Well over 100 times. What, may you ask? The phrase "I Hate Men". I must to admit asking myself why I kept reading a book that opened with and kept using that very phrase. But, read on I did and I truly get why our primary protagonist April had that view of men. Dating was an ultimate fail for April and she truly wants that to change that.

Then there is Gretel. The ideal woman as far as April is concerned. So, in her own way she begins to catfish her future dates by becoming the true embodiment of the person Gretel is - brash, beautiful, fun and more. When April is Gretel she has confidence, confidence she never had before. However, all the while the men she begins to meet continue to disappoint her in one way or another. Then, April meets Joshua - as Gretel - and things begin to look up.

What will April do now? How will she be able to become herself without losing Joshua once he discovers the truth?

There is a catch while reading this book. It is THE very reason April hates men and this is where this review is forced to take on a more serious note. April dealt with sexual assault in a previous relationship. This makes it necessary to present the reader of this review with a trigger warning. I never had the exact experience that April had, but I had enough of life's bad experiences that this was almost enough to stop me from reading this book more than once.

That being said I did read the book through. I really got into April's head and even her heart. I could see why she felt she had to become someone else, and I really began to feel for her when it seemed she finally found the right guy. This led me to want to know how that would work itself out.

This book is said to be humorous. That would be about my only real negative beyond the triggering effect this book had. I felt it to be quite serious, even if April went through a comedy of errors during some of her dates.

So, dear reader, if you can get past the negative points I bring out in this review, then take this book, grab a cup of coffee and find a comfortable spot and take the ride with April/Gretel/April as we see her looking for love. I think as this book deals with serious issues it does indeed deliver important and powerful lessons.

Having not read Holly Bourne before I cannot speak as to whether or not this is her style of writing. But, for an American debut novel, she certainly has made herself stand out.

Many thanks to Hodder & Stoughton and to NetGalley for this ARC for review. This is my honest opinion.

Ok, there's a lot I have to say about this book, but I'll try to keep this short and not give out too many spoilers, but it's a little hard to discuss without any spoilers at all.

First this book definitely needs some trigger warnings. Based upon the description, I was not prepared for what it a huge topic in the book. Things really peak about half-way through and I almost couldn't finish. I stepped away for about a week, then pushed through. **Trigger warnings: Rape, Date rape, Sexual assault, Trauma** While the character's rape does not happen on page, she is dealing with the aftermath throughout the book. Plus she works for a charity that deals with sexual issues, so there are a lot of peripheral assaults and trauma.

Now, on to characters. As this is told from April/Gretel's POV, we don't get a lot of depth into the other characters, but I really like April's friends Megan and Chrissy. And the new friends she makes at boxing. Her coworkers are pretty good, and all things considered. are really good to her.

April, and her alter-ego Gretel are of course the integral character(s). And honestly, I really like April. She is incredibly flawed, deeply emotional, and REAL. Gretel is cold, not necessarily to others as much as she is to April. In some ways it seemed like Gretel was trying to punish April for her perceived faults. The first sex scene between Gretel and Josh is a prime example (and the start of where things got really hard for me to continue).

Josh, however, I have a lot of conflicting feelings about. He is a good guy and has his own set of faults, and he deserves a relationship and HEA as much as April does. But I don't see the chemistry between him and April/Gretel. Their relationship felt forced and not genuine.

All of that being said, I did like the resolution of the story and I'm interested in reading more by this author.

Disclaimer: I received an eARC of this book from the publisher Harlequin Trade & MIRA through Net Galley for a Blog Tour. The publisher also sent a physical copy. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

DNF @ 14%

I unfortunately couldn’t finish this one. I had originally jumped onto this arc thinking that it would be a great contemporary with a great message, however, I got hit with something else entirely than what the synopsis and cover portray. This book was a lot heavier and darker than I had initially believed it to be, and unfortunately deals with heavy topics that desperately needed a trigger warning (TW: rape, sexual assualt) that just isn’t given.

Due to my mental health and the place I am at currently in life, I just wasn’t in the right mindset to continue reading this story. I am certain based on other reviews, that this story is an amazing one with a great feminist message—I however just could not handle continuing at this time. Hopefully soon, I will be able to pick it back up though!

I'm sure at one time in their lives everyone has thought that dating would be so much easier if you could become the perfect person for them?
After all, the reason we are advised to "Be yourself" is because we are used to pretending.
This book takes it to an extreme- where a young woman decides to hurt men like she has been hurt, and it is electrifying. I'm not typically a big fan of realistic fiction, but this was so electric I read it in one day! I definitely recommend it for anyone who has ever dated.

I loved 90% of Pretending, a fantastic and brave look at what it's like for a woman who has been sexually assaulted, April. It's been a few years since her ex, Ryan, raped her, but April is still having flashbacks, and other ptsd symptoms common in assault victims. April is trying to move on--she even works at a sexual crisis hotline--and wants to have a relationship, but finds herself dating jerks and becoming increasingly infuriated with them. After her latest experience is triggering, she decides she wants to get even and creates "Gretel," the quintessential "cool girl," and starts dating Joshua.

As all this is happening, all the trauma she's repressed starts to come out and after lashing out at work, she is referred to a boxing class. The class, and the women in it, are the best part of the book. It's so rare to have such a raw and honest depiction of the horrors women who've been assaulted carried, and a frank exploration of how difficult healing can be.

The only flaw, for me, is that April's relationship with Joshua feels forced into a happily ever after. For me, a better ending would have been the relationship ending after April reveals she isn't Gretel and continuing going to class and really starting therapy and the flash forward showing that April is learning to love and respect herself and believe she can find love, but that it shouldn't and doesn't define her life.

I think this is, overall, quite a strong novel, and am definitely adding Holly Bourne to the authors-to-watch list!

Pretending is not a book that I would normally pick for myself but I am SO glad I read it. I think it is something we can all resonate with. Dating in the modern age is TOUGH and I’m glad I'm married so I don't have to deal with it. Bourne has created a main character who you want to cheer on from the sidelines and a story that you cannot put down.

Bourne’s latest novel, Pretending, blew me away. She tapped into all of my emotions in one swoop. What I thought was going to be a light and fluffy experience, turned out to be an emotionally raw and engaging read with quite a few laughs on the side. Let’s take a deeper look into this novel, shall we!

Before I dive into telling you about this book, I need to let you know from the start that Pretending includes rape, sexual assault and recovery. There is no avoiding it or skipping past it in this novel. If this subject matter is triggering or one that you are uncomfortable reading about, please gently put this book aside.

April is single and in her early thirties. As much as she wants to find Mr. Right and settle down, there is one thing getting in her way…SHE HATES MEN! She makes it very clear how awful they are from the start. Her angry tone towards the male population may seem over the top at first glance, but you will quickly learn its origin given her traumatic past. Being sexually assaulted by her ex-boyfriend took away a part of April she can never get back. Men want carefree women with no worries. Women who ooze body confidence like no other. Women who care, but not too much. Women who are secure in who they are. Women who are interesting and want to go to cool places… like Africa. Women who effortlessly look fabulous all the time. You get the idea. The problem is that April is none of these things. The potential to be that “type” of woman was stolen, along with a part of her soul by a man. Who on earth wants to date damaged goods? Baggage is only sexy at the airport on the way to a romantic destination with your lover…am I right? April can’t get past that fact that once a man sees her for who she really is, they will no doubt run the other way.

“I want to have someone in my life who completely and utterly knows me, and has earned the knowing of me by their unwavering willingness to stick around while I slowly reveal it all. It only grows with time and commitment and dedication, and that only comes with someone deciding you are worth the investment to become knowable. Someone who believes the bits they will learn about you will make them love you only more, not less.”

On a quest for revenge on her ex and on all men who walk the earth, April decides to test her theory out on a dating website. Instead of being April (her true authentic self), she pretends to be Gretel, a fictional version of herself that encompasses all things that she believes men “want” in a woman. The plot thickens when she starts dating Joshua. Being “Gretel” seems to be working. Joshua is smitten with her. However, as the weeks go by, the real April starts creeping in and Gretel becomes more exhausting to manage. Ultra cool Gretel is difficult to keep up with when flashbacks from April’s past make unexpected appearances while with Joshua. Her feelings for Joshua become muddy while overseeing Gretel and April’s emotions simultaneously. Will Joshua see through the lies and discover the “real” woman he is dating?

Pretending worked for me on so many levels. What I absolutely loved about this book is Bourne’s writing style. April’s journey toward healing and recovery was written with not only the greatest sensitivity to a difficult subject matter, but with a dark comedic vibe that had me laughing out loud. Because her private thoughts and vulnerability are fully exposed between the pages of this book, it was easy for me to connect with April. I personally enjoy getting into a character’s head space while reading. It is the complexity of their innermost thoughts that oftentimes drive the story forward. There were definitely times in the book where I wanted to shake what I thought was “sense” into April. I may have even tried to push her into therapy to process her trauma if I could. However, this is April’s story, and as it unfolds, I quickly realized that what may seem like a traditional and more straightforward approach to healing, may not be her direct path. “Pretending” to be someone else with an innocent man to seek answers you so desperately need may not sit well with the moralists out there (fair point). But sometimes storytelling is what we need to truly digest the magnitude of awful things in life. It also introduces the reader to Joshua, who I really want everyone to meet. Joshua, Joshua, Joshua!!!!

Pretending was the perfect afternoon read. I am not going to lie, at first I thought the combination of rom-com with the sexual assault component was strange. It felt weird, even slightly inappropriate to be chuckling and swooning over a gorgeous guy on one page and absolutely horrified and distressed on the next page. It worked though. Bourne weaved together an entertaining read about romance, love and self discovery while tackling the issue of sexual assault and recovery with thoughtfulness and grace. I loved April and her journey and my feelings for Joshua…well lets just say, you will find out soon enough!!!!

Holly Bourne is a new author to me. I've seen other reviews saying this was a regurgitated novel of hers with a different name. So my review will be of Pretending and not comparing it to her early works.

This book has sensitive issues regarding sexual assault, and other milder areas regarding the human condition dealing with emotions and feminism.

The heroine, April is tired of men. Generally she hates them. At first you're not sure why but as the story develops you get a deeper meaning and side of why some women are the way they are. The invisible scars that some of us wear everyday. And how hopeless it may seem at times when you're dealing with who you can trust.

Instead she creates a new personality to stop from being hurt again. No one can break down that wall she's built around herself. She feels invincible. But things take a turn when she meets Joshua, the hero. For once pretending doesn't seem like something she needs to do. Will her insecurities prove to be to much for their relationship.

Is he the one she can fully trust and love? Can he break those bearers that she has up?

This is definitely a thought provoking story with a tragic backstory that will stay with you long after reading. It definitely touched my heart.

I want to thank Harper Collins and Justin Sha with Harlequin/Mira for gifting me with a digital and printed copy.

Our main character April is a trying to deal with the trauma of her abusive relationship and rape all the while working at a charity part of her job includes answering emails from people who are dealing with the same things. A fact that can and does trigger her at times.
And this was a really interesting part of the book for me. I especially liked how Bourne dealt with it. The shows of support among the staff and the use of the psychologist and therapy to help them deal with their work as well as their commitment to it. Also the trauma boxing. Also the physical aspects- I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that talked about the bodies on-going response to a past trauma.

Bourne really seems to have done her homework on that part.
And this was a really interesting part of the book for me. I especially liked how Bourne dealt with it. The shows of support among the staff and the use of the psychologist and therapy to help them deal with their work as well as their commitment to it. Also the trauma boxing. Also the physical aspects- I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that talked about the bodies on-going response to a past trauma.

Because in her experience men don’t want the emotional baggage but cool and perfect women.

So she’s starts pretending she’s the “perfect” woman a chic called Gretel and naturally she meets a guy she really likes.

And that’s why Pretending is kind of hard to classify because with April and Joshua I kind of got this romantic comedy 10 Things I Hate About You vibe conflated with these very serious issues. I think Bourne walked the line for me like 75% of the time. Another character in the book April’s roommate is presented as a career woman who has it all together at the beginning of the book because she’s given up on relationships but then almost immediately goes out one night solely to get laid and starts falling into all her usual patterns and things go where you expect which made me seriously wonder…

Considering all the stuff in this book what is wrong with the idea of being alone? Especially when “alone” just means not in a romantic relationship. Maybe you just need time to work on yourself? To recover and heal? But that’s a rant that could last until Thanksgiving.

So to make a long post shorter (to late) I liked Pretending and I’m glad I read it. But it’s definitely not going to be for everyone and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just like there’s nothing wrong with not being in a romantic relationship.

I was provided an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I keep grappling with how to review this book. There were some really great things about this book and some things that I wish were handled differently. If you are at all triggered by mentions of sexual assault and mental health, I'd skip this one. This has some great messages and tackles a very sensitive subject. I'm not sure this hits the mark with the execution though.

April has been unlucky in love and in life. She unrealistically thinks that men want Gretel, the manic-pixie-dream-girl she has created in her head. Gretel is perfect and has no problems or emotional baggage, she is low maintenance, and does everything right with men. The catch, Gretel is not real. After another failed attempt in dating, April creates a fake profile on a dating app as Gretel and pretends to be her on a date. As a one time thing this pretending would have been fine, but she decides to carry on a relationship with him which is quite frankly weird. As things progress with nice guy Joshua, she realizes that maybe there are some nice guys out there and Josh might be one of them. Unfortunately she quickly finds that keeping up her Gretel persona is quite problematic for lots of reasons, especially if she wants to have an honest relationship with Joshua. She finds her mental health is slipping because of her lies and the stress associated with her job.

April hates men for a good reason. She had an abusive ex who committed the most heinous crime he could have against her. Rightfully so, April has some unpacked baggage that she while she thinks she has dealt with, she really hasn't. April works for a charity that deals with assault victims, yet not once was she counseled about her own trauma or given resources to help her deal with the aftermath of her own assault. I take issue with this. As a former sexual assault victim advocate, that is the first thing you offer to a victim of this kind of trauma. I find it unrealistic that she would or could work for said charity organization without having had any sort of help or being required to have had help. I'm not sure about in the UK, but in the US there are tons of free resources for victims to talk to someone and get treatment for the PTSD that comes with this kind of assault. Now eventually, the counselor at her job suggests that she take a boxing class to help with some of the aggression she's feeling but she's been working at her job for some time before this comes up. Now I will say that in the end I liked the way that things were handled and that she eventually got the support she needed to begin the mental healing process. I feel like it took far too long for someone to mention to April that she needed therapy, her so called friends just let her fumble around until she figured it out on her own after quite a bit of destructive behavior I found this unrealistic and a bit cruel. In real life you can’t make people do anything they don’t want to do, especially when it comes to situations like this, but the advocate in me is irritated that not one person who knew her situation and was supposed to care about her ever suggested resources to help her deal with her trauma for years afterwards.

I do wish this had focused more on April finding her voice and being able to say what she wanted like saying no in situations she was uncomfortable with instead of just letting things happen. The whole point of her being Gretel was to take power back in her life but she never said "No" or "I like this or that" in any situation versus pretending to be what she thinks other people want. Other than hurting Joshua when he finds out she’s not really Gretel, I don’t really see how she gained the upper hand at all.

Many of the women are portrayed as needing to have men in their lives to be fulfilled and being unhappy in their relationships when they find one. Most of their unhappiness stems around a lack of communication. Even in April’s case when she tells people things they are uncomfortable with she feels like it is her problem not theirs. Instead of having open communication the women are deemed crazy. I’m not OK with this portrayal of women, and maybe that is the narrative the author is trying to bring to light and change. I would have liked to see healthy relationships portrayed as the likely audience of this book is women. Women should feel empowered to speak their minds as April was to Neil about their not being a spectrum of sexual assault. This was an excellent scene and I would have liked more like it in the book, there were far too few of them. They should also feel inclined to talk to their partners about what they need and what is acceptable in a relationship. Healthy relationships take work on both sides and that wasn’t really presented as a scenario here.

Overall I applaud the author for tackling this sensitive subject and feminist message, but the execution just didn’t work for me. I think this book will be a really important read for some and it will fall flat for others.

Pretending deals with some very heavy subject matter: rape, low self-esteem, PTSD, and mental health. I haven't read a book that tackles these issues so prominently in quite a while, and I enjoyed reading April's journey of accepting the rape by her ex-boyfriend a few years prior to the beginning of the book to April ultimately getting the help and support she so desperately needed. While the blurb may seem light, the book tackles these subjects with a realism that makes you think.

Pretending follows April as she works for a charity that takes emails from the general public about their relationship and sexual problems. The ones that hit too close to home send April spiraling every time she's on email response duty. While she tries to keep it together professionally, her personal life is in shambles. She doesn't trust men at all, and once a potential suitor learns of her assault, they usually leave April to pick up the pieces. She's fed up and thinks that the problem is with her, so she decides to create the persona of the perfect woman and puts herself right back out into the dating pool.

It just so happens that the first guy that finds her on the dating app could be the nicest, most understanding, genuine, and handsome IT professional she's ever met. But "Gretel" as April calls herself, isn't prepared to fall for what has to be an act from Joshua, so their dating starts out on a lie of April's identity and continues until a very dramatic conclusion. Pretending is a book full of what it's like to have been traumatized by sexual assault and the fallout for years afterward.

April is so obviously broken, traumatized, and crying out for help throughout this book. While she thinks that all she needs is to be the one in control for once--and being Gretel will give her that control--April finds that pretending to be someone she's not is exhausting, trying, and just plain horrible when you grow to really like the person you're deceiving. Is there any way that good things can come from this first and ultimate deception?

I give Pretending a four out of five. This book portrays what it's like to live with such a serious traumatic event, and to eventually start to overcome it. I feel like April couldn't get help until she was ready to accept the rape and reach out for aid. Her friends and coworkers couldn't force April into therapy, even though she so desperately needed it. This was something that April needed to come into on her own terms. Joshua was the lone man that was good in this book. Every other male character, except for the homosexual coworker Matt, were portrayed as having nothing but bad qualities and faults. I really loved the kickboxing support group that April joined, and those survivors that make up the group made me smile with their unwavering support and understanding for April.

TW/CW: Sexual Assault/Rape

I've never read a Holly Bourne novel, but this book really hits you in the feels. I will warn you the subject manner is really heavy. April has gone through a lot, especially in relationships and it has made her scared to be with someone to the point that every relationship she's tried to start hasn't lasted more than 5 days. Her last relationship was horrible He was abusive and rapes her. It's ironic too because she works for a sexual health charity, answering emails from mostly women, stating the situations that they're in and if it's considered rape. It's just all too much for her to bear and she doesn't know how to deal with all these feelings. April then decides to create an alter ego for herself named Gretel. An inhabited woman, your normal dream girl.

Then there's Joshua and she starts to realize Joshua isn't like the others. It's past the 5 days and Joshua still wants to be with her despite her flaws and trauma. Joshua is the dreamy guy we always read about in books, but then somehow down the line he becomes a douche. Joshua wasn't that guy. He was supportive and understanding.
I really enjoyed this book. I loved the feminism portrayed here as well. After seeing other reviews for Pretending, I have come to the conclusion that I need to read more of Holly Bourne's novels as she's always representing feminism and discusses important topics. Pretending isn't about sappy love stories or getting revenge. It's about a woman rediscovering herself, about learning not to let her trauma define her. Huge thanks to Hodder & Stoughton,Netgalley, and Mira books for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

There’s a joke that straight women like to make when the subject of sexual orientation comes up. It goes something like this: “If being gay was a choice, most women would have chosen it by now.” Pretending, the U.S. debut of U.K. author Holly Bourne, reminded me of that joke—at least, the first few pages did.

To read the rest of the review, click on the link below.

Pitched to me as perfect for fans of Fleabag – and I am a huge fan of Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s show – I was immediately interested in reading this book. Pretending definitely captures the tone and raw emotional elements in a similar way of storytelling. While the premise and the cover gives the impression that this was a contemporary romance, and it was, it was also a lot heavier than expected as well.

I want to include a big trigger warning for the trauma and aftermath of sexual assault. I’m 100% not saying that it shouldn’t have been included, because the author really dives into the long term effects of someone who was raped – mentally, emotionally and physically – when it comes to future relationships which I haven’t often seen addressed so vividly in novels. I thought that was really important to have included. It just caught me by surprise how drastic the shift in tone was from the somewhat lighter mood of April/Gretel’s dating adventures as I wasn’t expecting that just by, yes, judging the book by its cover (and synopsis).

Beyond April’s story, I found some of the people in her circle really interesting as well. We don’t get to know a whole lot about them other than a coworker or roommate here and there, but I liked how many of them in their own way provided a great support system for her at different points in time when she needed it the most. Through this growing support system, at times from unlikely sources, April is able to go a journey of self discovery, building back her own self confidence and forcing her to reassess her preconceived notions of what guys like or don’t like.

Overall I liked this book, and found some details and observations about men satisfyingly relatable. I feel the back cover synopsis doesn’t necessarily prepare the reader accurately on what to expect as the “traumatic relationship” that’s casually mentioned in the first line actually features quite prominently throughout the novel.

4.5 stars
This is an extremely emotional book. April feels as if she’s a bit crazy, but I don’t agree. April is so much like the average woman who is made to believe she’s crazy because she doesn’t fit in an easy mold of one specific thing. The thoughts April has running through her head, whether it’s just before having sex or sitting and watching Dawson’s Creek, are so real. In fact, they are so real that I think a straight cis man would think there’s no way women think these things. That’s how far this author goes into April’s thoughts.

As I said at the beginning, this is an emotional story. In April’s past is a very abusive relationship, emotionally and sexually. So be warned if these are things you need to avoid for your own mental health. This story is April’s mental health journey. At least part of it. One of the interesting things the author did was to pick up this story a couple of years post-relationship. I appreciate her showing that these issues do not just go away over time. In fact, if you try to ignore your trauma it often just gets worse. April’s struggles are coming to a head, and it’s not pretty.

There were many times in this book where I wanted to be mad at April. I wanted to dislike her and yell at her and leave her in the dust. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. While she does some terrible things, all the things she does make sense due to her past and the things she sees daily in her job. You see, April decides to have some revenge on men. That’s over simplifying things, but the easiest way to explain what she does. The problem is, you can’t really have revenge over every man in the world. So she narrows it down and picks one at random. Only, Joshua seems like a legitimately nice and decent guy. That’s where I end up having my issues with April. Again, I wasn’t able to ever get truly upset with her. As much as I love Joshua, I understand April’s blindness to the true goodness of any straight male.

This is a difficult read. Not because it’s bad, but because the writer really delves into some uncomfortable things. I’m purposely not going into too much detail because I don’t want to give anything away, and I think you need to take April’s journey with her. From start to finish. It’s the best way to really understand her for yourself.

This cover and the blurb honestly did not prepare me for the tone of this book in any way. This was a good read, but a heavy one, definitely not the light quirky rom-com I was thinking it would be. Was there romance and some comedy weaved in there?...Sure, but this was a brutally honest, raw, emotionally packed story of a woman struggling to deal with trauma. There should undoubtedly be some trigger warnings attached to this one, it deals heavily in rape/sexual assault.

There was times when this book was hard to read, emotionally. I cringed at some parts, mainly in how painfully merciless April could be with herself in such stark contrast to how understanding and kind she could be with others in distress and pain. Which is relatable at its core, quite frequently we are our own toughest critics, but also it chillingly articulated that extra level of self blame so many that have been through trauma experience.

Even when painful, watching April go through some really dark times and emotions, it was also hopeful and heartwarming in the times that she was facing things head on, finding her voice/power and safe places and people. The boxing class in particular really just struck a powerful emotional cord for me. It could also be funny at times, how (albeit kinda cruelly sometimes) April was in her critical analysis of men, but still notes of humor in the truthfulness in there. I think the deepness of her hurt overshadows a lot of humor within for the reader though.

To be honest I cared much less about April's relationship with Joshua than her relationship with herself. I liked that, that part was always at the forefront of this book. And while it maybe wasn't the nicest or the fairest to use Joshua as a tool in this process, at least initially, it was very fitting in where April was at that point in her journey and I could understand it very clearly. I thought it ended in a fairly good tone too. Not too HEA (which wouldn't have fit with the rest of the story) but with April personally doing better and mostly content on the path she was on. Still a work in progress, but progress being made, much like the rest of us.

I could see this one being a great book club book. Sparking a lot of good conversation about important things that aren't frequently talked about. Also, would be great to have a buddy (much like the buddy system in the charity April worked at!) to emotionally lean on while reading.

First, let me say this book surprised me. I went into it thinking I was going to get a cute, funny, silly romance story. What I got was something completely different. A story of trauma, violence, hope, healing, and emotions.

When I first read the blurb I thought what a cute story. I get this girl as we all seem to pretend to be someone else with social media as it is what you see isn't always what you get. So I thought okay here is a girl pretending to get a guy.

But no what I got was something a whole lot deeper.

April has suffered a traumatic event in her life. She is the victim of a sexual crime. So in the process of trying to get over it, she tries dating. However, they never seem to go very far. This leads April to create the perfect woman in her head, Gretel.

April decides to become Gretel but then she meets Joshua and bits of April leak out and well Joshua doesn't run. April begins to think he is different.

As April faces her past she begins to heal and find hope. This book took me on an emotional roller coaster. I cried for April, got angry for her, and even found hope with her. It definitely wasn't the story I was expecting but it was a story I truly enjoyed reading.

I will also say this book needs a trigger warning as the author does not shy away from the hard stuff. She delves into it and takes you along. You must take April's journey with her to truly appreciate this book.

I think Holly may just become a new favorite author of mine.

Pretending is a contemporary novel about a young woman sick of heartbreak and fear, who turns to another identity, a fake version of herself, to get by in the app-driven dating world. While it has a strong hook and a sympathetic main character, the story is so loosely held together that it was a drag to get through. Despite that, it is a decent read if you can get invested, though I would not recommend it to anyone triggered by descriptions of sexual assault.

April has been hit hard by the dating world – she keeps meeting and hating men, her patience dwindling. She doesn’t just dislike most men, she hates them. She hates how they are thoughtless, and hurtful, how they are passive-aggressive and mean, how they hurt women without consequences. This worldview is somewhat fostered by her job at a non-profit that deals with relationship violence, where she reads emails sent to her by survivors every day. This hits her particularly hard, because she is a survivor, too. It’s what drew her to the work.

So when April is once again frustrated and hurt by a man, she does the obvious (!) thing: opens a fake dating profile under a false name. April knows that men don’t want the heavy stuff, the neediness and the insecurity, they want Gretel. Gretel listens more than she talks, she thinks all his jokes are funny, Gretel looks perfect, Gretel is laid back. Gretel is relaxed, she doesn’t have PTSD. Gretel is everything men want, no pressure, no leading questions, no labels. This is how April can get her revenge on the men of the world – she can be the perfect woman, she can make them love her, and she can break their hearts. But then, April meets her mark – Joshua – who turns out to actually be kind of okay. April knows she’s unlovable, but Joshua likes Gretel. And, despite herself, April finds herself starting to like Joshua, too.

April is a winning protagonist, and while her actions are sometimes impossible to fathom, they feel honest to the character. Her friendships ring true, and her best friend/flatmate in particular is a really great secondary character. April’s development throughout the book is earned, and she comes to milestones in a realistic way. Someone loving her doesn’t solve all her problems, and she doesn’t fix herself with a motivational poster. She is a nuanced survivor of trauma who has to come to terms with herself, and that is really the best part of the book. I also liked that the ending was realistic; the story’s conclusion feels true to April’s journey.

The difficult subject matter of sexual assault is described in visceral, unflinching detail, which really conveys the seriousness of the heroine’s experiences. However, the book is marketed as a light-hearted rom-com-stroke-women’s fiction title (and Amazon categorises it as “Humorous Dark Comedy”), wherein there is a kooky deception, the ruse is uncovered, and there is a happily ever after. This isn’t that book – the fraud April undertakes is driven by extreme emotional distress and a feeling of ultimate rejection, by society, by men, and even by herself. While Pretending is well-written for the most part, this is not the light-hearted romance promised by the blurb.

While the premise seemed exciting, I found the execution to be a bit lacking. The thing that really brings my rating down is the way the book is structured; it jumps around in a truly strange way. There are little interludes where April is talking to the reader about her thoughts and feelings, and some chapters that are just text-threads of messages and emails. Then, there are the more traditional chapters of prose and dialogue. While in some books, this less traditional format might work, here, it made the novel seem scrambled. The book was also a bit longer than one might normally expect for the genre, and it felt bloated in some places.

Pretending’s winning protagonist and realistic resolution save it from a D rating, but those things can’t make up for its serious structural issues.

Simply amazing book! The main character, April, works at a center that helps victims of violence. It’s a hard job especially since she was a victim of violence in her past. She grows tired of dating apps and not being able to find the perfect mate. She decides to make a fake profile and be the woman every man wants. Will it work? Will it work too well?

April is such a strong woman. As much as she tries not to be, she is defined by her past history and can’t heal. I love her strength in her journey as the book progresses. This book may be a trigger for someone who suffered from violence. It is a very healing book. April learns not everything is how she thought and I love that.

I loved the idea of this book. It sounded like fun and I thought it might be funny, too. It turned out to be very different, but I fell in love with it. It’s a heavy women’s fiction novel. It’s about a complex and complicated woman trying to strip the complexity from her in order to be the one doing the dumping. But it also deals heavily with rape and the lifelong trauma of it. This is definitely a book I’ll be ensuring my daughter and my son read when they’re older.

The Plot: Serious Women’s Fiction
After being dumped by Simon after she seemingly freaks out during sex, April is angry. She hates men. She’s pretty, smart, works for a non-profit, is always there for her friends, and is, more or less, as normal as the next woman. But every man she’s dated seems to believe otherwise.

So April creates a woman in her head. The perfect woman who isn’t clingy, has an adventurous life, is always sexy and low-maintenance, and is everything April isn’t. Her name is Gretel. April decides to become her in order to attract a man and then be the one doing the dumping.

And that’s how she meets Joshua. He’s really into Gretel and things get serious fast even though April/Gretel keeps holding him at arms’ length so he does the pursuing. At the same time, bits and pieces of April leak through, and April starts to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Joshua might be different.

But there’s something holding April back. Something someone she loved did to her. Something that has a heavy impact on her work where she provides assistance to those who have been sexually traumatized. Something that breaks her so she has to build herself back up and face the truth and reality of who she is and who she could have been.

Pretending is so far from a light, fluffy women’s fiction read. It seems fun and like it might have a cute romance, but it’s so much more than that. It’s serious and knows just where to hit the reader. It’s easy to see where April has been coming from, easy to sympathize with her. At some points, I even felt like she should pretend to be Gretel and should go out breaking men’s hearts on purpose! It is, in some ways, a sweet romance, and the sweetness was even sweeter because of everything that had happened.

Pretending deals heavily with rape and the trauma women will forever carry with them from it. It’s not easy to read. It’s painful. I’ve never experienced it, so can’t comment on what it’s like, but April’s pain felt real to me. My heart broke for her and I couldn’t help but root for her as she learned to pick up the pieces of herself, to see herself as beautiful and lovable, to accept the damaged parts of herself and still see her worth.

Pretending presents two twining stories, stories that perfectly twist around each other to paint the picture of a traumatized woman who still longs for love. There’s the story of April going all in to reclaim the power in a relationship, to feel like she’s in control. Then there’s the story of April grappling with her trauma. The latter constantly intrudes on the former and the former is always trying to pin down the latter. But it never feels like a push and pull. It’s just April trying to reclaim her life.

The Characters: A Couple with Plenty of Baggage
Pretending is focused around April and Joshua, though the reader does get to see some of the people around both of them. The supporting cast is lovely and each of them adds a little bit to April and Joshua as well as the story. I just wish they could have been seen more, especially Megan and the kickboxing group April joins, as they mostly just felt like a plot tool to support April despite having some wonderful personalities.

April is forever pretending. Even when she’s April she’s always pretending to be someone. Throughout the novel, though, the reader gets to see her, gets to know her, as she’s stripped down to her core. Her life has been heavily impacted from being raped. She’s complex and feels like a normal woman, but, like normal women, only thinks she’s crazy. Gretel made me cringe a little, but I did love that it takes her a step closer to being able to take control of her life, despite the price it demands.

Then there’s Joshua. Since the story is focused on April, the reader doesn’t get to become intimately familiar with Joshua, so he sometimes felt a little bland. But that’s okay because April brought tons of color so Joshua felt like a perfect counterpoint to her. He was so sweet and so eager, and was dealing with his own relationship failures that had him acting a certain way at times. The reader gets to see how honest and caring he is, but April is so busy pretending it takes her a while, but it never gave me a moment of thinking it was taking too long.

The Setting: London Heat Wave
Set in London, I found it interesting that there seemed to be a rather serious and prolonged heat wave going on for most of the book. But it was a brilliant plot device. London itself wasn’t too fascinating, though the reader is taken around the city a bit. Instead it’s the general behavior of everyone that had me thinking of London.

The weather, though, really made the setting. It was wonderfully used to provide even more characterization to April. Sometimes I wonder if the weather was influencing April, but I think it was a way of commenting on what’s going on in April’s world. Because, when it rained, April is different. I felt it was done to great effect and added yet another layer to an already layered story.

Overall: Serious, Yet Beautiful
Pretending was not at all what I expected. I thought it would be a fun, quick read that would have me smiling. It was not quick. It had tears prickling my eyes. It was heavy, so it took a few days to read as I had to put it down now and then. And yet it somehow reminded me of rom-coms. It captured the neuroses women usually have when it comes to romantic relationships. It also provided a beautifully painful account of one woman’s battle with trauma from rape. There were so many layers to this story that worked wonderfully together to create a very solid, breathing story. It’s definitely a book my children will read when they’re older.

Thank you to Justine Sha and MIRA-Harlequin for a review copy. All opinions expressed are my own.
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