Overall, I’m not a fan of this one. The author already has two kids so I felt that the writing was biased from the beginning. It would have been different if she had written it before having her second. She is a first born herself and she offers quotes from her sister, the second born, throughout the book. It was slow going on the middle of it, not a particularly fun or easy read.

I was given a copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

I’ve never seen a book on this topic before and was very excited to pick it up. Now that I’ve read it I’m grateful for the perspective on my youngest child.

Lynn Berger began working on the illuminating Second Thoughts while pregnant with her second child. "What did it mean," she wondered, "to have a child for the second time? Why did we want a second child at all? Our first had been nothing less than a miracle, an event without precedent, but what did that make our second? A repetition? A perpetuation? A trip down memory lane?" Unable to answer these questions for herself without tripping into one assumption after another, Dutch journalist Berger went looking for writing about second children. In the overfull world of parenting books, however, she found very little that spoke to the transition from a family with one child to a family with two (or more) children--and so Second Thoughts was born.

What impact does birth order have on personality? Are children with siblings better off than only children? Are second children disadvantaged by never having their parents' full attention, or do they benefit because their parents have some sense of what they're doing by the second time around? Berger suggests that much of what we think we know about these (and other) topics is pure myth, and not borne out in scientific study. In addition to providing easy-to-understand summaries of complex research studies, she draws on her own experience as a mother of one (and then two) across the pages of Second Thoughts, which is peppered with touching anecdotes from her own family life. The result is a welcome invitation for self-reflection and contemplation about the complex emotions that surround every aspect of parenting, be it of one child or many. --Kerry McHugh, blogger at Entomology of a Bookworm

Discover: A mother of two combines her own personal experience with research and analysis to examine what it means to transition from a family with one child to a family with two--or more.

Second Thoughts is an analysis of the decision and ramifications to have a second child. Berger consults books, experts, studies, and kept her own notes while searching for her answers. Frankly, I bypassed most of the ‘professional’ studies part and focused on her snippets about her life with two kids. That was the most enlightening and entertaining to read, in my opinion, I also enjoyed her sister’s comments that added insight about their childhood. Everything is so dissected and analyzed these days; it can be exhausting. While it’s an interesting study, I think enjoying the kids is more important.

A book discussing the decision to have a second child and all that comes along with a second child. When I originally read the description of this, I got the impression it was written by someone attempting to make the decision, but upon reading the preface, I found someone who already had two children. I have no desire for a second child, but it still sounded like a book about the pros and cons of such could be interesting. Topics covered were jealousy towards the younger sibling (generally not as much of a problem as anticipated); the ease with which we forget the boring routines and tend only to remember the highlights, meaning that most people forget how hard the boring stuff can be until they are back in the middle of it; the myth of the only child being weird and poorly adjusted; the myth of birth-order-determined personality; the time cost of having one or more children. This book didn't seem to be trying to sway anyone in one direction or another: have a second child or not. It was pretty balanced, giving credit to each option where due and remaining pretty open minded. If anything, it felt more like the author reassuring herself. It was interesting and confirmed my feelings that I am happy with what I have and do not want a second, although, again, it was not attempting to push in one direction or another. 3.5 stars rounded to 3.

Excellent research surrounding the anxieties with deciding how many children to have and the various reasons why or why not you make such a decision. I fully recognize some of the author’s decision making process and justifications and appreciate the non judgmental way she debunks mage cultural myths. It won’t necessarily help with your own decision making process (it’s more a heart decision than a logical one) but it will help you fell less alone in whatever choice you make.

Free ARC from publisher via NetGalley, but the opinions are solely my own.

As a first born, this book helped give me a better perspective on raising my second child. It was a quick and easy read. Thanks to the publisher for a copy of the book in exchange for my opinion.

After the birth of my son, I believed that there was a high likelihood that I would be one and done. My son was a fairly easy child, I had a lot of family support, and as parents, my husband and I were still able to maintain a semblance of our lives before having kids. During that time, I read the book, One and Only by Lauren Sandler which helped convince me that only children were not doomed to a life of social disadvantages and selfishness.

However, as my son approaches his 4th birthday, we have started discussing the idea of conceiving again, which is exciting and terrifying all at once. I had this ARC pending on my shelf and realized that this was the perfect time to read it. This is the perfect companion book to One and Only. It offers the perfect combination of personal anecdotes from the author's own experience with her sister and having two children herself, along with well-researched sources of the effects that siblings truly have on a person's childhood and later development.

This book does not promote or discourage parents to have a specific number of children but rather presents the data and personal experiences in an objective and informative way.

Near the beginning of her new book, Lynn Berger writes that research shows “parents [are] approximately half as happy around the birth of their second child as they [are] around the birth of their first.” Berger isn’t trying to discourage women like me from having a second child (in fact, she reports that she is happy to have two children herself), but she is advising mothers (and fathers) to check their expectations. The second time may not be exactly like the first. Second children bring their own joys and challenges. They also raise new questions for parents like, how will an older sibling adapt? And what will happen when parents redistribute their time and resources?

After becoming pregnant with her second child, Berger set out to learn more about what makes second children unique and how they impact the family. She pored over the work of psychologists, biologists, neuroscientists, and demographers to better understand such issues as jealousy among children, the resilience of first children, the benefits and disadvantages of having a sibling, fighting, and second-born behavior. This book, as a result, is packed with research and yet it’s very easy to read.

I didn’t expect this book to be so well-written. I didn’t expect Berger to reference the works of so many of my favorite writers—Rachel Cusk, Jenny Offill, Zadie Smith, and others. And I didn’t expect this conclusion: “What I’m beginning to understand...is that the ‘knowledge’ we think we have—the expectations we cherish with respect to our children, expectations that give us the illusion of predictability and control—is capable of trapping our children, or denting them.”

I’ve had many conversations about this book since reading it. To be honest, Second Thoughts is the first parenting book that didn’t cause my eyes to glaze over. Berger has written a terrific book that will surely help families decide whether they want to expand.

As a parent struggling to make the choice to have another child, I appreciated Berger’s writing. I connected with many of the thoughts and feelings Berger wrote about, not only as a mom, but as a fellow firstborn too. Sprinkled throughout the text were snippets of research, which I found to be interesting to read and were presented in a non-biased way. There were many sections of text I highlighted along the way for later conversation with my husband. While I secretly was looking for a book to give me my “aha” moment on whether or not to have a second baby and was disappointed when it didn’t (so unfair to put that pressure on a book!), I enjoyed the reading experience all the same.


Thank you to NetGalley and Henry Holt & Company for this e-arc in exchange for my opinions, all of which are my own.

As a second born, this title was interesting to me. The author touched on her feelings of wanting another child, worries about how her first child would react to the baby and how other family members would , as well.
Also, our memories are all subjective, as someone may remember something in the past totally different from how you did.
The book offered several commonly held beliefs, such as first born are more driven and successful. Roles are inadvertently assigned to children.
All in all, I think you should do what is best for your family. No family is perfect.
This was an interesting read, but i didn't really learn anything new.