is told in second person with Sarah speaking to the reader as if they are Rachel. There were also snippets of the podcast woven into the beginning of each chapter.The creepy feel of this ranch was so vividly described it just jumped off the pages. Sarah ends up taking a job at the ranch and is housed in disgusting quarters. I had the heebie-jeebies and wanted to gag from the description of the smell of rat droppings. *Yuck* I could just visualize the overgrown blackberry bushes and feel the impending doom. The story is filled with Unusual characters that you never quite get a handle on. Even Sarah our narrator is a complete mystery. Is she reliable? Is she crazy? What’s with the obsession? I knew she was divorced, had a nowhere job, and was about to get evicted, but other than that I really had no idea of her backstory. I think this might have added to the atmosphere of the story? I always felt a little bit off balance, a little uneasy, a couple facts short of understanding completely what was going on. A compelling thriller, looking forward to see what is next from Miss Brazier

This book and emojis 🐎 🐈‍⬛ 🐀 🌿 📓 🛻 🚜

*** Big thank you to Berkley for my gifted copy of this book. All opinions are my own. ***

Oh the thrills! Oh the suspense! If you’re a psychological thriller lover who enjoys true crime podcasts and fresh creative writing then step this way, this is the book for you.

It centers around Sera, a super fan of a true crime podcast, who decides to play detective when her favorite host suddenly stops posting and is assumed missing. Sera is determined to find and rescue her idolized podcaster, and gets a bit stalker-ish in the process.

Ok...a lot, she gets a lot stalker-ish. The girl is obsessed. Also, a bit delusional. But I’m here for it because it makes for the perfect mystery story and I loved practically everything about this novel.

The main character is odd and quirky, so being in her mind was interesting. (She had some Joe from You vibes going on) The author writes in such a artistic and candid way, that I couldn’t help but be fully immersed into the story. The fact that it takes place in Northern California was also a fun bonus. 🌾

Thank you @Netgalley for giving me this ARC to review. I loved it so much, I hurried and bought a hard copy as soon as I finished because I know it’s one I want for my shelves. If you love a totally unique murder mystery, then you’ll want to grab this thriller and read it for yourself.

Traveling With T’s Thoughts:

Ummmm….. so the podcast angle mentioned in the summary about the book totally caught my attention. I have been enjoying authors using podcasts and other types of social media in their stories recently and I have to say that last line ” Rachel did try to warn her.” really sealed the deal for me to request this book.

BUT did it live up to my expectations?

Ummmmmmmmm…. not really.

It was ok. It even had flashes of good stuff. But, it was mainly just ok for me.

What I liked:

The cover was def eye-catching.

The podcast angle. The idea that the host is leaving subtle clues and that this person can find her by using her podcast and going to where her family was had some definite appeal.



Bottom line: The premise of the book was really intriguing- but some of the story specifically how Sera was always “talking” to Rachel and the ending- well… it just took away from my enjoyment. Overall, this book was a bit too SOMETHING for my liking. If you are looking for a book with a podcast angle- I enjoyed The Night Swim more.



*This book was sent to Traveling With T for review consideration. All thoughts and opinions are mine alone.*

When I requested an ARC (advanced reader copy) of If I Disappear, I did it solely based on the cover and the first couple lines in the description… “When her favorite true crime podcast host goes missing, an adrift young woman sets out to investigate and plunges headfirst into the wild backcountry of Northern California and her own dangerous obsession.”

I am giving this book 3.5 stars but have decided to round up rather than down because my overall feeling is that I was entertained and found myself wanting to know the what’s and why’s of the story. This is a twisty mystery that reads a bit slowly at times, but the details keep the reader entertained and curious.

The main character, Sera, is a thirty-something who is lost in life. She is divorced, has grown apart from her friends, isn’t close to her parents, lost her job, and has spent the last year of her life engulfed in true crime podcasts. One podcast in particular is performed by Rachel, and Sera feels as though she is friends with Rachel because she has obsessively listened to her shows over and over, memorizing them. Until one day, Rachel doesn’t upload a new show and doesn’t post anything to social media. Sera then decides the only thing she can do is go find out what happened to Rachel.

This book explores the topic of influencers on social media and in podcasts and those who believe themselves to be their number one fan/friend. There are dangers to putting yourself “out there” for the world to see. You can never truly know what goes on in the minds of others and how far they will go to live out their thoughts. I think that this book is great for plot driven readers and those who enjoy trying to figure out what happens next… good luck with this one! The story doesn’t always feel like the pieces quite fit and the characters are all a bit odd. However, the unique premise and its execution are what make this novel stand out. I recommend this novel to mystery lovers and anyone looking for something that doesn’t fit the usual mold.

I want to thank Berkley Publishing and NetGalley for sending an eARC for me to read and provide an honest review.

Do you enjoy crime podcasts? I’m especially fond of Crime Junkie, myself. I think the speakers as well as the story trap you and that’s how we become addicted. I love all things Murder; podcasts, documentaries, movies, etc.

Imagine that your life has taken a downward turn and you become entranced into these podcasts, almost like the speaker is speaking directly to you. You become convinced that the speaker IS in fact calling out for help from you. So you play detective and follow her steps.

This book, y’all I predict this will be a top favorite and probably end up being a Goodreads Choice award. I am floored, I did not expect what awaited me towards the last half of the book. It was SO good and SO well written, I thoroughly enjoyed it and want more!!

It also happens to be publication day for this gem and I highly recommend it!! Thank you to NetGalley, Berkley and Eliza Jane for the advanced readers copy. This was truly a page turner that I couldn’t put down!

Sera is a unique character. She lives alone, recently divorced, has no real friends, listens to true crime podcasts, and feels like her favorite podcaster, Rachel, is talking directly to her. When Rachel’s podcasts stop Sera is sure that something bad has happen to her and heads to Rachel’s hometown to save her. When she arrives, she finds a ranch that has a history of women disappearing and a town that warns her to stay away from the ranch.

I am not a podcast listener, but I love a good thriller, mystery book. If I Disappear had me wondering what had happen to Rachel, were her parents as odd as they seemed, would Sera find out the truth. I had so many questions as I continued reading. I loved that Sera did not let anything detour her from finding the answers she was looking for and that she did not take everything and everyone around her at face value. She questioned everyone and everything she encountered.

I was not pulled into this story as deeply as I would like, I was able to put the book down and not really think about it until I picked it up again. But when I picked it up the rest of my world went away, and I could not be distracted by the life going on around me. I like the unique format of adding the podcast notes within the story. Over all, I really enjoyed If I Disappear and look forward to more of Eliza Jane Brazier’s books.

Sera is unemployed, single, and without any connections. But she is an avid fan of true crime podcasts. Which is why, when she becomes convinced that her favorite podcaster—Rachel Bard of Murder, She Spoke—has gone missing, Sera decides she's going to be the one to solve the mystery.

Rachel's family owns and runs the Fountain Creek Ranch, just outside of Happy Camp, California. It's supposed to be a popular summer destination for families, but Sera arrives during the off season. So she claims to have heard there was work and is soon employed as a ranch hand, helping with the horses. This kind of in is perfect for her to nose around and uncover clues. Or so she thinks.

Rachel's parents are odd. Her mother insists that Sera stay away from nearby Happy Camp, claiming the locals hate them. And what little interaction Sera has with people outside of the ranch seems to support that opinion. In fact, no one outside of Fountain Creek is concerned about Rachel at all.

Sera knows that Rachel isn't the first woman to go missing from Happy Camp. Rachel told her all about them through her podcast. And Sera is certain that Rachel must have had her own suspicions. And if she did, Sera knows she would have left clues for someone like Sera to find.

Eliza Jane Brazier's debut is a twisty addition to the massively popular trend of setting thrillers and mysteries around the world of true crime podcasts.

This is something of a tough review to write in part because If I Disappear is the kind of book that I think works best if you're able to go into it kind of unprepared for what's coming. I'll try to be as unspoilery as I can be, but if you're a reader who appreciates being truly surprised, I'd suggest skipping the rest of the below until you have a chance to read the book yourself! (And then you can come back and tell me what you think about it!)

Sera is something of a lost soul. She's unmoored. She has no real goals and no real friends. In fact, she spends her days obsessively listening to true crime podcasts and that's about it.

And obsessed is a good word to describe Sera.

No one has declared Rachel Bard missing. But Sera is so deep in Rachel's world that she honestly believes she's the only one who knows the podcast and its host well enough to realize that something suspicious has occurred. Until she arrives at Fountain Creek Ranch and speaks to Rachel's own mother, Sera is pretty much alone in her concern about Rachel. But even Rachel's mother won't talk to the police.

It's hard to know, as a reader, just how much you can trust Sera's narrative. She's an odd bird. But it quickly becomes apparent that pretty much everyone in the story is odd to some degree. In fact, there comes a point in reading the book where Sera seems almost normal compared to all of the other characters!

I actually found that I liked Sera quite a bit. She's a little blank, a little bland, a character who doesn't really bring much to the story herself. But she never felt flat or undeveloped. Instead, she felt like a person who is still searching for who she wants to be and what she wants from life. As such, it's easy to believe that she'd hop in the car one day, leaving everything behind, with no real plan except to solve the mystery of where her favorite podcaster has disappeared to.

The pacing of the book was excellent! Chapters begin with lines from different episodes of the podcast and some turn out to be connected to Sera's own investigation. If I have one complaint, though, it would be that some of those podcast bits seemed just as interesting as the book itself, leaving me wanting more than just a line or two!

It's probably no surprise to say that there's a pretty big twist at the end of this one. It's a twist that I honestly can't say I didn't see coming. Brazier peppered the book with pretty obvious clues leading to the twist, which I'm certain was intentional. They're the kind of clues that I think in retrospect any reader (and even Sera in a few cases) recognizes as leading up to the twist. Certainly they're the kinds of things that that I think would stand out more on a second read through.

That said, I think it's the kind of twist that leaves a little up to the reader to decide. And it seems some people really liked it and others did not. Personally, I thought it worked! It was a satisfying, if someone messy, end to a book that I found thoroughly engaging!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This story felt like a mixture of Quentin Tarantino and Stephen King, with a little podcast thrown in. The town and the people are bizarre, creepy, disconcerting and surreal.

It’s getting mixed reviews but I enjoyed it. I buddy read it with my book bestie @books.cats.travel.food which makes any book better.
Both of us are pretty good at formulating theories and we were both stumped with this one. And wrong about the ending.

You have to give it points for being unique. The end of the book did seem a bit disjointed, but overall, it’s entertaining ✨
_______________________________

Sera obsessively listens to a crime podcast chronicling stories of women that have disappeared. Suddenly Rachel, the host of the podcast, goes silent. No new podcasts, no social media posts. Sera is certain that something bad has happened to Rachel.

Using the details that she has gleaned from all of the podcast episodes, Sera goes to Rachel’s small, isolated town- determined to find her.......

A True Crime Podcaster goes missing
A fan goes out to search
What do you get... a witty and twisty thriller

If I Disappeared is a unique read - a debut author with an amazing voice that makes this book bingeable, addictive and unputdownable. I found it entertaining and to hear that this may be developed for television sounds fascinating.

Rachel is the host of a true crime pod cast called Murder She Spoke when she suddenly stops posting and goes missing. One of her fans, Sera whose life is adrift, takes it upon herself to get in the middle of this story by going up to Rachel's ranch in Northern California and start an investigation on her own. Armed with the tools from listening to Rachel's true crime podcast, Sera embarks on a mystery meeting some shady characters along the way.

What a fantastic read I enjoyed!!

Thank you Berkley Pub for the ARC and all opinions are my own

Well what a ride this one was! If I Disappear by Eliza Jane Brazier is a debut but you could have fooled me. I loved the tenseness in this book, and I thought it was both perfectly suspenseful while also giving the reader a very claustrophobic feel. It is definitely a slow burn, but I could not put it down and there is enough going on that you just want to keep reading until the very end. I love that every chapter starts with an excerpt from Rachel's true crime podcast, and that plus the short chapters made the book fly by. You can never be sure of Sera as a narrator, and she was a bit unreliable overall which I think brought something extra to the story.

The isolated ranch couldn't have been a better setting, and there are so many things that gave me the heebie-jeebies. If I Disappear is a very unsettling read, and while nothing is overly descriptive, there are still plenty of disturbing and chilling things about it. I thought the writing was fantastic and it was a very unique and smart debut. I definitely had no idea where it was headed, and the end left me with my mouth hanging open and chills. I don't normally love the kind of end this one has, but it really worked here, and I was satisfied with it. Maybe there will be a follow-up in the future?? I can only hope, and no matter what Brazier's next book is I will definitely be reading it!

Thank you to the publisher for my advance review copy via NetGalley. All opinions and thoughts are my own.