Thank you to the publisher for my copy - all opinions are my own.

This is an unbelievably powerful and incredible book. There are no adequate words for me to truly review this book, other than to say it is an absolute must read.

This was a beautifully written story, but a difficult one to read!

The author, a biracial woman, shares her story of being adopted into a white family and growing up in a white community. While this is part of her story, she also shares the experience of trying to figure out how to claim her Black identity when everyone in her life wasn't doing a great job of supporting her in learning about her Black identity.

This was a very good book. It really gives you a sense what it is like to stand out in a crowd unintentionally and powerless to depart from it. I strongly recommend this book.

This was a beautifully written, moving memoir. Rebecca Carroll is a black child, born to a teenaged black father and white mother, adopted into an all-white family, who move to an all-white town. Her blackness is never addressed and her parents give no support in ensuring Rebecca has other people of colour in her life or has the chance to learn and be immersed in black culture. Rebecca struggles with her racial identity growing up, something that is only compounded as she meets her birth mother when she is 11, forming a twisted, toxic relationship with this white woman. So much of Rebeccas story is heartbreaking and so much gives hope, when you see the amazing things Rebecca accomplishes in the face of adversity and racism.

I really liked the insight this memoir provided. I don't think anyone could write a story quite like this other than the author who lived through the experiences shared. The genuine and heartfelt expression on the issues covered made for a very intriguing novel.

Surviving the White Gaze: A Memoir by Rebecca Carroll
Rebecca (the author) is biracial, but was adopted by a White family in an all-White area in rural America. She began to experience racism in middle and high school; but had no other Black people to share her experiences with. She felt very alone and struggled with her Black identity. Her self-esteem was further squashed when, in her teens, she finally met her White birth mother who seemed to want to undermine her sense of self, both as a Black person and a young woman.
The stirring memoir reads like a conversation with a long lost friend. Rebecca explores her desire to have a relationship with her caustic birth mother, her loyalty to her artsy adoptive parents, and her search for an identity for herself. She both wilts and grows through her relationships with various boyfriends and post-secondary school friends; both White and Black; relationships that are both good and bad. She struggles through and is eventually able to heal by choosing a Black family for support. Finally, she meets and marries, a supportive White man and has a son. She knows she needs to provide more support for her biracial son than she received, but somehow is not bitter and chooses to move only forward.
Definitely worth a read: 4/5

This book was a wonderful glimpse into the challenges faced by multiracial families in the previous generations. It was well written and engaging.

Rebecca Carroll was adopted by white parents and raised in a white community, but her biracial heritage made her feel unseen and like she never quite belonged. Surviving the White Gaze is her memoir; her reflections and introspection of her upbringing, her unconventional family, and her troubling relationship with her biological mother. It is not told without some hostility and teeters toward vengeful at times, but it is her story and her truth as she felt it needed to be told.

Overall, Surviving the White Gaze was an interesting memoir and another nudge for white people to be reflective of our choices, practices, and words used.

Most have read, watched, or heard something that Rebecca Carroll has written or produced. But, this is the story of her upbringing. A memoir starting from her adoption into a white family in a predominantly white community, where she was in school before she ever saw another living Black person. On to meeting her narcissistic and arguably abusive birth mother who co-opts Carroll's Blackness as her own, while at the same time denying it to Carroll.
Rebecca, however, continues to grow into a brave young woman searching for her true self, while learning how to embrace her Blackness after years of being drowned by whiteness.
Having grown up only a few hours from Carroll, it was all to easy for me to picture, having been to some of the same places, primarily in Boston. I'm thankful Carroll has allowed us the opportunity to imagine what it must have been like to survive the white gaze.
The story of Rebecca Carroll's life will give you all the feels. And most importantly, remind us all why it is so important to truly SEE colour, acknowledge it, appreciate it, love it.

So very highly recommended. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I was very intrigued by this book when I saw it available as an eARC, so I requested it and it was accepted. I'm interested in learning more about the Black experience as I think this is important in doing my part moving forward as a white woman.

Carroll's memoir is a look into becoming comfortable with oneself and their Blackness. Carroll grows up in a small town where she is the only Black person, where no one has yet come to terms or acknowledged whiteness and white supremacy. Carroll had some interesting commentary on this.

For the first part of this book, it almost didn't feel like a memoir. It read to me more as fiction, which I thought was interesting. And then it had a change of gears and at that point, I was not as engaged. It is obvious Carroll grew up with much trauma, abuse and neglect in her childhood. It felt like details of this were glazed over, which I get might be hard to open up about, but it's also a disservice to Carroll and her readers. I feel I would have enjoyed it more had more of this been shared. Even there thought process as she faced certain events and situations. Ultimately it is up to Carroll to share that, but I do feel that parts were missing or glazed over when just a sentence or two could have helped.

Looking at it from the point of a coming-of-age story, it did have something to it, that I believe anyone, no mater their race, can find pieces to relate to. I do think that for the right people reading this memoir, it will be very helpful and enlightening. I did gain some insight, just not as much richness as I hoped going into it.

Surviving the White Gaze is an extremely powerful memoir from black cultural critic Rebecca Carroll as she recalls her experiences growing up in an all whites family and town. I enjoyed reading this book and recommend for many!

* I received an advanced reader’s copy of this book from NetGalley and Simon & Schuster Canada in exchange for my honest review

Carrol has written several books based on interviews, her latest being "Sugar in the Raw: Voices of Young Black Girls in America". She has also written for many magazines and hosts a podcast, "Come Through with Rebecca Carroll". This book is her memoir. Carroll was adopted by a white family and was raised as the only black child in a small town in New Hampshire. She met her white biological mother when she was eleven and only met her black dad as a grown up. Her adoptive family's parenting lifestyle and her relationship with her adoptive mother did little to help her find her identity as a young black woman and the book chronicles her attempts to figure it out, including an honest look at many missteps along the way. There are some moments of cringe worthy parenting and it is no surprise that as a result there are also moments of unhealthy choices by the author. This thought-provoking memoir is a good recommendation for anyone interested in the black experience or adoption

thank you Net Galley for the opportunity to read The White Gaze
the novel did not grab me from the start so I had a hard time getting through it, was not a bad story, just not my kind of book.
This is a memoir, the authors search for her place in society, she feels part of two worlds
again not a bad story, was just not my cup of tea at the time of reading
I may go back to it and try again

Memoirs are one of my favourite genres to read. There's something about the vulnerability of someone sharing their story that makes it so intimate and appealing to me.
This memoir was absolutely brilliant. Rebecca is a phenomenal writer. There's something about the simplicity of her writing, that makes it so beautiful and raw. For me, it was an "easy" read because of this simplicity, but also because I was so deeply enthralled in her story.
Rebecca's memory is premised on navigating her "Blackness" in a predominantly white family and neighborhood in her early years, as well as through various other avenues of her life. Rebecca experiences so many microaggressions and racism throughout her life - in her relationships, throughout her education, and with family.
Rebecca's relationship with her biological mother, Tess, broke me.... Tess was cruel and manipulative towards Rebecca, so at times, it was hard to read about that. I felt so deeply saddened when Rebecca walked us through her feelings of self after spending time with Tess.

Thank you to Simon and Schuster Canada and NetGalley for my advanced readers copies of Surviving the White Gaze: A Memoir by Rebecca Carroll in exchange for my honest review.

A powerful memoir recounting Rebecca’s experience as the only Black person in rural New Hampshire. Surviving the White Gaze examines racism and racial identity in America today, while highlighting Rebecca’s resilient story.

Another tough one, but another must-read memoir to add to your list. Carroll’s writing style is both easy-to-read and engaging. Without sharing the whole story, Carroll’s relationships and tough upbringing ultimately showcase the story of her resiliency and strength, as she heals with the support of her chosen Black family.

(potential spoilers ahead)

A lot of this memoir shares background stories of the relationships she shared with both her romantic partners and parents (adoptive and birth). As Carroll grows up and yearns to meet her birth parents, after her reunion with her birth mother, Tess, and time spent together, my heart aches for the toxicity and lack of support Carroll received from Tess. It was also tough to read about the lack of support and education her parents provided to learn about Black culture; as well as the microaggressions and racism she faced growing up as one of/the only Black people in her small town.

Content warning: shooting, suicide, child molestation allegation, self-harm, emotional abuse, manupulation, sexual assault and harrassment, depression, substance abuse, 9/11 mention, adoption, racism, body triggers

Thank you #NetGalley, Rebecca Carroll and Simon and Schuster Canada for the ARC copy of Surviving the White Gaze. I was thrilled to be able to read this powerful memoir as my first February 2021 read for Black History Month.

I haven't read many memoirs in my life so I don't have much to compare Carrolls work to, but she wrote a very powerful memoir sharing her very emotional harrowing story. Rebecca shares her earliest memories of the first time she met another black person, and growing up extremely isolated as the only black women in her town. She also shares her experiences with her birth parents and being adopted and I think that a lot of people would find those experiences relatable. Her childhood was filled with abuse, neglect and isolation and it was very eye opening some of the experiences Rebecca shared.

I can only imagine how tough this memoir was to write and share, and want to thank Rebecca for putting her story and experiences down on paper so that others like me can read, and understand just a little bit more about your life and your perspective.

Surviving the White Gaze was well written and an incredibly powerful read but I want to warn that it may be triggering for people (abuse, neglect, etc.). I would really like to read other work by Rebecca Carroll as she is obviously a good writer and has lived an incredible life and I will be checking out her podcast. I’d recommend it for fans of memoirs and anyone looking to read something outside of their usual lane by an BIPOC author as the content is really important.

Trigger warnings: abuse, adoption, neglect, rape.

Adoption can be complicated enough, without adding in adoption of a biracial child into a white family, living in an entirely white, conservative community. Rebecca Carroll brilliantly recounts her experiences, peeling back her emotional and psychological reactions to adoption and family sabotage, as she learns her own comfort level, and experience of being Black. The overt, and discreet, racism she experiences creates a visceral tug-of-war between the white world in which she was raised, and the Black world that seems to be just beyond her reacher times. As she chooses to gain control of her own destiny, and asserts her own power, the reaction from those who have loved her is raw yet predictable.

This book offers a beautiful examination of the quest to claim identity, amidst every level of complication. The epilogue, in which she relates her concerns as a parent of a young Black man in our current times, brought tears to my eyes. Gratitude to the author for sharing her truths.

Surviving the White Gaze by Rebecca Carroll

This is a breathtaking memoir. Carroll tells her story honestly and beautifully. Adopted into a white family, in a small all white town, Carroll has a confusing, hurtful and lonely upbringing as a biracial child. Following her through her teenage years to University and to various cities and jobs and relationships, she continues to be misguided and feel lost. She struggles to understand her Blackness and define her racial identity.

Her relationship with her birth mother is heartbreakingly damaging. I loved how she described her experiences with unconditional vs conditional love.

Rebecca is an incredibly talented writer. I really loved the language she used to describe people. Her writing immediately drew me in. Her explanations were straightforward and impossible to misinterpret. She did a phenomenal job explaining how racism slices and how, over time, it completely breaks down identity and self worth.

I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to read this memoir, Thank you to @netgalley and @simonandschuster for my advanced copy. Available on February 2nd, please go read this book.


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This was just okay for me.
Her introspective search for how she fits into society (while straddling two worlds) was very interesting. I wish she would have delved deeper.
It's a memoir, so of course she shared what she was comfortable with, but how she wrote it felt superficial.
Still something I would recommend since the content is important, but go in with lower expectations on the writing and maybe you will end up loving it?
Thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Schuster Canada for my DRC.

I wasn’t expecting to enjoy Surviving the White Gaze as much as I did, mostly because I just finished two heavy memoirs, and I didn’t know if I could handle another one.

This story is heavy in a different way. Surviving the White Gaze is Rebecca Carroll’s narrative of how she learned about and came to embrace her Blackness as she grew up surrounded mostly by white people.

This book is about race and racism—the fight against white supremacy—but it’s also about the complexities of family and the power that one person can have over another.

Although there’s a lot of darkness here, Carroll’s journey is empowering and illuminating. I couldn’t put the book down once I picked it up, and I read the whole thing in a day.

The only negative thing I have to say about this book is that I felt it wrapped up too quickly. I know this is a true story, but it felt like something was missing in the end.

Despite that, I still give this book 4/5 stars.

You can read this when it comes out on February 2! Thank you for the ARC, NetGalley and Simon and Schuster!