I LOVED this book. I will come back over and over again to refresh my skills. It's more like a bible for how to make interactions stronger and more positive for everyone involved, no matter how hard the conversation may be. This is a vital book in the communication/relationship cannon. I've recommended it to all of my coworkers. I am a better spouse after reading and putting into practice these terms. I get more accomplished at work with "difficult people". My interactions seem more positive.

The author is a white hat social engineer who hacks his way into companies by compromising their most vulnerable line of defense - people. He does it with the companies' blessing, to help them test and improve their resilience to an actual attack - whether it's an urgent or alluring phish email or the friendly "pest-control" guy who is so very willing to spray for the unseen spiders that might be lurking under your desk.

A decade or so ago, the author wrote a seminal book about social engineering targeted toward hackers, hacktivists, and security professionals. After learning that sales people and other business types were dipping into his book and seminars for tips, he decided to write a book targeted toward a broader audience - how to win friends and influence people as a social engineer.

The premise of the book that you can be more effective in gaining what you want from others ("hacking" them) if you apply basic social engineering techniques to your interactions, and that you can do so "ethically" - as the author defines ethics.

There's a lot in this book that may be helpful to a lay reader. The author outlines influence techniques, including identifying different communication styles and ways to build rapport. He tells you about manipulation tactics to guard against using or falling victim to, whether they come in an email from a Nigerian prince or in a battle of wills with a significant other. He includes countless war stories, exercises to help you reflect on and improve your communication, a checklist for preparing for critical conversations, and - in one of the best parts of the book - photographs illustrating various micro-expressions. Watch out for contempt!

I might buy this book and refer to this book as a resource - hence my rating. But I did not enjoy reading it.. It's repetitive and overlong, with the usual business book padding of anecdotes. The social engineering of the reader starts early, with a pledge almost on the first page demanding that the reader use the information only for good because it is so very, very powerful and important, trying to make readers feel they are being handed Kryptonite and favorably dispose them to the author's guidance.

The author's repeated talk of ethics rang hollow. His ethical standard - leave people better than you found them - seems like a low and shifting bar. He seems to mean only that his mark will enjoy the immediate encounter and that the author will use only influence techniques, not manipulative tactics. He seems to have no conception of or concern with the longer-term consequences of his actions. Will his mark be disciplined or fired for breaking the rules or giving him something they shouldn't? Should that upgrade have gone to someone who needed it/deserved it more? Nothing seems to matter except that the author walks away with a first-class seat and everyone leaves the encounter smiling.

Many thanks to NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

While touted as a book to influence others and make their life better, I found this to be a how-to guide of manipulation. The author boosts that he and his colleagues use these techniques to get rental and reservation upgrades and "many other goodies". And while there is a "contract" at the beginning where you pledge to only use these powerful tools for good purposes, I still felt this book to be disturbing. Perhaps I'm just naive.