{3.5 stars}

If you love a twisty story full of panic and lots of likely suspects then this is a must read. Written in mostly as a first person sort of diary / letter stream of consciousness to the person that is missing, this one is a quick read. There is a ton of anxiety and panic as Sera immerses herself into the life of her favorite true crime podcaster who has disappeared. Her own life is a mess so she decides to focus on helping find the one person who gave her solace and stability.

As she meets the people on the isolated ranch in a small town, literally everyone is a suspect. She goes absolutely bananas pinning everything on everyone. This gets confusing at times but definitely heightens your senses. There are times where she completely spins out and many times where she makes entirely stressful and unwise decisions but you're with her for the whole ride.

The ending is an actual ending which I appreciate in a world of thrillers that never seem to wrap up. The truth was equally plausible and far-fetched enough to keep your head spinning. Lots of red herrings along the way to keep you thinking.

It took my quite awhile to get into this crazy suspense. And it truly is a suspense...based on a podcast host that has suddenly disappeared- Rachel believes she can follow her clues and find her.
It’s hard to follow the back and forth of the episodes of the podcast, but you get the thrill of the ride and are hanging eagerly for the next page.
Sera cannot believe she is the only one looking for Rachel and leaves her quite unsettled.

I really wanted to love this one, but it just wasn’t my cup of tea. The pace was on the slower side and I never felt drawn into the story. I did like the ending, but the book was very different and I didn’t care for it overall.

(partner @berkleypub ) If I Disappear was such a bizarre read for me, there was plenty I loved but some stuff that left me scratching my head too. I read this over a week ago and after really gathering my thoughts and having some convos with friends, (thanks @crimebythebook and @tbretc for chatting with me ❤️) I think I can finally share my review.

This follows Sera a huge true crime podcast fan, and by podcast fan I mean she has an unhealthy obsession with one particular podcast run by Rachel. When Rachel goes missing Sera thinks back to “clues” Rachel left in her podcast to figure out where she lives. She knows she’s the only person who can Rachel because she’s the only one who understands her. And that’s basically all you need to know as far as plot specifics I think, but doesn’t that sound so good?! It did to me too but this was much darker and odd than I expected it to be as well. When Sera arrives at Rachel’s family ranch it’s immediately apparent that things are wayyyyy off.

I loved the authors writing style, it was gorgeous and had an odd subtlety to it that came off as super creepy which worked well for me. It’s also told in second person which lent something intimate and creepy to an already strange book. It was also incredibly atmospheric as its set almost entirely on this isolated ranch where some weird ass shit is going on. It was also very compulsive and fast paced despite there not always being a ton going on and it was highly unique, which is always a bonus. What didn’t work so well for me was the ending, at one point I thought things were tied up in a great and solid way and then BAM a twist was thrown in that I didn’t love. It just didn’t feel totally necessary for me and I wish it had ended where I assumed it was. So do I recommend this one? Yes, but it has to be for the right reader. You have to be ok with a super dark and super weird book that will make you think WTF quite a few times. It’s strange y’all. I think it’ll be polarizing for sure but it will definitely make you think and give you plenty to discuss ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Oof. I really wanted to like this book. I love true crime podcasts and a book based on a fan becoming obsessed with one sounds right up my alley. However, I should have DNFed this book. This weekend I stopped reading this book and read a whole middle grade book to avoid reading this. I had to force myself to finish this book and with 5 minutes left of it last night I went to sleep because I could not make myself to finish the last few pages before turning out the light. I kept getting confused by the timelines of all the characters. Things seemed to need much more time than they were allowed in the plot. Also the motivations behind the crimes committed are still a little foggy to me after finishing the book and skimming the epilogue once more. Not one character is remotely likeable except a horse, and things were just a little too helter skelter for my taste.

Minimal open door sexual content
Content Warning: Murder, Kidnapping, Animal Abuse, Alcoholism

I found the ending to be a bit “info-dumpy” but this was a wild ride. It made me anxious and I didn’t want to put it down!

If you love binge watching true crimes shows or are a fan of Gillian Flynn or Karin Slaughter, you will love this thriller by Eliza Jane Brazier!
“If I Disappear” picks up on the popular true crime trend and takes it to the next level. Sera, a young adult adrift and depressed, spends her days obsessively listening to a True Crime podcast about missing women. When the podcast host abruptly goes silent, Sera decides to solve the mystery herself. She makes her way to a wild back country ranch in Northern California owned by the family of the podcast’s host and starts to trace her footsteps. The author’s use of graphic, gruesome language captures a detailed image of these crimes that may be too harsh for some readers. The tension builds as the novel progresses making it a compelling read that’s hard to put down.
This fast paced novel has earned a five out of five star rating!
Berkley Publishing Group January 26, 2021

I waffled greatly on a star rating for this one- it's a story that is as odd as the narrator, Sera, a woman who is slightly adrift and ends up deciding to investigate the disappearance of her favorite podcast host. She's obsessive about this, and relatively open about it to the strangers in said host's hometown who find her interest in what they believe to be a nonissue off-putting. Sera may be strange, but so are the other people around her and the ranch she's working on. There is something that always feels off about every bit of the story, but this was also a really satisfyingly done mystery straight through the end.

Another podcast book!!!!! I don't like podcasts but I do like reading about them.... I enjoyed the book and I didn't predict the ending. The main character was a bit whiny, but I get that.

If I Disappear was a strange novel, but in a good way. It sucks you in and makes you just like Sera, not wanting to stop until you know the truth. And the creep factor was very high for me, which I absolutely love! If you’re looking for a fast-paced, atmospheric mystery with a strong sense of foreboding and increasing intensity, then look no further.

A big thank you to Berkley for providing me an ARC to review.

When Rachel who has a podcast called Murder She Spoke a podcast on missing woman suddenly goes silent, her biggest fan Sera begins to worry and begins to think she’s missing. She checks every social media and nothing. So Sera decides to take matters into her own hands, she takes all the lessons she learned from Rachel’s podcasts and heads to Rachel family ranch Fountain Creek which is located in Northern California. Under the guise of a woman starting over, she lands a job helping on the ranch with the horses, working with Rachel’s parents who don’t seem that worried that their daughter is gone. Between working on the ranch Sera begins investigating and soon realizes there are many suspicious people at and around the ranch including Rachel’s parents and brother, along with the horse hand. The town seems to not want anything to do with Rachel’s family and her mom seems to be a bit crazy, Sera begins to wonder if she should be worried about her own life especially at a desolate ranch! This book was a wonderful debut! The mystery hooks you and the podcast paragraphs at each chapter was an added bonus! I’m giving this four stars!

3.5 stars. Can we just start by saying this book probably wins best cover of the year - it is stunning. I really loved the plot line of this book - the main character is obsessed with a true crime podcast and goes to a very isolated location to try and track the podcaster down when she stops posting. But, she is sucked in to a small down dynamics and family problems with people as lost as she is. I was really in to the weirdness and trying to figure out who is good and who did it, but when it came to the climax of the novel, it felt super rushed and quite murky. Then, the ending was a little frustrating because it certainly left a cliffhanger.

Overall, this was a fun read. I enjoyed the atmosphere, the interweaving of podcasts, and how it's told in second person. I also enjoyed the ending.

However, I didn't like any of the characters and in the end, I think I will forget about this book in a few months because it didn't do anything drastically new.

Sera is a huge fan of true crime podcasts and becomes obsessed when her favorite podcaster, Rachel, goes missing. She goes to the secluded ranch where Rachel grew up and gets a job working for her family and trying to find out what happened to Rachel. The book does a great job of creating a sense of unease with the remote location and the weird family on the ranch. They are possessive and seem to be spying on Sera and the only other worker, Jed. Jed came with his wife Grace to work the ranch but Grace didn’t last a week. However, Sera seems completely unreliable and unhinged. No one believes her concerns, not even the police. She is tired of women being called crazy and she is tired of women disappearing. She puts herself in danger to find out the truth. And the truth is very disturbing. I enjoyed the book and it was a quick read. I didn’t love the ending and thought it was confusing and a little to open ended for my taste. Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an e-arc for an honest review.

This book felt like a slow burn of despair, but I was hooked the entire time! Fans of true crime, particularly fans of True Crime podcasts will find similarities in themselves with Sera Fleece and will be sucked into her world of trying to find Rachel, the host of the podcast, Murder She Spoke. Side note: I wish this were a real podcast especially after author, Eliza Jane Brazier, posted a mock clip of the podcast on her Instagram. An interesting aspect of this novel is that it's told in the second person in that Sera is talking to Rachel and addresses her as "you" to refer to her often. I think it's rare to find a book that does this well but Brazier nails it. I will admit that I figured out the ending pretty quickly and I think others may too, but that didn't make this any less of an engaging read. Additional note, the cover of this novel is amazing.

Thrillers aren’t usually my thing, but the podcast aspect made this one sound really interesting. I devoured it practically in one sitting because I NEEDED to find out what was going on and unravel the mystery along with Sera. The isolated setting made me feel super uneasy, but in a good way - the book has this sort of claustrophobic feeling that makes all the stakes seem higher. Overall, I would definitely recommend to fans of mysteries and thrillers, although I understand how this one wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea.

Sera becomes obsessed with a true crime podcast, “Murder, She Wrote”, hosted by Rachel Bard. She’s listened to all 84 episodes, multiple times, and follows Rachel on social media. When suddenly no new episodes are available and Rachel’s social media goes quiet, Sera fears Rachel has disappeared - just like the women she featured on her podcast. Remember how I said Sera was obsessed? She decides it’s up to her to go investigate and figure out what happened to Rachel. She drives to the Bard family ranch in middle-of-nowhere Northern California and is almost immediately hired as on at the ranch by Rachel’s eccentric mother. Sera feels this will be her best chance to figure out what has happened to Rachel. But the Bard family is strange, as are all the people in the small town, and it seems like everyone is keeping secrets. Sera also feels like she is being watched - is she safe in the place Rachel disappeared from?

It took me a bit to get into this one, but once I got about half way through I was definitely invested and it kept me wanting to read more. The ending I wish went a little further into what happened next, but I understand why the author ended it as she did.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for a digital arc in exchange for an honest review.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Berkley for gifting me a digital ARC of this debut novel by Eliza Jane Brazier - 4 stars for a twisty mystery based on our fascination with true crime podcasts.

Sera's life has gone off the rails - she lost her baby, she got divorced, can't keep a minimum wage job for long. She becomes obsessed with a podcast that revolves around missing girls. When Rachel, the podcast host, drops out of sight, Sera is convinced that she is missing and it's up to her to find Rachel. She heads out to Rachel's home - a very remote family ranch. She manages to get a job working with the horses and doing cleaning for Rachel's parents and tries to investigate Rachel's disappearance. But she discovers that Rachel isn't the first girl to disappear from this area and that no one can be trusted.

A twisty mystery that kept me guessing until the end, even while I figured some things out. There is a full cast of interesting/weird/creepy characters that combined with the remote atmosphere equals a suspenseful quick read!

Another novel with a podcast based premise is hitting the market. If I Disappear does not follow its predecessors in the way that it is formatted, meaning that it is not like listening to a podcast. There are brief snippets of the podcast episode that the main character, Sera refers to but it doesn’t necessarily read as if you are listening to the podcast.

Sera jumps in her car one day and decides that she is going to be the person that finds and rescues her favorite podcast host Rachel, that has disappeared. Sera gets a job at the ranch that Rachel’s parents own so that she can get into Rachel’s mindset before her disappearance.

I wanted to love this story but it just didn’t grab my attention. It wasn’t a bad read but it wasn’t the best of its kind. For me, it was middle of the road.

If I Disappear was not your typical thriller and I wasn't sure about it for a while. This book won't be for everyone, but it's different in a way that I finally decided I liked.

Sera, unemployed and recently divorced, is feeling a little lost in life. When she learns that Rachel (the host of Murder, She Spoke, Sera's favorite true crime podcast) has vanished, she decides to go find her. Rachel's family, who live in rural California are ... paranoid "truthers" who run Fountain Creek Ranch, a ramshackle farm that's not nearly as nice as it sounds. They reluctantly accept Sera as a farm hand and Sera begins her investigation. What happened to Rachel? And, what happened to some of he missing women that Rachel chronicled in her podcast, who also disappeared in the area.

The story reads as if Sera is recounting the entire story to Rachel. Yes, there's a mystery in here, but this story is also rather metaphorical, about missing women and women like Sera who want to get lost. There's also some subtle commentary on the nature of obsession: where does an interest in murder and crime become unhealthy. If there was a genre called California Gothic, this book would be it. Rachel's family farm features herds of feral cats, dead animals, abandoned dolls - it's very atmospheric in a really strange and often disturbing way.

Sera had a darkly comic narration that grew on me after a while. At first I thought she was completely nuts, but then I grew to like her.

If you like books that are quirky, you should definitely try this one!